So, not sure how this turned into 4,300 or so words of Tasha pretty much turning into a terrible person, but there you go. And because it's over 4,000 words, my next update will actually be Part 2 of this. I think we got a lot of expository content and some background to kind of see why Tasha became what she did. There's no dialogue until the end, but I think I made it interesting enough (lol).

Disclaimer: Vampire Academy and all of the recognizable books, characters, settings, and plot lines belong to Richelle Mead, who I can't thank enough for writing such a wonderful series.

Updated: 10.12.2021

For a moment, Natasha Ozera thought she turned a dark, Hulk-green with jealousy.

At least her skin would match her silk sheath dress, she thought wryly. Can't be a fashion reject when I'm already a societal reject.

She stood in the corner with a glass of red wine in her perfectly manicured hand and watched carefully as Dimitri Belikov followed Rose Hathaway around the hall. Not actually following her around the hall, mind you. That would be too obvious. No, Dimitri followed her around with his eyes which was arguably worse since he was supposed to be guarding this banquet hall filled to the brim with royal Moroi. Instead of doing his job, he was tracking the movements – especially those occurring at waist-level when her back was turned toward him – of the 17-year-old high school senior he was supposed to be mentoring. The action especially rankled her because Rose was wearing the blood-red, Asian-style dress Tasha herself had purchased for the young girl as a holiday present. The one that looked like it had been painted onto her curvy, yet muscular, body.

It wasn't obvious to anyone but her. As an outcast herself, Tasha understood the benefits of being invisible in a room full of people. No one talked to her unless they had to do so or she inserted herself into conversation, and people were more bothered by the fact that she even showed up to the event than they would have been if she hadn't. Dimitri was a dhampir and had it even worse since Moroi – especially the royals – considered them nothing more than muscular decoration. They weren't talked to, they were talked around, and she'd noticed more than one guardian's eyes glaze over briefly with boredom or wander around the hall in a more pedestrian manner than was required to effectively guard a room of this size and Moroi of this importance.

But no matter the obviousness of his action, it didn't change the fact that Tasha was mad because those eyes weren't tracking her every movement with lust-filled pupils. That the man Tasha had wanted since she was 25 and had been doing everything in her power to get instead wanted some other woman. And an underage one, at that.

Despite being an outcast, Tasha had been raised with all the privileges of being a royal Moroi. All she'd had to do was flick her eyes in a certain way, smile, and make a request and whatever she wanted appeared before her almost instantly. This had even extended to men. But, for some odd reason, Dimitri Belikov had been the one thing she'd never been able to receive.

Tasha took a sip from her wine – dry, but still a little sweet, with a pang of sour with which she identified all too well – and slowly walked from her corner along the brick wall. Like a predator, she kept one of her eyes trained on the tall Russian man standing in front of one of the columns lining the ballroom on the other side of the room and the other on her nephew's friend, who was standing almost equidistant from both her and Dimitri apparently having gotten sucked into a conversation with some younger Moroi politicians about Monica Conta's outrageous proposal earlier that day.

She could hear bits and pieces of the dialogue, and she was happy the younger generation was in line with her thinking rather than the older generation. She was also equally happy to see Dimitri nodding his head at particularly progressive points, just like he'd done when she had first met him six years ago when he'd been guarding Ivan Zeklos.

Despite Ivan (and Dimitri) being a newly minted graduate of St. Basil's Academy, he'd been at Court during the following warm, Pennsylvania summer on some political business. Growing up in the same social circles had made her and Ivan friends, and she remembered walking into the court bar they had scheduled to meet up in to catch up and being instantly attracted to Ivan's tall, muscular guardian.

Wasn't her fault, she explained to herself. She couldn't help she was attracted to powerful-looking men.

In her St. Vlad's days, Tasha had been somewhat notorious for preferring to "hang out" with the male novices than the male Moroi. Spending time with the dhampirs had also given her insight onto how they were treated in the vampire world, and she began to develop some more radical ideas of thinking than her Moroi friends. Why did the Moroi, who were gifted with literal magic, prefer to waste that magic on party tricks? The Moroi relied so much upon the dhampirs for survival against the Strigoi and preferred to use their magic to simply build wards and charm stakes rather than use it offensively to protect themselves. So, Tasha began learning how to defend herself, both physically and magically.

The Ozera line was known for its affinity for fire, and Tasha had spent many nights experimenting with her element. She taught herself how to create fires that don't burn but distract, how to throw the fireballs she could build in her palms at targets, and even learned how to conjoin it with other elements like water and air and earth to make diversions or traps during a fight. From Vinh Duy Khuc, Tasha learned the basics of fighting and using weapons in self-defense.

Although she'd allowed her practice to fall a little by the wayside after graduation, preferring to focus on her political ambitions and bring the Moroi court into the 21st century, her progressive thoughts had been proven correct. A decade after she graduated, her brother Lucas and sister-in-law Moira – who had willingly turned Strigoi the year before – came back to collect their son, Christian. After they'd killed Vinh, who had been their only guardian as the courts saw fit to punish the remaining Ozera family members for Lucas and Moira's choices by stripping them of their protection, Lucas and Moira had advanced on Tasha. She then used her elementary knowledge of physical and magical self defense to protect her nephew.

While she'd sustained scars, her actions had held off the elder Ozeras long enough for help to arrive and finish the job. She'd been a hero, and she thought her actions would have prompted immediate change in their culture. In that cafeteria, just a year after the attack with the scars of that night displayed proudly on her face, Ivan (and, if his slight nods had been any indication, Dimitri) had been the only one to see, understand, and agree with her vision.

Now Ivan was dead, Dimitri was being stifled by his obligations, and tonight she was willingly walking around the ballroom filled with (and drinking the expensive wine of) the people who continued to actively halt that kind of progression in their society. At 35 years old, Tasha had a list of regrets that painfully ate at her and a whole lot of anger at her situation.

Part of her bitterness, she knew, was being alone. Not that she needed to get married and have children at all, but loving Vinh and raising Christian had instilled in her a desire to eventually settle and have a family. After the attack, no Moroi man was knocking on her door and where the Moroi went, the dhampir men were made to follow. And after meeting Dimitri, who was so much like Vinh, she'd wanted no other man – Moroi, dhampir, or human – but him.

In the weeks following Ivan's return to court, the three of them had been thick as thieves. Tasha had inserted herself into Ivan's social schedule, knowing Dimitri would be there to do his duty. It kind of wasn't fair to him because he couldn't really participate in the social scenes as a guardian when he was on duty, but after Ivan received another guardian Dimitri had some more nights off to relax. They got to know each other, and the 29-year-old Moroi had gotten in deep with him.

Once she had passed the point of no return, however, her love for him took somewhat of an ugly turn. Ivan wouldn't be at court much longer, as it was now almost October and he had some pressing business to attend to in Siberia, which meant Dimitri's time with her was coming to an end. For an almost-19 year old male and a well-built guardian, especially one who was charged with such a wealthy and attractive young lord, Dimitri garnered a lot of female attention. And Tasha did everything she could to quell that growing female attention.

She hung onto his arm and began touching him a little more when they were out socially. She used half-truths and inside understandings to twist the general perception of their relationship. When the rumors of a possible relationship between the two sprouted, Tasha did nothing to stop them and instead added more fuel. But through it all, she was absolutely confused about how little sway she had over him. Like, she had used almost every trick in her book to get him to be attracted to her but there was no sign of reciprocation. For someone who was used to getting anything she wanted when she wanted it, men included, his resistance only made her that much more determined to succeed.

When it came time for him to depart, she got his contact information and they agreed to stay in touch. Over the next three years, his and Ivan's schedules had only permitted them to meet in person twice and Dimitri's apparent indifference to technology outside of what was needed for his job led them to exchanging a handful of emails and texts per year. She became more and more ostracized from court and got busy making sure Christian was taken care of to notice their growing distance. But she always remained hopeful.

They'd reconnected after Ivan's death, but Dimitri was in no state to think about anything romantic with anyone. His schedule as a Court guardian then kept him chained to a desk for a year before rumors of the missing Dragomir princess' location had surfaced. Then, Queen Tatiana had personally chained him as Lissa's guardian and shipped him off to recover both his charge and the rogue novice who'd taken her. Tasha fumed that he'd slipped through her fingers once again, but then Christian told her he'd begun dating the princess and her hopes were renewed once more.

The attack on the Badica family had spurred Tasha into action. While she didn't necessarily fear for her own safety, she began to feel uneasy about being out in the world alone as a royal Moroi with Strigoi actively hunting down and eradicating the different clans. Although the courts had stripped her of the privilege of assigning the family guardians, officials had never prevented the Ozera family from requesting them, nor guardians requesting to serve members of the Ozera family. A plan began to form in her mind as she packed up her suitcases, and as she drove the miles to St. Vladimir's Academy, she began to feel a flame of determination in her chest.

Headmistress Kirova, though a little put out by Tasha's sudden appearance at the Academy, allowed her to stay in one of the old cabin outposts on the outer-most edge of the school grounds before hitting the ward line. Tasha, though feeling the snub at the location of the cabin, soon realized the privacy she would have – privacy she would need – to succeed in her plan. The next step was using Christian to get to Lissa who she would then use Lissa to get to Dimitri.

What she hadn't counted on was Rosemarie Hathaway.

Beautifully exotic (a curvy rarity even among dhampirs) and the daughter of renowned guardian Janine Hathaway, 17-year-old Rose was who Tasha could have been in another life. Although she was rash and impulsive at times, from what Christian said later Rose was an incredibly loyal persona and fiercely protective of those she cared about. This was all great and fine, but Rose's transition from a person of admiration to an obstacle Tasha needed to overcome came about quickly. Really, almost as soon as Tasha was informed by her nephew's girlfriend that the curvy dhampir teenager was receiving one-one-one training from Dimitri himself.

Tasha needed to know more about this threat to her happy ending.

At fifteen years old, Tasha discovered, Rose broken Lissa out of St. Vladimir's Academy due to threats coming from within the academy's walls. Somehow, the two girls had survived in the mortal world without any feeders, money, or plan for almost two years before someone had gotten lucky enough to spot them on a college campus in Portland. Despite very little training, Rose had managed to keep them alive while dodging guardians and psi-hounds (or so Rose said) before being dragged back to Montana. Although she wasn't expelled (although it was a very close call, so Tasha had heard), Rose was put on probation and Dimitri had apparently accidentally volunteered himself to help train Rose so she could graduate on time and become his guarding partner.

Her history as a firecracker, her obvious intelligence, her dedication to her best friend who wasn't even yet her official charge, her disappearance and return, plus the mystical bond the two girls shared would have been enough to light a jealous fire under any woman. But that, combined with her hourglass figure, slightly- tanned skin, long, silky and luxurious dark brown hair and obvious (but not bulging) muscle, made her even more desirable to any male with a pulse and seeing eyes.

Dimitri, Tasha could see, was no exception.

The way he was looking at her, eyes unconsciously roaming over Rose's figure as he talked with an unusually (for him) tender and affectionate expression on his typical stoic face alerted Tasha to the fact that there was something going on under the surface between the two. Something almost certainly sexual. Tasha knew from personal experience it wasn't that much of a leap to go from something sexual to something romantic…especially with the ungodly amount of time the two seemed to be spending with each other.

Tasha vividly remembered a time when Dimitri, who'd been mentored himself, had explicitly stated he would never mentor a student because he wanted to be 100 percent focused on his duty. Plus, he said he didn't have the patience to deal with the attitudes of teenagers. But Tasha knew even if a person did not have the patience to teach Rose because of the rebellious attitude, the reward of getting close to that body of hers was too much to pass up.

That was all taken from first glance in the woods of St. Vladimir's. As time went on, Tasha firmly denied every observation she made.

She knew Dimitri was too honorable to ever let anything happen between him and someone he was mentoring, not just from the teacher-student perception, but also because the two were slated to become guarding partners for the last Dragomir. Her slowly increasing jealousy reinforced this explanation, convincing Tasha that Dimitri was just being a man and would eventually get tired of the child whose looks would inevitably fade with her profession. She convinced herself he would get tired of the immaturity and the passing infatuation would fade and he would move on to someone who wouldn't disintegrate.

Hopefully to a Moroi woman, like Tasha. This reasoning made dealing with Rose's constant presence a thousand times easier. Tasha was even able to overcome it enough to give the young girl a gift – one that would hopefully help her attract the attention of some young Moroi male determined to woo her into a relationship. Adrian Ivashkov came to mind.

It was only physical attraction, Tasha soothed herself. Nothing more than physical attraction.

Then the winter trip to the lodge retreat came.

Tasha was taken aback by how often they trained. Early morning, late night, caches of time between scheduled social events, and even when they were bored. But whether it be a small conditioning session or a full-blown conditioning and sparring session, Tasha could not – would not – believe that Dimitri would want to spend any amount of time with that whiny, immature child. Tasha had heard around court from the guardians who watched them train together that the girl was going to be an amazing guardian and they would be the deadliest guardian-partner-duo a Moroi would ever have assigned to them.

Who really cares? Tasha thought. Rose did not need to train while she was not on academy grounds. In Tasha's opinion, Dimitri needed to stop training the teenager and spend more time relaxing and having fun with an adult like Tasha. She needed time and opportunity to keep her plan alive, and from their sparse interactions it seemed like Dimitri had not yet made the intellectual jump from seeing Tasha as a friend to seeing her as a potential romantic partner. It wasn't for lack of trying on Tasha's part; in fact, Tasha tried very hard to get him to see her as anything other than a friend. She'd worn tighter clothes while walking around the areas of court she knew he frequented, and she'd even put on athletic gear and trained in her own corner of the gym when she knew he was in there alone to wow him with her athletic prowess.

She'd even (sort of) challenged Rose to a fight to prove her dominance over the other girl, but that had backfired immediately when Rose had handily handed Tasha her ass on a silver platter. Tasha avoided the public for a couple days to nurse both her wounds and her pride.

But, despite her thinly-veiled attempts at seducing Dimitri's attention away from Rose, observations began to trickle into her brain she couldn't rationalize into submission.

She noticed how Rose, despite all the flirting, really never went out or spent time alone with any of her male friends or her persistent Moroi admirer, Adrian Ivashkov, other than on the slopes or in the hot tub. Even then, Lissa was always present. The only male she spent hours on end with was Dimitri. Around him, Rose was never not smiling and happy. Even if she was down, she would perk up as soon as Dimitri walked into the room.

For his part, Dimitri did do social things with Tasha, but they were always with a group of off-duty guardians. He preferred to play pool and hangout in the gym or in the lounge than go out to bars and restaurants, citing his need to conserve money and his unwillingness to "waste her money on him." He could spend hours reading westerns, and Tasha hated reading with such a passion that she would rather sit alone in her room and mope. But as soon as he would see Rose, he would set his book down and walk off to join her en route to the cafeteria or wherever she was headed. Tasha didn't understand mentor/mentee relationship they shared, nor did she understand what the training they did entailed, specifically. But it never failed to make her blood boil when they left for / emerged together from the gym, the library, the cafeteria, or the onsite medical clinic.

Tasha also noticed the looks they shared when they thought no one else was looking. They were soft, devoted, and loving – all of which were the kinds of looks she and Vinh shared before he was brutally killed by her brother and his wife. But she also took stock of the looks they gave members of the opposite sex. Dimitri constantly looked like he wanted to break the faces of either Adrian or one of Rose's male friends, Mason, and he would narrow his eyes dangerously at any male who looked twice at Rose in workout clothes. Rose also never failed to give a female trying to get Dimitri's attention a glare promising a slow, painful death if she didn't back off right then.

The more she noticed, the more she couldn't believe no one else was noticing. But all that meant was Tasha needed to make him the offer before it was too late.

She texted him she wanted to meet at a little Court café for lunch the next day. A brief struggle to set a time – he was taking his turn guarding the lodge in the morning, and then had a double session scheduled with Rose starting in the middle of the afternoon (ugh) – before they agreed, and Tasha spent the rest of the night deciding on her outfit and practicing her speech in the mirror. Arriving at "The Grind" the next day and sitting at a more intimate table in the corner, she sat and waited. It wasn't took long before the object of her affections arrived, still in his guardian clothes from earlier and smelling like he just threw on some light cologne. Her heart fluttered as he sat down and they ordered coffee and some lunch.

They exchanged pleasantries, and then when their drinks and food were delivered Tasha jumped right in.

"So, Dimitri," she chuckled nervously. He paused, his paper to-go cup poised at his lips and one perfect eyebrow raised in a question. "I've been thinking a lot lately about the future. My future, specifically. Raising Christian has given me a whole new perspective on what I want my future to look like, and that future involves children. I've always liked you as a friend –" insert eyeroll at massive understatement here "—and I know you want a family as well. I'm a royal Moroi, and while I'm not allowed to be assigned a guardian, I can request one as long as that guardian also requests me."

Dimitri froze, eyes wide and panicky, but Tasha pretended not to notice and kept going. "What I'm offering you is the chance to be my guardian. We'd live together and work on progressing Moroi society, and while don't have to do anything right away, my hope is to give us both the family we want to build."

Dimitri just stared at her in shock. And stared at her. And stared.

Tasha drummed her nails on the table in nerves. "Thoughts?"

Dimitri shook himself back into action. His eyes looked sad. "Tasha, I'm sure any man would jump at the chance to take you up on your offer of a family. But why me?"

Here was her chance. Maybe he'll see how good they could be together if she just explained. "Because I think we'd be good together. Not just as co-parents, or a guardian-charge, but, like, together. Romantically. I like you, have for years, and I think we'd have a wonderful, solid relationship. We have the same thoughts about our world's progress, we both like to work out, we have fun together…" She trailed off, not knowing what else to add and feeling the awkwardness of the situation.

And he looked like she'd put him between a rock and a hard place.

"Tasha –" Nope.

"At least take some time and think about it. I know you'd be giving up the charge of a lifetime, but you'd gain so much more with me. Just think about it." He nodded before finishing his coffee and excusing himself politely before disappearing from the café.

That was yesterday afternoon, and Tasha hadn't seen nor heard from him until tonight's banquet.

He looked so delicious standing there in his guardian dress uniform, but the lust she felt for him in that moment was tempered by his silence. That, and the fact his eyes kept themselves trained on Rose's dress-clad ass. Anger and jealousy quickly welled up inside of Tasha – who the hell did this teenager think she was, taking male attention away from Tasha? - and she pulled out her cell phone. Quickly texting Lord Szlesky, Tasha exaggerated that Janine's daughter had crashed a Moroi banquet and was entertaining the attentions of a couple royal Moroi men in a sleazy dress and could he please send Janine to come and get her daughter and save her from embarrassing herself further?

Minutes later, Janine Hathaway stormed the banquet hall and pulled her daughter out into the hallway. The banquet guests could hear the argument from inside, which began with a "…just because YOU weren't invited…" from Rose and ended with "…dressing like a cheap whore…" from Janine. Tasha felt a happiness warm her body, and before she lost her nerve she slithered up next to Dimitri.

"Quite a shame, really, that Rose had be pulled out…how embarrassing for her. I guess Adrian's really disappointed he didn't get to finish their conversation, so to speak, but I saw him leave right after her, so he might have a chance to make his case for her to become his guardian after she graduates after all."

She looked at Dimitri, who was seething. Tasha needed to drive this nail home and break whatever hold Rose had over her Russian. "But it's probably for the best they left early. She gets an escort back to her room by a wealthy Moroi in need of a guardian – the Queen's favorite nephew, you know, and he gets whatever he wants – and you can finish up here and escort me back to mine."

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, the pupils of which had become black. With lust? Yes! Tasha, who'd been standing at Dimitri's left elbow, turned to leave, but made sure her chest brushed his bicep as she did so. She paused and raised herself up on her toes so she could whisper in his ear.

"I still need an answer, you know." Then she walked away, hips swaying from side to side.

She hoped he was watching.

Honestly, I feel kind of bad for Tasha. She has good, solid ideas but she's a woman in a patriarchal society that values tradition, racism, and classism. I think she wants Dimitri because he's a good person who showed interest in her when no one else did, so she decided she had to have him. I think her dhampir / guardian lover getting murdered in front of her and then having to raise the child of the people who did that really messed her up romantically and psychologically. I also believe her growing up as a spoiled royal Moroi and then pretty much having that all taken away from her because of nothing she did made her more determined to hold onto things she wants and to get things she wants.