"It's okay. I couldn't sleep anyway."
JJ lay awake staring at the ceiling of yet another hotel in yet another city. For some reason, her racing mind wouldn't settle down. She sighed and rolled over to stare at the other occupant of the room. Emily was on the bed across from hers, sprawled out on her stomach and her head underneath the pillow instead of on it, dead to the world. JJ smiled fondly in the dark and moved to lie on her back.
She and Emily had been on a few "official" dates, though Garcia had recently planted it in her head that they'd basically been dating since they met each other. She liked the idea that Emily had had feelings for her that long, but felt it was unrealistic. Wouldn't she have known? She turned her head to look at the sleeping brunette again. Emily was infamous for her compartmentalization skills and it admittedly took JJ quite a while to learn how to read her.
She frowned. But Emily hadn't even kissed her yet. JJ had gone to Garcia with her worries, concerned that maybe Emily had only thought she felt something for her and didn't know how to back out, but Garcia pointed out that JJ probably knew more about Emily than anyone and that was bound to freak her out. Not to mention JJ had a kid, which threw a level of commitment into the mix that a lot of people shied away from.
JJ expelled air quietly through her lips and grabbed the pillow next to her, slamming it over her head in frustration. They had to be up early, they were on an active case, and she wasn't even technically supposed to be dating Emily anyway. Just as JJ was beginning to drift off, she heard a muffled groan that certainly hadn't come from her, JJ lifted the pillow off her head and looked over at Emily who had at some point rolled onto her back and was whimpering pitifully, her head shaking back and forth.
Getting out of bed straightaway with unease, JJ crossed the short distance between them and sat on the edge of Emily's bed, smoothing her hair away from her face and making reassuring shushing noises. It seemed to work for a moment until a desperate scream tore out of Emily's throat and she bolted upright, wild-eyed and not quite awake. Her breaths came out in laboured pants and she was shivering despite the relative warmth of the room.
"Emily, I'm right here." JJ stated comfortingly, putting her hands on either side of Emily's face and forcing the other woman to look at her. Emily struggled against her grasp for a second before recognition dawned on her face.
"Jennifer?" she whispered, her voice cracked and distressed.
"It's me, I'm right here." JJ repeated. She watched as Emily's tension seemed to deflate at the acknowledgement and she dropped her gentle grip from Emily's cheeks to wrap around her back and pull the other woman toward her. It took JJ a moment to register Emily's heaving shoulders as signs of her crying because she didn't hear anything; the sobbing was so quiet, but when she did JJ did the only thing she could think of, hummed "Blackbird" while running a hand in soothing circles on Emily's back.
JJ couldn't recall ever really having seen Emily cry before. She'd seen her with tears in her eyes, she'd seen a few frustrated teardrops that fell during her physical therapy after she'd been hurt, and she'd seen her when she'd come back from crying in the bathroom on her own, but she couldn't recall a time in the nearly five years they'd known each other that she'd ever been around Emily while she was in the actual process of crying. JJ felt a conflicting tightening and swelling inside her chest at the thought. She knew Emily had night terrors sometimes, which had gotten really bad after everything with Doyle, and her heart ached for the woman, but on the other hand, she felt so privileged that Emily trusted her enough to be that vulnerable with her.
JJ noticed that Emily's shoulders had stopped shaking so she stopped humming; the only sound in the room for long minutes was Emily sniffing and the rustle of JJ's hand running over the cotton of Emily's tank top. Eventually, Emily pulled out of her embrace, wiping her wet eyes on her arm just before her expression crumpled in embarrassment. "I'm sorry I woke you." She muttered, her tone full of self-deprecation.
"It's okay," JJ assured, surprising Emily by nudging her over and climbing under the comforter next to her. "I couldn't sleep anyway." She held her arms open and watched as Emily deliberated for a moment before settling down, facing her. "I'm right here," JJ reminded her quietly, waiting for Emily's nod before adding, "I'm not going anywhere."
Emily met JJ's gaze, her pupils large in the dark. JJ held the eye contact, aware that Emily was trying to ground herself and flattered that she was using her to do it. JJ cupped Emily's jaw, running her thumb along the other woman's cheekbone. Emily sighed contentedly, finally somewhat centered and closed the short distance between them to press her lips to JJ's. The kiss was chaste but sweet and JJ's mind managed to register how soft Emily's lips were through her initial shock before their brief contact was over almost as soon as it had begun. JJ leaned over and kissed Emily's forehead, acknowledging the initial kiss for what it was; not a prelude to passion, not a declaration of romantic love, but gratitude and love between people who were more than friends.