September passed by in an endless cycle of meals, classes, Quidditch practices with Sean, and reading through The Beasts Within Us. After a month, when I had finally finished the old book, I set it aside carefully and leaned back against the chintz chair in the library.

Becoming an Animagus, as the text said, was one of the hardest things a witch or wizard could ever attempt doing. Much harder than producing a corporeal Patronus, which I still hadn't been able to do. The process was so ardent, so tedious, that I seriously debated just giving up the whole ridiculous idea.

But Sirius had mastered it. At just thirteen years old, he could transform into a black dog. He could produce a Patronus, like James and Remus. James was working hard to become an Animagi, just like Sirius.

But still. The fact remained that in order to become one, several tools and processes were needed. An exceptionally skilled witch or wizard would need to perform a spell on you, with an incantation that was unknown and considered Dark. They would need to maintain this focus on the person who wished to be an Animagus for two whole weeks. And then, after holding a mandrake leaf in the mouth for an entire month, a horrible potion was to be drunk, even more vile than polyjuice potion. It contained human blood, your own. Incredible, inhuman concentration would be needed as well. Focusing almost all of your energy and time into becoming something new, taking on a new body… the thought of how Sirius could have done it made me green with envy and clench my fists.

The process was said to take at least two years, usually longer. So that meant that Sirius had been trying for longer than James had talked about it.

But was it really that difficult to imagine him stumbling upon this book or even just the information about an Animagus in a household that resembled Borgin and Burke's? Most likely, his parents or a relative had helped him achieve the incredible feat. And, as much as it galled me to admit it, he, James, Remus and even Peter were very skilled, determined boys. Sirius just happened to have the perfect blend to expedite his transformations.

I closed my eyes and leaned back, drained. Not only was my body changing already because of hormones and daily Quidditch drills, but on top of it, I had homework and exams to study for. How was I ever going to find the time to become an Animagus?

The results were worth it, I knew. But was the process?

Madam Pince was scouring her library, skulking through aisles and peering at other students like a wolf stalking its prey. It was nearly time for Transfiguration with McGonagall; I stuffed the ancient book into my bag and hurried out of the library.

The halls were filled with students walking from one class to another. I pushed past Angelina and Zoey, who were walking slowly and chattering like squirrels. Most likely, they were gossiping about other girls or about whoever they thought were cute boys. The remark Angelina had made to me a month prior about Remus still made me want to throw something. She had no business asking such a personal question, even if she was sincere. Remus and I were just close friends, so why did her intrusive question still haunt me?

Professor McGonagall was waiting at the front of her classroom. On her chalkboard, she had drawn a picture of a woman turning into a cat in four different stages. Feeling nervous, I sat down beside Remus, who made room for me by pushing James over one seat. James was laughing raucously at a joke Sirius had made. I glanced behind me. Lily, who hadn't spoken to me since our first Care of Magical Creatures class, met my gaze and then quickly looked away. Pretending I didn't feel hurt, I turned my back on her and faced Professor McGonagall.

Professor McGonagall waited for the last of the students to filter in before she waved her wand and slammed the door shut. This surprised James and Sirius, who shut up at once and sat up straighter. With more than seven detentions under their belts already, they weren't keen on taking on any more from her.

Professor McGonagall tapped her wand against the chalkboard. The drawings of the woman phasing in and out of a cat form moved together in an animated sequence.

"Before we begin our lesson today on Transfiguration, I would like to give a brief introduction on the art of being an Animagus."

James and Sirius grinned.

"There are only three registered Animagus alive today in 1972." Professor McGonagall told us. "But it's likely there are more who have chosen to illegally not register themselves."

Sirius's grin broadened so that all of his teeth were showing.

"Professor?" Lily asked. "What happens if someone doesn't register?"

Professor McGonagall lifted a brow. "Well, Miss Evans, they usually will be given a trial before the Wizengamot for Improper Use of Magic and then given a sentence to Azkaban prison."

There were several gasps. Sirius's grin faltered.

"Yes, it is quite serious not to follow the law our Ministry has set down." She said gravely. "Indeed, the process of becoming an Animagus is a very long, difficult journey that many choose not to embark upon. But for some, the result is well worth the trouble."

Sirius elbowed James, who winked. I rolled my eyes.

"Aren't there easier ways to become an animal?" Arnold Dingle, a third year in Ravenclaw, asked, sounding bored.

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips. "Not exactly. However, one can become infected with lycanthropy, through being bitten by a werewolf during the full moon. However, you will not retain your humanity whilst you are transformed. An Animagus is different in that they may change at will and still have their wits about them. They have the body of an animal, but the mentality of a human."

I slid a glance over at Remus. He was staring down steadily at the desk, not saying a word.

"Have you ever met a werewolf or an Animagus?" Edmund Pepper called out.

McGonagall, who most likely knew of Remus' condition, lifted a thin brow. "As a matter of fact, yes. Two Animagus, all of whom you know."

Several mutters rose at this disclosure. Lily raised her hand. "Who, Professor?"

Professor McGonagall looked amused. "I'll protect the privacy of the other and let her tell you when she is ready. The other, I can happily announce."

And she turned into a silver tabby cat.

Several students clapped. Lily looked temporarily robbed of speech. Sirius grinned as James clapped him hard on the shoulder.

When she had transformed back into a human, she cleared her throat for silence. "As you can see, once the process of becoming an Animagus is complete, you can transform into your animal form at will. Tonight, you will be reading chapters four and five, the former of which is specifically about Animagus. I would you all now to partner up and work on transfiguring your tea cups into gerbils. The first pair to have both of their cups turned into gerbils will earn ten points for their House."

Remus was still staring down at his desk, and now he was scratching a deep groove into the wooden surface. I tapped him gently. He looked up, startled.

"Did you even hear her?" I asked, amused.

Remus shrugged. "I'm guessing we need to transfigure these?" He pointed to the two blue China tea cups in front of us.

I nodded. "Into gerbils. What's on your mind?"

Remus prodded his teacup with his wand. "Nothing."

"Mhm." I glanced at the board. Written neatly on the other half of the chalkboard, Professor McGonagall had written instructions for transfiguration, including the wand motion and the incantation.

"Is your wand working any better?" Remus asked as I gave the cup a gentle tap and said, "Vera Verto". The cup didn't even move.

I sighed. "I guess."

Remus copied me. His tea cup shivered and squeaked. "I think you ought to talk to Flitwick at least, if not Dumbledore. Something might be faulty with that wand."

I glared at the teacup and willed it to become a gerbil. "Vera Verto!" I said waspishly. The cup remained still.

"Professor!" Lily called. "I've done it!"

"Excellent, excellent," Professor McGonagall said proudly, beaming down at Lily's desk, where a small white gerbil nibbled the corner of her notes. "Ten points for Gryffindor. Now, Miss Evans, why don't you do as Helga Hufflepuff would have done and go around the room and help those who haven't yet grasped the material?"

She gave James and Sirius a meaningful look. Lily looked revolted. She rose to her feet, breaking away from Angelina and moving to a struggling pair.

"I don't want to get a new one." I said stubbornly. "It's a good wand. It's got a phoenix feather in it."

Remus waved his wand again and muttered the incantation. This time, the cup sprouted whiskers and a tail. "You know, I think you're being a little stiff-necked." He said lightly.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, come on. You know it's just a phase. Doesn't every witch go through this? Waning powers when they go through… you know…"

"Puberty?" James offered, cutting in between us.

"Shove off, Potter." I snapped. "You're supposed to be transfiguring your cup."
"Already done it." James said lazily, leaning back, arms behind his head. Sirius was coaching Peter, who was concentrating so hard that his round face was red and glistening with sweat.

"Liar." I shot, as Remus successfully transfigured his tea cup to a brown gerbil. It raced over the desk, jumped into my own cup, and curled up.

"I think it's dead." James said.

"It's just hiding from you." I retorted. I tapped the cup again. "Vera verto!"

Nothing.

James sniggered. "Having some trouble, Harkstone? Maybe it's time for some Remedial Transfiguration."

"She's just nervous." Remus defended, whacking James with his wand. James flinched.

"A little touchy. Okay, I get it. You two lovebirds would rather have some privacy. I'll just go talk to Lily instead."

I rolled my eyes. "Knock yourself out." I tried again to transfigure the cup, but to no avail.

James looked surprised. "You don't care if I talk to your best girl friend?"

"Nope."

James whistled. "Wow. I guess you two aren't exactly on friendly terms anymore, are you?"

"Shut up, James." I warned. "It's none of your business."

Professor McGonagall swept over, glaring down at James. "Is there any actual work going on here?" she demanded.

Remus gave James a look. James sighed and got up. "Yes, yes. I was only trying to give them a few pointers."

But Professor McGonagall didn't look the least convinced. "Mr. Lupin and Miss Harkstone are some of the top students in your year, Potter. I doubt they need any help. Move along."

James ruffled Remus' hair and left. I glared after him. Professor McGonagall remained and looked down at my teacup. I felt heat rise into my cheeks.

"Miss Harkstone, I'm surprised at you." She said, sounding genuine. "You and Miss Evans are usually the quickest to grasp new material. Pay attention."

I blushed. "I know, I'm sorry. I'll try harder."

But she looked faintly amused as she looked down at the two of us. "I understand affections run high at your age, but please, at least finish your assignments before you canoodle off." She left our table, heading for Sirius and Peter. Peter looked desperate to transfigure his cup, but had only managed to make it hop up and down, squeaking shrilly.

Remus chuckled softly. "She's a tough one. Reminds me of you, just older."

I shrugged. "I guess." I tried several more times, but the cup didn't even move. I stared down at the wand, not wanting to think that it could really be rejecting me.

"So you've been down at the Quidditch Pitch a lot lately," Remus said after several moments of quiet. "with Sean Locke."

I nodded once, half-listening, trying to will the cup to change. "I have. James and Sirius won't know what hit them at tryouts."

Remus paused, looking slightly put out. "So… you're only spending time with him to learn how to play Quidditch? That's all?"

I glanced at Remus. He didn't look angry or upset. But his expression was carefully schooled free of emotion.

"Yes." I said carefully, watching him for a reaction.

There was the slightest flicker – relief? – in his green gaze. "So, you'll really be trying out for Ravenclaw's team, then?"

I frowned. "That's kind of the whole point of these practices."

"Right." Remus said, and he looked much happier. He carefully scooped his gerbil out of my teacup and let it race up his arm.

While his wand was down, I reached over and picked it up. It was willow. I gave it a casual flick. Nothing happened.

Remus was watching me. "What are you doing with that?"

"Nothing." I lied. I waved my hand and said the incantation once more. I cringed, waiting for an explosion to happen, or darkness to fall, just like what had happened at Ollivander's when I had been trying out various wands that had rejected me.

Nothing. Not even a single spark, not even a twitch. The teacup was still as ever. Wordlessly, I placed Remus' wand back down in front of him, staring down at the tea cup in shocked despair.

Lily was right. It wasn't my wand that was the problem. It was me.

"Amber?" Remus hedged. "Do you want to hold the gerbil?"

I glanced down at the little brown gerbil, who was scuttling across Remus's outstretched hands now. I couldn't meet his gaze.

"Do you think Squibs can start out with magic, and then lose them?" I asked quietly, ashamed.

Remus blinked. "What?"

"Squibs… you know. Folks born to magical parents, but don't have any magic in themselves. Maybe it's possible to be a Squib, but have magic at first. And then it just… dies."

Remus looked extremely dubious. "No way. I don't think it works like that. Either you're born flat-out magicless or not. It's not something that can change. But I'll do some reading. I did read somewhere a few weeks ago that if a witch or wizard has a serious emotional shock, their powers can recede or vanish until they're better."

I picked up Remu's gerbil, cradling it in my hands. To my surprise, I felt tears burn in my eyes. I blinked hard, trying to prevent them from falling.

"I really… I really miss her." I admitted quietly, my voice thin as a reed. "My sister. She would have been a second year this year…" I trailed off, a hard lump forming in my throat.

Remus gazed at me with deep sympathy. "It wasn't your fault, Amber."

I looked at him, teary-eyed, wondering if he had read that just from my expression. I couldn't speak past the pain in my throat.

Remus closed his hands over mine. The gerbil escaped and raced off the desk, scampering off the floor. I hung my head, my hair falling around my face, a curtain to my grief.

"You need to go talk to Professor Smith." Remus said gently. "Please."

I sniffled, not even caring that we were in a room full of students. "I can't. I can't tell…" I bit down on my lip, horrified that I had almost let the truth slip out.

Remus squeezed my hand. "Do it for me. Please, Amber. Me and Lily are worried."

Lily. Worried, was she? Then where had she been for the past few weeks?

"I'm fine." I lied bitterly, drawing my hand away and standing up abruptly. I could feel Remus watching me as I left the room, not caring if Professor McGonagall docked me points or gave me detention. All I knew was that I had to get out of that room, and away from the terrible truth that threatened to pull me into the ground where my sister was, because of me.

The first Saturday of October dawned crisp and cool. Frosty grass crunched underfoot as I made my way down to the Quidditch pitch, unaccompanied. I had been so nervous that I had hardly slept at all the night before and hadn't been able to coax my stomach into accepting even a bite of food. Instead, I'd settled for a big glass of icy water from the girls' bathrooms and hurried down to the pitch during breakfast, so that no other students would be able to see me.

I was so nervous that I kept forcing myself not to bend over and retch. My hands trembled as I paced around the grass, listening to my boots crunching them as I milled about. Finally, I decided not to linger on the chilly ground and instead rise to the occasion. Maybe getting off the ground and into the air would help calm my nerves.

I swung onto the Silver Arrow and rose easily into the air. Compared to my first attempt at riding a broom, I felt a small inward victory at how much I had progressed. Thanks to Professor Smith and Sean Locke, I had transformed from a nervous wreck into a balanced nervous wreck.

I did a few circles around the empty pitch before I saw anyone else coming. My heart skipped a few beats as I watched little groups of students walking down from the castle towards me. I could see James Potter striding confidently down the hillside, broomstick in hand. Tagging along at his side was Sirius Black. Close behind was their unmistakable shadow, Peter Pettigrew. Just beyond him was Remus.

My heart began to pump faster with nerves as the stands filled with students. I hovered near the back of one tall post, dressed in a long robe of blue and bronze; Ravenclaw's tapestried tower. I glided along, unseen, palms slick with nervous sweat, as more students gathered. Finally, when the rest of the candidates had assembled, I had no choice. Descending behind the tower, I landed on shaky legs and walked out to the Quidditch Pitch.

It was loud. Students were chattering excitedly in the stands, filling the pitch with sound that only made my trembling worse. I filtered into the throng of hopefuls, shuffling from one booted foot to the other.

"Hey!" A familiar voice said excitedly. I turned, heat rising into my cheeks, as Sean made his way to me. He looked handsome in his yellow and black Quidditch robes, the back emblazoned with the badger of his House and his surname, Locke. The morning light made his gray eyes even more intense than usual.

"Hi." I said, my voice strangely high and thin. I swallowed.

Sean smiled sympathetically. "Got the butterflies?"

I tried to smile back, but it felt more like baring my teeth. "More like bowling balls. I feel like I might be sick."

Sean patted my arm reassuringly. "Don't worry. You'll be great. If you've really got your father's blood running in your veins, you'll blow the other hopefuls out of the way. Just don't let it get to you. Oh, and if you do get sick, aim for Potter." He jerked his thumb backward over his shoulder at James, who was demonstrating his reflexes by releasing a Snitch and catching it at the last minute, much to the amusement of the Gryffindor candidates. Too consumed by rising nerves, I merely nodded in understanding and averted my gaze.

A tall, gray-haired woman with piercing yellow eyes strode out onto the field. Just behind her, Professor Smith was carrying a wooden crate and a broomstick. Instantly, I felt relief. If Sean and Professor Smith were here, James and Sirius wouldn't be able to hex me.
"Good morning!" Madam Hooch barked. "Welcome to tryouts for this year's teams. Houses, separate in your respective groups. Captains, lead your candidates to the sides. Hufflepuff, you're up first."

"Excuse me," James said rudely, pointing to Professor Smith, "but what's she doing here?"

Professor Smith swung her gaze slowly to James, whose obnoxious grin faltered under her withering stare.

"Professor Smith used to play professional Quidditch, back in the day." Madam Hooch snapped. "She is here at my request to observe, especially for any tomfoolery which will not be tolerated, Mr. Black and Mr. Potter."

Sirius grinned unabashedly.

Professor Smith caught my eye, looking away just as quickly. I gripped my broomstick handle tightly. If she was here, James and Sirius couldn't ruin my odds of making the Ravenclaw team.

"Hufflepuffs, this way!" Sean called commandingly. I glanced up at him before he turned away. I had never really appreciated just how tall he was. Just before he left, he looked down at me. Then he winked.

Blushing fiercely, I hurried away to join the Ravenclaws. There were ten, the least of any House. Slytherin's numbers were almost double ours. Hufflepuff had around twenty-five. Gryffindor led the pack with over thirty red-clad students clutching broomsticks.

A pretty black-haired girl with angular, obsidian eyes was standing in the foreground of the Ravenclaws. Her air of authority identified her as the team captain. I inched closer, heart pounding like a drum in my ears.

"Um," I managed. "Hi."

The girl looked down. She was tall too.

"Hi." She said, raising a brow. "You look a little green."

I ignored her comment. "I'm sort of new at flying. I just wanted to introduce myself… you know, so that you won't have to just guess when we're in the air."

The girl's eyebrows traveled farther and farther up her forehead, nearly disappearing into her hairline. I flushed.

"I'm Anna Noyes." The girl said, holding out a black-gloved hand. "I'm the Captain. You're Amanda, right?"

"Amber." I corrected, shaking her hand firmly. "Amber Harkstone."

Several heads turned at this. I stared at the ground.

"Did you say 'Harkstone'?" Anna said slowly.

"Yep."

There were several mutters. Anna moved closer. "Do you mean you're related to Walter Harkstone?"

I stared up at her with amazement. Even though Sean had told me, even though I had seen the picture proof, it still came as a shock to me that my father, who had never mentioned Quidditch to me before, was famous, more than a decade after his departure from Hogwarts. "He's my father."

Anna looked pleased. "Well, I hope you show more endurance, if you make the team. Good luck, Harkstone."

She turned her back to talk to her friend, who I recognized as the Prefect who had given me and Lily a nasty look during the first night back at Hogwarts. I knew I was being dismissed. I turned and watched the Hufflepuff's tryouts. Sean was in the air, coaching the first string of hopefuls. Professor Smith and Madam Hooch were airborne as well, though I noticed that Professor Smith's attention seemed to be fixed on the Gryffindor's rather than the Hufflepuffs.

There were a few impressive players. Most were nervous, and the vast majority of female players seemed exceptionally flustered. I wondered if it was because of Sean.

When the Hufflepuff tryouts were over twenty-five minutes later, the Slytherins took over. Lucius Malfoy, who had graduated the previous year, had been replaced by Tara Bristol, a muscular black girl with a stare to rival Folsom's. She was harsh and demanding, reducing a girl to tears as she stormed off the field, but produced good results by showing no mercy to her team. Their tryouts were the shortest, as Bristol immediately rejected anyone who showed less than near perfection.

"She's a piece of work." I muttered to no one in particular.

Anna Noyes had heard. She frowned. "Yes, but being tough isn't necessarily a bad thing. She'll make her team strive for perfection. They'll be a tough team this year with someone like that for Captain."

I didn't know what to say, so I shuffled my feet again. The truth was I didn't know much about Quidditch, only that I wanted to try. But I didn't dare divulge my minimal knowledge of the sport to my possible new Captain.

Sean Locke jogged over, his face pinkened from the snappy fall wind. His gray eyes glimmered as he grinned down at me.

"Still nervous?" Sean said, leading me away from the other girls, who were watching balefully.

I tried to act as if I wasn't aware of their angry looks. "Yeah. You're a good Captain. I can't imagine trying out for Slytherin this year."

"Yeah, that Tara's a tough cookie." Sean agreed, just as Professor Smith snapped, "Enough belittling, Bristol! Five points and it'll be double if you don't start softening up!"

Sean and I laughed in unison. "She's always been a stickler for fairness, Aunt Willow." Sean said fondly.

I glanced over at the Gryffindors as they filed past the retreating Slytherins. I watched James and Sirius shove roughly into several boys, earning whistle blows from Madam Hooch.

"Lots of competition today." Sean added. He glanced down at me again. "Hey, listen, after tryouts, want to meet me near the library?"

I was having a hard time following the conversation. It took me a full five seconds to digest his words. "Oh. Well, I don't know. I think I promised Remus I would work on our Potions paper together. It's my worst subject."

Sean shrugged good-naturedly. "Another time, then. Play well, Amber. I'll be cheering for you." He moved off to the benches with the other Hufflepuffs. Almost all of them had stayed to witness the rest of the tryouts.

The Gryffindor team was done after forty-five minutes. As much as it galled me, I admitted that James Potter was an exceptional flyer. He left the rest of the candidates miles behind him in the air, never dropping a Quaffle or letting the others score a hoop. The same girls who had cheered for Sean now cheered for James as he landed, victorious, grinning at the applauding stadium. He had just saved the Quaffle in a heart-stopping dive and was now having his hand held up like a triumphant gladiator by Sirius. The ruckus went on until Madam Hooch blew her whistle a minute later.

"Alright, enough hero worshipping!" She demanded. "Gryffindors, move off the pitch. Ravenclaws, you have the field."

I could feel Professor Smith watching me as I followed the other Ravenclaws into the center of the pitch. The Gryffindors passed by in a blur of red and gold. I was at the tail of the group, feeling sicker with each step. I hesitated, my head pounding. I closed my eyes for a moment, fighting off nausea, when I heard, "Oi! Harkstone, is that you?"

My eyes flew open. I had been dreading this. James and Sirius were gaping at me, frozen, brooms in hand. Nausea forgotten, I lifted my chin a notch and stared back at them defiantly.

"Yes?" I said coldly.

James and Sirius exchanged a look. Then they burst out laughing.

Heat rushed to my face as they doubled over, clutching their sides.

"It's not funny!" I snarled. "I've been practicing. It won't be like last year."

"Oh, my God." James gasped, tears running down his cheeks. "Padfoot, quick, go get Madam Pomfrey and have her bring a stretcher. Or a barf bag."

"Look at you, Lionheart." Sirius laughed, pointing rudely. "You look just like that time Kreacher found my mother's old bloomers and went around the house wearing them like a crown. Oh, Merlin's beard!"

They fell onto the ground, rolling.

I stomped over threateningly, reaching for my wand, when Professor Smith hovered by us. Her green eyes were hard.

"To your place, Amber." She ordered. She didn't even look at the boys, still roaring with laughter. "Just go."

I could see it in her face, even though she didn't say it. The best revenge is proving them wrong.

Feeling like my face was on fire, I hurried to catch up to the other Ravenclaws, who had already kicked off and were rising gently into the air. Trying not to remember the previous year, I clenched my jaw and mounted my Silver Arrow. I kicked off from the cold ground, the strong sunlight hitting my back, like a warm hand, guiding me higher into the air. To my amazement, the moment I left the ground, I felt my fury and nerves leave me. Up here, I was free from the demons that plagued me on the ground. Up here, I was untouchable. This was just another practice with Sean. It didn't matter that half the school was watching. It didn't matter that James and Sirius were on the ground, their laughter reaching even up here.

I glanced a quick look down at the stands. I glimpsed Lily's red hair, shining like flames, and then Remus' anxious face as they both stared up at me. Lily's mouth was open in a small 'o' of surprise. Remus looked sick.

I had forgotten to tell them I had been planning to try out.

Before I could remedy this by flying down to them, Anna said in a loud, carrying voice, "Alright, listen up! I've got ten of you hoping to get a spot on our roster. Unfortunately, I've only got six spots to give out. So four of you will not be making it onto the Quidditch team today."

She surveyed us meaningfully. I clenched my broom handle tightly. At least I can try.

"I want you all to try a basic formation with me. We'll be pretending this is a real Quidditch match. Pick a position you'd like to play. Split up into groups of five. If you've got any questions, just ask."

I noticed for the first time that half of the Ravenclaw hopefuls were wearing black armbands. With a pang, I remembered Dumbledore telling us that during the attack on Platform 9 ¾, Jericho Fleet, a Ravenclaw Quidditch player, had been killed. Feeling more somber, I flew after four Ravenclaws, gaze fixed upon the maroon Quaffle.
Professor Smith and Madam Hooch were circling the air, watching us. I ignored the impulse to hex Sirius and James and instead channeled my energy into determination to win a spot on the Ravenclaw team. What would Dad say if I secured the position? What would Mum?

Too quickly, Madam Hooch blew her whistle, a high-pitched, loud note that silenced the stadium. Anna Noyes tossed the Quaffle and gave the signal to let loose the bludgers and the snitch.

Instantly, the team scattered. I rushed after a gaggle of two Ravenclaw girls and boys, making a team of five, and tried to remember everything Sean had taught me. Stay balanced, don't look down, do your job, play fair.

A burly Ravenclaw boy whacked a bludger at the girl in front of me with an intimidating crack. The girl screamed and jerked to the left, avoiding it. It came straight for me. Heart pounding, I urged the Silver Arrow into a duckdive and popped up away from the bludger, which was now screaming in a wide arc towards its next potential victim.

Anna Noyes tossed the Quaffle into the air a second time. Four Ravenclaws scrambled for it. In the furor to grab the ball first, no one was able to catch it, and it dropped like a stone to the ground. James Potter caught it and grinned wolfishly.

"Throw it back, Potter!" Madam Hooch roared.

"You throw like a girl, Potter!" I shouted aggressively, spurred on by the flood of adrenaline coursing through my veins. The fact that I had managed to stay aloft this long was more heady than anything I'd ever felt before.

James threw me a dark look. He wound back his arm and hurled the Quaffle back into the sky.

Sirius must have jinxed the Quaffle. It shot like a cannonball into the fading late-morning mist, smoking and leaving a small trail of fire in its wake. Every Ravenclaw player darted away from the smoldering Quaffle, but I tightened my grip around my broomstick and plunged skyward.

The Quaffle was still shooting upward, like a comet re-entering space. Tears streamed from my eyes as I hurtled after the Quaffle, the wind whipping my hair back from my face. The air was colder, thinner, and I found it hard to breathe as I managed to catch up with the Quaffle, which was finally reaching velocity and rapidly slowing down. Fingers almost frozen, I snatched the Quaffle from the frigid air and turned back. The ground looked like a giant quilt from my height. The snow-capped mountains were like vanilla cupcakes, swirling up into the atmosphere. The lakes and forest stretched out endlessly in all directions. It beautiful, but breathtaking. Feeling faint, I tucked in my body and spiraled down.

The effect was instantaneous. I pressed even closer towards the broomstick to make myself as compact as possible. The wind screamed in my ears as I shot like a bullet back to earth. With alarming speed, the ground was rising up to meet me. I heard a faint popping in my ears as I swooped back down into the Quidditch pitch and flung the Quaffle through the middle hoop.

There were loud cheers, but I didn't listen. It didn't matter if it was for me or for the others. All I cared about was the thrill of playing, the adrenaline rush of the chase. Nothing else mattered.

Sebastian Smethley, the sixth year Ravenclaw Keeper, caught the Quaffle with one hand and tossed it to another player, Artemis Powell, a fifth year. She attempted to pass it to another player, Zoey MacDonald, who promptly fumbled it. I shot ahead of the others and snatched it, throwing it easily through another hoop.

It went on for another twenty exhilarating minutes when Madam Hooch finally blew her whistle. "Alright, time's up! Noyes, are you satisfied?"

Anna Noyes slid me an approving look. I grinned back, shaking with the flood of adrenaline and the knowledge that I had just passed with flying colors. "Yes, I am."

"To the ground!" Madam Hooch snarled. The blue-clad Ravenclaws descended to the ground like giant jays. Everyone separated into groups, girls and boys segregated, each talking quietly and seriously. I turned, alone, unsure of where to go, when I felt a boulder smash into me.

I staggered, trying to stay on my feet. "Ouch! Hey, what's the problem? You're squishing me!"

I gasped as Lily hugged me so tightly I thought my ribs were going to splinter. She released me, jumping up and down in pure excitement.

"Amber! Amber! Merlin's beard! You were… you just… I had no idea you could play like that!"

Her green eyes were alight with fevered trepidation. It was like the past month had never happened.

I grinned and ducked my head. "I guess I never knew I had it in me."

Lily clapped and pointed to two figures glaring at me across the field. "They had no idea, either. Oh, I wish you could have seen them when you went into the sky like that! How high did you go? We couldn't even see you!"

I glanced at Sirius and James, who were looking at me as if I had just sprouted horns and was breathing fire. I waved, smirking. "What do you mean, 'we'?" I asked Lily.

"I came to watch." Remus said quietly, smiling. "You were very good."

"Much better than last year, I'd say." Sean said smoothly, striding over and clapping me on the shoulder. "All that work we've done has finally paid off. I'd say you've secured a spot on the team until you graduate."

Remus had gone very quiet. He wasn't looking at Sean, but I could feel the tension rolling off of him in dark undercurrents. Lily didn't seem to notice. She was too busy laughing at Sirius and James' expense.

"You have your father's legacy, all right." Sean said proudly. "The legacy of Hufflepuff lives on in a Ravenclaw… who knew."

"She was a Hatstall." Remus said stiffly. "She could have been in Gryffindor. Not Hufflepuff."

Sean chuckled. "Yes, I suppose. Still, she's got talent. I'm sure your dad will be happy to know you've taken after him."

I frowned, squeezing my broomstick handle uncomfortably. "Maybe. He's awfully busy. He works at the Ministry." Even after Virginia's passing, Dad hadn't had much time for any of the girls in his life. Naomi, Mum, or me.

"Well, I'm excited to see how this Quidditch season will shape up." Sean said bracingly. He patted my shoulder again. "Excellent work, Amber. Maybe we can keep practicing."

"I don't think she needs it." Remus remarked dryly.

Sean lifted a brow. "I suppose you're right."

I felt the tension crackling like lightning between the two boys as they sized each other up. Uncomfortable, I looked at Lily and offered a half-smile. "Well, I guess we could celebrate by going into Hogsmeade for some butterbeer. I hear there's a bunch of students going soon."

Lily nodded enthusiastically. "Sounds like a plan. See you later, Remus. Nice seeing you, Sean." She winked at him, then me.

Sean chuckled and strolled away to his team. Remus didn't follow us. Instead, he made his way over to Sirius and James, who were entertaining Peter. As soon as they were out of earshot, Lily grabbed my arm and squeezed.

"You never told me Sean fancied you!" She squealed. "Oh, Amber, he's so dreamy! And he's older. He's handsome, too. Tall."

I smirked. Clearly, Lily had discovered boys. "Let's put it this way. Boys haven't exactly discovered me."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, Amber, you are so oblivious sometimes. Can't you see? Sean didn't volunteer to train you just to earn extra points for his House. He wanted to get close to you!"

My face grew hot. "No way. He doesn't… Lily, I'm thirteen! He's almost seventeen."

Lily shrugged. "You're taller than I am, and you're more mature than a lot of girls in our school. No wonder he likes you."

I shrugged, stowing my Silver Arrow under one arm, replaying the tryout over and over in my mind, especially the death-defying chase to get the Quaffle that James and Sirius had sent into the atmosphere. "We're just friends."

"I won't even get started on Remus." Lily went on, eyes sparkling. "I thought you two were going steady."

Instantly, I remembered Diagon Alley and how we had followed Professor Smith into Knockturn Alley. How he had held my hands. How he had smelled me out on the train after it had been attacked.

I shut my eyes briefly, determined to block out the confusing thoughts and feelings I had for both boys. "I'm too young for this."

Lily laughed. "No, you're not. Plenty of students our age are going out with each other. James Potter's got a lot of attention from the Gryffindor girls."

I raised a brow. "And is that something you're okay with?"

Lily made a retching noise. "I'd rather pitch myself off the Astronomy Tower than go out with him."

We had reached the changing rooms. Lily continued to chatter and gush, filling me in on the past month we hadn't spoken, but without any hint that there had ever been any animosity between us. I smiled, happy to be on speaking terms with my best friend again.

"So," Lily said as we exited the changing rooms and headed for the path that would bring us to Hogsmeade, "there is something else I wanted to ask you about."

"Go for it." I said, watching as Filch hobbled over as quickly as he could, a furious scowl on his weather-beaten face.

"Permission forms?!" He snarled.

Lily and I calmly handed them over. Filch scrutinized each word as best as his poor eyesight would allow before thrusting them back into our hands.

"No contraband!" He growled as we walked away. "And no entering the Shrieking Shack!"

My heart missed a beat as I thought about the last time I had gone inside. It had been two weeks ago, just for an hour, but I had enjoyed a particularly loud game of Exploding Snap with the boys and listened to James and Sirius debate the possible rise of the Dark Arts. Remus had sat next to me. In fact, when we were together, it seemed that he was always beside me.

Why hadn't I noticed it before?

"Hey," Lily said, frowning, "what're you thinking about? You've got that Ravenclaw-look."

I quickly schooled my face to be blank. "I do not."

Lily smirked. "You did. You start frowning and get all quiet and stare at a faraway place. Spit it out."

But I had paused in my walk. Just ahead of us, like a murder of crows, were the Slytherin boys. Avery, Nott, Mulciber, and Regulus. Their ringleader, Malfoy, was off and graduated, but it was clear that they'd had no problem remaining in their little cult. They were standing in a black huddle, wearing their school robes, near the broken gate that led to the Shrieking Shack. Mulciber in particular bothered me. He had prejudice against Muggleborns, and held grudges. He glanced up as well approached slowly from a distance, but I felt my heart beat faster in warning as I saw him reach for his wand.

"Look what the wind blew our way." Avery breathed, noticing us. "A Mudblood and a puffed-up little hag."

Lily bristled immediately. "Excuse me?"

Regulus had turned to regard us with those haughty silver eyes that matched his brother Sirius' precisely. The energy in the air changed from that of airy joy to tense trepidation.

"We're just going into Hogsmeade." I said passively, not meeting their eyes directly. "Let us pass."

The four of them had started towards us slowly, like wolves circling their prey. Lily drew her wand.

"Don't." I hissed. Lily paused, but didn't stow her wand.

"What are you going to do?" Mulciber taunted. "Turn our hair pink? Those little kid tricks don't scare us."

"Funny, because your face could curdle milk." Lily snapped. Mulciber flushed dull red. Regulus looked like he might have laughed.

"I'd watch your mouth, Mudblood." Nott said quietly. I had hardly heard the boy speak, and his voice was raspy, as if he didn't use it much. My grip tightened on my own wand, which I knew was most likely useless.

"And you should watch yours." I replied coolly. "Since all of your fathers are Death Eaters."

There was a loud hiss from each boy. Lily looked at me wildly. I instantly regretted my words. I had been hoping for the boys to settle down and leave with the threat, but it looked like it had made them want to fight instead.

"Oh, dear." Avery drawled sarcastically. "The little blood traitor thinks she can scare us. Well, guess what, dearie? You have no idea who's really in charge. What's really going on. You really think that the Ministry can handle what the Dark Lord wants? He's got big plans, very big plans, and part of his plan involves purifying our world and putting Muggles back in their place."

"Logan!" Mulciber said sharply. "Enough."

Avery fell silent, but his dark eyes glittered malevolently as he stared at me with deep loathing. I feel goosebumps race up my spine in response.

"Let's just hex them and get on with it." Regulus suggested. I stared at him, appalled.

"You're twelve!" I exclaimed, talking to Regulus but seeing Virginia. "Go back to school and get away from these thugs. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't throw it away!"

Regulus stared at me. I remembered then that it had been he who had cast the Cruciatus Curse at me last year, and missed. My grip tightened on my wand.

"Go on, Regulus," Mulciber said quietly. "Teach that little hag a lesson about respect."

"Like you'd know anything about that." I spat.

"Stop it!" Lily said shrilly. "Or I'll-"

"What?" Avery taunted. "Talk us to death?"

"Is there a problem here?"

The six of us turned at the sound of James' voice. James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus were stopped a few feet away, watching. None of them had their wands drawn, but each looked suspicious and ready to duel. Sirius especially looked grim. His gaze pinned Regulus, who went pink and refused to look at his older brother.

"We were going to The Three Broomsticks to celebrate." James said, hazel eyes resting on each of the Slytherins then on me and Lily. "Are you two alright?"

So noble and proper in front of the enemy. I rolled my eyes. "We're fine. We were heading for the same place."

"We'll take you the rest of the way." Remus said, a muscle jerking in his cheek.

Avery and Mulciber snorted. "Good thing you two have a lot of friends." Avery sniggered as he looked between Remus and I. "Plenty of sitters to watch the pups once they're born."

Lily had reacted so fast that none of us quite knew what happened until it was over. There was an explosion of smoke and a blast of cold wind. The four Slytherins were laying on their backs, eyes closed. Mulciber was sporting a bloody nose.

James was staring at Lily in amazement. Lily tossed her hair and stowed her wand. "Multi-opponent Knockback Jinx. Should keep them out until we can at least get to the Three Broomsticks. Sev's waiting."

Sirius nudged Regulus' hand with his foot. He didn't move.

Remus gave Avery a much harder kick to the ribs. Avery groaned but stayed on the ground.

"I hope he's dead." I said, frowning.

"Me too." Remus agreed darkly. "Sadly, I don't think we can count on that."

"Honestly, boys." Lily sighed. She eyed James and Sirius balefully. "I'm not inviting you to join us, just so you know. Sev is waiting for me and Amber's my guest. We're not interested in having to put up with your snobbish ways."

James rolled his eyes. "Next time, a thanks would be just fine."

"Thanks for what?" Lily demanded. "Amber and I can handle ourselves just fine, thank you very much. We aren't damsels in distress."

"Could have fooled me." Sirius said mildly as he took care to step on Regulus' hand.

I wanted to shove him. How could he take his little brother for granted, when my own little sister was sleeping under the earth in my backyard? He still had time to save his lost brother.

"Come on." I said irritably. "Let's go."

"Oh, Amber," James called indifferently, "Congratulations."

I glanced over my shoulder. "For what?"

James tossed a roll of parchment at my feet. Suspicious, I plucked it up, gaze never leaving his.

"Just read it later." He said, striding forward with the boys in tow. Lily hustled me along. "You're welcome to join us, Remus." She said loudly as we outpaced them.

I felt cold, all the excitement of flying gone as we swept into Hogsmeade and into The Three Broomsticks. The pub wasn't packed to the seams, but it was loud and filled with pockets of merry diners and drinkers. Lily chose a table near the blazing fire, tossing her long hair back over her shoulder. We sat in silence, trying to digest what had just happened.

A curvy young woman with spiraling ringlets of hair bustled over. "Drinks?" She asked brusquely.

"Oh, uh…" I glanced at Lily. "You?"

"Two butterbeers." Lily requested. "You've got to have some, Amber. It's on me."

I shrugged. "If you're sure."

The woman nodded. "Sure thing. I'll be right back." She hurried off, carrying two large tankards of foaming beer to a pair of warlocks at the counter. Lily drummed her fingers on the table, glancing at me briefly.

"So." Lily said. "You're okay?"

I studied the whorls of grain in the table. "Yeah."

Lily waited.

Fuming, I smacked my hand on the table, hard. Several people jumped up, looking annoyed or frightened. Tears burned at the back of my eyes. Lily softened and handed me an embroidered handkerchief, which I used to dab at my burning eyes.

"You miss her." She said quietly.

I didn't reply. I nodded stiffly once, trying to reign in my emotions.

A figure settled in at our table. It wasn't Remus. Davey Gurgeson eased in beside us, a thick white bandage wrapped around one part of his head.

Lily and I glanced at each other, unsure of what to say.

"Hi," Davey said at last, sounding embarrassed. His exposed eye was light blue and wouldn't look at either of us directly. He cleared his throat. "You remember me, right?"

"I do." I said cautiously.

"How are you feeling, Davey?" Lily asked kindly.

Davey shrugged, touching the bandages. "Madam Pomfrey says I can get these taken off next week. She says my eye will be fine."

"That's good." I said.

An uncomfortable silence settled at the table. The bartender returned with two golden glasses of butterbeer. She smiled down at Davey. "Anything for you, pumpkin?"

"No, thanks." Davey said. He watched her go. "Madam Rosmerta's a nice lady."

"Nice curves, you mean." James Potter said rudely, passing by our table.

Davey turned scarlet. Lily rolled her eyes in disgust. I sipped my butterbeer, watching James and the three other Marauders choose a table not far from ours.

"What can I do for you, Davey?" Lily said, wrenching her scornful gaze from James.

Davey tapped his fingers on the table. "I just wanted to say, you know, thanks. For trying to stop me and then helping me to the infirmary. It could have been a lot worse."

"Don't mention it." I said quietly, aware that James and Sirius were watching me. They weren't laughing, but I could tell there were things they wanted to say that wouldn't help bolster their credentials as gentlemen.

The silence stretched. Then Davey blurted out, "Would you want to go to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop with me?"

I blinked, sure I'd heard him wrong. "I'm sorry, what?"

Davey was even redder. He wouldn't look at me directly. He tried again. "Would you… would you want to go with me? To the tea shop."

Now it was my turn to turn red. I stared at him, then Lily, who wore a triumphant smirk that said I told you so.

At that moment, Remus chose to move to our table and settle in beside me. Before I could say or do anything, he gave my cheek a peck and said, "I'm really proud of you, Amber. You did great today."

Then he left.

I blinked several times, clapping my hand to my cheek. It felt warm where his lips had made contact. Davey looked like he'd just seen the Whomping Willow running for him.

"I didn't know… sorry." He got up. "If you… well… see you in class."

He disappeared.

Lily burst out laughing. I gulped down several mouthfuls of butterbeer, trying to process what had just happened.

"I told you!" Lily crowed. "I told you! Boys do like you, Amber. You just have to open your eyes!"

"No… what just happened?" I spluttered.

Lily tapped her willow wand against my wrist. "Hello? You're a knockout, babe. All that long blond hair and those warm brown eyes? No wonder Sean and Remus are completely gaga over you. And now Davey."

I shut my eyes and rubbed my face in my hands. "All I want to do is get good grades, play Quidditch, and stay out of Azkaban. Is that so much to ask for?"

Lily's green eyes sparkled mischievously. "Yes."

I groaned and planted my face on the table.

"Poor thing." Lily simpered. "By the way, mind if I read that letter James gave you?"

"Go ahead." I muttered, mortified that maybe James had decided to ask me out too. I wanted to gag at the thought.

Judging by the sound of crinkling parchment, Lily had gone ahead and opened the letter. She was quiet for a few moments, then whistled.

"What?" I said, hardly daring to lift my head an inch to look at her beadily. "What is it?"

Lily put down the letter and gave me a fixed look that made my heart race in fear. "What?" I repeated, sitting up. "Is something wrong?"

Lily shrugged. "Professor Flitwick wants you to come to his office to talk about your subjects. You're passing everything with excellent grades, except for Potions. Still, he wants to have a word."

"About what?"

Lily grinned. "Gifted-and-Talented level. Congratulations, Amber."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. Is that all?" I felt giddy knowing it wasn't anything remotely serious.

Lily scanned the bottom of the letter again, her face going slack. "Well, there is one more thing. It's a parent-teacher conference."

I bolted out of my seat, gripped by sudden panic. "My parents? My parents are coming?"

Lily raised her brow. "Generally, that is what parent-teacher conference means. What's the issue?"

Every happy thought about Quidditch, every fear concerning those Slytherin thugs, every confused and conflicted sensation about boys vanished like morning mist in burning sunlight. I felt panic bubble like lava inside, driving away the sweet taste of butterbeer with the acrid tang of bile.

"Amber, honestly!" Lily said in dismay. "Calm down. It's just your parents."

"Yes, and they're my parents." My dad, who had never told me about his Quidditch prowess and legacy. Who spent more of his time at work deep in the Ministry of Magic than he did at home with his family. My mother, who had never been faintly impressed by anything I had done. Who spent the vast majority of her life caring for my middle sister who had died anyway, because of me.

My mother was coming. To Hogwarts. To talk about me.

I ran screaming from The Three Broomsticks.