*In Jay's Workspace, we see a mob consisting of all the guests RJ "Jay" Writing Ink has invited over the years armed with torches, pitchforks, and even a few chainsaws gathered together in a makeshift square. Before them is a wooden stockade, in which lies a faceless dummy clad in an Apple employee shirt, Mickey Mouse ears, and the words "I spoiled The Owl House" written on their face. At the front of the mob is Jay himself."
Jay: We are gathered today for this symbolic punishment to officially condemn the bastich who leaked the penultimate episode of The Owl House. And unlike with "True Colors," they do not have the excuse of Disney delaying the episode at the last minute to justify their actions. They have caused great strife on the Internet amongst The Owl House fandom and have spoiled the episode for countless people who saw it online.
Slick Goku: Let me at them! I'm gonna run them through with my ki sword!
Rex: Rex is not amused!
Jay: Now, you all know me. I personally do not mind spoilers, and I like to read the plots of movies on Wikipedia to see if they are worth going to see. But...two weeks, man? Come on. That's not right. And that is why, since we cannot ensure that the one responsible for this leak will be fired, we can at least express our anger in this symbolic punishment. Everyone, ready your eggs, rotten produce, and flaming bags of excrement!
*On Jay's order, everyone begins to raise various things to throw at the dummy. Jay then looks over his shoulder at a little birdhouse carrier he has on his back, out of which comes a very irate Hooty.
Jay: Hooty, while we segue into the story's next chapter, would you like to do the honors?
Hooty: THIS IS FOR EDA!
*Hooty proceeds to regurgitate countless owl pellets that proceed to fly at the dummy, at which point everyone else begins to throw whatever they have on hand.*
Jay: While we're busy venting, let's see how Marcia's watching her best friend become a public nuisance. Oh, and BTW, I decided that Wilhelm's headcanon voice actor is Matt Hullum, aka the voice of Sarge from Red vs. Blue. He's the most bloodthirsty and possibly delusional person I could think of.
"Um, Marcia? I get that you're stressed out and everything, but is it really necessary for you to be using my lap as a pillow?" Jackson nervously asked as he watched Marcia's prone form on the currently occupied bench.
"Jackson Lee Thomas, I am being forced to witness my best friend fall under the influence of someone who should be getting psychiatric help. Now said friend is following them around like a lost puppy, aiding in destroying public property and disturbing the peace. And on top of that, my legs are caked in mud. I'm owed at least one act of kindness today!
"Alright, if you say so," Jackson said as he let Marcia use him as a lap pillow.
After the incident at the mud pits, Marcia, Jackson, and Coryn continued tailing Comet as he listened to every crazy thing Wilhelm Loveberry had to teach him. Pretty soon, the stress was too much for Marcia and she had to lie down to keep herself from getting a massive headache. Did she have to use Jackson as a lap pillow? No. But did it feel amazing? Yes, yes it did.
"Well, to be fair, Marcia, I don't think there's a lot that we can do to make Comet listen to us," Jackson pointed out. "The more we try to force him not to hang out with that Willy guy, the more he'll ignore us. He's gotta want to leave him of his own accord."
"That's true, Jackson. But I'm worried that Comet will level the park at this rate because Whacko Willy said so," Marcia said as she voiced her fears of the worst-case scenario before sighing. "Well, at least he's just making an idiot of himself in public, so I guess it's not that bad."
"Hey there, Marcia."
And just like that, Marcia's day got even worse. Who should show up but one of the banes of her existence, Jonah Ordonia.
"Oh, please, no. Not today," Marcia groaned as she brought her head up from Jackson's lap to look at the smirking face of her...why she called him friend was one of the big mysteries of her life, to be honest. Especially on days like this. "Hello, Jonah," she reluctantly said, while the beanie-wearing boy drank the slushie in his hand.
"Hey, Jonah," Jackson politely said.
"Sup, guys. So are you guys on a date right now, or did I miss something?"
Marcia blushed at Jonah's question but refused to let him get under her skin like this. "We are not on a date, Jonah! We're just watching as our mutual friend slowly descends into a life of insanity at the hands of some interdimensional hobo while we're powerless to stop it!"
"Hmm...and what does any of that mean, exactly?" Jonah had no idea what had Marcia so upset, but whatever it was, he had to know more.
Thankfully, Jackson managed to provide context. "Basically, some nutjob whose a genderbent version of Sailor Moon fused with Captain America that Comet's a fan of showed up. Now he's following him around like a lovesick puppy and doing whatever he's told."
Jonah arched an eyebrow at this statement. "Wait, for real? No cap?"
"No cap," Marcia simply said.
Now thoroughly intrigued, Jonah got an eager look on his. "Oh, now this I've gotta see, you guys!" tossing his now-finished slushie into a nearby trash can, Jonah whipped out his smartphone and got the camera ready. "Where are they right now? I need to record this for posterity's sake!"
Not even bothering to dignify her friend's intentions of exploiting events for his enjoyment with a response, Marcia simply pointed in the direction of a nearby playground. Standing there, their lower bodies still covered in mud, were Comet Dragonfly and Wilhelm Loveberry.
"Now, class, meaning you, mud brother, our next lesson is of the utmost importance to the survival of any warrior," Wilhelm told his newfound pupil. "There's no telling when you may find yourself stranded in hostile territory, cut off from your comrades and any viable resources," the warrior continued. "When that happens, you can only rely on your wits and whatever you can find. That is why we will make our weapons for our next lesson!"
"Yes, sir!" Comet sharply said before adding, "Out of what, exactly?"
"That is part of the lesson, mud brother. You will use the resources you find around you to make your weapons," Wilhelm explained. "Be resourceful; anything around you can be used as a potential weapon." To prove his point, Wilhelm then walked over to a swing set. Two kids happily swang on it without a care in the world.
"The higher I go, the closer I get to reaching the stars," a particularly wide-eyed and innocent little giggled as he enjoyed himself, oblivious to the older man currently crouched on the pole above.
"For example," Wilhelm began before abruptly ripping the chain holding the swing off, sending the poor kid flying several feet away, screaming with the kind of terror that one can only experience when they're at that age.
"Oh nooo..." Marcia felt her headache coming back as she watched the chaos unfold. Jackson stood there with his mouth hanging open. Jonah laughed at the entire thing like it was the funniest thing in the world.
Coryn had made himself useful by flying over and taking the poor kid in his talons before gently setting him on the ground.
"See this?" Wilhelm said as he held out the metal chain. "Now I have this sturdy chain to chain stuff with. Or to use as a super-heavy whip to break your enemies' bones."
"You can do that?" Comet asked.
"Once you get muscles like mine, mud brother, such a task will be effortless." Then, just to prove himself right, Wilhelm used his new chain like a whip, smacking it against the swingset with such force that it made the structure bend and buckle under from the impact. This made the only other child on the swingset run away, screaming. "See? Easy breezy, taco peasy."
In the background, Jonah laughed even harder.
"Now go, my faithful soldier. Go and seek out your weapon!" Wilhelm commanded Comet.
"SIR, YES, SIR!" Comet barked before beginning to scour the playground for anything that could remotely be used as a weapon. "All right, focus, Comet. It's just like arts and crafts, only cooler and deadlier." That's when Comet saw a giant, discarded branch from a tree lying in the grass nearby.
"Oohh, Comet like," the Prince of Mewni said as he picked up the sizable branch and admired its heft. It felt heavy in his hands, which was undoubtedly due to the different branches protruding from it. "I can work with this. Now all I need is something to..." Comet then spotted a decently-sized rock lying on the ground nearby. "Perfect. Now we're cooking with gas!" Comet then began to scavenge some more before getting to work.
Meanwhile, Marcia had her head between shoulders as she witnessed what was happening. As this was happening, an elderly woman happened to be walking by when she stopped to ask, "Oh, so whose kids are yours?"
"Those...two," Marcia reluctantly said as she pointed at Comet and Wilhelm, the latter of whom was currently wrestling with a little boy for his ...yeah, he was literally trying to take candy from a little kid.
The poor woman looked at Comet and Wilhelm and then back at Marcia and Jackson, her face full of pity. "Oh, bless your souls. It must be so for you two having to raise them."
Marcia and Jackson both started blushing at this comment (Marcia more because she couldn't believe Jackson was blushing at this.) Jonah, though, started cackling like a hyena.
"No, no, they're not...they're not ours! I mean, we're not even..." Marcia's brain was currently failing her at this most crucial of moments.
Jackson, fortunately, had enough brainpower left to explain things. "We're not a thing. We're just friends. They aren't even ours-they're just a friend and some weirdo that he admires!"
"Could have fooled me, lovebirds," Jonah teased. That proved a bad idea, as Marcia appeared right in front of him with one of the angriest looks he'd ever seen on her face.
"Jonah, I swear! In a trunk! OFF A CLIFF!" Marcia's stress level was too high to deal with Jonah's bullshit. Thankfully, Jonah had the common sense to not continue riling up Marcia.
Besides, he was still enjoying the main event way too much.
As the group continued to watch, Comet had finished gathering everything that he needed for his makeshift weapon and had begun to assemble it. What they saw him turn it into was not something that looked to be safe to carry around in public. Somehow, Comet had combined the giant tree branch, a couple of rocks, and what was left of the chain for the swings to create a cross between a double-headed flail and a two-section staff. It was long and intimidating, and with the rocks attached to the top end, it looked deadly.
"Oh, sweet mercy, no..." Marcia felt herself age several years just by looking at what Comet had created.
Jonah kept laughing at the whole thing, though. "Way to tap into your inner MacGyver, Comet!" the boy shouted to his friend as he strode back towards Wilhelm.
"Sir, I have successfully completed my weapon. I think you will be quite pleased with how it turned out!" Like a child showing off his art project to his parents, Comet held out his crude staff. Wilhelm looked it over very carefully.
"Hmm...interesting design, mud brother. What's it supposed to be?"
"Well, it's a staff, sir. I took a few sticks, used the chain from the swingset to combine them together, and then used the rest to combine the top half into a mace. I don't know why-I just have a thing for staves, I guess."
"Excellent work, mud brother! I approve!" Wilhelm said with a nod of his head. Comet swore he got goosebumps from hearing the approval of his idol. "As for me, I have managed to procure the most deadly of maces!" Wilhelm then managed to pull, seemingly out of nowhere, a baseball bat. And for some reason, said bat also had barbed wire wrapped around it. "I have named her Lucille!"
"Oh, God, no..." Marcia felt ready to pass out from stress.
"Come, my apprentice! We must find and vanquish the mole mutants that are secretly controlling our minds! DEATH TO THE MOLE MUTANTS!" With another war cry, Wilhelm ran off into another section of the park, with Comet following suit.
"HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAA! This is freaking hilarious! I'm going to get so many hits on YouTube and TikTok!" Jonah laughed as he just kept recording the whole thing. "Wait up, you guys! I need to record this Internet gold!" And with that, Jonah proceeded to run after the two boys, while Marcia just watched in exasperation.
"Umm, Marcia? Are you okay?" Jackson hesitantly asked as he put a hand on her shoulder. Not even that was enough to get her to react, though.
"Kraww," Coryn chirped sadly as he watched his master run off with the owl-napper.
"There, there, sweetie. Once they're 18, they'll be the government's problem," the woman said to Marcia.
"For those who are just tuning into the 'Comet Dragonfly Black Comedy Hour,' it would seem that everybody's favorite prince extraordinaire has made a new, hilarious friend," Jonah said as he spoke into his phone while hiding behind a bush. "I have been carefully observing everyone's favorite royal from afar as he and his new partner in crime have proceeded to cause havoc in Echo Creek Park. Let's see where this goes," Jonah said as he continued to live stream Comet and Wilhelm's antics on YouTube.
Off to the side, Comet and Wilhelm were currently observing a bunch of people in line to get hot dogs from a local vendor. "All right, soldier. Your third lesson is all about gathering intel."
"Intel, got it." Comet didn't actually get it, but if Wilhelm said it was important, then he would try to understand it.
"When you are in new and unfamiliar territory, you must observe your surroundings. See how the locals act and understand their ways. This way, you will not be caught off-guard when they inevitably try to double-cross and turn you over to their masters!"
"I don't entirely get it, but I'm still all for it, sir!" Comet enthusiastically (and mindlessly) agreed.
"Yessss," Jonah said with a sinister smirk on his face as he continued to record. "Keep these view-worthy antics going!" Jonah planned to use Comet and Wilhelm's actions to earn himself a ton of followers on social media, get a bunch of sponsorship deals, and use the money to fund his plans to eventually become a Demon Lord of his own dimension. So far, everything was going well for him.
At that moment, Wilhelm happened to spot Jonah nearby. "Ah, excellent. A local!"
"Oh hey, that's Jonah. Hey Jonah!" Comet waved to his buddy as he and Wilhelm walked toward the beanie-wearing boy.
"Sup, Comet?"
"Someone who is already familiar with Prince Comet; even better!" Wilhelm said, looking pleased that the prince had already ingratiated himself with the natives of this dimension. "You there, boy. You have the look of someone who's very knowledgeable of how this dimension operates. Perhaps you may tell me where I might find your King or Queen."
"That depends: what do you intend to do if you locate them?" Jonah asked in response.
"Why, best them in single combat and assert my dominance, of course! Isn't that right Lucille?" Wilhelm said as he started to talk to his stolen bat.
"As fun as that would be, I can't do that because we don't have a monarch," Jonah explained before adding on, "In fact, most of the people on Earth don't have a King or Queen, either. And the ones that still do mainly have them as figureheads."
Wilhelm gave Jonah a look of utter perplexion as he heard this. "Say wha? Then who makes all the decisions and keeps your lords and ladies in line?"
"We don't have those, either. We decide what we want to do for ourselves," Jonah told the Solarian Warrior. "Or rather, we choose the people that we want to take care of all that leadership junk and what we want them to do through voting. It's called democracy, and it's pretty much the backbone of most government's on Earth."
"But, Jonah, I thought you told me that there were a bunch of people who rule as vicious dictators," Comet said, to which Jonah shrugged.
"I never said most, not all, your highness," he admitted.
"I'm sorry, but could you please back for a second. I'm trying to wrap my head around this concept," Wilehelm said, trying to pull focus back to the matter at hand. "You're telling me that you guys have no rulers, and can basically do whatever you want?"
"Yeah, pretty much." So far, Jonah liked where this was going.
As the realization of Jonah's explanation finally began to sink into Wilhelm's brain, something unexpected happened. He started to get a little misty-eyed.
"King Solarius," he whispered to himself. "I have found paradise, and it is glorious." Wilhelm then turned to Comet, his eyes burning at the seams wth fire and passion. "Mud brother, I know what we must do now. We must take advantage of this dimension's freedom to its fullest extent!"
"And how do we do that?" Comet wasn't exactly following where this was going right now.
"Like THIS!" Without any warning, Wilhelm then ran up to the nearby hot dog vendor and, brandishing his bat, proceeded to smash it into a thousand pieces!
"Hey, you can't do that!" the poor hot dog vendor tried to protest, only to get elbowed in the face and shoved to the ground by Wilhelm.
"This is a land where anything goes! We can do whatever we want! It's survival of the fittest! Yeah! Yeah!" Wilhelm shouted as he proceeded to set fire to the hot dog cart. How he did so without any matches or lighter fluid was anyone's guess.
At this point, Marcia, Jackson, and Coryn had caught up to their friends and the deranged Mewman, and once she saw what Wilhelm had done, Marcia looked ready to keel over from a heart attack. To make matters worse, somehow, Wilhelm's blatant display of anarchy started to infect the crowd of people that had begun to gather. One guy even ripped off his clothes and revealed himself to be wearing a Mad Max cosplay underneath while shouting, "ANARCHY!"
"Oh, oh, no. Jackson, I think I'm feeling faint," Marcia said as she felt her sense of balance begin to fail her, the stress of the day once again getting to her.
"Hang in there, Marcia! All we need to do is to get Comet to stop this before it gets out of hand." As a precaution, though, Jackson decided it would be prudent for him to call the cops and let them know that someone was causing a massive disturbance. Thankfully, they responded fairly quickly, telling him that officers were en route to deal with the situation. Once that was taken care of, Jackson slung Marcia's arm over his shoulders and helped her walk towards the unfolding chaos. First, though, they stopped next to Jonah, who was now suffering from uncontrollable laughter. He couldn't help it. He just found this whole thing to be that funny.
"Jonah! What do you think you're doing, man?" Jackson asked, his voice uncharacteristically harsh.
"Enjoying the show, what else?" Jonah said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "This is pure gold!"
"Jonah, this isn't funny. In the short time since he came here, Comet's 'hero' has been responsible for disturbing the peace, destruction of public property, and is now inciting a riot!" Marcia angrily pointed out. "How can any of this be funny?"
"Because it just is, Diaz. And besides, this sort of stuff is pretty standard here in America." Marcia and Jackson just gave Jonah this incredulous look as he said this. "What? A ton of American history stems from people forming giant mobs and getting worked up over something."
"Yeah, but still..." Marcia wanted to argue the point further, but, sadly, she knew that Jonah did have a point. American history was filled with a lot of examples of people rioting. Sometimes it was for legitimate grievances; other times, it was for something dumb or because people got drunk.
Either way, Marcia didn't have time for this. She knew that there was only way she could end this before it would level Echo Creek Park, and that was getting through to Comet. Forcing herself to stand on her own, she made her way toward her idiotic roommate.
"Comet, please, you have to stop this," Marcia pleaded with her bestie, hoping that she could get through to him.
"Stop what? I don't get it. What am I doing wrong?"
Sadly, Comet still didn't understand that his actions were crazy.
"Comet, thanks to you and captain crazy over there," she pointed in the direction that Wilhelm ran off in, "you've wrecked most of the park!"
"You just don't get it-"
"What is there to get, Comet?" Marcia said, cutting him off. "I get that he's your idol and he's been your hero since you were a kid, but in case you haven't noticed, he's also completely crazy! Look around you!" She spread her arms out and gestured at Wilhelm's carnage. "How is any of this deserving of your adoration?"
"This is just training, Marcy. Besides, we both know that I've done worse," Comet said, completely brushing off her concerns. "Look, I get that you're just trying to look out for me, but I'm going to go train with my hero. 'Kay, bye!" And just like that, Comet had run off in Wilhelm's direction.
"Oh, I can't miss this! This is gold!"
And Jonah followed behind the prince, leaving Marcia by herself, defeated and dejected.
"It's over. I've lost him to the crazy," Marcia mournfully said as Jackson and Coryn came to her side.
"Kraw," Coryn sadly chirped at her, trying to comfort her in some way.
"Don't worry, Marcia," Jackson said as he put a reassuring hand on the girl's shoulder. "I'm sure that he'll come to his senses sooner or later."
Marcia let out a heavy sigh. "I hope so, Jackson. Come on. We should probably wait for the cops to get here and explain this as best we can." Marcia then began to walk in the opposite direction with a sad look on her face.
Comet caught up to Wilhelm as he was standing atop a hill that overlooked the park. Even though it was a little bit of a hike, Comet didn't mind. His body was pumping with adrenaline and the excitement that could only come from doing something awesome!
"All right, sir! I've done everything you asked so far: don't think, make weapons, gather intel," Comet took a moment to catch his breath. "What's the next step of my training?"
"Come here, soldier," Wilhelm beckoned for Comet to join him in the center of the hill, away from the restroom, benches, and people nearby. The only thing there were some rocks upon which rested a few animals that Wilhelm had gathered (A turtle, a duck, rabbit, mouse, and cat.) And Jonah, who was still filming from a safe distance. "We must complete the Warrior's Ritual of the Solarian Warriors within this circle of animals."
"Awww, how cute." Comet couldn't help but gush at the cute little animals, but quickly got a hold of himself as he stepped inside.
"Now, sit with me." Comet obeyed his mentor. "Now, repeat these words after me, soldier."
"Hai," Comet nodded as he waited for Wilhelm to begin.
"O, GREAT BATTLE LORDS!"
"O, great battle lords," Comet repeated.
"PLEASE PROTECT US!"
"Please protect us."
"CARRY OUR FOES OFF TO THE DEPTHS OF SPACE AND TIME SO THAT THEY MAY FOREVER LIVE IN THE RUINS OF OUR VICTORY!"
"Carry our foes off to the depths of space and time to they may forever live in the ruins of our victory."
After they were done, Wilhelm closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them again. "There. You are now ready for battle, mud brother."
"I am? Aw, sweet! So, what are we battling? Monsters? Dragons? Aliens? Alien Pirates? Please tell me it's that last one!" Comet was getting giddy with excitement just thinking about it. Him and Wilhelm Loveberry, riding into battle together. Their names would go down in legends! They would be the idols of children everywhere! Women would fawn at their feet (not that he cared.)
"We are going to be fighting...them." Wilhelm then pointed down below the hill to the people.
"Who? I don't see who you're pointing at, sir. Are they invisible?" Comet was visibly confused.
Jonah, on the other hand, was smart enough to start connecting the dots in his head. "Uh-oh."
"No, ya goof!" Wilhelm chuckled. "I mean them! These people! All the people of this dimension!"
"Huh?"
"Don't you see, your highness! This is what I've been training you for! These little backwards ants don't got no ruler, and that means that this place is up for grabs! And guess whose going to be grabbing it?" Wilhelm then playfully booped Comet's nose. "You and me, that's who!"
"What?"
"This is going to be so much fun, establishing our dominance over these primitive, unenlightened, magicless savages!"
"Oh, boy, this isn't good," Jonah said off to the side as he contemplated making himself scarce.
"First, we shall subjugate the locals in this town and have them work on a palace worthy of our greatness. Then, we shall march on the rest of this dimension and smite anyone foolish enough to get in our way!"
Morgan Freeman: It was at this point that Comet knew...he f***ked up.
"I've made a terrible mistake."
"So, let me get this straight: you say your friend was going dumpster diving for donuts-"
"-And that the shop owners were cool with it."
"They said they'd rather someone else eat them rather than waste them and attract bugs and rats," Marcia admitted. She wasn't lying; that was what every donut shop owner in Echo Creek said when Comet started his "secret" missions.
"-And then another, crazier donut collector appeared, took your friend as his student, and together, they've managed to wreak havoc on a family park?"
"I couldn't make any of this up even if I wanted to, officer," Marcia said without a hint of sarcasm in her fight as she finished giving her report to the cops who'd shown up in the park.
"In all fairness, officer, this guy is our friend's idol, and it's kind of hard to make people stop worshipping what their idol says," Jackson added, trying to help the situation.
"Right..." one of the police officers said, clearly not believing any of this. "So, how do we know you're not making this up to cover for you or that friend of yours?"
The police officers were skeptical; they had every right to be. Plenty of people wouldn't believe something like this without any proof. Fortunately for everyone involved, the Universe decided, at that exact moment, to provide them with just that.
"BOW BEFORE YOUR NEW RULER, YOU SWINE!" came a distant, booming voice from atop the tallest hill in the park.
"Because of that, officer," Marcia said, now past the point of even caring.
The two cops looked at each, then up at the hill where Wilhelm was screaming about being the Emperor of the Dolphin Kingdom, and then got a serious look on their faces.
"Dispatch, this is patrol seven," one of the officers said into his walkie talkie. "We're over here at Echo Creek Park. We've got an unstable homeless man destroying public property and threatening people. Requesting back-up."
"Dispatch here. We read you loud and clear. Back-up is on the way."
The two officers then turned on the sirens on their helmets, got on the mopeds, and said, "Let's roll."
"We better go," Marcia and Jackson both said at the same time before running off towards the hill.
Coryn hung back for a second, wondering why they didn't use Jackson's U-Board to get there faster. He then decided that he didn't care. His master needed him.
0000000000000000000000000
"KNEEL BEFORE YOUR NEW EMPEROR, SWINE!" Wilhelm screamed as he began to yell at everyone in the park, the act of which was starting to draw a crowd.
"Look, Wilhelm, dude, I'm all for being a warrior. I want to be able to protect the things I care about, but...I can't take over Earth."
"Sure you can, mud brother. It's easy. All we have to do is assert our dominance, and then the people will start falling into line. Now come on, help me start throwing these people off the cliff to intimidate the masses into submission."
"What did he just say?" Someone cried out. The people were starting to grow alarmed at how this apparently insane man was starting to threaten them.
"Wilhelm, stop!" Comet said, trying to convince his idol not to do this. "I don't want to conquer Earth. I care about this place! And I care about the people who live here!"
Wilhelm's brow furrowed as he heard this. "I thought you cared about being a WARRIOR!" Suddenly, a drastic change began to overtake Wilhelm. He started floating in mid-air, a fiery blue aura began to envelope him, and his body, which seemed lean and mean, became buff and tough. As in, his body became three times his normal size and bulged with muscles that would make professional bodybuilders jealous.
"Oh, crud." Comet had heard stories about this, but had never seen it in real life. This was the ultimate form of a Solarian Warrior, the greatest warriors Mewni had ever seen!
"Holy shit, dude!" Jonah couldn't help but shout.
"NOW, DO AS YOU ARE ORDERED, WARRIOR, AND HELP ME PUT THESE FILTHY, SHIT-EATING MAGGOTS IN THEIR PLACE BENEATH OUR MEWMAN BOOTS!" Wilhelm roared, his voice now far deeper and more menacing. "KNEEL BEFORE WILHELM LOVEBERRY!"
Now genuinely terrified of what was happening, the people surrounding Comet and Wilhelm began to get on their knees while Comet looked on worried.
"Now, see? That wasn't so hard, was it? All these people really need is someone to lord over them with an iron fist and tell them what to do. In the end, these 'humans' were made to be ruled by the likes of us."
"Oh, up yours, dick-head!"
Out of nowhere, a rock came flying through the air before hitting Wilhelm in the temple. In his current state, though, it did little but irritate him.
"Who said that? Who would dare to defy the greatest warrior in all of Mewni?"
"That would be me, soldier boy," came the defiant voice of Jonah, who was currently carrying in his arms several more rocks ready to be thrown. "On behalf of the people of Earth, I would ask that you please leave and never bother us again."
"Tch. You would dare to defy me? I can snap your body in half and leave you for the vultures!" Wilhelm said as he tried to intimidate Jonah into submission. But the boy refused to back down.
"Oh, spare me the monologue. We don't have to obey you if we don't want to. We didn't vote on you to be our new leader, and you sure as hell haven't done anything to deserve calling yourself that."
"Uh, the kid's actually got a point. We never voted on this, so we shouldn't have to listen to you," one of the other civilians currently kneeling said.
"What is this, a comedy routine? We ain't votin' on this. I'm your new leader, I'm in charge, and there are no takebacks!"
"Yeah, show of hands," Jonah continued, not caring about the fact that Wilhelm could snap him in half like a twig. "All those in favor of letting this nutjob rule over us and run this place into the ground, raise your hands."
Considering how he had just threatened to throw them off the hill and enslave them, only one person's hand went up: Wilhelm's.
"All right," Jonah said as he counted all the people, or lack thereof, who had voted for Wilhelm. "And all those in favor of not doing that, raise your hands!" Right before anyone could do so, though, Wilhelm growled at them like a wild animal.
"You all better keep those hands down, if you know what's good for you!" Everyone but Jonah kept their hands down.
"Well, it seems we have reached an impasse, then," Jonah said, still not panicking (outwardly.) "Does anyone here have the guts to stand up to evil John Cena? Anyone at all?"
"Me," a single, solitary voice said as they raise their hands. Comet had voted against Wilhelm, much to his shock.
"Soldier, what are you doing? This is insubordination!" Wilhelm growled, furious that his student was defying him like this.
"I'm doing what I should've done from the start, Wilhelm. I can't let you conquer this dimension," Comet ruefully stated.
"But, come on! We're a team, remember? We can rule this land together, mud brother with mud brother! Right?" Wilhelm tried to persuade Comet to listen to him, but the boy's mind was already made up. In one swift motion, he wiped the mud off of his face and threw it to the ground.
"No, Wilhelm. My friends were right: you're not my King Bumi. You're just nuts, and I'm not going along with this."
"All right, looks like democracy still wins in the end, even if there was voter intimidation at work. Good job, everyone," Jonah said, clapping his hands, not caring if he sounded sarcastic.
Wilhelm gave Comet a long, hard stare, but Comet held his ground. Finally, Wilhelm spat in Comet's face out of disgust. "I thought that you were a warrior, that you were going to be the second coming of King Solarius. But it turns out that you're nothing but a weak-willed, freedom-loving coward. Solarius would be disappointed with you." Without a second of hesitation, Wilhelm then grabbed hold of Comet's three-piece staff and confiscated it. "You're not worthy of this, dirtbag. And as for the rest of you, I don't need to rule over this loony bin! Wilhelm out!" Without saying another word, Wilhelm dove into a nearby dumpster and closed the lid behind him.
"Good riddance, crazy man!" Jonah shouted while the rest of the crowd began to cheer. At that point, the two police officers finally made it up the hill, looking for the one responsible for the various disturbances throughout the park.
"Excuse me, citizens, but have any of you seen a deranged-looking hobo?"
"He's in there, officers," Comet said with a deadpan look before pointing at the dumpster right as Marcia, Jackson, and Coryn showed up.
One of the officers pulled out a club before marching on the dumpster before, slowly, opening one of the lids, ready for the suspect to attack them. "There's nothing in here, sir. It's empty."
"We got a runner, boys. Let's spread out and search the town. He couldn't have gotten far!" With that, the two officers departed, ready to search for Wilhelm Loveberry, ignorant to the fact that he was no longer on Earth. The rest of the crowd began to disperse, leaving Comet alone with his friends.
None of them said anything at first. Not even Jonah. They just sat there with Comet, watching as the sun began to set in the distance.
Finally, Comet spoke up. "You were right, guys. Wilhelm wasn't a great warrior. He was just a dude with zero marbles in his bag," Comet said in a depressed tone. He was really taking his disappointment about his hero being a nutjob pretty hard.
"Look, Comet, I'm sorry that your hero didn't turn out to be the person you thought he was," Jackson said, trying to comfort the boy.
"Honestly, I don't know what I was expecting. According to Glossaryck, those spells that King Solarius used to create his army also robbed them of their sense of morality. Eventually, they all went insane and killed each other off. Wilhelm always seemed to be the sole exception, which is why my family's relied on him for so many years. Guess even he had to give, at some point," Comet sadly noted.
"Okay, that is a major red flag!" Jonah admitted. The others were more than a little shocked that one of Comet's ancestors would resort to something like that.
"I'm pretty sure that that would be illegal on Earth, Jackson commented.
Coryn was just happy the owl-napper was gone.
"Come on, Comet. What do you say we hit up the French bakery for some stale croissants and baguettes," Marcia suggested, wanting to do something to cheer her friend up.
Comet gave a soft smile at the suggestion. "I'd like that." His friends smiled at this.
"And...don't be so upset about your hero not turning out like you thought he would," Marcia advised Comet. "Not everyone can measure up to the image that we have of them in our heads. And heroes are flawed people, too, with plenty of their own problems."
"Basically, it's cool to have heroes. Just don't blindly worship them, because that's not healthy," Jonah summed up as the group got up off the ground where they were sitting.
"So, does that mean Marcia shouldn't worship Mackie Hand and should take down the shrine she has of him in her bedroom?" Comet joked, which only served to make Marcia mad.
"Hey, screw you, your highness!" Marcia snapped. "And I don't think that a few posters of him count as a shrine, Ordonia!"
"Whatever. I'm just saying-"
"Jonah...cliff." That little reminder of her earlier threat served to make Jonah shut his trap. The other two boys just laughed at this as the group of teens and one Noctowl walked off into the distance.
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Spongebob Narrator: Somewhere on Mewni...
As he watched the Mewman sunset, Wilhelm Loveberry sighed, now back in his normal form. It had been so lonely for him since the last of his Solarian comrades had succumbed to madness and death many decades ago. He was still the fiercest champion of the Dragonfly Kingdom and all Mewmans everywhere, but he never had anyone he could relate to. Everyone he ever knew was gone.
Then, out of nowhere, he thought he had finally found someone who understood him. And that someone happened to be one of Solarius' descendants, no less! Wilhelm had been thrilled to teach the bloodline of his beloved leader his warrior ways. But in the end, he failed to measure up to the legacy of the greatest king in Mewman history.
Sighing, he held up the odd staff that the prince had made. "Mud brother," he mournfully said to himself as he watched the sunset, utterly alone in the Universe.
At least he still had Lucille, though.
*In Jay's Workspace, the angry mob finally finishes venting their anger and frustration against Disney and Apple on the dummy. It's covered in mud, water, oil, and who knows what else. Everyone is looking satisfied at their handiwork, though.*
Jay: I know that couldn't actually do anything, but damn, did it feel good. Oh, and I just realized: Star had its 8th birthday this week. Man, does time fly. Seems like it was only yesterday I was watching it to get over the end of Gravity Falls.
Janna: Good times. Still, you might wanna hustle on getting this story done.
Jay: I know. That's why the next two chapters are going to be about one of my favorite episodes.
Omnitraxus: Oh? Which one?
Jay: The one where the shipping starts to hit new highs.
Janna: No way...
Jay: First thing's first, though. We gotta get ready for the next Owl House Special. Let's get everything set up for the watch party, people! And then we got Fire Emblem Engage to play through!
Rex: Rex is big fan of Lucina!
Jay: So am I, Rex. So am I. Now, it's time for
READERS REVIEWS
Julayla-We go with Matt Hullum
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Guest 1-You win!
NightAroma-If my story makes it that far, then I will change that.
Ted Glass-And now I have improved upon that joke!
Pedro Alonso Buby Huayanay Zamudio-Inspiration comes by chance, sometimes. But I am doing a good job of motivating myself.
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See you in two weeks. We're having a sleepover! And yes, that is what comes next.