"On your back with your racks as he stacks your load

In the back with the racks and he stacks your load

In the back with the racks and you're unstacking your load."

-Bon Iver-

"Sorry I'm so late. I thought I'd get out of there sooner."

Bella, like always, avoids my gaze and steps back to let me into her apartment. I pass her by, wanting more than anything to stop and talk to her. However, I know she won't appreciate my efforts. She's showing me a great kindness by letting me come here at all because God knows Bella doesn't want to see my face. She's doing it for her son-our son.

"I was going to work on some editing… are you all right with Charlie by yourself?"

I nod, looking toward the living room and finding Charlie playing in his baby gym. "I'll be fine, Bella."

She nods quickly in return and leads me to the living room. Kneeling down on the floor, she gives our son a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Dad's here to play with you, baby. Mommy's just going to be in the other room working."

He giggles at her in response and Bella kisses his cheek once more before rising to her feet. "I'll be in my room… just call me if you need anything. I just nursed and changed him, so he should be fine."

With that, she gives her son one last look before walking out of the room. My eyes follow her for a moment, before they pull away to look at my son. Whenever I see him, it's as if all my stressors from the day dissipate completely. This is our fifth meeting, and I'm hoping for so many more. Five times in four weeks is nowhere near enough. But with my work schedule, I can't manage much more than that right now.

Picking him up, I hold him close to my chest as I sit down with him on the couch. He looks at me with wide, wondrous eyes and grabs ahold of one of my fingers, yanking it to his mouth with a smile. When he looks at me, he reminds me so much of Bella it almost hurts. His big, guileless brown eyes transport me to a different time. A time where I was so fucking happy. A time I wish I could go back to.

"Edward… it's magnificent. How did you find this place?"

"I found it on a hike," I respond as I watch her eyes widen as she takes in the scenery in awe.

I smile, I love seeing her this way-so incredibly content. Her head falls back and her soulful brown eyes close as she inhales the crisp autumn air. When I found this meadow by accident a few days ago, I immediately thought of her-my Bella. She's never been one for a long hike-far too clumsy to enjoy it-but she has always admired the beauty of the great outdoors. While she admires the beauty of the meadow, I admire her. When she opens her eyes, she turns her face to smile at me.

"There's a cottage nearby… maybe one day it'll be ours," I tell her as I point off in the its direction.

She grins at this and peers off toward the cottage, although it's not visible from here. "You mean when we're old and gray we can live there together?"

She crosses the meadow and takes ahold of my hand. I pull her against my body and kiss her forehead, inhaling the sweet smell of her perfume as I close my eyes. "Yes, when we're old and gray… do you think you'll still feel the same way for me then, as you do now?"

I hear a soft giggle escape her lips and I open my eyes. "Of course I will, Edward. I don't think I could ever stop loving you."

"We'll see," I tease her as I gently grab her chin and tip her head up so I can cover her lips with mine.

We spend the day in the meadow. We lay on the blanket I brought and eat the food that she made. We talk and talk, and never grow tired of one another. One day soon, I'll propose to her. She's what I want-I'm sure of it. I'm so tired of dragging my feet about this. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I've been carrying this ring around in my pocket for so long, waiting for the right moment.

"Maybe one day we can go look at that cottage," Bella suggests as she lays her head on my chest.

"Whenever you want," I promise.

She's quiet for a moment, before she says, "Could you imagine our grandchildren running around out here?" I look down and catch her blush, before she quickly says, "Well, that is, if you want children…"

I chuckle at her. She knows I love her, and still she seems insecure about our relationship at times. I want a whole life with her-I want everything. But still, she doubts me. I suppose I can't blame her; I'm sure once I propose, she'll know just how serious I am about her-about us.

"I do want children. Of course, I do."

"How many?" she asks casually as she stares up at me with her big, brown eyes.

"I don't know… maybe three or four. How many were you thinking?"

"Three or four," she says with a bashful smile.

God, she looks so divine. I trace her bottom lip with my thumb before cupping her cheek in my hand. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too. Always."

The memory fades, bringing tears to my eyes, as I'm brought back to reality. Charlie's big, brown eyes-which are just like his mother's-stare up at me in wonder. I trace his bottom lip and he grins at me. I memorize his face, wanting to keep it fresh in my mind until the next time I get to visit him.

Cupping his soft cheek, looking into his curious brown eyes, I tell him, "I love you, Charlie. Always."