Wowwowowowowow. After the intensity of the finale of book 4, we are now entering the highly-anticipated fifth year. This is when the Marauders have their adventures during the full moon and when Lily and Severus have their final showdown. But did Amber survive the attack? If she did, is she infected? What will happen to the Marauders in the aftermath of the attack? And most of all, what the heck is going on with Horcruxes, and what does Professor Smith and the Master have to do with it? I still can't quite believe how popular this story has become and how much love y'all have given this tale. You are the best and I'm so thankful for your reviews and your loyalty! Year 5, here we go...

The sound of a church bell tolling filled the air of the small Scottish village of Bellinghall one rainy June afternoon. Puddles of mud filled the streets as a steady procession of people trudged in a slow march into a small white church building. I followed them, feeling out of place. It was bad enough that I felt like I had been hit by the Hogwarts Express, but now, I was wearing blue jeans and a ripped black tank top. Everyone else wore black. Formal attire. The cold rain poured down relentlessly as I kept pace with the crowd dressed in their Sunday best. Everywhere I looked was a sea of black.

"Excuse me?" I asked, peering into the face of a young woman with a blonde braid. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

But the woman acted like she didn't hear me. I tried the man on her left. "Sir? What's happened here?"

The man either pretended he couldn't hear me or couldn't. Frowning, I followed the group of people into the church building, which was packed to the seams with a sea of familiar and unfamiliar faces.

"Oh," I muttered as I caught sight of a coffin at the front of the church. This must be a funeral, I realized as I walked forth and took a seat in a crowded pew. I wonder who it is.

My pastor stood at the wooden podium, clearing his throat loudly. The quiet mumble of hushed voices ceased at once. A mournful, slow organ filled the heavy air with notes of grief and sorrow. Beside me, a woman burst into tears, blowing her nose into her handkerchief.

I gave a start as I recognized Aunt Hannah. "Are you alright?" I asked her, but she too seemed unable to hear me.

Filled with a growing sense of dread, I stood up and walked up to the front of the church. I wasn't listening to the pastor as he spoke, his voice somber and slow. Maybe this is a vision. I thought as I approached the coffin. Maybe this is Virginia's funeral.

Lily, Remus, James, Sirius, Peter, Sean, and Zoey all sat together, huddled in black. Lily was sobbing her heart out onto Remus's shoulder. Remus looked like he was carved from stone. The others were all somber, tense, the grief so palpable that I could taste it, bitter as gall. I felt my heart twist as I realized that they felt so strongly for my baby sister. I'll have to remember to thank them later. I thought as I stepped up in line to view the body.

But when I looked into the open casket, it wasn't my middle sister lying within the cushions. It was a teenager with wild honey-colored hair and a sparkling necklace, covered in lilacs and tiger lilies. She was dead.

She was me.

"Amber? Amber, Can you hear me?"

I struggled against the heavy weight of sleep pulling at me. It was as if a hippogriff were sitting on top of me. I tried to open my eyes and found that I couldn't.

"She's moving! Look, she's trying to speak!" a terrified voice said. It was Mum.

"Don't, Lena," Dad said, his voice hoarse. "She's been moving like that for weeks. It's just a part of the process."

"No, this is different." the first voice, unfamiliar, corrected. "Her brain activity has changed. She's awake. She can hear us."

Mum gasped, then began to sob. "Amber, darling? Can you hear me, my love?"

I tried to sit up, but couldn't. Every inch of my body felt battered, bruised, and injured. "Water," I croaked, my throat parched.

A cool wetness touched my lips, then trickled down my throat. After I was sated, I sagged back into the softness surrounding me. Even that small movement had exhausted me.

"Amber, this is Doctor Hastings," the first voice said. "You're in St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. You're hurt pretty badly, but you're going to live."

Something in the way he said it made me extremely apprehensive. Why did he sound so sad?

"Please, darling." Mum whispered. "Come back to us. Wake up."

"Lena." Dad said harshly. "Let her rest. She'll come around when she's ready."

"Walter is right." Doctor Hastings said grimly. "You can't rush her. Her body has endured a great suffering. She needs time and rest. She needs to heal. As much as she can, at least."

Mum sounded on the edge of tears. "But I've waited so long…"

What happened to me? I wanted to say, but I was sucked back into the black vortex of sleep before I could finish.

I moaned as the black werewolf leaned over me. Its eyes were blood-red, like a vampire's. His hot, putrid breath made my eyes water as he bent over me and let out a horrible roar. Just before he tore out my throat, he transformed into a hideous black-skinned reptilian creature with the same sinister eyes. "You're mine, Amber Harkstone." The creature hissed, his tongue forked and snake-like. "You'll never be free of your destiny. Never."

The creature changed into Professor Salvatore Slytherin. "You betrayed me, my love. You took my heart and drove a stake through it."

The vampire became his grandfather, Salazar Slytherin, bald and stony-faced. "Your blood shall resurrect my Heir," he hissed. He turned into the young, handsome face of Tom Riddle, who bore a remarkable resemblance to both him and to Salvatore Slytherin.

"Do you really think you can stop the Master of Death?" Tom Riddle asked, his black eyes flat like obsidian. "What power does a weak little girl hold over me, the greatest wizard of all time?"

Tom Riddle transformed into Mara. A sly smile spread over her full lips, revealing razor-sharp fangs.

"Bon appetit, mon cherie," she said in a sultry voice, and plunged her teeth into my neck.

"Amber! Amber! AMBER!"

My eyes flew open. I was panting as if I had just run through the Forest again, and I clapped my hands to my neck. There was no bite mark, but there was gauze. Lots of it.

My hands roved over my body. I could see only hazy and blurred images. I felt more bandages, more gauze. Panicking, I touched my face. It felt rough and soft at the same time. Gauze. Everywhere.

"Amber, darling, relax. You're alright. You're fine. You're safe. You were having another nightmare."

"Mum?" I rasped, my voice sounding strange and unfamiliar. Not my own voice.

"Get her some water, Walter." Mum said in a tone of determined calm. "You need to calm down, sweetheart. Breathe. Deep inhales in through the nose, out through the mouth. Relax."

I did as she said. Slowly, the overwhelming surges of panic were replaced by a numbness spreading through me. There was a heavy, relaxing flowery odor in the air. It made me think of the body in the coffin from my dream. My body in the coffin.

Someone pushed a cup into my hands. Trembling, I lifted it to my lips and drank deeply.

"What happened to me?" I whispered at last, terrified of the fact that I still couldn't see properly. It was as if everything was in a thick, white fog.

"You were hurt very badly in the Forest." Mum said quietly. I turned towards the sound of her voice, though I could only make out a dark shape. I fought the panic again.

"Who? What?" I asked. "What hurt me?"

"You don't remember?" Mum asked slowly.

"No."

There was a pregnant pause. Then, Dad cleared his throat. "Amber, there's no easy way to say this. I need you to brace yourself."

"Walter." Mum protested.

"What?" I asked hollowly. "Am I going to die?"

"No." Dad said, but he sounded odd. Like it would have been better if I was dead. "You're going to live."

The shaking was worse than ever. "What's wrong with me?" I asked. "Why can't I see?"

Before Dad could answer, I heard a man clear his throat loudly. "Amber?"

I turned toward the owner of the voice, but I couldn't see who it was. "Yes?"

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yes. You're Doctor Hastings."

"Good. Short-term memory is good." The doctor said in a business-like tone. "I'm going to do some quick checks on you, alright? It won't hurt."

I sat motionless as the doctor picked up my hands and poked at me with something hard. His wand, I bet, I thought, trying to stay calm.

"How's your sight?"

"Bad. Everything is blurry and hazy. Foggy."

"That should go away within a few days. You've suffered massive trauma, and you haven't used your eyes in almost a month."

A MONTH? I thought in complete shock.

"Anything hurting?" he went on briskly.

"I'm sore. Why does my voice sound like this?"

"Because you haven't talked in a month, either. You've been in a coma."

"A coma?" I repeated blankly.

"Mr. and Mrs. Harkstone, would you mind excusing us for a moment?"

"I won't leave her." Mum said at once, outraged. "How could you even suggest such a thing?"

"Lena," Dad said soothingly. "He's her doctor. They need privacy."

"But we're her parents!" Mum shot back. "This is our daughter we're talking about, Walter! I will be here for her. I'm not leaving! You can't make me! She needs me."

Just like Virginia needed you. I thought sadly. I sighed heavily, my ribs protesting. I winced.

"Mum," I said as calmly as I could, "please. I want to talk to the doctor. It's alright."

"Are you sure?" Mum asked vehemently. "You don't have to be alone through this. We're here for you."
"I'm sure." I told her firmly. "I'll be fine."

Mum sighed. She sounded like she hadn't slept in days. "Alright. But we'll be right outside of the door if you need anything." It sounded almost like a warning to the doctor. There was the scraping of chairs and they were gone.

"It's bad, isn't it?" I asked the doctor quietly. I couldn't see his face, but his silence gave me my answers. Tears filled my eyes.

"You sustained a very grave injury, Amber." Doctor Hastings said at last. "You should be dead. It's a complete miracle that you are alive."

My heart thumped painfully against my cracked ribs. "How am I alive?"

"To be honest with you, I'm not sure. If you hadn't had phoenix tears…"

"Phoenix tears?"

"Yes. James Potter carried you into Hogwarts castle when Professor Dumbledore intercepted him. He has a pet phoenix named Fawkes. The phoenix tears supplied by the bird almost certainly saved your life. You had deep lacerations and abrasions all over your body. Broken collarbone, nearly every rib cracked, and your femoral artery was punctured. You would have bled to death before reaching the castle if you hadn't been dragged by the werewolf. The dirt from the forest floor clogged it and prevented you from dying."

He had the same tone of pity that Dad did. "What else?" I pressed.

The doctor sighed heavily, resigned. "Unfortunately, Amber, you were attacked by two werewolves during a full moon. Despite the phoenix tears, you have sustained cursed, contaminated wounds. The next full moon is tomorrow night. Until then, we won't know the full extent of your injury."

I felt the blood draining from my face. "Do you mean… I might be a werewolf?"

It didn't seem possible. I was waiting for him to say, Surprise! Like it was a bad joke. But he didn't.

"Like I said, we won't know the extent of your injury until the full moon. But I think it's safe to say that there will be some contamination. Even if the phoenix tears healed your wounds, there was werewolf saliva injected into your bloodstream before you were healed. I can almost guarantee you will have some infection from lycanthropy. Your case is extremely rare, possibly unique. Phoenix tears are almost impossible to find, and the fact that you were given them saved your life."

"Who bit me?" I asked in a trembling voice.

"That we will not know until we take a blood sample from you tomorrow." Doctor Hastings answered. "Unfortunately, Amber, you are undoubtedly in for an unpleasant experience tomorrow night. You will be strapped down and restrained in a cage from moonrise to moonset. There isn't much available for werewolves in terms of treatment or symptom control. If you are indeed a werewolf, there are options for you. There's ways to manage it and live an almost normal life."

I couldn't see him, but I was staring in the direction of his voice. The weight of what he had just told me wasn't quite absorbing. I heard him, but it didn't sink in. I wanted to laugh. Me? A werewolf? Possibly infected by Remus, the boy I loved? Me? Miraculously alive when I should have been dead?

"What about these?" I asked casually, as if asking about the weather. I touched the gauze covering everywhere. "Why are these still on?"

The doctor sighed. "I'm sorry, Amber. But phoenix tears won't stop cursed wounds from scarring. You'll be marked by the wolf for the rest of your life."

Now I really wanted to laugh. This all had to be another nightmare. Or a really bad joke. "You mean I'm disfigured?"

"I wouldn't go that far." Doctor Hastings said quickly. "But yes, the scars will be… extensive."

I touched my sore body, now unfamiliar and contaminated. Contaminated. That was the word he'd used. Despite the fact that I had survived being mauled almost to death, I felt unclean. Infected. Dirty from the inside, from my very blood. I shivered.

"Your sight should be normal within four days." Doctor Hastings went on. "In the meantime, now that you are conscious, you'll continue to undergo healing sessions. You'll be in for very extensive physical therapy. Many of your muscles have atrophied and will need to be strengthened. I'm estimating you'll be in physical therapy for a year, maybe less, depending on how quickly you heal."

"I have just one question," I said, swallowing hard.

"What is it?" Doctor Hastings asked gently.

"When can I go home?"

There was a beat of silence. "Soon, hopefully." he responded. "But you'll need to be kept for a few more days, at the very least. Perhaps a week or two at the most. You've been in a coma for almost a month, and you need a little more medical attention before we release you."

My hands clenched around the sheets. How many times had Virginia been inside one of these beds in St. Mungo's Hospital? How many times had she faced death and overcome it, until the last time when she'd gone? Why had I survived, when she had died?

What was going to happen now?

"Would you like me to send your parents in?" Doctor Hastings asked quietly, breaking into my thoughts.

"Yeah," I said dully. "I guess so."

Mum and Dad both sat on my bed when they came back in. I could feel the bed sag underneath their weight. I wished I could see them.

"How are you feeling, darling?" Mum asked, taking my hand into hers and stroking it with her thumb.

"Just peachy." I replied flatly. "Have I had many visitors?"

"Yes. I don't know if you can see, but you've got an entire garden of flowers in here. And plenty of cards."

"Who's been here?" I asked.

"Lily comes in almost every day. She usually brings Remus with her, but he couldn't come the first day. He was extremely upset with himself."

There was something else she wasn't telling me. "Mum?"

"There's nothing you need to worry about, darling."

"Remus was very-" Dad began, but Mum cut him off angrily.

"Walter! She isn't ready!"

"It's fine, Mum," I said softly. "I already know he might have bitten me. It was either him or Fenrir Greyback. The doctor told me."

Mum deflated like an old tire. "What else did he tell you?"

"That I might be a werewolf. That I'll be scarred and need physical therapy for a year." My eyes felt hot and grainy. I was tired already, so tired that I felt like I could sleep for a whole month again and still not be rested enough. "Is Naomi alright? Does she know?"

"All she knows is that her oldest sister was hurt but that she'll be alright. She's with your grandparents. We thought it best if she doesn't see you yet. Not until you're ready to talk to her."

I didn't miss the veiled meaning. They didn't want Naomi to see me like this and possibly have that be the last thing she ever got from me. I had been in a coma. What if I had never woken up?
"Willow Smith and Albus Dumbledore have been by a few times." Dad added. "They'd like to talk to you when you're up for it. Sean sent most of these flowers. He came by not too long ago."

His voice sounded brittle, angry even. "What's wrong, Dad?"

"Your father isn't very impressed with your boyfriend." Mum said in a dry voice. "And frankly, neither am I."

"Why not?" I asked. "What's the matter?"

"I would have thought that a man like him would have been here by your side. I thought we would have to drag him screaming from the room away from you. But he's only been to visit a handful of times and he never stays long."

"I'm sure he has a good reason." I said weakly, but I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. How could Sean not be here? Didn't he love me? If he'd been in the hospital, I would have been with him every day for as long as possible.

"Are you up for a few visitors now that you're awake?" Mum asked, sounding determinedly happy. "I could send an owl to Lily and Remus."

"Yeah." I said. "I'd like that."

"Rest now." Dad said pacifyingly, rubbing my arm gently. "We'll wake you when they arrive."

I closed my eyes and was out within seconds. This time, instead of Mara Smith plunging her teeth into my neck, it was Remus Lupin.

A heavy, tantalizing odor drifted up my nostrils, bringing me back into awareness. My vision was still foggy, but my stomach growled at the enticing aroma of something juicy and hot.

"Amber? Oh, thank GOD!"

I was instantly crushed by a pair of arms. I shrieked. The girl squealed and let go, horrified. "Are you alright? Oh, Amber, I'm sorry! Your parents told me to come in!" Lily wailed.

"Just kidding." I grunted, grinning in her direction. I could see a mass of flame-red hair, but her face wasn't clear.

"That was not funny!" Lily said, her voice shaking. "I really thought I'd hurt you!"

"Nah. If you had, I would have bitten you."

"Amber!" Lily gasped.

"Well, it looks like she hadn't lost her sense of humor."

I glanced in the direction of the voice, emotion swelling within me. "James."

"Hi, Amber." he said, his voice thick. "You look lovely."

"Oh, don't lie." I told him flippantly. "I know I look hideous."

"Not that bad, really." Sirius said, sounding smug. "But now I'm the prettiest one in the group."

"Sirius Black!" Lily said in outrage. "She's beautiful!"

"It's alright, Lily. Really. He needs all the help he can get. A few marks on her won't hurt him. Sirius is hopelessly ugly."

There was a chortle of collective laughter. "How are you feeling?" James asked.

"Better, thanks to you." I wanted to hug him. "You saved my life."

"I only did half the work. Kettleburn helped, but the real hero was Fawkes. If Dumbledore hadn't had him…"

"I know." I said. I didn't want to talk about my new condition, how close I'd come to joining Virginia and Angelina. "Where's Remus?"

An uncomfortable silence filled the room. "He's… coming." Lily said haltingly. "He's very upset with himself. He's convinced that this is his fault. That he did this to you."

"But it probably wasn't even him!" I protested, crushed. More than anyone else, I wanted him to be here. I felt guilty at the thought, but it was true. I loved everyone in this room, including my parents who weren't present, but Remus was different. I felt like more than anyone else, he'd always understood me. And now that empathy would run even deeper between us.

"He'll be here, don't you worry." James assured me. "Even if we have to drag him in here."

"Thanks for that encouraging remark." I said dryly. "I can't see very well, but it's so nice to hear familiar voices again."

"Peter's here too." Sirius told me. "He brought you a box of chocolates."

"Thanks, Peter." I said to the short, round shape I assumed to be Peter. He mumbled a "you're welcome" and fell silent.

"What's that amazing smell?" I added, my mouth watering.

"What smell?" Lily asked curiously.

I inhaled deeply. My stomach roared in response. "Don't you smell that? It smells incredible."

"Here." Sirius presented a plate to me. "Is it this?"

I held it up to my face cautiously. I couldn't see it clearly, but the scent was overwhelming. I could feel myself drooling.

"Here, let me help you." Lily offered, cutting it up into smaller pieces. "I'll feed you, if you want."
"I'd appreciate that." I said with as much dignity as I could muster. I opened my mouth as I felt a fork against my lips. My mouth closed down on the food. It was slightly chewy but full of bursting flavor. It was fleshy, juicy, and delicious. The most delicious thing I'd ever tasted.

"I can't believe you just ate that." Sirius said in a hushed voice.

"Ate what, exactly?" I asked as Lily fed me another bite.

"Steak." James said faintly.

I froze in mid-chew. The silence spiraled horribly.

All my life, I had been a vegetarian. I hated the idea of eating anything with a beating heart or a face, or even eyes. I had never enjoyed the flavor of any kind of meat.

But this… this was heavenly. It was exquisite. And it was like water and air to me. A jolt of realization struck me as I swallowed the bite of steak.

I needed meat.

The soreness in my body alleviated, and I felt strength return to me. I felt alert, awake. As I ate more, my vision cleared. But then it blurred as tears formed.

"Amber," Lily said in dismay. "Are you crying?"

"No." I lied, trying to squint the tears back in.

"Then why is your face scrunched up and why are your eyes watering?" Lily pressed.

I sniffled, hard. "I just… I can't believe I'm eating meat. Meat!"

Lily put her hand over mine comfortingly. "It's going to be alright, Amber."

"You finally joined the meat-eaters club." James said jovially. "About time. I was beginning to worry you'd be eating nothing but rabbit food your entire life."

"James!" Lily objected, but a smile cracked on my face. In spite of myself, I giggled. James beamed down at me, his hazel eyes glowing with relief and humor.

"I love you guys." I sighed, pushing away the plate of food and staring down at my hands. They were covered in bandages. I touched my face gingerly. It was uncovered. In spite of myself, I felt a thrill of terrified anticipation. What did I look like now?

"Can I have a mirror, please?" I asked quietly. No one spoke or moved.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Lily asked, face full of concern.

"Actually, I was hoping we could play Exploding Snap." Sirius interjected. "Amber has the best reactions. You'd never know it since she's so cold and frosty, but she screams like Peter when the cards blow up. Or she yells at you like it's your fault."

"I do not!" I objected hotly.

"Do so." Sirius said lightly.

"Alright, prove it!" I snapped. Within minutes cards had been dealt and the five of us began to play.

"See?" I said coolly as a card burst into smoke and flame. "I didn't react."

"I'm surprised." Sirius said, genuine. "Usually you freak out. I'm a little-"

"Hello?" a familiar voice asked uncertainly from the door. I snapped my head towards the voice, but just before, my entire deck exploded in my hands. Shrieking, I jumped and sent my empty plate clattering to the floor and Peter squealing in fright.

"That's better." James laughed, adjusting his glasses which had gone askew from the blast. A flock of robed healers flooded into the room.

"What happened?!" a blonde-haired healer demanded. Each healer had a wand out. "What's going on in here?"

"Just making sure her reflexes are good." Sirius said seriously, his own wand, nodding at me sagely. "I'm Doctor Black. I'm her new assisting physician."

"Sirius!" Lily hissed, but I waved her off. Grinning, I watched Sirius fix the blonde healer with a seductive smile. "Don't worry, everything's fine in here."

"But…" the healer faltered. "I've never heard of a Dr. Black here."

"I'm from the third floor." Sirius said impressively. "I'm new to the first floor. Would you be so kind as to bring Miss Harkstone a goblet of pumpkin juice? She needs to take her medication."

"Oh… of course, Doctor." the healer stammered, while the rest of the healers left, seeing no emergency. "I didn't know she had to take any pills."

"She doesn't take them orally." Sirius told her gravely. The healer's face went red.

"I see." She said faintly. "I'll be back."

"Thank you very much." Sirius said, nodding to her. The girl left.

I burst into laughter. "If I don't take them orally, then how do I take my pills?"

"Well, you know that we have two ends, Amber." Sirius said, winking. "Your mouth and your-"

"Okay!" Lily shouted, raising her hands as James and I burst into laughter. "We get it! Besides, we have a visitor."

All of us turned and looked expectantly at the doorway. Remus was standing there, looking pale and scared. My heart began to race at the sight of him.

"Can I come in?" Remus asked quietly.

"Of course." I said, offering him a tentative smile. "I was wondering when you'd get here, idiot."

The ghost of a smile flickered across his scarred face. He presented me with a blue China vase. It contained three tiger lilies and a few sprigs of lilac.

"Oh, Remus…" I breathed, inhaling the heavenly scent. "How did you know these were my favorite flowers?"

Remus blushed and looked away. "I remember you said it once."

I blinked. I had indeed told him, almost three years ago. "How did you remember that?"

"I remember everything you said, because it was important to me." Remus told me frankly. Both of us were blushing. James cleared his throat loudly.

"We'll leave you two alone for a moment." He said, dragging Sirius and Peter out. He reached for Lily, but she stepped out of reach and tossed her sheet of flame-colored hair back over her shoulder.

"Want me to stay?" she asked, sliding a look over at Remus. I knew she was asking if I was ready to be alone with him yet, when my very attacker could have been Remus himself.

"I'm okay." I told her. "But I would like to shower soon. Would you and Mum help me with that?"

"Duh." Lily said. The boys perked up. "We'll help, too." Sirius said eagerly. Lily smacked him on the arm, chasing the three of them out of the room. The door slid shut behind her.

Alone, Remus and I were silent. Our eyes kept meeting and then averting. I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. What could I say?

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked at last, shuffling on his feet.

I shrugged. "I've felt better."

Remus' face filled with pain. Anguish and guilt burned hot like flames behind his green eyes. "Amber, if I did this…"

"Shut up and sit down." I said firmly, pointing to the now-empty chair beside me. A muscle jerked in his cheek, but he sat down, pale and miserable.

"I don't blame you." I told him fiercely. "For any of this."

Remus' mouth worked. "What if I did this to you? What if this was me? Amber, I almost killed you. What if I've infected you? What if-"

I pressed a finger to his lips. To my dismay and shock, I realized he was crying. Actually crying!
"Remus," I said quietly, my own voice trembling, "I don't care who did this. Whether or not it was you or Greyback, it doesn't matter to me. It wasn't your fault."

"But-" Remus tried to speak around my finger, but I pressed harder.

"Hush. Listen to me. Listen. You're my best friend, no matter what happens. Don't tell Lily that, by the way. She thinks she's my best friend. But it's you." I hesitated, exhaling. "It's always been you. You and I have always understood each other on a different level. And now, we understand each other even more."

I removed my finger. Remus was staring at me like he'd never seen me before. I could feel the heat filling my face at the look. It was the same look I'd seen on Sean's face on the Ferris wheel, right before he'd tried to kiss me.

The memory of what I had thought would be my final thoughts came flooding back. Remus. Oh, I had so badly wanted to tell him how I felt. How much I loved him.

But how could I now, knowing how much he still blamed himself? It didn't matter what I said or what the results would tell tomorrow after my blood work. He was set on penance.

"Amber," Remus began in a strangled voice, "I thought I'd lost you. When James told me…"

"Remus, don't." I started, but he ignored me.

"I was right." He said brokenly. "I am dangerous." He paused. "Maybe… maybe you shouldn't be friends with me anymore."

I stared at him. The awful feeling of spiraling despair began again, and I scrambled for a hold on safety. "Remus John Lupin, don't you ever talk like that. I almost lost you once. I don't want to live without you. Not for anything."

"But I almost killed you." Tears spilled down his cheeks now, unchecked and agonizing. "If James and Kettleburn hadn't saved you, you'd be dead."

"I don't care!" I almost shouted. "I love you, Remus! I don't care what you are or what's happened. I will always love you. Stop trying to crucify yourself. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Sometimes accidents happen. Even this. But I don't care. You're my best friend, and that isn't going to change."

Remus stared at me. His face went from red to white and then to red again. He swallowed hard.

"You might change your mind about how you feel about me when you see yourself." he said quietly, handing me a mirror.

Glaring at him, I took it. "I doubt it."

But when I looked into the mirror, part of me wished that I had died.

The face staring back at me certainly resembled me. But it wasn't the face I remembered having.

I counted one, two, three, four scars on my face alone. Speechless, I touched them with one hand, the other hand clutching the mirror. The right side had taken most of the damage. The longest scar cut from my hairline all the way down to my jaw. The scar next to it was the same length. It sliced through my eyebrow and began again just below my eye, cutting down all the way to my jaw again. The third and fourth scar seemed to come from the same claw. The top part cut from my hairline down to just above my other eyebrow. The smallest scar came from the same line, etched deeply into my chin. I lifted my neck slightly and exposed a fifth scar, cruel and deep and dragging from my jugular down to my collarbone.

Judging by the marks on my hands, there were many more like them underneath my hospital gown.

"Even if I didn't infect you, I still scarred you. Permanently." Remus whispered, his face white. His eyes were haunted and had a dangerous look in them, like he was planning something terrible. "I know Greyback attacked you too, but I know those aren't all from him."

"How many times do I have to tell you before you listen?" I nearly shouted. "I don't care. You better not be thinking about throwing yourself off of the hospital roof. Remus, I don't care. I'm alive, aren't I? And that's all that matters."

"All that matters?" Remus echoed in disbelief. He twisted his hands into his hair, his eyes wide and bulging. He looked quite mad. "You can't honestly believe that. Look at you, Amber! You're more scarred than I am! Don't you think Sean will care? Don't you think that from now on, the entire wizarding world will see you as an outcast? As a leper?"

I wanted to slap him, but I was too shocked. "How… how dare you?" I managed. "How can you say those things to me?"

"Because I know what it's like!" Remus shot back miserably. "I know what the stigma of being a werewolf carries. You'll never be accepted for who you are or the condition you live with. People will look at you and be afraid. They won't trust you, simply because of what happened to you, even when it's not your own fault. It's unfair. It's cruel. And there's nothing you can do about it, except accept it and learn how to cope." He buried his hands into his hands, shoulders shaking. "You, Lily, and the boys are the only ones who ever gave a damn about me, other than Dumbledore and my own parents. Everyone else always saw me as a monster. I tried to push all of you away, but you stayed. You know what I am. Even when others turned their backs on me, you all stayed." His gaze penetrated me. "The same way people will turn their backs on you now."

I was trembling so hard the bed was making small noises of vibration. I didn't want to believe him. I didn't want to think that my appearance or my possible condition would affect my life.

But I knew it would. Even though I was alive, even though I was in the same body, things would never be the same. Not anymore.

"Look at what I've done to you." Remus whispered, tears slipping down his tortured face. "You'll carry those scars to your grave because of me."

"Because of an accident." I whispered. Professor Smith had scars, and it didn't stop her from living her life. She was powerful and respected. She had made her mistakes and paid for them. Suddenly, more than anything, I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to talk to someone who would understand, who wouldn't cast blame or crucify herself.

The door opened. Mara entered first, followed by Sean, and then lastly, Willow. Remus got quickly to his feet, wiping at his eyes.

"Are we interrupting something?" Mara asked, arching a brow.

"No." Remus said thickly. "I was just leaving." He glanced at me, his expression full of pain and guilt. "I'm so sorry, Amber."

"Remus, don't you dare blame yourself." I retorted hotly.

But he merely shook his head and left. The newcomers came over to me. Sean sat on my bed, his familiar scent enveloping me. I leaned into his embrace, closing my eyes and pretending I couldn't feel the niggling sense of doubt within me.

"I was so worried about you." Sean murmured in my ear. "Are you alright?"

I looked down. "I'm a little scratched up, but I'm alive."

"You're still beautiful to me." Sean said huskily, kissing each scar. I blushed hotly, glancing in embarrassment at his aunt and cousin. "Sean," I muttered, mortified.

"Before we let you two make out, we wanted to check in and see how you're doing." Mara said. "We haven't managed to catch Greyback yet."

"And tomorrow's the full moon." I said dully. "What if he attacks someone else?"

"I don't think he'll try anything that foolish for awhile." Professor Smith said ominously. "You see, I've put a hex on him. I did manage to corner him just after I arrived at the castle, when you were taken away to the hospital. He put up a good fight, but he'll be in a lot of pain for a few months to come."

"What did you do to him?" I asked curiously.

"You don't want to know." Sean said, shuddering.

"She castrated him." Mara said bluntly. "With a pretty good Severing Charm. No pain medication or anything. The good news is that he'll never be able to reproduce. And maybe he'll calm down a bit now that he's got no more-"

"Thank you, Mara," her mother said firmly. "That will do."

Mara winked at me. I looked away, unable to shake the nightmare of her as a vampire, biting into me.

"Do you want to talk to her?" Sean asked quietly, looking at his aunt. I could feel the tension and unspoken thoughts rolling off of him in waves.

"I do, but I think you and I should talk first." I said bracingly. Mara ooooohed. Her mother cleared her throat loudly and gave her daughter a pointed look. "We'll go down to the cafeteria and have a spot of lunch. I'll be back in thirty minutes."

"Thanks for coming, Mara," I told my former teacher. "You aren't going to teach at Hogwarts next year, are you?"

"I can't." she said sadly. "I took a year off of Quidditch to teach, but if I do it again, I'll lose my spot on the Montrose Magpies. They offered me Captaincy if I came back."

"Congratulations." I told her honestly. "That's really neat."

"Oh, wait a minute," she said, frowning. She handed me the five tickets she'd given me last summer for my birthday. "Make sure you use these when you're feeling up to it. You need something fun after all you've been through."

"Thanks." I said. I watched her and her mother leave the room. Now, Sean and I were alone, and I didn't know what to say to him. I was more aware of my scars than ever, and I looked away, unable to speak, unable to look at him.

"Amber…" Sean began, his voice thick.

"My parents said you haven't been here to see me very often." I said softly. Tears pricked at my eyes. "Why?"

Sean didn't try to dispute this information. "I can't tell you."

I lifted my chin a notch, hurt, defiant. "Why not? Because you were too busy? Am I not worth your time?"

"Amber, I really can't." Sean said, his gray eyes pleading. "Mara and I are both in very deep as spies, and I'm magically bound not to speak."

I gaped at him. "Spies? Both of you?"

Sean glanced around the room nervously. "Keep your voice down, will you?"

"But I thought you were playing for the Falcons."
He gave a wry smile. "I'm on indefinite leave. I had to put my notice in right before you were attacked." His face paled. New lines were etched into them, lines that had not been there the last time I'd seen him in December. I leaned against him for comfort, feeling little. "I missed you so much. I never thought I'd get to…"

"Get to what?" Sean asked gently. I looked away, ashamed.

"Nothing. Never mind." I said, my voice tight. I couldn't look at him. I noticed more scars and bandages running up my arms and wanted to hide underneath the blanket.

"What?" Sean asked again, touching my back. My skin warmed at his touch.

"Nothing, Sean. Drop it." I said testily, staring at the wall. There was a picture of an old and heavily wrinkled wizard, along with the name, Elliot Bean, underneath. From the looks of him, he had once been a significant healer on the first floor wards.

"Look at me." Sean said. When I didn't, he tipped my chin up, his gray eyes searching mine. I could feel the heat pouring into my face at his intimate scrutiny. "What's the matter?"

Tears filled my eyes again. "I'm ugly." I whispered. "I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to-"

Sean pressed his lips against mine. The pressure was so startlingly warm, so electrifying, that for a moment I was stunned. When he pulled back, I could only stare at him. He gave a slow smile and I could feel warmth exploding within me.

"You are beautiful." Sean murmured, leaning in again. He kissed me a second time, his nose brushing against my cheek. He retreated, his eyes glowing triumphantly. I could only stare at him, my heart pounding so hard I was surprised he couldn't hear it.

All of my questions of Why couldn't you make time for me? And where were you? went out the window. I forgot about my scars and about the fact that I loved Remus, too. All I knew was that Sean made me feel new sensations, wonderful things that I had never experienced before.

"What are you thinking?" he asked playfully, tugging on a lock of my hair.

"Can we do that again?" I asked frankly, blushing at my own daring. Grinning, Sean leaned in for a third kiss. To my intensely surprised delight, he parted my lips with his tongue, slipping inside and holding me closer. In spite of my injuries and insecurities, I melted against him, my breathing coming out in little puffs.

Before things could go any farther, the door banged open. I jerked back, my face on fire, as Lily stood in the open doorway, her face white and tense.

"Lily!" I objected, wanting to die. "Do you mind? The door was shut! Have you ever heard of this thing called 'privacy'?"

"I'm sorry, Amber, but something terrible has happened!" Lily exclaimed, rushing into the room.

"What?" Sean asked sarcastically. "Did Remus jump off the hospital roof?"

"Not yet." Lily panted. "He's still on the ledge."