Thanks for reading!
"Kid, can I come in?"
Kylo glares down at the cigarettes he holds in his hands. He shoves them into his desk drawer and doesn't answer.
"Kid?"
"That's not my name," he says finally.
The door opens. Dad comes in, flicking on the light. "You'll damage your eyes." He stops and takes in the room. Black sheets and a gray comforted tossed in a heap at the foot of the bed, his desk covered in papers and half-finished robot designs, trash overflowing with Starbucks cups and the window seat which sits in the turret, stained. "Good grief, kid."
"What do you want?" Kylo asks, picking up a pen again and doodling. His calligraphy books sit nearby. He hasn't opened them in months. He curls his fist.
"To talk to you."
"A new phenomenon," Kylo can't resist saying. He stabs the pen into the holes in the notebook.
Dad sighs. He heaves himself down on the edge of Kylo's bed. "Your mother's worried."
"Of course." Because of course it was his mother who sent Dad in here. She cares. Dad doesn't give a shit. Kylo could scream. He'd rather nothing at all from the man than this fake concern. He can go shower it on those two kids, the kids he wanted. Just like Poe Dameron, who might as well be the fuckboy son Dad always wanted, nothing like Kylo who was studious and preferred reading to working on cars. Even though he can do it, and do it well.
"Don't be so dismissive."
Kylo throws his head back and laughs. He just wants the man out of his room.
"Ben—"
"It's Kylo."
Dad exhales. "No, actually, it's not, kid. We named you Ben after—"
"I know all about Ben Kenobi, which wasn't even his real name. I know what he did for you and Mom and Uncle Luke." The name comes out bitter.
"How's having your uncle as a teacher?"
An innocuous question. A poisoned question. Kylo raps his pencil against the desk, rapid-fire. "You mean how he's so generous for not taking out his firing on me?"
"Ben. Come on."
"No, you come on," Kylo retorts, turning to glare at his father. It's not like he cares. He and Mom still don't know, and they'll never know. They'll always think it was his fault, because that's what it looks like, and Uncle Luke doesn't want to tell them because it's too painful or whatever and Kylo's just too tired to care anymore. Let them think the worst of him. They've been thinking the worst of him his entire life. He heard them, right before they started shipping him off to Uncle Luke's for the summers.
"That kid needs something to do with his spare time," Dad said. "Else he's gonna start getting into trouble."
His father's one to talk, though.
"Don't talk like that. I'm trying—I want to help you, Ben."
"Call me by the name I want to be called, then."
"I'm not using some stupid-ass name that Snoke came up with. I don't like him, Ben, and—"
"He's just a teacher, which is more than you've ever amounted to, and he actually cares about me and how I do in school!" Kylo shouts.
"Your attitude is—"
"Just go away then, if you don't like my attitude! Go away and leave me alone! We all know that's what you'd prefer to do anyways!" Kylo yells.
Tell me I'm wrong.
Tell me you care.
Tell me.
Help me. Ask me what really happened with Uncle Luke. Ask me.
Dad shakes his head in disgust. "Ben, we have two other kids staying here—can't you—"
"Just pretend everything is fine? Go to hell. No, I don't feel like it," Kylo snarls. "I don't feel like listening to you or Mom's ridiculous rules and your stupid—"
"Ben, you—"
"It's Kylo!" he screams, and he grabs a mug of pencils and slams it onto the ground. The mug shatters.
"Jesus, Ben!"
He has half a mind to toss the shards into Han Fucking Solo's face. But he can't. Instead, he just glares. "You're a coward."
I used to think you were brave. When I was a kid and you would pick me up, fly me around the yard over your head.
"I believe you," Snoke told him. "I believe you, Kylo."
"Ben, we kept you out of prison, so—"
That's not what happened! "For my sake or yours? It's always about you. Always!"
"Kylo—"
A last-ditch effort. Too little, too late. And it almost feels like a blow. He glares. "I wish you were dead."
Slap me. Grab me. Hold me. Yell at me.
Even in the lamp's orange light, Dad's face visibly grays. But instead he just nods. "Okay, Ben."
And he turns and leaves, door clicking behind him.
Shit. He doesn't feel better. Kylo drops onto the floor, reaching for the shards of the mug. But he doesn't want to glue them back together, or throw them out in his already overflowing bin. Who cares? Who fucking cares? He grabs the shards and stabs them into his arm, right over the bruise he got when Snoke pushed him the other day.
And outside his room, he hears voices, bickering. Mom and Dad's. "He just told me he wishes I was dead!"
"I'm sure he doesn't mean it, Han."
"I don't know, he seemed pretty certain to me."
Stop. I didn't mean it. I meant—I meant—
He curls his fists, blood dripping down one of them, staining the carpet, but it's so dark he'll never clean it and no one will notice.
Rey lies on her bed, listening to Leia and Han bicker about their son. She can't believe it. What kind of son would tell his parents he wished they were dead? She'd give anything just to have parents.
She rolls over, worry chomping at her. What if her parents came back while she was here? The guidance counselor told her not to worry about it, but Rey knows she can't trust Unkar Plutt to tell them where she is. If that fish-man even remembers where she is. She's waited so long for them. All she knows of them was that they put her hair in these buns, and she remembers screaming on Unkar Plutt's lawn while his meaty fingers crushed her shoulders.
"Come back!"
"I'll be back soon, sweetheart, I promise!"
It's been eleven years.
Rey used to count days, but she can't anymore. She bites her lip, getting up and pacing her room. The windows are drafty. Rey shivers. She pulls out her phone and hesitates.
No. She climbs down the stairs, wondering if Finn's awake so she can talk to him. But the light under his door's off, and she doesn't want to bother him. Rey slips back into the stairway, dialing.
"Hello?" asks the gruff voice she remembers, the voice that sends chills down her spine.
"Unkar Plutt? It's Rey."
For a moment she's almost afraid he'll reply "who?" But instead he snorts. "What do you want? In jail again yet?"
"No," Rey answers, keeping her voice low as she huddles on a step. "It's nice here."
"What're you calling me for, then?"
"Did they—did you hear anything from them?" Rey ventures. "My parents?" Her chest aches.
"No. The answer's always the same, Rey. And think before you rack up my phone bill next time. Supposedly you've got a brain." A click resounds in her ears.
Rey blinks, staring at her phone screen. She presses her head into her knees, a lump growing in her throat. But she learned long ago, not a month or two after they left, that crying wasn't going to bring them back, and that all it earned for her was a slap from Unkar's calloused hand.
A footstep creaks. Rey leaps to her feet, heart pounding. The last thing she wants is for someone to see her crying and think she isn't grateful.
She flees up the stairs, to her room alone, where she digs out the rag doll she made for herself years ago. She sleeps with it pressed against her cheek, like a child she will never let go.
The next morning, Rey can hardly look at Kylo. What a dick.
"You okay?" Finn whispers to her.
Rey looks back at him, eyes wide. She nods. "Just—worried about finding an advisor by tomorrow."
"Talk to Luke today," Leia encourages as Rey toasts a bagel, stomach rumbling. The sweet smell of cinnamon raisin spreads through the air, waking her up. She contemplates butter or cream cheese before deciding on both. Unkar never served her breakfast.
Kylo says nothing, but he slams his coffee mug down. Rey glowers at him. Ungrateful brat.
During biology, Rey can hardly concentrate. Which is just fine with her, because they're discussing anatomy, specifically reproductive anatomy.
"I thought this was usually covered in health classes," Finn whispers to Poe.
"Yeah," Poe whispers. "It is. I mean, it's not like he's discussing birth control."
"You were saying, Mr. Dameron?" asks Mr. Skywalker. Rey gulps.
"I was just telling Finn that this is different from health class because we're not discussing, like, STDs or pregnancy," says Poe. "Well, we are discussing pregnancy. But not how to prevent it."
"Clever, Dameron," says Mr. Skywalker. "Now keep that mouth shut."
Hux whispers something to Phasma. Both of them laugh.
"Yes?" snaps Mr. Skywalker.
"I was saying that our two foster kids might have benefited from such a class," says Phasma. "Since I'm sure they're both not exactly stellar examples of morality."
"Prude," Poe snaps.
Rey stiffens. Finn looks as if he's contemplating whacking Phasma over the head with a desk. Kylo slouches in his desk, focusing on doodling in that notebook of his.
"Too bad your parents didn't prevent you," Rose Tico shoots back. Finn's eyebrows fly up in appreciation.
Rey coughs. Mr. Skywalker looks as if he's ready to throw his book across the room. "Next person who talks out of turn gets a detention."
Did her parents wish they'd prevented her? Rey has no way of knowing. After the bell, Rey scrambles to the front of the classroom. "Um, Mr. Skywalker? I wanted to talk to you."
Mr. Skywalker drinks what looks like a green smoothie. "Yes? Rey, was it?"
She nods. "I was wondering if you would be willing to advise me for the—"
"No," Mr. Skywalker interrupts. "I told my sister when I started this job that I was not mentoring any more students. I had my share of that when I worked as a professor."
Rey's jaw drops. "But, Mr. Skywalker, your sister's the one who told me to ask—"
"Leia's always been a stronger person than I am," Mr. Skywalker says, gulping more green liquid. He wipes at his mouth. "My answer is no. There are plenty of braver teachers in this school."
"But I'm talented," Rey tries. "They say I am. If I wasn't I wouldn't have gotten this scholarship." Unless they just felt sorry for me. She flexes her fingers.
"I don't doubt that," says Mr. Skywalker, turning his back to her. "But my answer is no, Rey."
The lump returns to her throat. Rey spins and rushes out of his classroom.
And almost smack into Kylo Ren, who's been leaning against the wall. "Let me guess. It didn't go well."
"Oh, what do you care?" Rey retorts.
"You could always still work with me. We could pair up—I'm sure I can convince Mr. Snoke—"
Rey gapes at him. "I would sooner eat sand than work with you."
He flinches.
"I heard you. You and your—friends—they're awful. And you were awful to Finn yesterday. And you were awful to your father. What kind of son tells their father they wish he was dead? You're a—" Rey struggles for the right word. "A monster." Hyperbolic? Sure. But she doesn't care.
Why? I'd give anything to have your parents.
Why?
"If Han Solo were your father," he calls after her as she stalks off. "He would have disappointed you."
"Hey, Finn!"
He slams his locker shut and turns around. Rose Tico jogs up to him, black hair pulled back just as messily as yesterday. "Yeah?"
"Sorry," Rose says, skidding to a stop. She brushes her bangs back. "I just—you know. I wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday. I didn't mean for you to get detention on your first day; that kinda sucks. Also sorry those losers are being mean to you, but they'll get bored with you and move on to a new target soon enough. They're just looking for something to do with their lives besides spend Daddy's credit cards."
Finn blinks. "Nah, it's okay. I'm not mad at you."
Rose breaks into a smile. "Okay, cool." A pendant dangles from her neck. She clutches it. "What're you doing after school?"
Finn shrugs. "Going home? Poe invited me to come over in a bit to play with Beebee-Ate."
Rose nods eagerly. "He's a cute dog."
Finn doesn't know if she's hinting for an invite or what. "You know Poe well?"
"Kind of." Rose sticks her hands in her pocket, falling into step beside Finn. "My sister, Paige—she's a senior, or she would be—she's good friends with Poe. She used to hang out at his place. I was kinda too busy studying—I'm not popular like her."
"Where is she now?" Finn ventures. He remembers what Phasma and Hux said about Poe. His heart hammers inside his chest.
Rose's face falls. "She's in a coma."
"Oh my God," Finn says. Oops. That was probably not the best thing to say. "I mean, I'm so sorry, Rose."
"I'm heading over there in an hour," Rose says. "To visit her." She glances at him. "Want to get a soda first? Before you head over to Poe's? I'll treat you."
"Um, okay," Finn says. "I just have to tell Rey we're going."
"Invite her too if you want to!" Rose calls as he hurries up to Rey, tapping her shoulder.
"Sounds fun," Rey says. "But I've gotta talk to Maz about finding an advisor. I've heard she can do it."
"Same boat," Finn admits. "Let me know if you find out any tips."
Rey gives him a thumbs-up.
"Must be nice," Rose comments as he meets up with her again. "Having a sister. I miss it."
"Mm." Rey's a very pretty sister. Finn doesn't know what to say as they leave outside.
"There's a convenience store not far from here. My parents are always at the hospital. Obviously. They take shifts, in case she wakes up."
"What did happen?" Finn wants to know as they cross the street, cars honking at them for jaywalking. Oh well.
Rose ducks into a convenience store. She grabs a 7Up and turns to Finn. He grabs a Coke. She pays for them. "It's not bad out today, want to drink outside?"
Finn agrees. They sit at some deserted collection of tables with holes in the center for umbrellas during summertime, Finn figures. Finn unscrews the soda cap. It starts to explode, and he slams it back down. Rose laughs.
"My sister snuck out with Poe, Jess, and Snap to ditch for a day," Rose says finally. "I knew they were going—they asked me to join—but I liked following the rules, so I said no. But then the weather was terrible, and they hit a pothole, and another driver slammed into the side of them—they were okay, though. They pulled over and Paige went to help the driver of the other car when a third car hit the pothole too and hit her. She went flying thirty feet. Hit her head." Rose gulps some of her soda. She pinches her necklace.
"I'm sorry," Finn says. "I can't even imagine. I never had a family, but if I did, I think I'd be devastated." He thinks of Rey, of Leia and Han.
"It's really sad," Rose says. "People blame Poe, but it's really not his fault. But that's why they're super strict about students sneaking out now." She hunches over. "I just miss her. I want to make her proud."
"Hux and Phasma blame him."
"They just want to make him miserable. They're dickheads." Rose snorts. "Hux's dad owns this big casino in town. He's a brat and he's always been." Rose holds out the pendant. "Our parents gave us these. They match." She smiles. "The doctors let her keep it in the hospital. When she wakes up, she'll see it." Her smile vanishes. Clouds roll overhead. "If she wakes up."
"She will," Finn says.
Rose cocks her head.
"I'm an optimist," Finn offers, unscrewing the cap again. This time it doesn't explode, and he takes a sip. The air almost feels like spring. But it's still January. Way too early for this. It'll probably only get colder. His stomach clenches.
"Thanks." The breeze blows Rose's bangs against her face. She rubs her chin. "She's better than me in every way, you know. Smart. Personable. Beautiful."
I don't see how you're not any of those things, Finn thinks. "Is Leia really your advisor?" he asks instead, changing the subject.
Rose nods eagerly. "Yup. Poe wanted her but he got stuck with Ms. Holdo instead. She probably just feels badly about my sister, but either way, it's nice. She's nice. I like her." Rose beams. "I want to make a device you can put on your car to detect potholes. They already kind of make them, but I want to refine it."
"That's amazing," Finn says. "I—still don't know what I want to do. A plane or something." But it isn't helping people directly, like Rose's is.
"Planes are cool," Rose says. "The thing is, it's definitely going to be stretching my capabilities. I'm good with computers, but less so with vehicles."
"Funny," Finn says, heart starting to pound. "I'm the opposite."
Rose blinks, staring at him. "Seriously?"
He nods.
"Well," says Rose slowly. "We can work in teams, you know."
"I know." Finn cocks his head. "Would you want to?"
"Hell yeah!" Rose bursts out. "I mean—I saw that—robot you designed on your application—it was so cool—I can't believe I'd actually get to work with you!" She claps her hands to her face.
Finn grins. He doesn't understand how Rose can be so excited. And Leia will surely refuse to mentor him. He'd just complicate things for her.
After all, he's no one.
Up next: Finn and Poe talk, Rey reaches an agreement with a reluctant Luke Skywalker, and Snoke pits Hux and Kylo against each other.