Chapter 5- Due Date and Daydreams

"I told you to be patient

I told you to be fine

I told you to be balanced

I told you to be kind

Now all your love is wasted?

Then who the hell was I?

Now I'm breaking at the bridges

And at the end of all your lines."

-Bon Iver-

Time inches forward, but not quickly enough. Months have passed, and I know Bella's due any day now. She hasn't contacted me like I hoped she would. I know it was probably just wishful thinking. Why on Earth would she want me there on the happiest day of her life? Last time I saw her, she couldn't even look me in the eye. Just thinking of her face during that last time tears me to pieces. It will be forever burned into my mind. Forever with me.

My overactive imagination runs wild. I imagine myself at the hospital with her, talking her through the birth and allowing her to squeeze on my hand until I can't feel it. I imagine holding my baby for the very first time. I imagine him looking up at me, his large eyes filled with wonder. I want to see him come into this world. I want to see the expression on his little face as he's introduced to everything at once. It's going to kill me to remain here, a plane ride away, knowing that he's being introduced to the world without me.

Maybe Bella's right. I'm not his father. He's mine, but I don't deserve him or his mother. There's no retribution to pay, nothing that I can change to be able to hold him in my arms. I stare off into space in the empty break room, alone with my daydreams. I can close my eyes and pretend, but unfortunately, reality always has a way of coming back to me.

"Cullen, we're ready for you."

I place my coffee down and run my hands vigorously over my face. I've been up for thirty-six hours and running on coffee and five-hour-energy. I give the nurse a nod and pull out my phone, trying to see if Emmett has texted me. While Bella removed me from her Facebook, she's still friends with Emmett. He's a friend to both of us, has been for years, and while he doesn't exactly like me the way he once did, he's agreed to keep some tabs on Bella for me. Just to give me news of my son. If my math is correct, she should be due soon and I want to know when my son's born. Even if I'm stuck here so incredibly far away.

It looks like she's at the hospital with her friend.

I stare at this text for a long time. I could be a father any minute now. Tears prick my eyes at the thought. I'm so happy, yet, I'm so incredibly depressed. More so than usual. I'm not there. I won't get to meet him. Thank God for her friend. She doesn't have her parents, she doesn't have her childhood friend Kate and her family, and she doesn't have me. Thank God she has someone. I couldn't imagine her doing this all alone. God, I wish I could just hold her. I wish I could be there to tell her that everything will be all right.

Thanks. Please keep me updated.

I slip my phone back into my pocket and head out of the break room. It's just past one o'clock in the afternoon and any moment he'll be born. Hopefully, Emmett will be able to send me a photo. I have to see him. I want to see his little face more than anything. I haven't seen him, but I love him already. I love him so much it hurts. I hope he looks like Bella. I hope he has her eyes and her beautiful smile. I hope he'll look like us. Even though our relationship ended horrifically, something beautiful came from it. I hope she sees that. It feels like all I can do now is hope. That's probably because hope seems to be all that I have left.

A/N: Thanks to everyone reading and to the people who recommended my story. Your support means the world to me!