This chapter is set after Family Dinner (chap 66) in Roots and Anchors. Steve insisted I write it down and share it with you. As before, it can be read as a stand alone, but will make a lot more sense if you read it alongside R&A.
"I think you really managed to surprise her," Greg said, chuckling as they watched Megan drive away.
Steve smiled. "I agree. Ray will be pleased to hear it."
"Isn't a car a rather expensive gift between friends?" Kathy asked, trying not to press while expressing her concern.
He nodded. "Special circumstances I'm not at liberty to disclose. But it's not a hardship for him." Steve shrugged, not trying to hide his frustration. "I wish I could explain it better."
"It's okay, Steve. We trust your judgment. You can't break a confidence for our curiosity," Kathy reassured him.
"I don't like keeping secrets, but that one isn't mine to decide. There's another one I need to tell you about, though, and I can't talk about it at the apartment given the bugs. I was thinking we could drive up to the park and sit down at a picnic table so we're not overheard."
"Okay." Kathy said, wariness in her voice. She shared a look with Greg that Steve knew communicated paragraphs.
Steve smiled grimly. "It's about the past, so there's no sense fretting over it now. Let me deal with these two ladies and we'll be on our way.
Kathy nodded and took Greg's hand while they watched Steve scold the two women who had interrupted dinner. When that unpleasant task was done, he led Megan's parents to where Megan had parked his car. All of the joy and levity from dinner was gone. He could feel the tension increasing with every step they took. But he wasn't going to have this conversation while they drove. This deserved a sit-down, face-to-face discussion where he could ensure they were alone and had a chance to ask questions. He hated having to tell them, but they needed to know.
Steve scanned the area, looking for any signs of hidden photographers or overly interested joggers. The sultry heat of the day had eased a bit and there was a pleasant breeze. He chose a picnic table in the shade, not far from the trails and parking lot and led them to it. He waited until Greg and Kathy were seated across from him, and looked down at his hands, girding himself before he met Kathy's worried eyes.
"There's no easy way to tell you this, but I recently discovered that Randy was abusing Megan up until the day she left him. It's why she broke it off."
They stared at him in shock.
"How?" Kathy finally whispered as she gripped Greg's hand more tightly.
"I don't know all the details. She won't talk about it. I only figured it out when I was cuddling with her and accidentally triggered a flashback. She broke my nose, bruised my ribs, and armed herself with kitchen knives before I could pull her back to the present. That's when I figured out he'd raped her. She left him the next day. But things started making more sense after that. He was verbally and emotionally abusing her, too, and she didn't even realize it. Randy made a huge mistake raping her if he thought it was going to break her. He crossed a line even she couldn't explain away as part of the stress of graduate school. Even so, the damage he did runs deep."
"It's a lot to take in," Greg finally said. "I wish we'd realized. Surely we could have found a way to help her get out before it got as bad as it did."
Steve nodded, recognizing the sentiment. "I'm probably the last person to tell you not to beat yourself up over it. Bucky always said I took personal responsibility for the sun coming up in the morning. Can't say he was far off the mark." He smiled slightly at the memory. "It happened. It's done. What matters now is helping her deal with it. She refuses to talk about it. I didn't give her much of a choice about informing you, but she made it clear she doesn't want to discuss it with anyone."
"It explains so much," Kathy whispered, obviously seeing past events in new light.
"I'm sure it does. I've noticed her self-confidence isn't anywhere near what it should be for a woman as smart, strong, and accomplished as she is. Randy got inside her head and dismantled her piece by piece. It's going to take time for her to trust herself again, much less anyone else."
"I suppose it's too late for her to file charges. It would amount to her word against his," Kathy mused.
"Do you really want to put your daughter through a criminal trial?" Steve replied. "I've read up on how rape is handled these days, and it seems to me that the victims end up on trial, too. Fortunately, we have other options. Clint and Natasha are looking into Randy to see if he had anything to do with the knife attack back in May. Natasha… her upbringing was brutal, based on what I know, and I don't even know a tenth of it. She's taken Megan under her wing, far beyond just helping me teach Megan how to defend herself. If anyone can help Megan come to terms with what happened, it's Natasha. She's survived far worse herself."
Steve took a deep breath and continued, "Natasha told Megan to put him out of her mind because he's not worth thinking about. I don't dare look into it, because it would be far too easy to kill him if I ever met him. I trust Natasha to see that justice is served and I'm not going to ask for details. She'll do it on her own timetable, in her own way."
"Do you really think Natasha can help? She's not a counselor."
Steve nodded at Kathy. "Megan isn't ready to talk to anyone yet. She's just now realizing how much damage Randy did. At least with Natasha, she's with someone who understands being used against your will and how that sort of manipulation can mess you up. In time, I think Megan will be more receptive to getting traditional therapy. Whether or not it will help, I can't say." He shrugged, unwilling to delve into his own issues with the suggestion of seeking out counseling. "Right now, I'm focused on helping her find her triggers and desensitizing her to them. Panic attacks and flashbacks aren't much fun and if we can prevent them in the first place, she'll heal faster. Clint's working with her in the firing range so she's competent with a handgun. Natasha and I are teaching her hand-to-hand combat techniques. I imagine Natasha's also teaching her how to assess a target and plan different escapes."
"She said today she was wearing a bulletproof vest," Greg said quietly. "And that she was armed."
Steve nodded again. "I insisted. Being associated with me brings some inherent risks, unfortunately. I don't want her to lose her sense of independence, but we have to be practical, too. After we're married, maybe sooner, she'll have a security team around the clock. Tony and Pepper are going to help us screen candidates in the next few weeks." Steve smiled shyly. "Neither Megan nor I grew up in circles where security teams were standard. We're still trying to figure out how it all works. Even then, it's no guarantee she'll be safe, but she won't have to look over her shoulder every minute she's out in public. And if the worst happens and someone tries to take her, she'll have a fighting chance at getting away unharmed. I want her to feel safe, not smothered. I'm sure we'll get the balance wrong at times, but we'll figure it out together."
Kathy reached out and covered Steve's hands with hers. "I'm so very glad you found each other."
"Me, too," he said, looking down at their hands. "I'm more grateful than you can know that she's willing to take me on given the baggage I bring with me. Life with me isn't going to be easy and I can't change that without giving up part of who I am."
"You can't do that, Steve, not even for her," Greg said, sympathy clear in his eyes.
"I know. I wouldn't mind quitting S.H.I.E.L.D. if she asked. But I know there are times when the Avengers are going to be needed again." He looked down again. "I couldn't live with myself if someone was hurt or killed because I wasn't there with them. I don't mean to brag, but I'm good at what I do. The team needs me. Maybe I'll get to the point where I'm ready to give it up and retire the shield, but I'm not there yet."
"You can't retire for anyone else but yourself, Steve. And even if you did, you'll still be famous and still have enemies," Kathy chided. "And you'd still have to figure out how you want to fill the hours of your life. With everything you've had to adjust to, being Captain America has been a familiar constant. Now isn't the time to give that up. You're not ready."
"I know."
"It's not bragging to recognize your own talents and skills." Greg added. "Those alien worm ship things were scary enough to see on television. The death toll would have been a lot higher of the lot of you hadn't been there to stop them. From what I understand, the team made you the leader from the get-go."
Steve nodded, still staring at Kathy's hands holding his own. "Which is strange, given how Thor's over a thousand years old and an established warrior and leader."
"Maybe you're the better tactician and he knows it," Greg suggested. "If so, give him credit for his wisdom in recognizing that and stepping aside so you can lead as you do so well."
Steve nodded absently and looked around idly at the park. "Most days, I just keep trying to figure out how I ended up here. I never expected to live long enough to get married, much less find a gal who thought I was worth her time. Megan means everything to me and I can't stand to see her hurting like she is. It's been so hard adjusting to everyone I knew being gone, but she's made it easier. I don't wake up each morning dreading the day." He took a deep breath, them remembered something. "She once said that Bucky was my anchor and that I was lost without him. Somehow, Megan became an anchor for me, too. I love her so much, yet half the time she doesn't trust that I mean it."
"I think that's due to the damage Randy did, not anything you've done, Steve." Kathy said gently, kindly ignoring the tears he felt pooling in his eyes.
It felt so good to have Kathy and Greg listen to him like this, it was all he could do not to completely break down right there.
"I think the only answer to that is time and patience, and you've already proven you have the latter and the determination to give her the former." Kathy reached up and brushed the hair from his eyes, just like his mother used to do. "I once thought a long engagement was a good idea, but now I think moving the date up the right thing to do. It will help her believe at a visceral level that you're sticking around."
"The only reason I'd leave is because she asked me to. And even then, I'd do so under protest. I don't know how I'd survive losing her."
"I don't think you have to worry about that. Despite her wounds, she loves you, too. Greg and I both see it. She's happy these days, despite everything. You're good for each other and you both know it. You'll find your way through this."
"I'm glad you told us," Greg said softly. "Even if she doesn't want to talk about it, it's good for her to know she doesn't have to hide the truth. She's tough and smart. She managed to get herself out of a bad situation all by herself. I wish we'd have been able to help her sooner, but what matters is that she got out before it got even worse. We'll respect her request for silence for the time being, but let her know we're proud of her."
"And tell her that if she ever does want to talk, we're happy to listen. We're don't think less of her because of what Randy did." Kathy snorted a bit, then continued, "We need a rotten nickname for him. He doesn't deserve to be called by his given name.
"I'll tell her. She's taken to calling him the Ratbastard," Steve confessed, inwardly wincing that he was using such rough language around Megan's parents.
"Ratbastard, hmm? I rather like the sound of that. How about you, Greg?"
"It's more polite than some of the names I was thinking of. We can always call him R.B. when we have to watch our language around Keith and Christopher."
"Ratbastard it is, then," Kathy said, smiling for the first time since they'd arrived at the park. "It's better than he deserves, but just rotten enough to be satisfying. Give Natasha and Clint our thanks as well, for ensuring the Ratbastard gets what's coming to him."
"I'll do that."
Kathy nodded and stood up. "Now let's lose the dour mood and stop at a bakery on the way home. I'm in the mood to gorge on a decadent pastry of some sort."
"Chocolate fixes everything?" Steve teased as he and Greg stood up, too.
"You'd better believe it, especially when combined with a hot bath and a good night's sleep. Even in the worst case scenario, the complete set ensures you can cope with what you're facing if it truly can't be fixed."
"I can't argue with that," Steve said, pulling her into a hug.
"And you shouldn't even try. We mothers know a few things."
"Replace the chocolate with salty crunchy junk food and I'll agree with you."
"Your failure to appreciate chocolate is one of your few shortcomings, Greg, but one I overlook. Okay, just for you, I'll concede that chocolate may be replaced by the comfort food of choice for those of you with that particular flaw," Kathy said, standing with her hands on her hips as she studied Greg.
"You're as generous as always," Greg teased before kissing her.
Steve just smiled and imagined his own parents bantering with each other in a tiny Brooklyn apartment a lifetime ago. Watching Greg and Kathy gave him happy glimpses of the relationship his parents might have had before Joseph went to war. Rather than making him sad, it somehow made his own parents seem closer. He could almost feel them watching over him now, proudly observing as he and Megan planned their own life together. Kathy and Greg were slowly filling a painful void that he'd managed to nearly forget about until Megan's parents had found a way to ease the hurt. It felt good to be a part of a family again.