"He won't text me back," Rey says, staring at her phone after the last bell. Her eyes are reddened, and Rose said she vomited after gym class again. Phasma keeps giggling whenever she sees Rey, and Finn's blood boils. She clearly suspects.
"Fuck the project, then," says Poe.
"Huh?" Rey spins around. Poe leans against the lockers with Kaydel Ko Connix beside him.
"Go home," Poe says.
"Home," Rey repeats, her face unreadable. Her gaze drops to her scuffed sneakers. Finn notices fraying holes on the sides of them. Rose's hand slips into his.
Home. Is Leia and Han's place home? With Rey and Ben? Finn swallows. Rose leans her head on his shoulder. He feels safe there. He doesn't wake up every day feeling like an inconvenience. There are bagels stocked in the fridge, and there's encouragement, and there's the way Han and Leia smile at each other.
Home.
"Ben might need you," Poe says, rolling his eyes. "Luke Skywalker should understand."
A small smile wavers on Rey's lips. "He won't, though."
"Rey," says Connix. "You should know. "I heard Phasma telling someone that you're pregnant. I don't believe it, obviously, but—"
Finn stiffens. Rose's nails dig into his hand.
Poe cusses. "Finn, want to help me deck that bitch? I don't care that she's a girl. She could kick me ass anyways, but I'mma kick hers first."
"No," says Rey. "I'll—go. Home." She swallows. "Thanks, Connix. I don't care what Phasma says, or what Luke says. I'll text him, but I don't care anymore. I just don't care." Her eyes glisten. Finn puts his hand on her shoulder.
Is he all you think you have? Or is there more to this?
Rey kicks her locker shut.
"I'll drive you all home," says Poe. "Since I presume Ben's car's like, impounded at his house. I saw Mr. Skywalker driving it home over lunch period. Plus Connix and I have got to work on our project."
"Okay," Finn agrees. He watches as Rey leans her head against the window in the backseat of the car, curling in on herself as if to protect herself and her baby from everything around them.
His mind whirls. If Phasma knows about Rey's pregnancy, did she tell Hux? Was that why Ben punched him today? Truthfully it could be any number of reasons. That whole family is scum.
"My parents called me after gym," Rose says quietly. "Brendol Hux has been arrested."
"You're kidding," says Poe.
"I'm not. They think he hit Paige and hired that assassin." Rose's voice breaks. "Who the fuck hires an assassin to kill a teenager you hit by accident?"
"I hope he suffers a long prison term," Finn declares.
"Me too," says Rose, hunching in on herself. Finn frowns.
The first few snowflakes fall to the ground like they're inside of one of those snow globes. Finn broke his foster mother's once when he was about seven. He pulled it off the mantle to get a better look, but it fell and shattered against the bricks and slate of the fireplace. He remembers one shard of glass piercing his skin, blood droplets on the clear glass, and her hand before she slapped him.
He had a story he would imagine, of himself trapped in a slow globe, pressing his palms against the glass and gawping at the outside world, desperate for someone to shatter the glass and set him free.
These people. Here. Rose. And Rey, and Poe. Han and Leia, Ben.
The snow falls, gentle and soft, covering the sidewalks in a soft lacy pattern. Poe pulls up in his driveway. Finn gets out of the car and heads over to his place with Rey and Rose. Rose's ruby parka fits her perfectly.
"Want hot chocolate?" Finn asks when they enter the house. It's quiet. Han and Chewie must be out, and Ben's probably moping in his room.
"No thanks," Rey says. She pounds up the stairs towards Ben's room.
"Sure," says Rose, following him to the kitchen. She leans back against the yellow counters, sighing.
"You okay?" he ventures.
She lifts her shoulders. "I thought it would feel different. Better."
"Huh?" He sets the kettle to boil and takes out two packets of hot chocolate mix.
"Having Brendol Hux arrested," Rose says, shrugging her shoulders. She tucks her bangs behind her ears. "I mean—I guess I thought—it would fix something—but it doesn't really." She swallows. "I still just—really miss her."
Finn nods. "I can tell."
"I just want her back." Rose sniffles.
"I don't think anyone's really gone," Finn says. "At least, that's something I heard Luke saying once. Even if they're—dead, they're still with you."
Rose nods. She manages a smile. "I like that."
He puts his arms around her. She leans into his chest, breathing deeply. "I love you, Finn."
I know. Finn shakes his head. He doesn't understand why, or how. But every single action Rose takes—the way she kisses him, the way she smiles, how she talks to him, the happiness seeping from her tone, the concern—everything she's done shows him just how much she loves him. And he can't understand it. But she's here, spreading her sweet fragrance, and plugging up the holes he didn't know he had. He presses his lips on the top of her head, her hair soft and glossy. "I love you too."
He doesn't know how he knows that. He just knows it.
Rose lifts her head towards him and smiles.
Footsteps thump down the stairs. "Finn!" Rey yells. "Finn!"
"What's wrong?" Rose demands.
"Are you okay?" Finn calls.
Rey bursts into the kitchen, eyes wild. She shakes her head. "Ben's gone!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Rose demands.
"He's not in his room, and he's not answering his phone, and his car's here—"
"Did you check your room?" Finn asks.
Rey glares at him. "Yes, Finn."
Okay, he shouldn't have joked about that. Finn lowers his chin.
"I'm scared," Rey says. Outside, the snow continues to dance, drifting towards the ground like it doesn't care about piling up. Although according to the weather predictions, that's going to change in a few hours.
"Maybe Han took him somewhere," Rose suggests. "For some—father-son bonding."
"I don't think so," says Finn. "Because Han's at the school with Leia and Luke."
"How do you know that?" asks Rose.
Finn points to the note left by Leia on the fridge. "It says they'll be late."
"That's not typical," Rey says, snatching the note and reading it.
"Maybe Ben's with them?" Rose wonders.
"Doubt it," says Rey. "It's addressed to Finn, me, and Ben." She swallows, putting the note down. "I'm worried."
Finn pulls out his phone and texts Ben. You're worrying your pregnant girlfriend so stop being emo and call her.
Rey wraps her arms around herself. Her shoulders shudder.
Finn texts Poe. Heard from Ben? We can't find him, his car's still here, and Rey's worried.
Really worried, he adds.
"Did he say anything?" Rose asks.
Rey shakes her head. "He hasn't been in the best frame of mind since—well, a long time. But with the pregnancy and his—I've—he's got issues he needs to sort out with his family and I've been kind of pressuring him to do so, but he's been dragging his feet, and it's snowing and cold and I'm worried."
"It's not supposed to get bad until like eight or nine," Rose says, rubbing Rey's shoulders. "We'll find him." Her voice is soothing, like honey.
The kettle whistles. Finn turns the stove off and pours three cups of hot chocolate. He forces it in to Rey's hand.
"I'll just puke it up," Rey mumbles.
"Oh."
"It's okay." She sips it anyways.
Someone pounds on the door. Rey leaps up. Finn hurries, yanking it open. Please be Ben please be Ben please be Ben—
No. It's Poe, with Kaydel Ko Connix behind him, both shivering.
"I can't get in touch with him," Poe reports.
Rey curses, leaning back against the wall. "He talked about running away."
What? Finn gapes at her. "With you, right?" Because if Ben ran away and left Rey pregnant, Finn is going to—
"Of course," Rey says. "But—"
"He wouldn't abandon you, Rey," says Rose. "I really don't think he would. Especially not now."
Connix frowns. "Now?"
"Then where is he?" Rey demands. She turns on Connix, flexing her figners. "Yes. I'm pregnant. It's not a lie."
Connix's jaw drops.
"I have an idea," Rose says in a low voice. "We could—"
Finn has a feeling he knows what he idea is, because it's been poking at him too. "We won't be able to do it fast enough," he says.
Rose frowns. "But—"
"We know someone who could," says Finn.
"Huh?" asks Poe. "Explain. Please. Someone."
"I'll calling DJ," Rose says. "And asking him to track Ben's phone. Let me tell you, it better not be that expensive, and Ben better pay for this himself with his emo money."
Ben, where are you? Rey huddles on the couch, arms wrapped around her midsection. She thinks about the fact that there's a fetus inside her, and that if she brings a child into the world neither of them know what the hell they're doing. Ben would rather run away. Rey would rather dig her heels in.
And isn't he digging his heels in too? Refusing to budge? Rey wipes at her eyes. They are the same.
But she loves him. You're better than this. Not even for her own sake, or their child's sake. For his own sake, she wants him to grow.
I can't have this baby, can I? Neither of us are mature enough. Rey sniffles. Finn puts an arm around her as Rose babbles into the phone. Poe drums his fingers on the slate fireplace. Connix texts on her phone.
"Do you know what you're going to do, Rey?" Poe asks.
Of course. Rey stiffens. She shakes her head. "I have to get rid of it, right?"
"Have to?" Finn frowns.
"I mean," Rey says, voice trembling. "Neither of us are mature enough." That's the mature decision, isn't it?
"Well, what do you want to do?" Rose asks, covering the phone.
"I want…" Rey gulps.
A family. She looks at the photos on the mantle. Leia's grandmother. Leia's father, and mother. Luke. Han. Ben. I want this.
She doesn't care if they live in Jakku, as long as she has people who love her. It would have been bearable then. The only thing that got her through was hoping her parents would come back, was hoping she was loved even if she couldn't see it.
She doubles over, tears running down her face. She presses her palm flat against her stomach, thinking of this mass of cells forming inside of her, gestating into a person, something created from her and Ben.
And she doesn't feel alone. But it's not because of her child. It's because of Ben, wherever he is, and Finn, and Rose, and Poe, and Connix, and Leia and Han and Chewie, and they're all here, all of them.
"I don't want an abortion," Rey manages. "I want to keep it." Ben wants that too. She knows this. But you have to get your shit together.
"Then we'll help you," Finn tells her.
Rose nods, turning back to the phone.
"Damn right," says Poe. "If you need a place to stay you're welcome to my place; my dad's so out of it he probably won't even notice."
"You're a friend, Rey," says Connix. "We don't abandon friends."
My parents abandoned their child. Sobs wrack her chest. I won't do that. I won't do that no matter what. No matter what I'm getting into, I'll be there for you.
"Got him!" Rose shouts, thrusting the phone in the air. "DJ to the rescue again!"
Finn shook his head. "Always thought that dude was sketchy."
"Well, he says Ben is at the casino," Rose says, blinking. "Why would he be—"
"Trying to win to pay for a nursery?" jokes Connix.
"No," Rey says, meeting Finn's gaze. "Hux."
Rose groans. "Didn't he learn his lesson from earlier today?"
"No way," says Finn. "This is Ben Solo we're talking about. No offense, Rey."
"None taken." Rey knows he's like this. But she loves him anyways.
"'Kay," Poe says, jangling his keys. "Let's go, bitches."
They all pile into his car. "Time to get out my fake ID," Poe proclaims. "Again."
"Can he track where Ben is specifically?" asks Rey as Poe drives. A bit too fast. Her stomach churns. "Inside—the casino?"
"I asked," Rose says. "He said no."
"Okay." Rey sighs.
"If he's gunning for Hux," Finn muses. "Probably the back corridors again."
"Will he even be there now that his dad's been arrested?" wonders Rose.
They pass the site of the accident, and everyone falls silent. Rey sees ghosts in the whiteness of Poe's knuckles as he grips the steering wheel, in Connix's eyes. Rose bows her head, chin scraping her chest. Snow whirls outside as if it's a fairyland when it's anything but.
"I'll let you in," Poe instructs. "Connix, you got your ID with you?"
She nods, jogging with Poe. Rey, Rose, and Finn wait outside the door, teeth chattering. Rey texts Ben again. We know you're at the casino and we're coming for you.
How the hell would he even get inside without a fake ID?
Poe shoves the door open first, and Rey ducks inside. The casino reeks of smoke, and she looks out of place this time in her gray t-shirt and yoga pants, Rose in her purple sweatshirt and jeans. Rey glares at an older woman giving them a skeptical eye.
"I figured you would come," drawls a voice.
Rey jumps. Amid the blinding lights and the laughs and shouts of dismay, DJ appears, crossing his arms and smirking at them.
"We need to find our friend," Rose says. "He's probably—in one of the back corridors."
"Probably." DJ rubs his chin. "Can't say I've seen him though." He jerked his head. "Well, let's go."
He lets them into the Employees Only hallway. "See ya." The door closes behind them.
"Geez, it's like a maze back here," Rey whispers.
"What are we gonna do?" Poe asks. "Run up and down the hallways shouting Ben, Ben, where are you Ben?"
"We should have asked DJ for a map or security camera access," Finn mumbles.
"He might want to protect his job," Rose points out. "To an extent at least."
"Where did you see Hux last time?" Rey asks, desperate.
"Ben wouldn't know where that was since he wasn't with us," Finn reminds her.
"We'll split up," Poe says. "Keep your phones on. Connix and I will head left and down below. Rose, Finn, Rey, head right."
"Relax, Rey," Rose whispers as they head down the hallway. "We'll find him."
"I just want to find him before he does something else he regrets," Rey returns.
Finn snorts. "Fair enough."
Two security guards pass. Finn yanks them behind a curtain. Cold seeps in through the window. The snow's starting to fall faster, whirling in the wind. Rey gulps.
They slip out from behind a curtain. Rose grabs Rey's shoulder, pointing frantically.
Up ahead, a figure dressed in black picks the lock to an office. Rey opens her mouth just as the figure ducks inside. What is he doing?
Rey scrambles towards the office, desperate. The door handle won't budge. He locked it behind him?
"Open up, Ben Solo!" she shouts. "It's—someone who loves you."
The door swings open. Ben's astonished face greets her. Rey throws her arms around him. "You absolutely idiot!" His clothes are damp and cold. He must have walked here.
"Hi, idiot," Finn says. "We came to try and stop your white horse routine."
He gapes at all of them. "You're—"
"It's okay," Rey says. "You don't have to argue with Hux. I—Ben, I want to have our baby. I want to. I can't pressure you to make those strides with your family, but I want you to be with me, but if you won't be, I'm still having it, and I—"
His lips break apart. His eyes fill. He wipes at them.
"Why are you even here?" Rose asks. "Just looking for revenge? You have Rey and—"
"No," Ben cuts in. "Hux—said he has a recording. Of you telling Finn that you needed a pregnancy test. That's why I decked him—and I—I don't want you to suffer like that—"
"I can handle people talking shit," Rey cuts in.
"But you shouldn't have to."
Rey swallowed. "And parents shouldn't leave their children, but mine did. I can do it. But I want you to help."
His arms encircle her. "I want to help you," he promises.
"Aw," says Finn. "But did you seriously come in here looking for a recording? It'd be on his phone most likely, and that'd be with him."
"I went to his house first," Ben admits.
"Creep," taunts Rose.
"I don't want heroics," Rey says. "I just want you with me."
"Calling Poe," Finn informs them. "Yo. Poe. We found Ben, and he and Rey are having a sappy reunion—"
"Finn," Poe interrupts. "You need to get to where we are, now."