-Chapter 8-

Mario's Princess is in Another Castle

Dark Land

In Bowser's Castle, Princess Peach ran down the hall as fast as she could. She had abandoned stealth beyond what was necessary, for time was of the essence.

"I have to hurry!" she whispered as she hustled, if only to keep herself calm, "Mario's on his way here and he's in danger! He needs–!"

"When you mail a letter, you can send it anywhere/ On foot, by truck, by aero-plane, the postman gets it there."

"Someone's coming! I need to hide!" Peach frantically looked for somewhere to hide and saw a red door with golden lining, "There!" She ran over, opened it up, and hid inside, not even bothering to notice the word "MAIL" engraved on the plaque, or the letter hole underneath it.

"So write a letter to a friend. / Maybe she'll write you./ No matter what you always know,/ The mail must go through."

As soon as she was gone, a cyan-shelled Koopa rounded the corner, pushing a mail cart full of packages and letters. He wore a flight helmet and brown shoes, as well as a pair of aviator goggles; which were currently resting on his forehead. However, there were two things about this Koopa that stood out. First, he had a pair of wings on his shell, allowing him to hover above the ground. And second, he looked very tired and depressed, despite the cheerful tone of his singing.

"Well the mail must go through./ The mail must go through./ No matter if it rains or snows,/ The mail must go through./ I said, the mail–AGH!"

He fell over, groaning. "Son of a…"

"You should be more careful, Parakarry," The newly identified Parakarry looked up to see a group of Koopatrols smirking down at him.

"This castle's old and the brickwork's messy," the leader went on. "Real easy to fall and break your face."

"You know darn well I can't trip, Zalamandr," Parakarry snapped tiredly, and with a little bit of venom, only to yelp in pain as Zalamandr grabbed his wings.

"That's Captain Zalamandr to you, paperboy." Zalamandr spat.

"Owowowowowowowowow!" Parakarry yelped. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, Captain!"

Zalamandr pulled harder. "I-I'm sorry, Captain Zalamandr, sir!"

"That's more like it," Zalamandr released his wings. "Now, His Gnarliness is holding a big, important meeting in a few minutes. Clean up this mess and pass it on, then get back to your rounds."

"Uhhh… what mess?" Parakarry asked, only to yelp as Zalamandr tipped over his mailcart, spilling the contents everywhere. He just sighed. "...Well, I did ask."

"Told you to watch where you're going, paperboy!" Zalamandr cackled as he and his men headed off. Parakarry knelt down, beginning to clean up the spilled letters and packages.

"I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life…" he grumbled to himself. As he mindlessly picked up letters, he felt something large greet his hand. Slowly, he turned, and saw that he was holding a wheel from his cart, which had broken off.

"Oh come on!" he shouted, "Now I gotta get a new one."

He flew off to the mail room door, grumbling and grousing as he did, "Join the Koopa Troop, they said! We got great dental and every Thursday is donut day! I'll tell them where they can dunk their donuts. They can dunk'em…Huh?"

Parakarry stood there, tired eyes blinking absently as he stared down a fearful Princess Peach.

"Uhhh…" the princess uttered, trying to think of an explanation.

"P-P-Princess Toadstool?" Parakarry sputtered, "What the heck are you–?"

"Hey you!"

Parakarry froze as he looked over his shoulder and saw a pair of Koopatrols approaching him.

"Yes, sirs?" Parakarry asked.

"We've been getting reports of weird footsteps being heard all around the castle," one of the Koopatrols explained, "You see or hear anything fishy?"

"Huh?!" Parakarry perked. "M-Me?!"

"You see anyone else here, paperboy!?" the second demanded.

After a brief moment of debate with himself, Parakarry shrugged. "Nope, nothing. Sorry. How can I see or hear anyone if I'm the only one here?"

"He's got a point, Phil," the second Koopatrol said.

"Yeah? So does my knee!" Phil promptly kneed Parakarry in the gut, "If you do see or hear anything, report it to Lord Bowser immediately. Got it?"

"Got it," Parakarry nodded.

"Good. C'mon, Jerry."

With that, Phil and Jerry continued onward, leaving Parakarry lying on the floor, clutching his gut. Once they were out of earshot, Parakarry headed over to the door, knocking on it.

"Psst!" he hissed. "Coast is clear. You can come out now."

"Thank you…" Peach said, still not believing what had just happened. Then, she noticed Parakarry clutching his stomach, noticing a shallow crack on his plastron, "Oh my! You're hurt!"

"What, this?" the Koopa shook his hand, "It's nothing, I've had worse."

At that, Peach walked over to Parakarry and placed her hands on him.

"Here, this will help." She closed her eyes and focused, her hands glowing with Heart Power. Parakarry suddenly felt a soothing warmth over his stomach. The warmth persisted for a few seconds, after which, Peach removed her hands from him.

"There, how does that feel?"

"Wow…I feel great! That was–" Parakarry shook his head in disbelief as he noticed that not only had the pain gone away, but his plastron was completely unscratched, "Sweet Mamar! My shell's all better!" He looked at the princess who had just healed him, "You…helped me. Why?"

"I believe I should be asking you that," Peach said, "Not to sound ungrateful."

"Eh, it's alright. I just felt like messing with my superiors. Thought it'd be fun for Lord Bowser to get mad at them for a change."

Peach tilted her head quizzically. "You don't like working for Bowser?"

Parakarry let out a humorless chuckle. "To put it bluntly, it sucks. Damn shame I didn't read the fine print before signing up for the Koopa Troop."

"Well, thank you very much for that."

"No problem," Parakarry sighed. "Well, I better get going. Got a lot of mail to get out."

As he got back to picking up the spilled mail, Peach looked at the Koopa, seeing how miserable he looked. She thought for a moment before getting an idea.

"Can I ask for your help with something, Mister…?"

"Karry, your highness. Parakarry. And sure, why not? I got nothing better to do."

"I need to mail a letter to someone who could be of great help to me. He's in danger and I need to warn him, or he'll be walking right into a trap! Would it be possible for you to...?"

"That depends. Do you know their address? Or at least know their name and face?"

Peach blinked. "Huh?"

"Oh yeah, that's kind of a thing here." Parakarry tapped the goggles on his flight helmet. "Koopa Kingdom couriers have special goggles that let them find people, no matter where they are. It's how we're able to send stuff to our troops."

"Ah," Peach nodded. "Well, he's dressed in a red shirt and overalls, has a mustache, and wears a hat with an M on it. His name is Mario."

"Overalls, red shirt, Mario… Yeah, I think I can do that. Anything to get out of the castle for a few hours."

"Oh, thank you!" Peach smiled as she hugged Parakarry. "Thank you so much!"

Parakarry smiled as the princess embraced him. This was literally the nicest anyone had ever treated him in a long time. It felt…good. It made him want to do something nice himself.

"Hey, if this 'great help' of yours is walking into trouble, I might know a way to help him more,"

"You do?"

Parakarry nodded. "Over there," he said as he pointed to the pile of mail, "Black box with the red label."

Peach hurried over to the pile and began sifting through it. After a few seconds, she discovered a box that matched Parakarry's description. Curious, she opened it up, causing a bright golden light to shine from it.

"My word…" Peach breathed in disbelief, "This is perfect!"

-X-

Some time later, she had written out the letter and passed it on to Parakarry.

"Okay, so you said he should be somewhere around Plack Beach or Dimble Wood?" Parakarry asked.

Peach nodded. "According to what I overheard from the Magikoopas, yes."

"Hmmm… searching that place could take a while." he grinned. "I'll do it!"

"Hold on!" Peach said, stopping him, "Listen, I…I heard everything out there. And I want you to know that, if we get out of this, I promise I'll make it up to you."

Parakarry looked at Peach one last time. Someone was actually concerned about him. He bit his tongue to make sure he wasn't dreaming, and smiled as he realized he wasn't.

"I'll…I'll hold you to it." He made his way to a nearby window, opening it up before leaping out with a cheer.

Peach watched him fly away, looking a bit worried. Parakarry was far too enthusiastic, and far too nonchalant for someone being asked to commit treason.

"I never considered this before…" she said to herself. "Bowser must treat his own minions as badly as he does the rest of the world." She shook her head. "I can worry about that later though. Right now, I need to get back to my room."

"That won't be necessary."

Peach froze. Suddenly, Zalamandr grabbed her by the shoulder, slamming her into the floor.

"Hello, Princess."

"Y-You..." Peach stammered.

"Yes, me. Now, what do you think you're doing out of your room? Don't you know how dangerous that is? You're smack dab in the middle of enemy territory." He leaned in closer. "Who knows what kind of weirdos and wackadoos are snooping around? If you're not careful..." He drew a gauntlet blade. "You could lose a life."

The blood drained from Peach's face as he brandished it menacingly.

"Hey, hey, HEY!"

Zalamandr stiffened, immediately backing off and standing at attention as Bowser lumbered into the hall.

"L-Lord Bowser!"

"Don't you know how to treat a lady, Zalamandr?!" Bowser snapped.

"But, she escaped and-!"

Bowser lifted Zalamandr up by the neck. "I don't give a Boo's butt about that! Princess Peach is not to be harmed while she's in this castle! You touch one hair on her head, you answer to me! Got it?!"

"...Yessir."

"Good," Bowser dropped him. "Now scram."

Zalamandr obediently ran off.

"How Basil's friends with that guy, I'll never know," he turned to Peach. "So, you've been wandering around my castle, outside your room. Remind me to fire the guards." He grabbed Peach by the arm, dragging her along gently but firmly. "Well, since you don't wanna be my guest, I guess we're going the prisoner route."

Plack Beach

Back on the Marine Pop, the Mario Bros. and Toad were still fast asleep.

"Spaghetti…" Mario mumbled. "Ravioli… mama mia…"

"Wake up!" came E. Gadd's voice. "Wake up, everyone! Hurry!"

"Huh!?" everyone stumbled out of their seats.

"What the heck!?" Mario exclaimed.

"Ahhh, there you are!" E. Gadd greeted. "Don't just lie there on the floor, everybody! Get up, quickly!"

"What is it?!" Mario demanded.

"Are we at the castle?" Luigi asked.

"Are we under attack?!" Toad exclaimed.

"More important than that!" Everyone turned to see E. Gadd putting on a pair of oven mitts and heading over to an oven. "It's time for lunch."

Everyone promptly fell to the floor.

"Seriously, Professor?!" Plum demanded.

"You woke us up for that?!" Toad shouted.

"Oh hush, you!" E. Gadd snapped. "Making sure to properly nourish your bodies is just as important as fighting off evil, Koopa minions.

A ding sounded. "Oh goody! It's ready." He headed for the oven. "You're going to love this, it's an old, Gadd family recipe."

"Oh boy…" Plum cringed.

"What is it, Doc?" Toad asked.

"Pickled dandelions with barnacles in a diesel marinade!" E. Gadd held out the plate. Sure enough, it was a plate of what appeared to be flower stems and boiled, disc-shaped sea creatures, smothered in a greenish-black sauce with "dandelion fluffs" as a garnish. At the mere sight of the dish, Toad's face fell. Luigi gagged and turned as green as his hat, a hand going to his mouth to keep from barfing.

"Well, go on. Try some!"

"No thanks, Professor," Plum said. "I'm good."

"Oh, fine. Mario?"

Mario shrugged. "Eh, I'll try anything once."

"If it kills you, can I have your Nintendo 64?" Luigi asked.

Mario gave his brother a dirty look before picking up the fork and trying a bite. He chewed before swallowing.

"Interesting aftertaste." he mused.

"That's the diesel. It gives the barnacles a nice, smoky flavor." E. Gadd happily took a bite himself, sighing in rapture.

"It's not that bad, to be honest," Mario remarked. "I've had worse."

"Of course you can stand it, considering what else you can stomach." Luigi deadpanned.

Toad winced. "I'm afraid to ask."

"Mario's always had the weirdest taste in food. Let's see…" Luigi counted on his fingers. "There's peppermint pizza, mushroom and jelly sandwiches, pepperoni cheesecake... and that one time he topped his Italian ice with pickles."

Gadd shrugged. "Seems perfectly normal to me."

Before they could go on, they heard an approaching scream before a loud thud sounded behind them.

"Ow…" a new voice came.

Everyone spun around to see Parakarry pulling himself up, rubbing his head and wincing.

"Rough landing... I gotta work on that."

"It's a Koopa!" Toad exclaimed.

"It's a Parakoopa!" Plum amended.

"It's one of Bowser's turtle guys!" said Luigi.

"Battle stations!" E. Gadd ordered.

As they prepared to attack, Parakarry perked, frantically waving his hands.

"No, wait! I come in peace! I'm just the paperboy! Er, the messenger! A messenger!" Parakarry began digging through his bag. "I have a message for a...which one of you is Mario?"

Mario slowly stepped forward. "That's-a me."

"Ah, good. I have a letter for you from Princess Toadstool."

Mario perked. "She's okay?"

"Last I checked, yeah. Ah, here we go."

Mario took the letter, opening it and looking it over.

"Dear Mario, with any luck, this letter should have reached you. I don't have much time, so I'll make this brief. Bowser has prepared a trap for you at his castle. Something he refers to as 'Operation Fakeout'. I don't know what exactly it is, but given his confidence and his Magikoopas' fear when he brought it up, it's likely something dangerous. As such, I have enclosed in this letter a treasure which helps protect you. Use it well. Yours truly, Princess Peach Toadstool."

Mario pulled out Peach's brooch.

"The Princess' brooch!" Toad exclaimed.

"She said it's a protective treasure," Mario mused. "Is it a magic jewel or something?"

"Indeed," E. Gadd confirmed. "She uses it as a focus for her Heart Power."

"But how's that gonna help us?" Luigi asked.

"Heck if I know," Parakarry replied. "She just told me to take it to you guys."

"If you got this letter from Peach, then you work for Bowser," Mario said to Parakarry. "Why help us?"

Parakarry sighed. "Because working for the Koopa Troop sucks eggs. No chance of promotion, no real days off, barely any pay... yeah, I should've read the fine print when that sleazy Kamek shoved that pen and contract in my face."

"Yeah, right," Toad scoffed. "You expect us to believe that?"

"Hey, not all Koopas are bad," Parakarry defended. "There's an entire village unaffiliated to Bowser just two miles from Toad Town, isn't there?"

"A likely story," Toad rolled his eyes.

"Okay, enough!" Mario cut in.

"But Mario…!"

"Peach trusted him, and he did come out all this way to deliver her letter and brooch, Toad. He's earned the benefit of the doubt. If you don't trust him, then trust the Princess."

Toad sighed at that. "Okay… but I don't like it."

Luigi decided to change the subject. "So Professor, how much longer 'til we get to Bowser's Castle?"

"Let's see..." E. Gadd checked his machines. "According to the Marine Pop's Locatoscopic Gaddometer, we should be within range of the castle in about… five seconds."

There was a massive crack of lightning. Luigi yelped, jumping into Mario's arms.

"We're here," E. Gadd reported.

The group looked up to see Bowser's Castle overlooking the cliff, the sky around it red and covered in dark clouds. The castle itself was a large stone castle with fiery windows, a massive stone sculpture of Bowser's head on top. Sticking out of either side of the second story were two tower-like parapets extended like arms (1).

"Behold, Bowser's Castle!" E. Gadd declared dramatically. "A fortress of wickedness. The seat of ultimate evil. A wretched hive of scum and villainy!"

Mario blinked. "He put a giant statue of his head on top of it?"

"So eeeeeeeviiiiiiill..." E. Gadd let out.

Luigi blinked, looking to see he was still in Mario's arms. He chuckled awkwardly.

"Oh... hi, Bro. I ever tell you how strong your arms are?"

Mario promptly dropped him on his butt.

"So, the Princess is in there?" Toad asked.

"Yep," Parakarry confirmed. "This is the place."

"So, how do we get inside?" Plum questioned. "Is there a back entrance or something? Go through the front gate?"

"Are you crazy!?" Parakarry demanded. "Bowser's castles are some of the most heavily guarded places in the Mushroom World. The troops at the front are tough as nails and inspect everything that goes through at least seven times. And forget about secret entrances. The Koopa Troop is so powerful, they don't need hidden escape routes. Place is sealed up tighter than a Sidestepper's shell."

"Maybe we can swim our way in with the sub?" Luigi offered.

Parakarry shook his head. "Minefield. You'd get blown to bits faster than you can say, 'It's a bomb!'."

"Well, aren't you Mr. Positive?" Toad deadpanned.

"Just being realistic."

Mario tapped his chin in thought. "Well, if we can't go through the front, the back, or below… Then we'll have to get in from above."

Luigi looked at Mario like he was crazy. "Bro, does it look like we have wings? Or that this sub has an airplane mode?"

"Unfortunately, he's right," said E. Gadd. "The Sky Pop is currently unfinished."

Mario was unswayed. "We didn't come all this way for nothing. Unless anyone has a better idea, that's what we're gonna have to do."

"Well, there is one option," E. Gadd said. "Plum, be a dear and man the controls for a bit. It's time to try out the feature we did finish."

"Ohhh…" Plum looked worried as she got to work.

"Worry not, Mario," E. Gadd promised. "I can get you inside the castle in no time at all using the Marine Pop's patented People-Pulter."

Mario blinked. "People… Pulter?"

"Indeed! Plum!"

Plum pressed a few buttons. Suddenly, the deck opened up, revealing a large cannon.

"Behold, the People-Pulter!" E. Gadd declared. "Gadd Science Inc.'s latest advancement in the field of boarding enemy vessels and buildings!"

"Ooh!" Toad exclaimed. "A harpoon and rope gun! We can use that to climb into the castle and break in swashbuckler style!"

Gadd blinked. "Harpoon? Rope? The People-Pulter doesn't pult those."

They stopped and blinked.

"It doesn't?" Luigi asked.

"Of course not! The People-Pulter pults people."

"What?!"

Gadd pressed a button, causing several mechanical hands with cartoony gloves to grab Mario, Luigi, Parakarry, and Toad.

"You... you're gonna shoot us out of a cannon?!" Toad exclaimed.

"No, the People-Pulter."

"It's a cannon!"

"I invented it, sonny, so I get to name it. And I call it the People-Pulter, so…" E. Gadd stuck out his tongue. "Nyah. Now..." He sat in the People-Pulter's chair. "Preparing pulting procedure!"

Luigi, Toad, and Parakarry were unsurprisingly panicking, but Mario's expression steeled.

"Do it."

"Are you out of your mind?!" Toad shrieked.

"Calculating trajectory..."

"We are going to die!" Luigi screamed.

"Reading wind strength."

"Meh." Parakarry shrugged.

"Adjusting seat cushions!"

"All systems are in working order!" Plum reported.

"Perfect! Commencing entry in 3…2… 1..." Everyone waited with bated breath. "PULT!"

Gadd slammed his fist on a button, and with that, the People-Pulter fired, launching Mario and the others with a loud bang. Various screams rang out as they sailed through the air.

"Fare thee well, brave heroes." E. Gadd politely waved as they went flying, spinning through the air before slamming into the side of the wall. Both professor and assistant winced at the impact.

"Oooh... overshot it by just two inches," E. Gadd remarked. "They were supposed to get in through the window."

-X-

Mario and the others slowly peeled off the wall before falling. Mario managed to right himself and land on his feet like a cat, the vibration briefly traveling up his body while the other three landed painfully in a heap.

"Mama mia…" he sighed.

"Pulper-Peeper people pults people polper people popper..." Luigi muttered, dazed.

"Let's never do that again," Toad said.

Mario turned to the others, helping them up. "Is everybody okay?"

Luigi stood up carefully, stumbling. "Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing's broken." He winced. "Except my spine. And ribs. Maybe everything else. Ouch."

"Here's the mail / it never fails…" Parakarry sang, a dopey grin on his face. "It makes me wanna wag my tail..."

Toad slapped the Parakoopa across the face. "Snap out of it!"

Parakarry blinked, rubbing his cheek. "Thanks. I needed that."

They looked up, seeing the imposing castle.

"Well, getting in from above didn't work out the way I hoped," Mario noted. "We're gonna have to improvise."

"Any ideas?" Luigi asked.

Mario perked, hearing footsteps. "Someone's coming! Hide!"

They hid behind a group of rocks as a group of Koopatrols passed by.

"Koo-pa Troo-pa, doopity do," they sang. "I've got a painful lesson for you. Koo-pa Troo-pa, doopity dee / Bowser's in charge and he's super sca-ry."

"Koopatrols," Parakarry hissed. "I hate these guys."

"More guys like Basilisx." Luigi cringed.

"Them?" Parakarry shook his head. "No way. These guys are grunts."

Mario looked over the approaching Koopas, an idea forming. "Follow my lead."

They picked up some rocks off of the ground, sneaking up on the Koopatrols.

"Koo-pa Troo-pa, doopity dah. if you don't like it, that's tough for ya / Bow-ser will rule all of you too. Like the Koopa Troopa doopity-"

Their song was cut off by loud thuds as Team Mario brought the rocks down on their heads. They all went down, stars spinning around their heads and the sound of birds chirping as Mario grabbed one and dragged it behind the boulder they were hiding behind.

-X-

A few moments later, the four came out of hiding, wearing the Koopatrols' armor.

"Okay, all clear." Mario reported.

They walked toward the front gate, Luigi walking bowlegged.

"Luigi, what are you doing?" Mario questioned.

Luigi audibly winced. "I can't help it. This armor's uncomfortable. It's really chafing my... legs."

"Yeah..." Toad grumbled. "And I can't see a damn thing! This helmet's eyeholes are off center!"

"They were made for a different head," Mario pointed out. "Now shush! Act natural, or this mission's toast!"

They took up the rear behind a line of other Koopatrols, goose-stepping in sync with them as they all headed into the front gate. The minute they were inside, the doors slowly closed ominously, the Bowser head's eyes flashing red as a gruff, evil laugh sounded (2).

"Creepy..." Luigi cringed.

"Yeah…" Parakarry agreed.

As the Koopatrol line went down one hallway, Mario and the others broke off, going down the other and ducking behind a corner.

"Okay Bro," Luigi began, "We got in the castle. Now what's step two?"

"Basically, it's search the castle for any sign of Peach, punch any bad guys in the face as hard as we can, and see how it goes from there."

"Oh good," Luigi deadpanned. "For a second there, I was afraid we had a real plan."

"All while not getting killed." Mario added.

Luigi nodded. "That's a good plan. I like that plan."

"Me too." said Toad.

"Me three." Parakarry agreed.

"Alright. You… uhhh…"

"Parakarry, sir."

"Parakarry, right. You used to work here. Any idea where he might be keeping Peach?"

Parakarry crossed his arms in thought. "Well, there's the dungeon."

"He would have a dungeon," Luigi muttered. "What, no torture chamber?"

Parakarry shrugged. "Why bother? Just working for Bowser or being bricked is torture enough."

"Do you know how to get to the dungeon?"

"Yeah, I've been down there a few times."

"Then lead the way."

Parakarry nodded at that.

Meanwhile…

Kammy watched them through a crystal ball.

"Ahhh, so they've finally arrived. And it seems they decided to dress up." Kammy grimaced. "Those twits just earned two years of overtime training. Kamek! Are we all set?!"

"Yes, Kammy," Kamek assured. "Commencing Operation Fakeout."

"Yeeeeeees..." Kammy turned to her ball again. "The preparations are complete and the fools are here. Are you ready...Your Vileness?"

"Yes," came Bowser's voice.

"Wonderful!" Kammy stood up. "Come, Kamek! Lord Bowser's waiting, let's not tarry. It's time for the Mario Bros. to learn what happens to those stupid enough to defy the Koopa Troop."

Meanwhile…

Back in the castle, Mario and co. were walking through the dungeon, a massive lake of lava filled with stone structures and hanging cages.

"Holy ravioli…" Luigi gasped. "This place is…"

"Scary?" Parakarry offered.

"I was gonna say hot, but yeah. That too."

"Yeah," Parakarry agreed. "Bowser is a big fan of anything big, fiery, and full of deep pits. Especially liquid hot magma. They call this place the Lava Lair."

"Fitting," Mario remarked.

"You do something he doesn't like, he chucks you into a metal cage and dangles you over the pit. The distance makes it the perfect temperature. Hot enough to burn your skin. Cool enough to prevent permanent damage."

"Yikes," Toad winced.

"Bastardo…" Mario spat in disdain.

"Thanks."

Everyone froze at the voice, turning to see Bowser himself standing there.

"Bowser?!" Mario exclaimed.

"Tough luck, Mario!" Bowser laughed. "Looks like Peach isn't here!"

"It's a trap!" Toad whirled on Parakarry. "You set us up, didn't you?!"

"No!" Parakarry shook his head frantically. "You've gotta believe me, I didn't have anything to do with this! I swear!"

Before they could debate it further, they heard a deep inhale, seeing fire gathering in Bowser's mouth. They scrambled aside as he unleashed a torrent of flames in their direction.

"Better say your prayers, Mario!" the Koopa King declared. "It's SHOWTIME!"

Mario managed to dodge another flame torrent just in time.

"That all you got, hero?" Bowser mocked.

"Hardly! Time to fight fire…" Mario conjured a fireball. "With fire!"

He threw the fireball, hitting Bowser in the chest before pelting him with more fireballs, the Koopa recoiling in pain each time.

"What's the matter, Your Highness?" Mario taunted. "Can't take the heat?"

The fight soon escalated into a knock-down drag-out onto a bridge over the lava, Mario and Bowser trading fireballs while otherwise locked into a stalemate; Mario was too quick and nimble for Bowser to land a solid hit, while Bowser was simply too tough and thick-skinned for Mario to actually hurt.

"That all you got, Red 'Stache?!" Bowser swiped at Mario with his claws, the plumber narrowly managing to dodge them. "I can do this all day!"

Mario responded by leaping up and punching Bowser in the jaw.

"Not so high and mighty now, are you?!" he yelled before continuing to whale on him.

"Woohoo!" Toad cheered. "Go Mario, go!"

"Sock it to him, bro!" Luigi cheered.

Parakarry raised an eyebrow. "Something's wrong here."

"Eh?" Toad turned to him. "What do you mean? Mario's kicking his shell!"

"Exactly! It's too easy! I've been working for Bowser for almost four years, and he's a total beast! There's a reason he's more or less conquered the entire Mushroom Kingdom!"

"He's right…" Luigi realized. "Back in Toad Town, Mario couldn't even scratch Bowser. Something's up."

"H-He just got the drop on him." Toad justified. "I mean, the big oaf roared out in pain when Mario lobbed those fireballs at him!"

"That's the problem!" Parakarry declared. "That shouldn't have happened!"

"And why not?"

"Because Bowser uses the lava pits down here as a freakin' jacuzzi!"

"So fire shouldn't…" Luigi's eyes widened. "Mario! It's a trap! Get outta there!"

"What?!" Mario exclaimed.

Bowser grinned before pulling out a remote and pressing a button. Suddenly, there were some explosions, destroying parts of the platform and separating Mario and Bowser from the others.

"Finally, a little one-on-one."

"Trying to psyche me out?" Mario spat.

"Naw… I ain't tryin' to do nothin'."

Bowser suddenly charged at Mario, moving much faster.

"What the-?!"

Bowser slammed his fist into Mario's belly, knocking him back to the edge.

"Where's the big talk now, hero?!"

"What the...? How...How did you get so fast?"

"There's more to me than you think. Now, would you prefer to fall into the lava, or should I incinerate you myself?"

"How about you tell me where Princess Peach is and you don't fall into the lava?" Mario shot back.

"Right…" Bowser scoffed. "Who's gonna knock me in? You?"

"Only one way to find out."

Mario charged at Bowser, who rapidly breathed bursts and balls of fire at the plumber. Mario weaved and ducked over all of them as he ran. Eventually, he got close enough to him, his fist igniting before he landed a flaming punch right to his face.

"Ha!" he laughed. "Who's laughing now, lizard lips?!"

Bowser grinned before laughing, taking Mario off-guard.

"What's so funny?"

Mario's eyes widened as Bowser's body started to glow a rainbow of colors, then gradually melt away, revealing the battered form of a Koopatrol.

"You." he coughed.

"Captain Zalamandr!?" Parakarry exclaimed.

Zalamandr grinned. "That's right, paperboy!"

"How…" Mario shook his head. "What the hell is going on here?!"

"Does the term 'decoy' mean anything to you?" Zalamandr asked. "Gotta say, you're pretty good. Nobody's ever managed to beat Mouser AND Tryclyde. When Lord Bowser found out, he was maaaad! Specially when he found out Toadstool escaped her room. Grabbed her sorry, pink butt and hauled her straight to Dark Land."

Mario perked. "Dark Land."

"From there, we devised Operation Fakeout. Kamek and Kammy cast a spell to turn me into an exact replica of Lord Bowser. It comes in handy when he's in no position to make public appearances himself. All I had to do was keep you busy while they finished getting her out of here."

Luigi had a moment of imagining Bowser in a robe with glasses and a cup of coffee in hand, He promptly slapped himself to be rid of the image.

""So then…" Mario realized, "all this time… she's…"

"Yep!" Zalamandr cackled. "Sorry Mario, but your princess is in another castle! Darn shame Toadstool couldn't be here to see this. Woulda loved to see the look on her face when Lord Bowser has you bricked."

Mario hardened his gaze. "You think this is over?! I'm not finished yet!"

"Oh, I'm afraid you are. With Peachy out of the castle, my men should be done priming the Bob-ombs any time now."

Parakarry gasped. "Bob-ombs?!"

"Oh yeah." Zalamandr pulled out a round adorable cartoon bomb-type bomb with little legs, beady white eyes, and a wind-up key. Mario blinked.

"What...Is that a toy?" Luigi asked. "Toad, is he seriously going to fight us with a-?"

"He's got a Bob-omb!" Toad hid behind Luigi in absolute terror.

"You're kidding," Mario muttered.

"Do I look like a kidder?" Zalamandr started winding it up. Once he was done, he set it down and ran off as the fuse lit up. "Arrevi-ducky, Red Stache! Enjoy getting buried alive!"

"Wait!" Mario tried to run after him.

"Mario, forget about him!" Parakarry screamed. "We've gotta get outta here before that Bob-omb blows!"

"That little thing?" Mario questioned incredulously. "It's puny! I worked in construction for a while. That little thing can't do..." He turned around to see it was gone. "Wh-where'd it go?"

He heard a sizzling noise before smelling smoke before looking down to see the Bob-omb at his feet, looking up at him.

"What the…?"

The Bob-omb let out a bizarre babbling noise (3) before glowing red and swelling ominously.

"RUN!" Toad shrieked, but it was too late. The Bob-omb exploded with enough force to launch Mario back to them, his outfit returning to normal as Luigi caught him.

"Mario, are you alright?!"

"Ohhh…" Mario groaned. "That...that little guy packs a big wallop."

"Now do you see why we were so freaked out by them?" Parakarry demanded. "And that was just one! Just imagine the kinda damage... a whole mess of them... could do…"

Everyone stiffened as they recalled Zalamandr's words about his men priming the Bob-ombs, as in plural.

"Oh-no..." Parakarry gasped.

"Guys…" Mario began. "Do you hear something?"

Everyone turned to the entrance to see movement in the shadows. They watched as a whole army of Bob-Ombs marched toward them.

"It's a whole Bob-omb battalion!" Toad shrieked.

"Mario!" Luigi pointed to more Bob-Ombs walking through another entrance. Then more Bob-Ombs came in through the vents. Some Bob-Ombs walked out of cages hanging over the pits. Soon the entire area was full of Bob-ombs, all walking toward Mario and his friends.

"Mama mia…" Mario gasped. "We're surrounded!"

One of the Bob-ombs fell into the pit. It made the noise, then blew up, destabilizing the platform.

"Whoa!" Luigi exclaimed as another Bob-omb went off, triggering a massive chain reaction explosion.

"Run!" Parakarry screamed, the group fleeing from the ensuing blasts. They headed for another platform, only for a Bob-omb to land on it and blow it up.

"This is the end!" Luigi screamed, clutching his head. "I can't believe it's gonna end like this!"

"There's gotta be something we can do!" Parakarry cried.

Mario thought for a moment. "Wait…" He pulled Peach's brooch from her pocket. "Maybe this can help!"

"Seriously?!" Luigi demanded.

"Peach did say it was a protective treasure!" Mario held up the brooch. "C'mon, magic treasure power, activate!" Nothing happened. "Uhhh… please?" Still nothing.

"Mushroom-kadabra? Fungus-Pocus? Vene vini vici?" Again, nothing happened.

"Mario…" Luigi began.

"Maybe we gotta rub it like a genie's lamp!" Mario started polishing the brooch. Several seconds passed, but he got no reaction

"Mario…" Luigi tried again.

"C'mon, do something!" Mario pleaded, ignoring his brother. "We're literally about to die!"

"Mario!" Luigi screamed.

"WHAT?!" Mario shouted, whirling on him.

"There! Near the bottom!"

Mario noticed some kind of barely noticeable clasp-like protrusion.

"What the…?" He presses it, causing the gem to open up, releasing a ball of light. The four watched in awe as the light formed into a shining, yellow, five-pointed star with black bead eyes.

"No way…" Toad gasped. "That's a Starman! One of the rarest and best power-ups on the planet! It's just what we need to get outta here!"

Mario snatched up the star. "What do I do?!"

"Hold up the star and repeat after me," Toad cleared his throat. "'Starman, star bright! Give me power, give me might!'"

Mario held the star aloft, clearing his throat and speaking in a powerful voice, "Starman, star bright! Give me power, give me might!"

The effect was instantaneous: the Starman was absorbed into Mario's body, which was surrounded by a sparkling aura of multicolored stars and began flashing multiple different colors.

"Whoa…" Mario blinked. "Okay, now what?"

Mario heard a Bob-omb noise, seeing one right in front of them and about to go off. Before they could react, it exploded in their faces. To Mario's surprise, they were all unharmed, his aura protecting them.

"The Starman makes you... invincible?" he realized.

"Not for long!" Toad yelled. "Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast!"

"I…" Mario perked. "I know how to get out of here."

"Good!" Toad turned to the others. "Guys! Grab onto Mario! Mario, just run. Keep running and don't stop until we're out!"

Everyone grabbed Mario, forming a human chain as the red plumber took off running at supersonic speeds, leaving a trail of starry afterimages behind him. As he ran, he picked up speed, plowing through obstacles and Bob-ombs as if they weren't even there.

"Whooooooooooa!" Mario yelled.

"We're going crazy fast!" Parakarry exclaimed.

"My brains… are going into my feet!" Luigi managed.

"This...is...so...COOL!" Mario shouted.

Meanwhile…

Back at the Marine Pop, Plum and E. Gadd waited.

"Do you think they're alright, Professor?" Plum asked.

"Oh, don't you worry, Plum," E. Gadd assured. "I'm sure they're just fine. Probably. Possibly. Maybe…" He perked at the sounds of explosions in the distance. "Zounds!"

"Professor, look!"

They turned to see the castle shaking.

"By Skolar!" E. Gadd gasped. "The castle's coming down!"

"But they're still in there!" Plum exclaimed.

"Wait, what's that?"

Gadd pulled out a pair of binoculars and looked at the castle, seeing rainbow light rushing through the windows. At the last minute, a sparkling figure came crashing through one of the windows, plummeting toward the sea and screaming all the while.

"Gadzooks!" E. Gadd exclaimed. "It's Mario!"

"They made it!" Plum cheered.

"Quickly, activate the Rescue Catcher!"

"Right!" Plum pressed some buttons on the control panel. A large mechanical arm holding a crash pad came out. "Rescue Catcher ready!"

"Move it more to the right!" Plum did so. "Little more...little more...PERFECT!"

Gadd watched as Mario and co… landed in the ocean right next to the catcher.

"Huzzah, it works!" he cheered.

"What are you walking about?" Plum demanded. "We missed them completely!"

Mario and the others surfaced, gasping for air.

"Is it over?" Toad questioned.

"Not sure…" Parakarry said.

"You guys okay?" Plum asked. "Where's the Princess?"

Mario looked down at that.

-X-

Some time later, after climbing back onto the sub, the group explained what had happened in the castle.

"It was a trap," said Toad. "Bowser had a decoy fight us while he made off with the Princess, then rigged the place with enough Bob-ombs to blow us to the moon."

"Oh, no…" Plum gasped.

"This is not good," E. Gadd said. "Bowser has castles all over the world. Princess Peach could be anywhere."

"We know where she is," Mario clarified. "The decoy said she was being taken to Dark Land."

Everyone looked in horror.

"Dark Land?!" Plum gasped. "Bowser's kingdom?!"

"Definitely not good," E. Gadd remarked. "There's no way we can reach her now."

"So that's it?" Mario demanded. "We just give up? Let Bowser win? Not on my watch!"

"Mario..." Luigi sighed.

"Come on man, face the facts," Parakarry said. "Bowser's unstoppable. Dark Land is impossible to get into, unless you're part of the Koopa Troop or a prisoner. And once you get in, there's no getting out."

"I haven't come this far just to give up now!" Mario insisted. "Someone has to stand up to Bowser and save Peach! If we won't, who will?!"

"Someone who has a better chance of survival?" Luigi offered.

Mario gave him a look before sighing. "Guys, look… I know Luigi and I are new here. I know that you're scared. Bowser has been getting away with pushing everyone around for years. He's taken so much from you, and everyone else. And he's going to keep taking and hurting… unless somebody does something about it." Everyone looked away slightly. "Look… let me ask you this: do you all really want to keep living like this? Being pushed around and treated like vermin?" Parakarry and Toad winced. "Hiding in the shadows like a bug under a rock?" E. Gadd and Plum winced. "Spending every waking moment worrying that one day you'll just get turned into a brick and whisked away to be made into a...Koopa condominium or something?" Luigi winced. "I know this is gonna be risky. I know that there's a chance we could all...have our games ended. But after seeing the kind of game Bowser is running… Well, I don't know about you, but I don't like playing it."

Everyone stopped and thought about Mario's words. Mario looked disheartened.

"Frappé Snowland," Mario turned to Parakarry. "There's a secret Warp Pipe leading to Dark Land just outside Frappé Snowland. They installed it after putting down an uprising there not too long ago."

Everyone was surprised at Parakarry's sudden speech.

"...Do you know how to get there?" Mario asked.

"It's in the Snow Kingdom," Plum reported.

"Plum!" E. Gadd objected.

"It's a bit of a trip, but I think there's a Warp Pipe leading there not far from us." Plum went on.

Mario nodded. "Then lead the way."

"Now, wait just a minute here!" E. Gadd objected. "You can't just go making decisions like that! This is my submarine!"

"I don't care, Professor!" Plum shot back. "Mario's right. I'm tired of being kicked around by Bowser and his crew, of skulking around in the dark. Someone needs to knock him off his perch."

"Exactly," Mario nodded. "We may not be able to beat the Koopa Troop. I'm not that blind to our situation. But at least for one bright, shining moment, we can show Bowser that he doesn't own us. That as long as one person is left to stand against him, he'll never win. So I'm going to Dark Land through that pipe. And I'll go by myself if I have to."

Gadd paused, then grinned.

"Actually, I was just going to say that I'm the one who gets to make decisions like that," Mario and Plum perked. "Gentlemen, Plum, batten down the hatches! We set sail for the Snow Kingdom!" E. Gadd shook his arms excitedly, laughing. "I've always wanted to say that! Well, don't just stand there, let's go!"

Toad gave a thumbs up. "You got it, crazy guy!"

Toad and Parakarry joined Plum and E. Gadd as they prepared while Luigi just sat there nervously, sighing.

"Luigi?" Mario asked. "You alright, bro?"

"He's probably still shook up," Toad mused. "We did almost get blown up."

"Right," Mario patted his brother's shoulder. "Just take it easy for now, then."

"Uhh… y-yeah," Luigi nodded. "I will. Thanks, Bro."

Mario nodded before going off to join the others. As he did, he took one last look at Luigi, seeing his hands and knees were shaking.

"Mario!" Toad called. "C'mon!"

"Be right there!" Mario headed off at that.

Dark Land

In his throne room, Bowser sat looking smug when a portal opened, allowing Zalamandr to enter.

"Your Rottenness?"

"Zalamandr," Bowser greeted. "I take it you succeeded?"

"With gusto, sir. By now, Red Stache and Green Stache should be broiled, buried, and out of our hair."

"Good," Bowser rested his chin on his fist. "Gotta say, though, I'm almost sorry it's over. If nothing else, those plumber boys made us work for a victory for a change."

Zalamandr shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, sir."

"Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. Now, we have real work to do," Bowser stood up. "Bring in the idiots."

"Oh goody!" Zalamandr turned to the door. "Bring in the idiots!"

The doors were flung open, revealing Mouser and Tryclyde being led in, battered, bruised, burnt, and bound in chains. Mouser's sunglasses were cracked, and three of Tryclyde's eyes were black.

"Hello, boys," Bowser greeted.

"L-Lord Bowser!" Tryclyde stammered.

"Boss, I swear, I had no idea those two got away!" Mouser insisted. "I mean, who could escape from...!?"

"QUIET!" Bowser roared, Mouser and Tryclyde immediately shutting up. "Good. Now then…" he stepped forward. "You two are my personal generals. My strongest minions. My Elite Four. And you got your butts whupped by some fat guy with a mustache, and made me look like a chump!"

Mouser and Tryclyde cowered in fear.

"Y'know what I do to guys who make me look like a chump?" Bowser grinned evilly.

"Uh... send them on a lovely vacation?" Mouser asked hopefully.

"To Isle Delfino?" Tryclyde added.

Bowser grinned even more. "Zalamandr?"

"Sir?"

Bowser gave Zalamandr a knowing look. "Have fun."

Zalamandr perked, then grinned beneath his mask. "Yes sir!"

"Just clean up when you're done." Bowser walked out, leaving the terrified Tryclyde and Mouser to Zalamandr's mercy.

"Alright now, Generals. It's training time. Lesson one…" Zalamandr drew his gauntlet blades. "Pain tolerance."

He laughed as Mouser and Tryclyde shook in terror.

-X-

Meanwhile, Bowser made his way down the hall, eventually reaching a large portrait of himself. He moved a brick, revealing a hidden switch. He pressed it, causing the painting to shimmer. He stepped through it, the canvas rippling like water, and emerging in a room filled with lava, above which Peach hung over in a massive cage.

"Hello, Princess." Bowser greeted. "Enjoying your new room, my dear?"

Peach glared at him, saying nothing. Bowser rolled his eyes.

"For the record, I didn't wanna do this to you. You could've had that nice room and bed if you hadn't broken out and gone snooping."

Peach remained silent.

"But hey, at least you aren't in the dungeons, sharing a cell with the Dry Bones."

Peach was still silent. Bowser gave her a flat look.

"Oh, before I forget, if you're still counting on that mustached moron coming to save you... don't," Peach perked. "Operation Fakeout worked like a charm. Depending on how far he got when the Bob-ombs went off, he's either in one spot or several."

Peach flinched, but she kept her silence and defiant glare. Bowser growled in anger.

"Damn it, woman, say something!"

Peach finally broke her silence. "Even if Mario's game is over, it doesn't matter. Someday, someone will rise up and take his place. As long as even one person on this planet is left to oppose you, Bowser, you'll never be able to claim victory."

Bowser scoffed. "Pretty words, Princess." He turned away. "Pretty words, nothin' more."

Bowser left at that. As soon as he was gone, Peach let out a breath and collapsed, doing her best to keep her composure.

"Alright, keep it together…" she said to herself. "He had the Starman. He's fine. He has to be." She looked up at the ceiling, clasping her hands as if praying. " I've done all I can. If you made it out, Mario... it's all up to you now."

Author's Note:

(1): The Bowser's Inside Story design.

(2): Bowser's Super Mario 64 laugh. The glowing eyes of the statue is based on when you enter Bowser's Castles in Super Mario 3D Land and World.

(3): The Bob-omb Buddies' Simlish in Super Mario 64. And yes, everyone flipping out over the Bob-ombs was taken from the 1993 movie.

Yep... Fake Bowser, and we get a Mario classic line in the bargain. Zalamandr is intended to be the "best friend" Basilisx mentions in his SMBZ episode.

Next chapter, Team Mario fights their way through Frappé Snowland to get to the Warp Pipe to Dark Land. Is Peach's salvation at hand?

Voice cast for this chapter:

* Zalamandr- Liam O'Brien (Gaara in Naruto, Infinite in Sonic Forces, Vincent Law in Ergo Proxy, Jushiro Ukitake in Bleach, Lloyd in Code Geass, Kenzo Tenma in Monster, Akihiko Sanada in Persona 3, Nephrite in Sailor Moon's Viz Media dub, Gollum in Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor, Caius Ballad in Final Fantasy XIII-2, War in Darksiders, Asura in Asura's Wrath, Ieyasu Tokugawa in Sengoku Basara: Samurai Heroes, Illidan Stormrage in World of Warcraft, Yasuo in League of Legends, Grimoire Weiss in NieR, the Warden in For Honor, Barker in Titanfall 2)

* Parakarry- Todd Haberkorn (Natsu Dragneel in Fairy Tail, Italy in Hetalia: Axis Powers, Hikaru Hitachiin in Ouran High School Host Club, Allen Walker in D. Gray-man, Death the Kid in Soul Eater, Tsukune Aono in Rosario + Vampire, Kimihiro Watanuki in xxxHolic, Yamato Akitsuki in Suzuka, Sugou Nobuyuki in Sword Art Online, Jaco in Dragon Ball Super)

Please R&R. Until next time!