AN: You know how I said this story was finished... well apparently I lied. A few hours after posting chapter 3 I was doing a read through of chapter 4 and had an 'Oh crap' moment. It wasn't actually finished... so here is the final chapter.
Chapter 4: Lived
2008
Emily hid away in Kitty Hawk with the girls until they solved the case. At first Cora and Skylar were not overly happy at the impromptu vacation but a few days in took advantage of the opportunity to laze around on the beach.
It took the team two weeks to find the young man Knight had been corresponding with from prison. A lost, lonely young man who idolised Knight, who wanted his own Alla. He wasn't Knight though, he was impatient, he didn't take the time to watch… get to know her from a distance… break her down up close.
He wanted their immediate compliance but human nature fights against that, he hadn't been able to control them or himself.
Knight knew how to use their human nature against them.
Knight had been controlling the whole thing from the inside, Skylar was his endgame all along… Alla's punishment for disobeying him. He hadn't counted on the BAU. He didn't know what lengths the team would go to for a stranger and how much further they would go for one of their own.
The day Emily returned to the BAU Dave met her in the car park, she'd been gone long enough for the team process her past. They rode the elevator in silence and Emily barely had a moment to take a breath before Penelope Garcia was yanking her into a bone crushing hug.
"Thank god" she cried "the boys are out of control… please make them bearable again."
"Baby Girl, you're breaking my heart…" Morgan sauntered over smirk firmly in place and wrapped his arms around both of them "it's all Reid…"
Hotch smiled and nodded at the scene he was watching from the catwalk as JJ and Reid joined them. The team was going to be ok.
She could feel Spencer's eyes watching her... studying her... from what Dave had said he was really struggling to reconcile the woman who had willingly walked into a serial killers house... a man who was cutting out the hearts of young mothers... with the hysterically screaming girl on the tape. Choosing that particular tape to show them had been a calculated move, it was the worst one and had taken her weeks to recover from it. They had met her at her strongest and they needed to see one of her weakest moments to truly understand.
He struggled to see the Emily who had called him out after Hankel, didn't let him get away with anything.
Emily who he hadn't seen flinch or stumble once when talking to Karen Foley and Mary Wilkinson.
He could talk to Dave about it but it had become abundantly clear in the months since his return to the FBI the older man would throw them all under a bus to protect Emily.
He went up to Hotch's office, closed the door behind him and took a moment before admitting.
"I don't know how to look at her without hearing her beg and plead for Cora's life…"
"Neither do I... but we don't have a choice. We have to learn."
In her off time Penelope Garcia had been working on something for Dave and Emily. She wasn't a profiler but she knew the two well enough by now to see how much those two unidentified girls haunted the pair.
A little bit of digging revealed the facial structure profile hadn't been updated since they were found in 1990. She pulled all the pictures taken by the coroner, reconstructed their faces using current technology. According to the report none of Knights known victims were more than a 3 hour drive from Bethesda so she went out four hours and started a facial recognition search.
Every high school within 4 hours of Bethesda... every photo from every year book from 1980 to 1990 was checked. She just let it run in the background... some school's hadn't moved their backdated yearbooks to digital but she would worry about that later.
The day after Emily returned to work she got a hit from Lancaster Pennsylvania in 1983.
When she arrived at work the following Friday morning her computer found a hit for the last girl in Salisbury Maryland in 1986.
There are brief missing persons reports available but the full file was still hard copy.
She feel's burning anger course through her... surely when the news broke someone would have remembered these girls... hundred of parents whose daughters had gone missing had contacted the FBI screaming for answers... for closure... was their daughter one of Knights victims. 'She looks just like those girls you've already identified...'. How many desperate parents did they have to apologise to... I'm sorry it is your daughter... I'm sorry it's not your daughter. Penelope didn't know which was worse, grief... mourning and then closure or hope, one day their daughter might come home.
Jane Purcell and Sasha Vatkina.
She pulls it all together into a report and takes what she found to Hotch. She doesn't want to get Dave and Emily's hopes up if these aren't the girls.
"Sir... I need your help"
He looks over what she's found, they certainly match Knights preference.
Hotch takes the files home over the weekend and reads them over and over again... he's convinced. He picks Garcia up at 4 am on Monday morning and they make the drive out to Salisbury then up to Lancaster. He could have made a phone call and had the files pulled but something stopped him. Requests like that have a habit of getting around quickly and he doesn't want anyone's hopes raised unnecessarily.
The reports support their suspicions, their dental records never computerised… sitting in a box waiting for someone to find them.
Two day's later proof that Penelope Garcia is a miracle worker arrives. Hotch calls Dave and Emily into the conference room and with tears in her eyes Garcia shows them what they found.
"I found the last two girls..." she hands them the photo's, reports and dental comparison.
Emily's hands reach out to gently trace the faces frozen in time staring up at her.
"I've asked the local's to let us do the notification... you can be there if you want." Hotch's voice is too calm and gentle to break Emily out of the pall that's fallen over her. Sasha had been taken the September before her... she fought him from the first moment and had frozen to death in the December. Jane Purcell was his third victim and had hung herself with the bed sheet after he raped her for the first time. That was when he started to remove everything that could be used as a noose from the room.
"I'll do the notifications..." Dave finally speaks. For the last 16 years he'd had dreams about faceless girls begging him to find her, maybe now they'd stop.
"We'll need to change the head stones" Emily whispers to no one in particular. Over the years she'd read Knights journal's multiple times... they had suffered the same as she did and more than once she wondered why she survived.
The families decide to leave the girls where Elizabeth had them buried nearly 20 years before. Grateful that someone had cared enough about their daughters to make sure they were taken care of.
Emily attends the memorials with her Mother, Julie, Dave and the rest of the BAU. Word had passed quickly to the all the families of Knights victims... some attended... some didn't.
As they're preparing to leave Sasha's father pulls her into a hug and mutters "Смерць гігант, супраць якога нават Цары павінны звярнуць зброю." (Death is a giant against whom even the Tsars must draw weapons.)
A whisper of a childhood memory floats through her mind and without thought she murmurs back "Хай памяць аб ёй будзе святло" (Let the memory of her be light)
It takes a few cases to find their rhythm again. Hotch and Dave learned long ago to live with the knowledge of Emily's past and not coddle her but Morgan, JJ and Reid are still on that particular curve.
Hotch tries not to interfere in the dynamic shift but he doesn't let Reid curb his words in front of her, Morgan try and keep her out of the field or JJ vet her consults to exclude teenage girls.
It's not until New York that they truly settle back into their roles. Seeing Emily deal with Cooper's flirting in her own uniquely Emily way helped, hearing her calls of officer down and only having cool calm and collected Agent Prentiss available settles them down.
They learn nothing about Emily has actually changed, there's just been some additional detail added.
Garcia says it best "It's like the picture has finally developed fully"
At the end of August Emily sends Dashiell back to Yale for his junior year and moves Cora into the dorms at Columbia for her freshman year.
This time next year she'll be doing the same for Skylar... a part of her wants to keep her babies at home forever. Another part is looking forward to being able to go out without checking in or organising a sitter, work late without worrying if they're setting fire to the kitchen, go on a holiday that doesn't involve 'kid/teen friendly activities'.
Do all the things she should have done before kids came along.
She's 37 and she feel's like she's missed out on so much...
It's late in the afternoon when they get home from New York.
"Hey Mom... look" Skylar points to the moving truck next door. The house had been up for sale for nearly a year, the previous owners had retired and moved down to Florida... how cliche... renting it to TDY military families while they tried to sell.
Emily hadn't even noticed the sold sticker going up weeks before.
"Let's go say hello..." Emily grins.
They leave their bags in the car and wander over to the side fence just in time to see a man heading out of the house. Tall... probably close to 6ft 4, medium brown hair sprinkled with just a little bit of grey and as he got closer they could make out his clear green eyes.
While all three of her children have her dark eyes, hair and pale skin Dashiell had his fathers bone structure and Cora features came straight from Elizabeth's family.
Skylar was her copy down to the gangly legs, slightly too big feet and long nose.
The teen loved the fact that she got her mothers boobs and dimples and hated her lack of co-ordination and nose.
He does a double take as he see's them watching.
"Sorry, copy paste moment..." is his first comment causing both Prentiss' to giggle.
"I'm Emily, this is Skylar." she holds her hand out, he takes it with a firm handshake.
"Nathan and my boy Jamie is wandering somewhere about the house."
"My mom's psychic!" Emily really wished Skylar didn't get her smart arse gene. Elizabeth on the other hand laughed every time Emily whined about it.
"Really..." Nathan is skeptical.
"Yep" she pops the P with confidence and sass "Show him mom."
Rolling her eyes, knowing Skylar's not going to let it go she turns the tables on her.
"You try first..." Emily dares her cocky daughter already knowing what will happen.
Skylar's dark eyes scan the man and the belongings for a minute before she speaks with a little less confidence.
"Military..." she starts "single..." she hesitates struggling to put it together. "That's all I've got..." her shoulders slump Cora's always been better at this than she has.
"Very recently ex-military, officer... Air Force pilot to be exact. Academy graduate, recently single." she squints as his face gives away each correct answer "Now commercial pilot, lived in Minnesota until about 11 or 12. How'd I do?"
"Impressive" Nathan scratches his head, befuddled at his new neighbours knowledge of him "How'd you really do it."
"Buzz cut is just growing out, that's an academy ring which means officer, nearly faded tan line on your ring finger" she nods towards the open car door which has a jacket on the seat "pilot's wings on the jacket which is sitting on paperwork with the Delta logo and finally that was a Minnesotan 'about' if I ever heard one. SSA Emily Prentiss, FBI."
"Former Lieutenant Colonel Nathan Lake, current pilot with Delta."
They chat easily for a few more minutes before Emily decides to let them continue unpacking.
"We're ordering pizza if you guys want to join us..." she invites the Lake boys over on a whim.
An easy friendship strikes up that day. In the weeks that follow Emily tells him about raising three kids on her own and life as a FBI profiler. He admits his wife took off 18 months earlier leaving him and Jamie alone, after hearing nothing for a year he was suddenly served with divorce papers and given full custody. He signed everything, took the ring off in April and requested retirement. He'd been in for 24 years by then so walked away with a full pension. He'll be doing the commuter run from DC to New York and back.
Within a month Emily or Skylar are running Jamie to school in the mornings and he's keeping an eye on the 17 year old when Emily's away on cases. She's pretty sure Dave had Garcia do a CIA level background check on him but her gut is telling her he's a good man.
He asked about the kids father only once... she stuttered for a few moments grimaced and settled on.
"I'll tell you the whole story one day... he's in prison. The kids think he's dead." Normally she just tells people the relationship was abusive and he died when she was pregnant with Skylar. She's not sure what it is about Nathan Lake that makes her feel like she can trust him. Late nights chatting over a beer become the norm when she's home from a case and she finds herself opening up to him in ways she never thought possible.
Nathan meets Dave, Dashiell and Cora when they get back from La Plata. Dave drives her home and Emily's face is several different colours, she has bruised ribs, and 35 stitches in various places. Skylar freaks out when she sees her mom's injuries and calls Dashiell who jumps in his car, picks up Cora and drives back to DC in a panic.
According to Emily, Dave and Cora are the most suspicious so when Nathan gets the impression they didn't disapprove of him he waits until she's mostly healed and asks her out to dinner.
Emily's dated on and off over the years, it never went past the first or second date. Most guys in their 20's don't want a ready built family and most guys in the 30's want their own kids not someone else's.
The day of their date she realises this could be it... her chance at a normal healthy relationship with a man but he needs to know the brutal truth about what a relationship with her entails. Not just her three kids but how she got them, why there are keys attached to the back of their doors. Why at 38 she sleeps with the light on...
When they pull into his drive after a fantastic night out Emily takes his hand a leads him down the road to the local park. The late October air is chilly as they sit in the swings and she tells him her story...
Ever since Knight she's struggled to trust anyone... it takes a long time and very few ever make it into the inner circle of those who know about what he did to her.
He watches her profile in the moonlight and he doesn't know what to say... it feels too big for an ex zoomie like him. Then he realises there's nothing to say, just like when he tells people about his ex-wife... he doesn't want platitudes... stories about people they know who have had something similar happen... apologies are useless because it's not their fault... he wants them to accept that it's his story and he's living it the best he can... exactly what she gave him.
Reaching out he gently touches her hand to get her attention. When she turns to face him he sees a vulnerability he didn't think existed. He doesn't like it... he wants it gone... he wants the sassy, giggling loon who brightens up his life.
"Can I kiss you?"
It's one of the cutest things he's ever seen... she sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and nods shyly.
Grabbing the chain he pulls her swing towards him and presses a gentle kiss to her lips. Pulling back she's smiling softly.
"Thank you... We need to do that again!" She reaches out and wraps her arms around his neck pressing her lips to his. Letting go of the chain he holds onto her waist lightly, letting her take the lead and holding her weight easily... until they both forget they're on children's swings and there's nothing to catch them. There's a moment of free fall before he's landing on the dirt, knees hooked over the seat of the swing, her body sprawled awkwardly over his.
There's a moment of stunned silence as they lay there trying to work out what just happened... Emily cracks first shoulders shaking from the giggling she's trying to hold in. She drops her face in his shoulder and lets herself laugh...
Someone is smiling down on her for Cora's 19th birthday... she and Dashiell make it down to DC, the team doesn't have a case, and her mother is in the country.
Elizabeth needs to take a moment to compose herself when Nathan wraps an arm around Emily's shoulders and she leans comfortably into him.
"I know..." Dave mouths to her, his grin wide and genuine.
Late in the night Emily is on the dance floor with Morgan, Garcia, her kids and 6 year old Jamie when Nathan turns to them and smiles.
"She's..." the word is gone... none of the ones he can think of feel quite enough to describe Emily. He'd moved them to DC for a fresh start and the last thing he'd expected to find was her...
"Yes she is" Elizabeth agrees "She doesn't need someone dragging her through life or pushing her along. Just... walk with her."
Life settles into an easy pattern, Dashiell and Cora are enjoying college and despite picking her top 5 Skylar can never quite decide where she really wants to go, the 17 year old seems to change her mind every week. Harvard, Duke, Penn State, Georgetown, Notre Dame.
February fades into March and with it comes Dashiell's 21st birthday. A date Emily knew was coming and was dreading… it was the day she'd promised herself he would learn the truth.
They decide to drag the family up to New York the weekend after his actual birthday so his friends can all attend. The team makes it back from Dallas in time for her to repack and make their flight. She and Skylar making it a 4 day weekend, the rest of the team was coming up Saturday to spend the night in the city.
On the Sunday afternoon she sends the girls off shopping with Nathan, Jamie and her credit card so she can sit down with her son.
"You've never really asked about your father…" he can't look her in the eye…
"I was never really sure if it was a memory or not… but every now and then… I get a flash of someone hitting you…" he swallows, it was something that he'd always been scared to ask about.
"That happened…" she confirms, there had never been any evidence that Dashiell remembered a time before living at his grandmothers. She's relieved that's the only thing he remembers.
"Then when I was in high school I was at the library doing some research and I came across an article about a serial killer… and my heart stopped… my own face was staring back at me… I didn't want to know after that... I had you and that was enough for me... I was always a momma's boy anyway." Emily reaches out and grabs his hand.
"His name was Damian Knight. He abducted 12 girls… killed 11 of them and was arrested attempting to abduct a 13th." she pushes the file she'd prepared towards him. "He grabbed me when I was 16, and held me captive for nearly four years. You and Cora were both born during that time, I was pregnant with Skylar when your Uncle Dave rescued me. I want you to remember something while you're reading this… you are my son not his, never his. I love you and your sisters and nothing will ever change that. Read the file, talk to me, talk to Dave, your Maman, or Dr Trewlynn." she paused and took a deep breath "I have one request. Please do not tell your sisters. I will be sitting down with them once they're 21 and having the same conversation. I never wanted any of you to grow up with the weight of this on you."
"I won't say anything to them." he promises and looks at her for a moment "Who else knows?"
"Your Maman, Julie, Dave, Dr Trewlynn… Hotch has known since I joined the BAU, the team found out during a case last May… and I told Nathan when we first started dating."
"I like Nathan…"
"Good, so do I!"
"I love you Mom" he squeezes her hand tightly. No matter what he reads in that file it won't change the fact that he's always known his mother loved him.
1995
Dashiell was on Elizabeth's lap, Cora with Julie and Skylar with Dave… lined up somewhere in the mass of graduates in black Emily stood waiting for her name to be called so she could get her diploma.
There had been a point sometime round the second anniversary of Emily's abduction that Elizabeth admitted not being able to witness Emily graduate college was one of the things that hurt the most. Then in those first dark and impossible months after she got Emily back she'd despaired of ever getting to this point… she'd never admit it to anyone but there were days when she started to believe Agent Gideon and Antony… Emily would never truly recover.
But then something changed on an unassuming early March day, about a week before Dashiell's third birthday, she found Emily sitting in her study while the children napped. She had an old physics text open in front of her, pen in hand furiously scribbling notes. Hearing her mother at the door she looked up sheepishly 'I miss learning' she'd admitted. Elizabeth had immediately dug out all of Emily's texts and dropped them in front of her with a smile 'you never stop learning… let's get you finishing high school'.
That day had been a turning point, Emily voiced a desire without it being dragged from her and wasn't punished.
Now she was graduating from Georgetown, heading straight off to the FBI Academy next month.
"YAY MOMMY" 7 year old Dashiell jumped up and down on her chair waving his arms up and down as his mother walked across the stage.
Chicago field office… she'd hoped to get DC or Baltimore but she would take it. It was a step in the right direction... what direction she wanted to go in she hadn't worked out yet but she was stepping that way.
Emily packed up her kids, rented out the Baileys Crossroads house and headed for the windy city.
She worked hard, she was noticed, mentored and promoted.
In 2000 they sent her to St Louis. She was strong, gutsy and determined, a few months after they moved she started studying for the profilers exams.
She wanted to make Dave proud… Dr Trewlynn asked her if she was doing it to save herself.
'No, I don't need saving… but right now there's an Emily out there that does and there's an Emily out there that will need saving one day. I want to save them."
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
2009
Intimacy with Nathan required a lot of emotional prep work for Emily. Not long after starting at Georgetown she'd been asked on a date and Dr Trewlynn had spent a lot of time getting her ready for that but this was different. In the past she had never considered a sexual relationship.
After their first kiss on the swings Emily knew there would come a time where she would want to have sex with him and she was self-aware enough to know there would be at least one meltdown or freak out as their relationship progressed.
"Take it slow and listen to your body. If it feels too fast it probably is." Was the best advise the psychiatrist gave her.
More than once Skylar caught them making out on the couch like teenagers.
Nathan was patient and understanding with her, not getting angry when she put the breaks on.
In some ways when it did finally happen 8 months into their relationship it was a non-event. She was ready, she trusted Nathan and most importantly she wanted it.
Being with Nathan was nothing like Knight, it was fun, and relaxing and not at all forced. There was a natural give and take to being with him that she never knew existed.
Nathan's dad doesn't like to travel... he's content with his hobby farm in Vermont so in order to meet Emily they have to go to him.
Deciding to take the whole crew with them for the first week of summer they rent a van and head off the day after Skylar and Jamie finish school for the year.
Swinging through New York and then New Haven Skylar and Jamie are jammed into the very back whispering about something, Cora and Dashiell are debating the merits of various Sci-Fi shows in the middle while Nathan naps and Emily entertains herself profiling different cars as she drove out of the city.
All in all the 9 hour drive from Virginia to Vermont goes smoothly but it's a very tired and antsy family that tumbles out of the van just outside of Bennington.
Carson Lake was sitting patiently on his front porch waiting to meet the woman his son had been raving since moving to DC the previous September. His first impression of her is interesting, when the van stops the back door flies open and a young man falls out laughing and pointing at someone in the car. Within seconds another body is flying towards him and he's up and running away from his sister. Skylar is quickly after them tripping over her own feet with Jamie hot on her heels, Emily follows chasing the lot of them yelling something about being dignified and not rolling in the mud until tomorrow.
His son finally gets out of the drivers seat with a laugh and a shake of his head and hugs his Dad who he hasn't seen since he signed the divorce papers.
"Do I want to know what that's all about?" The older man laughs.
"Dashiell said something to Cora... I'm not sure exactly what it meant... then Skylar jumps in and 'Spikes' him with something about tea and shagging. Cora then called him a 'Warthog faced buffoon' to which Emily immediately riles the three of them up even further with Monty Python..." Nathan shrugs no matter how many times he'd witnessed a Prentiss insult-a-thon he couldn't keep up "as we pulled in Dashiell tells Cora she's 'as elegant as a Dalek' which is when he fell out of the car trying to avoid her slapping…"
He trails off as Emily comes stalking back, somehow she's managed to get Cora and Skylar's ponytails in one hand and Dashiell's ear in the other. Nathan is certain this isn't the first time she's dragged her children around in this particular arrangement. Jamie is laughing so hard he can barely walk and runs up to his grandfather to throw his arms around the older mans waist. Before she lets go of them Nathan snaps a photo to send to Elizabeth.
"Now... how do we meet new people"
"Pleased to meet you Mr Lake" Dashiell sticks out his hand awkwardly blushing crimson at the smirks on Nathan and Carson's faces.
21 years old and 6ft 3 he's mortified that his mother is dragging him around by the ear.
The girls are trying to look over their shoulders but Emily is holding them tight.
"Girls...?" she grinds out trying not to let them hear the laughter in her voice.
"I'm Cora" she waves over her shoulder with a grin and points to her left "that's Skylar"
Emily lets her three kids go and takes Carson's hand with a grin.
"Emily Prentiss, sorry about the sideshow!"
She ignores the indignant noises and sends them to get the bags out of the car.
"I like them..." Carson tells his son late that night, everyone else is in bed and they're catching up out in the warm summer night with a beer.
"They're nuts..." he admits "but it's a good nuts. Emily's an amazing mother."
"And their father?" Nathan looks at his father and knows Emily would be ok with Carson knowing part of the truth but decides to tell Carson what the girls know so Emily can tell the story in her own time.
"Dead, has been for over 18 years. They're better off without him."
The week flies, Carson doesn't think he's laughed this much in years especially when Nathan laments "She's turning Jamie into a nerd... I don't know whether to be proud or scared."
Watching Dashiell running through a field with Jamie clinging to his back and the girls throwing mud at them was a sight to see, especially when Emily dragged his too serious son into the fray. He end's up having to turn the hose on all 6 of them before letting them into house.
"You're not what I expect from an FBI Agent" he admits to Emily.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't prove it but I'm pretty sure you're the planner of half the mischief those three kids of yours get up to."
"Great, isn't it?" her grin is unapologetic "When we were living in Chicago I'd take them out to Wonder Lake some weekends and let them run wild, the second we get out of the city... when I was young my Mother used to send me to my grandfathers during summer holidays... weeks of running wild over the alps. I loved it, I wanted them to have something similar. It took a while but now Nathan will let me roll Jamie in the mud whenever I want."
By the time their week is up Carson has made plans for Cora and Dashiell to visit on weekends during the school year.
He wraps his arms around Emily and pulls her into a hug hoping she understands what he's trying to say.
She does and when he lets her go she presses a gentle kiss to Carson's cheek "He gives me what I need too."
Nathan goes with them when Skylar moves into the dorms at Duke and holds Emily's hand all the way home as she laments all her babies moving out.
"You know Jamie's yours now to?"
"Emily, what do you think?" JJ asks, Henry had stopped sleeping through the night and someone had suggested they try letting him cry it out for a while. She'd been listening but not contributing.
"Think about it behaviorally, what does crying mean?" Emily shoots back, seeing Hotch smirk in the background understanding where she's going with this.
"Somethings wrong..."
"Yeah... sometimes it's a belly ache, dirty diaper, hunger, strange noise and sometimes they're lonely. Didn't it start after you guys moved into the new place?"
"Yeah... he got an actual bedroom and not just the alcove." JJ confirms, she and Will had been looking for a bigger place since before Henry was born.
"He's probably just lonely with a whole room to himself. He's been with one of you for his entire existence... cuddle him till he goes back to sleep and put him down or move him back into your bedroom." she shrugs.
"Did you co-sleep? No one can agree on whether it's a good thing or a bad thing." Spencer asked, he'd read conflicting studies about this.
"I didn't have a book, I had my gut... then again I also had a butt load of psychological damage…" Dave covered his smirk as Emily's eyes darted around the team. Now that the team knew everything Emily's bluntness regarding her time with Knight always threw them for a loop.
"Dashiell and Cora were both four when they moved into their own rooms. Skylar was three. At one stage all four of us were sleeping in the same room... They slept fine in both places, they're well adjusted, intelligent and independent so really..." she shrugged carelessly "JJ you're his Mom... what's your gut telling you?"
"He's lonely... and Will and I need to decide what's going to work for the three of us."
"Yeah..." Emily smiled "they can give you some good pointers and a place to start but books don't know you and they don't know your kid... my kids ate dirt, they fell out of trees, played with bugs and fought with each other. I didn't let them run roughshod over me but I let them explore at their own pace... and if anyone tries to tell me that was the wrong way to raise them then I tell them three things… Yale, Columbia, Duke."
"I ate bugs..." Morgan piped up from his spot next to Reid "I don't know how many times I threw them back up all over mama... I turned out fine"
By Emily's birthday in October Skylar is happily settled at Duke, Nathan and Jamie had moved into her house and his was once again being rented out to TDY military families.
The merge of their two lives was seamless.
Dashiell took his time working through the truth about his conception and birth. With Dave's encouragement he joined a support group and worked through what it meant for him. The week in Vermont, seeing his mother so happy and free had helped immensely, the idea of visiting Knight in prison enters his mind occasionally but never stays long.
Emily finally lost it on a case...
Seeing the invasion of their homes, the fake romance and intimacy... the mind games.
Joe Belser claimed to have loved those women... but you don't have to force love. You don't lock someone you love in a room.
It takes both Morgan and JJ to pull her off Belser, Rossi doesn't even try and talk to her he just hands over his phone with Anita Trewlynn already on the other end and leaves her alone in the car.
"You have her psychiatrists number?" JJ asks throwing a worried look over her shoulder at the brunette agent.
"Yeah..." he rubs his hands over his face, weary beyond belief. "Haven't had to call it for a long time and never for something like this." he tries to reassure her that Emily isn't the loose cannon she appears to be right now.
Ten days after they buried Haley Hotchner, Nathan proposed... it wasn't a big romantic gesture... he didn't even have a ring.
Jamie was in bed and they were doing the dishes chatting about how Hotch and Jack were coping. The team, including Will and Nathan, had tried to check in and be available if the Hotchner's needed them while leaving them enough space to find their new normal.
They still didn't know if Hotch would be returning to the team... Emily wouldn't blame him if he didn't.
Nathan looked over at her still in her work pants and singlet top, blouse had been shucked off the second the walked through the door. Hair pulled up in a messy bun, ugg boots keeping her eternally cold feet warm suds up to her elbow and a streak across her cheek.
Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her back against his chest and sighed.
"Marry me?"
She froze, plate in hand hovering over the sink as his question sunk in. She blinked before turning to face him.
Not sure what to make of her silence he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.
"Marry me Em..."
"I think… that's something I'd really like to do." Emily's face broke out into a wide smile before throwing her soapy hands around his neck almost smacking him in the head with the soapy plate. Grinning sheepishly she drops it in the sink and then kisses him wildly.
2010
Nathan had already done the big fancy wedding and Emily just rolled her eyes at the idea of a formal event. Nothing about her life had been traditional and she didn't plan on starting now.
They didn't want the bother of a bucks or hens night, dress and tux shopping, picking a cake, and flowers… in fact the only people they tell about the engagement is Elizabeth and Carson. They demand Emily's kids all come home for the same weekend during spring break, invite all their friends and family over for a cookout. Halfway through the night Elizabeth taps on her glass to get everyone's attention.
"Tonight isn't just a cookout to celebrate spring... a few months ago Emily called me to let me know she and Nathan were getting married..." Her smile is blinding at the crowd of shocked people as the celebrant stood up and beckoned Emily and Nathan over to her.
No fuss… a relaxed and fun evening that they just happened to get married at.
Dave will never admit it but he tears up a bit as Emily says her vows. Elizabeth and Julie both have tears flowing freely…
Despite Derek being the one with a concussion it was Emily that threw up on the way home from LA.
"It's been a long time since I've done this for you" Rossi commented wincing as he held her hair back in the jet's tiny bathroom.
She gagged one last time and breathed deeply trying to still her spasming stomach. When nothing came up after a few minutes she pushed herself back slightly.
"Yeah but most of the time it was your fault... the first time you'd just been served with your second set of divorce papers and we indulged in too much red wine."
When she was confident her stomach was empty she gingerly used the sink to pull herself into a standing position.
"... I would have gotten you drunk years before but it was the first time since I'd known you that you weren't growing or feeding another human being." His offhand comment was meant to be a joke but he noticed the slight widening of her eyes straight away.
"Emily...?" he could see the cogs turning as she counted... and then went even paler.
Reaching around her he quickly flushed the toilet, dropped the lid down and pushed her onto it and her head between her knees.
"I'm not going to pass out" her voice sounded week even to her own ears.
"Good... cause I really don't want to explain to Nathan why you were fine when we left LA and you weren't when we arrived in Virginia."
"Dave..." she was starting to feel a bit better, yet at the same time she was feeling worse "I think I'm growing another human being..."
"Okay..." he draws the word out unsure of how to respond to her panicked declaration.
"Dashiell just graduated college…" she's staring at her boot clad toes "we never talked about kids... hell I don't think we ever even talked about birth control which is possibly why I'm freaking out right now..."
"You guys have been together for nearly 2 years... you're married and you never talked about birth control?"
"I forgot!" her head shoots up along with her volume and she immediately regrets it as black spots dance in front of her eyes and her stomach rolls "Ugggghhhhh" Dave doesn't need to push her head down this time as it drops without her consent.
"You ok Em?" JJ calls from where she had been hovering in the aisle.
"Yeah... no... shit"
"You got anything left to throw up?" he asks
"Nuh uh…" he takes the noise she makes as a negative.
"Breathe deep and keep your eyes closed… JJ and I are gonna get you out of the bathroom."
"This is gonna suck" she whines quietly as Dave gingerly pulls her to her feet and with JJ's help guides her back to her seat.
She sleeps the entire way back to Virginia and fortunately doesn't throw up again when they land. At Dave's insistence he drives her home with a quick stop at the local CVS. He promises to pick her up the next morning for work... he'll pick her up every morning if he has to.
The house is empty when she wanders through… dumping the pregnancy test in the en-suite she strips out of her suit, leaving it in a puddle on the floor and pulls on her pajamas before crawling into bed.
When she wakes up it's dark and Nathan is sitting beside her on the bed running a thumb gently up and down her cheek. She can hear Jamie in his bedroom down the hall…
"My heart jumped a little when I saw the test and I thought to myself… how did this happen… then I realised for all the plans we made we never made a plan for this."
"It never even occurred to me to go on birth control" Emily admits sheepishly taking his hand "What are you thinking?"
"I never wanted Jamie to be an only child but I didn't believe he'd ever get siblings… then you and the nerdlings came along… I'm happy for Jamie to be the youngest of our pack but if we add more… that's good to."
"I was done with babies... my kids are grown and I didn't think there'd be any more after Skylar. Jamie's pretty independent, he bathes and dresses himself... he sleeps through the night... I don't not want a baby but this is starting all over again..."
Nathan nods and waits for her...
"Ok… I have a test to take."
The next morning she texts Dave and tells him not to bother picking her up, it's Nathan's day off and he insists on dropping her at Quantico.
Emily makes sure the only one to beat her to the office is Hotch. Dropping her bag on her desk she heads straight up to his office and knocks on the door.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Hotch takes in her paler than normal face.
"Eh…" she shrugs and closes the door behind her "How much did you hear on the flight yesterday?"
"How much did you want me to hear?"
"That tells me everyone heard everything… I've got an appointment this afternoon. I'll come and see you Monday morning."
She's grateful it's a Friday, it gives her and Nathan the weekend to revel before reality sets in. She's also booked in a session with Anita after the OB/GYN, whatever happens at the first appointment she'll need to talk it out.
She ignores the pointed looks and stares from her teammates and even when Garcia asks her point blank if she's pregnant she simply lifts an eyebrow turns to walk away and calls over her shoulder "If there's something to tell, I'll tell when I'm ready"
With her 40th birthday less than 3 months away a pregnancy could be a phenomenally bad idea and they want to keeps things under wraps as much as possible.
She officially informs Hotch of her pregnancy the following Monday. She states point blank 'no more field work'… he looks a little surprised and relieved by how relaxed she is about the whole thing. They all tend to get a little antsy when they're limited in what they can do on a case. The team is so well balanced right now, they can swap and change partners quickly and easily depending on the case. Having Emily out of the field puts a lot more pressure on the rest of them in emergent situations.
She's miserable for several weeks, the constant nausea and dizziness sucking all her energy and more than once the team finds her dozing at the table when they return to the station.
The kids and their parents are all called at week 12.
At week 14 Emily officially tells the team what they've all known for a while by emailing a picture from the 12 week sonogram to them with the subject line 'What does a pond grow into?'
By Cora's 21st birthday in November she's five months pregnant and loving it. Despite being nearly 20 years older than when she carried Skylar this pregnancy feels easier and less stressful. It helps that Nathan waits on her hand and foot.
Saying Cora didn't take the truth well would be a massive understatement. Emily once again planned a long weekend in New York and sat her daughter down after all the celebrations were done.
"I told myself you didn't talk about him cause you missed him too much..." she whispers as Emily tries to hand over the same information as Dashiell had been given 18 months before.
"I didn't talk about him because I didn't want you to know about monsters" Emily whispered.
"I need..." she stared at the folder "I need you to go now..." Cora refused to look up at her mother.
"Cora..."
"You let me believe he was a good man..." the betrayal in her daughters eyes broke Emily's heart.
She nodded slowly, accepting Cora needing time.
"You were never his... you were always mine, my sweet girl. Call me when you're ready to talk."
She slipped out of the room to find Dashiell and Nathan waiting outside.
Dashiell hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear "I'll look after her" before going in to check on his sister.
Taking her hand Nathan lead her away from the door so the kids wouldn't hear her cry. When they got to their room in the hotel the damn burst, he held her while she cried.
Cora didn't call that week, or the week after.
Despite pleading from her brother and grandmother Cora refused to read the file and couldn't see beyond the childhood notion that her father was a good man.
By December Skylar had picked up on the rift and was calling both her mother and sister alternatively begging them to talk to the other. She stopped when Dashiell went down to Durham and spoke with her. Emily never found out what he said but Skylar stopped bugging her about making up with Cora.
Nearly 6 weeks after being told the truth, on a cold and blustery Saturday morning Cora made the drive from New York to Maryland, arriving at Chesapeake Detention Facility a little after 11 in the morning. She still hadn't read the full file, hadn't considered visiting regulations at the prison, didn't know all of Knights privileges had been revoked in 2008 and he still didn't have most of them back.
She didn't know her name was on a list of people who the guards had been given very specific instructions to follow should they turn up.
The guards sat her in a waiting room and made a phone call.
An hour and a half later Dave stepped into the room and stared at her hard... furious at the way Cora was treating Emily.
"If you'd bothered to check you'd know Knight isn't allowed visitors... in fact he isn't allowed contact with anyone outside this prison or the FBI."
Cora slumped back into her chair, arms crossed and eyes averted and Dave is reminded of the 17 year old he busted out after curfew.
"If you'd bothered to read the information your mother gave you you'd know the reason for that is he manipulated a young man into attempting to continue what he started." she wilted a little under his glare.
"Give me your keys, you're coming with me."
Outside the waiting room he handed Morgan the car key's.
"I'll leave it at your place, Garcia's gonna pick me up." the younger agent threw Cora a sad look before walking off. He and Hotch had agreed to hide this intervention from Emily... she wouldn't approve of Elizabeth and Dave's plan and couldn't take anymore stress right now.
Dave let her stew in silence for the first 45 minutes.
"Your grandmother called and warned me you might try this. Called you a foolish little girl who wasn't ready for the truth after all... I have to say right now I'm thinking she's right."
"She lied to me!" Cora finally exploded
"About your father being dead... you bet your ass she did and I'm going to show you exactly why."
The rest of the drive to Quantico was made in silence. When they arrived at the academy Dave got her signed in and the hauled her up to the interview rooms. They arrived just as Hotch stepped out with a curt nod, pushing her into the room and the closing the door behind him.
On the far wall was a series of photo's, 12 teenage girls smiling widely at the camera. Underneath 11 of them were pictures of their remains along with copies of some of the polaroids Knight had taken at various times while he had them. A series of dates included with their names, date of birth, date they went missing, estimated date of death. Only one had a recovery date...
Cora's eyes were drawn immediately to the 9th photo, at first glance she thought it was Skylar, then she realised it was her mother. It was the school portrait taken a week before she went missing. Her Maman had pulled it out to when they were comparing how alike Skylar and their mother are. She'd never thought to ask why there were years missing from family photo's. No baby photos of herself and Dashiell.
Date of Birth: 12 October 1970
Date of abduction: 02 February 1987
Date of Death: N/A
Date of recovery/exhumation: 10 December 1990
Out of the corner of her eye another date caught her attention 01 November 1989... her birthday was listed as the day Maria Delazio went missing.
"The first time I ever saw you was in the basement of a house in Bethesda. It was a tiny room... a prison... the lights were controlled from the outside and so was the heat... it was fully soundproofed and the bolts on the door embedded into the foundation of the house. You and Dashiell were sitting in a crib crying while your mother lay barely conscious... she was locked up... tortured... controlled... raped."
Her bottom lip trembled as she tried to comprehend the photo of her mother blindfolded.
"Imagine growing up knowing you're the child of a serial killer? Knowing he did so much damage to your mother she couldn't handle having legal guardianship over herself let alone two small children. He had her conditioned to kneel whenever he entered the room, she wasn't allowed blankets or clothing for herself. Imagine that... spending 3 and a half years naked? Kept as a sex slave... forced into having children as they were just another way to guarantee her absolute obedience..."
"Do you remember 16... I remember when you were 16. Your Mom bought you the car you wanted, she had your Spring Fling dress hand made... your Mom didn't get to go to Spring Fling she was locked in a room 'I begged him to stop... it hurt so badly... I just wanted him to stop. Then he just left... I was tied to the bed...the lights went out and it got cold again...' that was the first time he raped her." Dave read from Emily's statement
"Stop..." Cora whispered her bottom lip trembling.
"No" Rossi snapped "You're so angry about being lied to... how about this 'he undid the ropes... and blood started running down my legs. I knew it wasn't my period it was too heavy... the cramping felt like giving birth... he carried me back to bed and left me there bleeding over everything. I didn't want Cora and Dashiell to see so I dragged myself into the shower. It was another baby and I lost it... he checked me every day and as soon as the bleeding stopped he took me back into the room."
"Please... stop..." she begged
"You're begging... do you want to know what happened to your mother when she begged?"
"NO" it was almost a screech... the truth too heavy for her.
"And you wonder why she didn't tell you the truth... She raised you, loved you, cherished and cared for you… without the weight of knowing the man who fathered you abducted, raped and killed eleven teenage girls. She raised you with laughter and freedom and hid the psychological damage he did to her, hours up hours of therapy for 20 years… for you. She sheltered you from peoples reactions to the truth... made sure if anyone found out you were no where near them and how are you repaying her? You call her a liar without bothering to find out why... not once did she tell you Knight was a good man..."
"I asked her why my friends had Daddy's and I didn't..." Cora remembered "She told me he died..."
"What was she supposed to say… your Daddy is in jail for raping and killing teenage girls." Dave stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
"Your turn" he said to Elizabeth who decided to wait before going in... Cora was too much like her mother some days
When she couldn't stand it any longer Elizabeth stepped into the room and regarded her granddaughter for a moment. Irony being what is was she was sitting in the exact same spot Emily had been when Dr Trewlynn sedated her.
"Nearly 20 years ago to the day I got a phone call from Dave… your mother had been missing for a little under 4 years and he'd finally found her… you were 13 months old... You three had been taken to Bethesda... I arrived a few hours later and Dave sat me down and told me I was a grandmother. Seeing the three of you sitting playing on the floor was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen." Elizabeth lowered herself to the floor to sit with Cora and handed over a photo she had snapped of the three of them that Christmas. Cora had seen it before but she'd never really focused on her mother, she'd never noticed how thin her mother really was or how pale. Never noticed the blank stare she gave the camera.
"It was my idea to wait into you were 21… it was my idea to tell you children your father was dead." She wrapped an arm around Cora's shoulders "I wanted you to grow up without having to worry about every word you said, every burst of temper wondering 'did it come from him?' You, sweet girl have been so angry about the lie you never stopped to ask why it was told."
"I'm sorry…"
It was another week before Cora saw Emily. She spent her days ghosting around Georgetown house with Elizabeth, trying to wrap her head around the truth she didn't want to hear. Elizabeth didn't offer anymore information but answered any question she had.
Christmas was tense, Skylar still angry at Cora and Dashiell trying to play peacemaker.
Emily hoped this wouldn't go on until Skylar's 21st birthday.
During her final few cases before going on maternity leave Emily kept her very pregnant self in Quantico, supporting the team and Garcia from there. Her very last case was a strange one and took a while to connect all of the dots. A childless couple, a family, a single man, a French National and a forger. All several different COD's until they connected the work history of Ron Cosenza, Kerry Fagan and Byron Delany to Clear Water Securities which lead them to Tsia Mosely they still hadn't worked out Ben Corelli's connection to it all.
They were still trying to work out Doyle's end game when one of Katie Cole's CETaF agents disappeared and it all started to come together. JTF-12, Lauren Reynolds... the murky world on international espionage.
Emily stared at the agents dossier and had to wonder… this agent had a similar education, language skills and looks. If not for Damien Knight where would she be right now?
Katie came running in, she was flying up to Boston with the rest of the team to try and find her agent. Dave had kept her updated on Emily but seeing her so content and happy in person was jarring.
"Call me when you've had the baby and we'll catch up" the older woman whispers as she hugs Emily.
She heads home as the team gets in the air… it's up to Garcia and the rest of them now. A year ago she would have been with them, even if something had kept her out of the field she wouldn't have left Quantico but her body and mind are simply too tired and she knew first and foremost to listen to what her body was telling her.
It was saying go home and go to bed.
Jamie is in bed and Nathan has dinner waiting in the microwave for her, she barely gets through a quarter of it before she can't eat anymore and heads to bed.
What she'd ridden off as braxton hicks earlier in the day had become regular rolling contractions and she knew within 5 or 6 hours they'll be heading to the hospital.
2 weeks before her due date but still full term. At her last check up the doctor had declared the baby right on track and them both perfectly healthy.
The contractions become strong enough to wake her around 3am, still 10 minutes apart she heads for a quick shower. She spends the next few hours wandering from room to room letting her body do what it needed to do.
With Emily's due date so close Elizabeth had put off her holiday to Italy until later in the year and is up and at the door to get Jamie when they drop the sleepy 7 year old off just before 6am.
The team is in Boston General waiting to see if Klara Porter survived her fight with Doyle when all of their phones beep within seconds of each other.
'Hannah Amelia Lake 8:56am 6 pound 9 ounces 16 inches. Mom and baby healthy, we'll let you know about Dad.'
Included is a photo of Emily, Nathan and the new baby. Blinding happiness emanating from the photo.
Dave forwarded the message to Gideon then handed his phone to Katie.
"Ok, ok, you were right and I was wrong" she grins happy to be proven wrong about this…
Emily settled into the rhythm of having a newborn easily. The first few weeks were always the hardest as the baby found it's routine and she adjusted her own schedule to go with it.
One thing she had never taken into account was having a partner to parent with. She struggled to accept Nathan's help with the baby, as good as her Mother had been when Skylar was a newborn Elizabeth had always left the parenting to Emily, stepping in as a grandmother but never primary carer. She was never alone for those sleepy early morning feeds, Nathan woke with her... sometimes they spoke in low murmurs about everything and nothing and other times the only noise came from the baby. He was always touching her in some way. A hand resting on her knee or holding the two of them close against his chest.
"Elena didn't like getting up with Jamie..." Nathan admits quietly sometime around 3am one morning "I did all his night time feeds..."
"Hmmm..." Emily doesn't like to comment when Nathan tells her things like this about his ex. Jamie had been calling her mom for months now but she knew it wasn't her place to judge his birth mother.
Nights like these she wondered if any of her grown up children would ever call Nathan Dad... she'd never voiced this question to any of them leaving the decision for them alone.
Six weeks into her maternity leave Emily calls Hotch and tells him that once her 12 weeks is up to start using her personal leave and when that runs out she's happy to go on unpaid leave. Between her trust, Nathan's wage and pension they can survive comfortably. She'll be back eventually...
She's not worrying about it right then, content to hang with Hannah, do the school run for Jamie and let Nathan dote on the two of them.
Hannah hits the three month mark just before school breaks up for the summer. Nathan and Dashiell both manage to get leave and they head up to Vermont for a week. Elizabeth meets them there half way through the week, she and Carson happily dote over the baby while Emily, Nathan and the kids run a little wild over the fields.
By the time Hannah is six months old she feel's a little more ready to go back to work. She really doesn't want to be separated from the baby for any length of time and seriously considers simply not going back to the BAU.
October rolls around and she heads back to work just as the team locates Declan Doyle and Klara Porter miraculously returns to life.
By the time they return from 3 days in Oklahoma Emily is a mess.
She officially hates traveling with a baby at home, she can't comprehend how JJ and Hotch have done it all these years.
By the time they're wandering around San Francisco trying to find the Zodiac copy cat she's ready to start looking for a transfer. The rest of the team is celebrating Reid's birthday but she's holding herself back. Hotch sidles up to her with a knowing look.
"I'll let you know if I hear about any decent transfer options in the DC area for you" he murmurs. Emily doesn't know how he knew but she is grateful she doesn't have to explain it to him.
"I knew when you extended your leave I'd loose you eventually. They all know it as well, they're just not willing to admit it yet."
"Thank you..." she smiles and heads over to get a piece of cake and pick on Spencer for getting old.
She might leave the BAU but she'll never leave the team.
Facing down with Regina Lampert undoes her in a way none of them anticipated.
"You have no idea what it's like when the monster from your nightmares comes back for you"
Emily wants to tell Regina she does... her monster didn't just come back for her but for her daughter as well. Her monster has haunted her for over 20 years... she see's him in the faces of her children, the faces of men she passes... her own face when the darkness in her eyes overwhelms her. There are nights where the dreams are so real and so vivid she rolls out of bed tears her clothes off and kneels until Nathan and can convince her he's not Knight.
She tries not to engage, to shutter her feelings and her past but Regina must sense a kinship, an intrinsic understanding of the inhumanity that's been waged against the person sitting in front of you.
"What did you do to him, huh? Did you arrest him like a good FBI agent? Or did you kill him?"
Emily breathing picks up, to engage in this conversation is unprofessional and she knows Hotch is watching her closely ready to intervene if necessary. Despite the attitude and anger she can feel Regina screaming out for something... validation. She is screaming for Emily's approval at her vengeance.
Not just Emily... anyone.
"Neither" in the early day's revenge had never occurred to Emily. She was too busy trying to repair the damage done to her psyche and by the time enough repairs had been done she was too busy living.
"I stood up at his trial and told my story... I sat in the witness box for 3 days and the next time he leaves prison it will be in a coffin."
Regina doesn't get her validation... but a seed tries to take root... floating in the back her mind, the idea of vengeance. She hates it, she doesn't want it or need it.
On the way home Emily locks herself in the bathroom and spends most of the trip clutching her phone to her ear as Anita Trewlynn's calm and gentle voice echo's through patiently coaching her through taking one breath after another. It shouldn't be so hard but it is.
Once they land it takes Dave 20 minutes to coax her out. The team watches her descend the stairs with worried eyes. Nathan is waiting with the car, she slides into the backseat next to Hannah and spends the entire 45 minute drive home with a gentle hand on the baby not saying a word.
"Take her home and put her to bed, call me when she's up in the morning and I'll see her then. She's exhausted and needs a good nights sleep more than she needs to talk to me."
Emily doesn't really sleep that night, dozing in bed Hannah comfortably curled up on her chest the weight of the baby centering her better than anything else.
Nathan calls in sick to work, and Hotch leaves a message telling Emily to call when she's ready to come back.
It's been years since something knocked her this off kilter, the psychiatrist assures him. It only ever lasts a day or two before she evens out. The last time was nearly 10 years previous when her father turned up looking for money... again.
She's honest with Hotch about what happened and agrees to stick to victimology for next next few cases.
"Just... let me know if you're having a bad day." he asks as he scans Dr Trewlynn's report. Emily, despite rumour to the contrary wasn't one to return to work if she wasn't fit for duty.
A week after Hannah's first birthday Katie Cole calls her.
"I heard a rumour you're looking to transfer to a non-travel position?"
"Yeah" Emily confirms "I admire the hell out of Hotch and JJ for being able to travel with young kids all this time but it's just too hard on me."
"I could use a profiler with your experience..."
Emily hums noncommittally it sounds good but she knows CETaF travel.
"... no travel..." Katie confirms "We only travel for the big emergent stuff anyway. Hell you can keep your desk in Quantico if you want, come up to Baltimore one or two days a week and work from the academy the rest of the time."
Emily is sold and they chat for a while and nut out a few more details. She just needs to chat with Hotch to find out when he can release her.
Hotch asks for eight more weeks and then he'll send her to CETaF with a smile. He was not looking forward to all the applications that would be flying his way when word got out about a vacancy in the BAU.
It was strange sitting in the crowd with her youngest daughter just starting toddlerhood while her oldest daughter graduated college. A week later she nearly gets blown up... twice.
Kneeling beside Will La Montagne racking her brain... unlike Morgan she's never taken the 'how to disarm a bomb' class.
"What are you doing? Seriously, Emily, go!" She can feel the stress radiating off Will and it's damn distracting.
Doing her best to block him out she talks herself through the profile and what they know of their UnSubs. Chad, valentines, Izzy, Hotch... Hotch? 'Shut up... I'm working' she thinks as she rips the comm out of her ear.
"Red, yellow and blue... only one is different from the U.S. flag... Yellow..." clenching her eyes shut she sends good thoughts to Nathan... her kids... the universe... whatever deity has kept her alive all these years and cuts the wire...
Dave let's her in on the secret and Emily manages to convince all three of her kids to make the last minute trip to DC for the wedding. It's been so long since they've all let loose on the dance floor together and she can't wait.
Her eight weeks is up... Katie has managed to secure her an office on the same floor as the rest of the BAU so when the farewell decorations come out and the cupcakes are oohed and ahhed over then eaten Emily picks up her box of personal belongings and heads to what could in all honesty be considered a cupboard.
It takes her a few weeks to find her place in the new team. Monday's and Friday's are spent in Baltimore with the rest of the unit, the rest at Quantico.
Katie doesn't bring up the past and is grateful for the new perspective Emily brings to her team.
She's both looking forward to and dreading Skylar's upcoming 21st birthday. For the first time she won't have any secrets from her children but given the extreme differences between the older two's reactions she's really unsure of how Skylar will take it.
Like the other's she waits until the celebrations are through and sits down alone with her daughter. Emily knows Dashiell, Cora and Nathan are waiting outside.
"It's time you knew the truth about you and your siblings. I told them after their 21st birthdays and now it's your turn. Jamie and Hannah are never to be told."
Skylar blinked up at her, dark eyes full of trepidation, shaking hands gripping the folder Emily had just handed her.
"This is what sent Cora nuts just after her 21st... when she stopped speaking to you?"
"Yeah..." Emily swallowed hard "it's not... an easy thing for me to tell you and it won't be easy for you to hear either."
Skylar nodded and took a deep breath steeling herself.
"It's about your biological father... he's not dead... he's in prison..." Emily proceeded to tell Skylar the whole story.
Staying late at the library so she wouldn't be disappointed if her father didn't show up, waking up in the room... living in hell for four years... Dave rescuing them... choosing to keep her children with her, choosing to raise and love them.
Skylar sat there in silence, her face blank struggling to comprehend what her mother was telling her. When Emily finally trailed off she waited for a reaction...
One breath... two... then three.
Skylar launched herself over the coffee table and slammed into Emily with a sob. It's awkward when her fully grown daughter tries to crawl into her lap like she did as a child but somehow they manage it.
She is sobbing and babbling unintelligibly and Emily can only make out the occasional word. Most of them are sorry...
When Skylar finally calms down enough to actually hear what Emily has to say she put's her lips right up to her ears.
"You listen to me..." her voice is choked by her own tears "you don't get to apologise to me for your existence... yes it was hard... yes there has been some very bad day's... it's been nearly 22 years and I still have nightmares and panic attacks... but there has been so much good... so so much love and laughter and it out weighs the bad ten fold. You are mine... Cora and Dashiell are mine, not his, never his... do you hear me?"
Skylar didn't move, just kept clinging to Emily.
"Do you hear me?"
"I hear you..."
That night they went to a local fair Skylar had heard about.
Emily is never sure how but the 7 of them manage to cram themselves into a photo booth.
Of the three tiny photo's the machine spits out the first is her favourite. She and Nathan are in the centre... faces pressed close together grins wide and free. Skylar and Cora are practically sitting on their knees arms around their shoulders Hannah secure between her big sisters... matching grins and dimples. Dashiell is holding Jamie behind them, their boys making faces and giving the parents bunny ears.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
In case you're wondering ages for the kids.
Dashiell: Born 10th March 1988, 24
Cora: Born 1st November 1989, 22
Skylar: Born 15th June 1991, 21
Jamie: Born 21st September 2002, 9
Hannah: Born 11th March 2011, 15 months