Chapter 14: The Mad Idea
It was a peaceful morning at BLU base. In Scientist's lab, in an open bird cage, was a peacefully sleeping parakeet with white feathers and a grey patch of feathers over her left eye. This was Snowy, Scientist's little bird that followed him from the Brazil Mission. The sound of cooing woke Snowy, turning it's head to see Archimedes, Medic's dove. The both acknowledged each other, knowing that each was smart enough to know what their masters could do. Suddenly, a loud explosion happened, filling the lab with smoke. Coughing was heard, which was the bird's cue to leave through the open door. Outside the lab, Scientist and Medic were coughing from the smoke from their latest failure.
Scientist: Well *cough* that didn't work.
Medic: Yes… I told you to connect the vires!
Scientist: I did connect the wires! It's not all my fault! It's your fault too for not mixing up the DNA samples correctly!
Medic: Dummkopf! I did not mix zhe samples!
Snowy and Archimedes landed on their owner's shoulders, stopping them from arguing any further. Archimedes cooed at Medic, followed by him petting his bird.
Medic: Bah… Ve've been at zhis idea of yours for veeks. Zis is getting fruitless.
Scientist: We're close though, I can feel it.
Medic: Yes, I can feel it too, but zhe machine keeps exploding or breaking. Ve have no idea vhy zhat is.
Scientist: I've checked that thing once too many times. I'm stumped. I'm no engineer.
Medic: Vell… I zhink I know someone who could help.
Scientist: Oh boy….
*5 minutes later*
Engineer: So, let me get this straight, boys. Ya want me ta look at yer project and fix anything in it?
Both Scientist and Medic were in Engie's workshop to ask him to look over their machine. Engie's workshop was like a carpenter's shop mixed with an engineering lab. Various machines and equipment were strewn about, with a large pile of scrap and parts in one corner and a bookcase, workbench, and drawing table against the wall.
Scientist: Yeah, that's about the size of it.
Engineer: What is this project of yers anyways?
Medic: That… is classified until the machine vorks.
Engineer: And why should I help y'all?
Scientist: Um... the beauty of science?
Engineer thought on the prospect of what to do. The longer he thought, the more uncomfortable Scientist and Medic got by his silence.
Engineer: Well… I'll help y'all, but if this thing causes some kind of cataclysm, I'll make sure both of ya get a fresh grave dug before ya die.
Engineer got up from his workbench and walked out of the workshop towards Scientist's lab. The other two were left in the workshop, happy Engie agreed to help them.
Scientist: That went better than I thought.
Medic: He vasn't joking on zat threat. Vhen zhe Expiration Date incident happened, Soldier teleported bread for three days, creating a gigantic monster. Engineer sent him to my clinic with broken arms and a bleeding spleen for sending us through the fight with zat monster and almost killing us permanetly.
Scientist gulped at the thought of an angry Engineer causing him to be sent to Medic. The two doctors decided to follow Engie towards the Lab, that a little slowly over the threat.
Scientist: ...and you're sure that you can fix this project?
Engineer: More sure than butter on toast, big brain. I fix the respawn all the time. Almost…. there ya go, fellas.
Engie put the final touches on the various gears and wires before closing the hatch and joining Scientist and Medic behind a glass shield with a command counsel. The project consisted of a circular machine with lots of tubes and wires on the top, with a large glass cylinder attached to it and going down to a platform.
Scientist: Ready guys?
Engineer: I'm ready.
Medic: Ready!
Scientist proceeded to press a series of buttons and pull a series of levers. Medic and Engie looked onward at the machine, which was pumping a weird, thick purple goo into the cylinder. Scientist pulled out a tuft of hair from his coat pocket and put it in a little compartment. The counsel scanned the hair and relayed it the the machine, where it started to make lots of loud and quite disturbing noises. Engineer looked at the machine with fascination, curious on what this machine did. Medic closed his eyes and covered them, worried it might explode again. It looked like something was being formed inside the goo. After a while, a green light on the counsel lit up, causing the goo to be drained out of the tube. What was left once the goo was drained was… a lone rat.
Engineer: Wow… a rat.
Scientist went up to the rat and caught it. He took a tuft of hair from the rat, walked back to the counsel and put it in the compartment. It scanned the hair and put the results onto a screen.
Scientist: DNA samples are… 100% similar.
Medic: Mein Gott, es hat geklappt!
Medic and Scientist cheered at the success of the project, having Engie look at them oddly, since he still didn't know what this machine did.
Engineer: Um… You fellas mind tellin' me what this machine is now?
Scientist: Hehehe, a cloning machine!
Administrator: Why must I implement your cloning machine into the company, Dr. Atomick?
Scientist and Medic were in a meeting with the Administrator on implementing the cloning machine into the teams so that swaps and exchanges could stop, with a balance on both sides.
Scientist: Well, both sides can have an equal amount of members, which means more battle time and equal skill. Also, this came out of Medic and I's paychecks, so no funding was needed by the company.
Administrator: And are you sure this is safe to use?
Medic: Ja, completely safe.
Just as Medic said this, the phone rang on the Administrator's desk, reaching over to pick it up.
Administrator: Speak…. It's for you.
The Administrator handed the landline to Scientist, who was confused on who it was.
Scientist: Yellow?
Engineer: Doc! We got a problem with yer cloning machine! Get yer asses over and help!
Scientist: What?! We're on our way!
Scientist put the phone down and looked to the Administrator.
Scientist: Sorry, ma'am! We have to go! Come on, Medic!
The two mercs ran out of the office, leaving the Administrator pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance.
Scientist: Excuse me, say that again.
Engineer: Well, Soldier came to your lab and wanted to talk to ya about communism or somthin'. I said you weren't here but ta wait in there with me as I examined the machine. As I was looking it over, Soldier decided ta mess with the counsel and made a mutated humanoid rat.
Soldier: I thought it was an anti communist machine.
Engineer: I told ya it was a cloning machine and not to touch it!
Scientist: Where's Pyro and Heavy?
Engineer: I'd assume they're inside fighting the varmint.
Scientist: *Sigh* Alright! Does anyone have any ideas on how to stop this thing?!
Medic: I could inject un tranquilizer into it. Zhat should halt it so ve can capture it.
Scientist: How powerful are those?
Medic: Enough to knock out an elephant. I use zhem on Soldier if he gets too out of hand.
Soldier: Yeah… wait, what?
Engineer: Not now. We need ta get that critter under control before it wrecks half the base.
Scientist: Right! Let's get in there!
Heavy: You think you can beat me!?
Heavy and Pyro were currently in a fight to the death against the mutant rat in the now broken rec room. It was a bipedal, muscular rat, with brown fur and other rat features. Heavy had the rat in a headlock as it thrashed around with Pyro punching it to tire it out.
Pyro: Smmph bmmoy rampht! (Stupid bunny rabbit!)
Heavy: Little rodent is strong, but Heavy stronger.
Heavy pushed the rat against the wall and prepared knock it out. The rat, however, bit Heavy's arm and pushed him against the wall. Pyro jumped on the back of the rat and started hitting it in the head. Then, the rat grabbed Pyro and threw her across the room, hitting the wall next to the door. Just as Pyro hit the wall, the others had walked in to see the carnage.
Scientist: Pyro!
Engineer: Heavy, Soldier, Hold down the rat!
Heavy weakly got up from the floor (from the bite mark on his arm) and charged at the rat with Soldier. The two rammed into the rat and knocked it to the ground, proceeding to hold down its arms and body. Medic ran up to the thrashing rat, sticking the needle into the rat's back. After a few minutes, the rat grew weak, then fell asleep.
Heavy: It...is done.
Soldier: Haha! Take that you communist rodent!
Medic: Schweinehund.
Engineer: What my question is, how was this thing mutated in the first place?
Scientist came over to the group, holding Pyro's arm over his shoulder so she could walk.
Scientist: Let's head down to my Lab. I've got a feeling a certain someone did one too many things down there.
Scientist and Engie were currently examining the counsel for the cloning machine as the others, excluding Medic, sat down and watched. After a few minutes, the two came up to the group with a veil with a clear substance in it.
Heavy: What is in veil?
Scientist: Great question, my large friend. You see this veil contains a saliva sample that was found in the DNA transfer and scanner compartment. That saliva sample was scanned when we found it, which in turn has the DNA of a certain psychotic marine!
Everyone turned to look at Soldier, who was in the middle of picking his nose. He looked at everyone before speaking up.
Soldier: What!? I thought it was a spittoon!
Engineer: Why would you install a spittoon into an advanced machine?!
Soldier: Well I don't know! I'm a fighter, not an egghead, like you maggots!
Pyro: Mmmmphfmmpr!
As the exchange ended, Medic walked into the Lab with a surprised look on his face.
Medic: Herr Doctor, I have news.
Scientist: What is it, Doc?
Medic: The Administrator has agreed to the clone idea. She said to start as soon as possible and to not cause any mutants to be created. Also to make them exact in skill.
Scientist was taken aback by this. His work was usually tossed aside or ignored. The voices told him to go for it and create something new, even if it meant creating a mutant. Excitedly, Scientist pushed everyone out of his Lab and set to work on the Team Fortress clones, without any mutants of course, against the voices' judgement.