Two for the price of one

Chapter 2: Fighting blonde douchebags

A little mini A/N before we begin. I did no research before I wrote any of this and I wrote most of this off the top of my head while I was writing it at 3:00 AM. If you see anything that I should change or have any suggestions, leave a review or PM me.

I was in another world. How did I know this? It was simple. Louise had explained a lot about the new world me and Saito had found ourselves in about an hour ago. Speaking of Louise and Saito, Louise was currently berating the two of us for our escape attempt. While Saito was following along to Louise's rambling, I was barely paying attention. Why was I not paying attention? It was because I was gazing out the window at the proof that I was 100%, without a doubt, on another world. There were two moons in the sky.

The largest of the moons was a light blue color and was either a lot larger than earth's moon or it was a lot closer. The second moon was a light pink color and it appeared a little smaller than earth's moon. Even more perplexing was that the pink moon orbited around the blue moon which should of been impossible. Even though the two moons represented a very grim conclusion, I had to admit that the sight was extraordinary.

The rest of the sky was also a sight to behold. Although whatever world I landed in seemed to be preindustrial, which brought about a whole bunch of problems, there was a one upsides. The upside was that light pollution was pretty much non existent which allowed me to view the full night sky in all its uncensored glory. I took a bunch of pictures with my phone. If I ever got home, I was definitely gonna win some awards with the photos. Combine the photos with the fact that I was in another universe in the first place, I was going to be rich.

Back to reality though. Louise was really going at it. She was super short for a girl me and Saito's age. With all the yelling she was doing, her lungs must take up around half of her body. I tried to listen to her but I only got so far as,

"-and don't even get me started on-" Before I tuned her out again. Instead, I decided to ponder about how I arrived here in the first place. I had a few theories as to what happened, everything from aliens to the government, but let's go over the more logical ones.

Theories like this just being a dream, or maybe the ham in that sandwich I ate earlier was rotten and this is all just a hallucination brought about by food poisoning, or maybe someone at school drugged me and they're currently having their way with my unconscious body in a supply closet while all this was going on in my mind, or maybe all of this was actually real. Maybe I really was summoned by a pink haired girl and I'm suppose to be her magical slave.

The first two theories were a lot more likely than the third one and they were all more likely than the theory that this was actually real. In the end though, I decided to give the fourth theory benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

I was brought out of my thoughts once again when Louise pulled me by my arm and pushed me out the door and into the hallway. Saito was pushed out a few seconds later with a large pile of clothes in his hands.

"And don't either of you come back until those clothes have been washed!" she ordered us before slamming the door in our faces. Me and Saito just kinda stood there for a moment in stunned silence before I turned to ask him,

"So what's going on? I wasn't really paying attention."

"She wants us to wash her clothes and when we're done she wants us to wake her up at dawn," Saito explained.

"So she just kicked us out?" I questioned, "What's to stop us from just trying to escape again?"

"She said that that guards were alerted to keep a watch out in case we tried to escape again and that if we did try that there'd be severe punishment."

"Oh," I simply responded. I was still having trouble processing everything that had happened today. "So what now?" I asked, "I don't know where the clothes washing place is and even if I did, I got no clue how to wash clothes."

"Lets just look around, We're bound to find it eventually."

Our search didn't last very long. We walked maybe 50 feet before turning a corner and smacking right into another person. Saito was the one in front so he was the one that actually ran into the person. Saito was also the one carrying all the clothes and the person that he crashed into was also carrying a bunch clothes, so now there was a ton of dirty laundry strewn around the corridor everywhere.

"God damnit," I sighed before helping Saito up and then turning to the mystery person. It was actually that one chick that I ran into earlier. The black haired girl dressed in a maid uniform that I met when trying to hide from Louise and her classmates.

Said maid was rocking back and forth on the ground cradling her head.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry! Louise told me and Jaydon to wash her clothes but we don't know where so we had to find it ourselves and I wasn't paying attention and then I ran into you," Saito quickly rambled off.

"It's alright," the maid responded after shaking off her pain and pulling herself to her feet, "My name is Siesta. You two must be the familiars that Ms. Valliere summoned."

"How do you know about that?" I questioned.

"There's a rumor going around the school that Ms. Valliere summoned two commoners to be her familiar and that one of them tried to run away," She said with the last part directed at me, "I guess you're both the two commoners."

"I guess," I said with a bit of disdain, "Like Saito said, we're trying to find the place where you wash clothes."

"I can take you there if you want," She said gleefully. Me and Saito agreed and after picking up all the clothes off the floor we were off.

It didn't take too long to get to our destination. All we did was go outside to one of those grassy fields like the one me and Saito first arrived in. This field was a bit different though. This field had a large fountain adjacent to the large central tower.

"There's no actual laundry room so us maids just come out here to this fountain to wash the students clothes," She explained, "I can clean the clothes for you if you want."

"Don't you already have clothes to wash?" Saito questioned.

"Yes, but it is my job as a maid."

"I don't know. It just doesn't feel right letting you wash all these clothes by yourself. What if we help you?" Saito asked. When I heard the word we, I decided that it would be a good time to leave.

"You can stay and help if you want Saito," I said, "I'm going back to Louise's room to go to sleep." I didn't give him a chance to respond as I was already started walking.

Backtracking my way there wasn't too hard. I only took one wrong turn and I realised my mistake after a few seconds. When I actually tried to open the door to Louise's room was when the problems really started because the bitch decided to lock the door.

"Goddamn it, open!" I aggressively whispered while lightly tugging at the door as to not make any noise. I gave up trying to get in after around a minute and decided to just find another place to sleep. That place being a small balcony at the top of the tower. At least it was warm out.

My back was fucking killing me. I guess that's what I get for sleeping on a floor instead of a bed. I was woken up at 6:00 AM by the alarm on my almost dead phone and by the rising sun shining light in my face. When I woke up, I was half expecting to wake up in my bed at home but I had no such luck. Maybe I just shouldn't of slept at all though. Combined with my aching back I was still super tired because I had a hard time falling asleep. Being in another dimension will do that to you.

When I finally left my sleeping spot to go wakeup Louise, I found Saito sleeping against the wall outside her door with a neat pile of folded clothes next to him.

"Huh?" he groaned when I shook him awake.

"Get up Saito," I ordered.

"Hey Jaydon," he yawned, "What time is it?"

"Little after six."

"Thanks for leaving me last night," he tiredly said sarcastically.

"No problem," I smirked.

"Don't we have to wake up Louise or something?" he asked.

"Yep," I said before pounding on the locked door, "Louise, get up!"

I only had to bang a few more times after that before she actually opened the door.

"What do you want?" she groaned. Her normally straight, pink hair was all frizzled out and she was wearing a slightly transparent nightgown that barely left anything to the imagination, not that she had much in the first place.

"You told us to wake you up in the morning."

"And who are you?" she asked inquisitively.

"Really?" I deadpanned. It took her a moment to actually recognize me and Saito.

"Oh, it's the two commoners I summoned as familiars. I had hoped that yesterday was just a bad dream."

"You and me both," I quietly muttered under my breath.

"Did you wash my clothes like I asked?"

"Yes," Saito saito presenting said clothes in his hands.

"Good. get in here," she ordered. We did as she said. Once we were inside her room and the door was closed Louise immediately took off her nightgown to reveal that she didn't have anything underneath. Now, there truly was nothing left to the imagination. As soon as me and Saito registered what exactly had happened we turned around to face the wall with massive blushes on our faces. Saito was freaking out on the inside and while my thoughts were calmer they were also much darker and more perverted,

'Oh shit, are we sex slaves?' I questioned in my mind, 'Eh, could be worse.' Louise's next command disproved my theory though.

"Dress me," she commanded.

"What?" me and Saito both asked at the same time.

"I said dress me?!" she ordered again only much louder, "What, are you two stupid or something? Did I get two brain dead commoners as familiars?"

"No we heard you! Why do you want us to dress you? Can't you do it yourself?"

"A noble never dresses themselves when they have servants to do it for them." she explained pridefully.

"Yeah but, we're both guys. Aren't you embarrassed or anything or worried about, you know…"

"No, I'm not embarrassed. Why would I be embarrassed? You two are both just familiars, no different than dogs!"

'Oh shit, it just got worse.'

"Now dress me!" she commanded again.

"No way, I'm not dressing you!" Saito said.

"Yeah, aren't you like, 12?" I questioned, "Can't you dress yourself?" I asked.

"What?!" Louise's yelled at me. Next thing I know I feel something smack me in the back of the head.

"Ow!" I cried, "The hell was that?"

"That's what you get for disrespecting your master. And I'll have you know that I'm 17."

"Could've fooled me," I muttered.

"What was that?" Louise asked threateningly.

"Nothing!" I assured her.

"Good. Now hurry up and dress me!"

"I already said no," Saito said.

"Yeah," I said joining Saito.

"Alright, fine. You don't get breakfast then."

"What?!" Saito asked in horror.

"I still ain't dressing you," I said, remaining strong.

"Alright. No dinner then either."

"Fine by me," I said. I could probably find something to eat. Saito was freaking out though.

"Now lets not be too hasty Louise," Saito said, finally breaking, "If I dress you can we get something to eat?"

"I suppose you can," Louise relented, "But from now on you are to refer to me as Master. Do you understand?"

"Yes Lou- master."

"Good."

"Have fun Saito," I said to him, "I'm waiting outside."

I stood outside the door just twiddling my thumbs while Saito was dressing Louise. They came out a few minutes later and Louise dragged us both away to who knows where.

It turns out where Louise dragged us too was a dining hall. I was pretty nice. Tall ceiling, everything made of marble, it was pretty beautiful. What wasn't beautiful was Louise's reaction to when me and Saito tried to sit down at a table.

"You can't sit there!"

"What?" Saito asked, "Why not?"

"Only nobles are allowed to sit here," Louise replied.

"Well then where are we supposed to sit?" Saito asked and to which Louise replied by pointing to floor. Me and Saito just sighed and sat down on the floor next to Louise's seat.

"So, um, what are we supposed to eat?" Saito asked.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Louise said. Then, she placed a bowl in between me and Saito. The bowl held what I can only describe as a moldy piece of bread floating around in the toilet water of a taco bell bathroom on cinco de mayo.

"What. Is. That?" I asked with my jaw trying to fall to the floor.

"Your lunch," Louise responded. I just stared at Louise, then back to the food, at Louise, the food, Louise, food.

"Screw this," I muttered. I got up and walked away to find the kitchen. Saito followed me shortly after. Louise yelled something at us when we left. I didn't hear what it was but I don't really care.

The next half hour or so passed by in a kinda blur.

First, I found the kitchen which was thankfully right next to the dining room. Unlike the open, marble dining room, the kitchen was a little dark and it was cluttered with pots, pans, and cooks running around all over the place. Siesta was also there carrying a tray that was full of cakes. She greeted us happily, we told her of our plight, and she introduced us to the head chef. He was a pretty nice guy. His name was Marteau and he was a big guy, probably over six feet tall and a bit overweight but he was also really strong. When we met him, he was carrying a huge pot full of water which he was going to use to make stew. After being introduced, he gave me and Saito some of the leftover food. I can see why he's the head chef because the stuff was delicious and filling, even if it was just some bread and small pieces of meat.

After gorging ourselves, all the while chatting with Marteau and Siesta, the two said that they had to get back to work and Saito decided to help Siesta deliver desserts. I didn't want to be a dick, again, so I actually helped this time. The job wasn't too hard, just bring the pastries over to a table, put one in front of someone, then move on to the next person. That all changed though when I met this one douchebag.

The douchebag in question was that one blonde guy that me and Saito passed by while trying to make our escape. I didn't pay him much time, just deliver the cake and move one, but then I saw that he dropped something out of his pocket and I decided to be a good guy and return it to him.

"Hey bro," I said holding out a small purple bottle full of liquid to the guy, "You dropped this." He barely even looked at it before he brushed me off.

"Silly commoner, that's not mine." But the others sitting at his table paid more mind too it. Once they saw it they started murmuring about how it was perfume that belonged to someone named Montmorency, how the guy, named Guiche, couldn't have gotten it unless the two were dating, and about how Guiche was suppose to be dating this other girl named Katie. The whole thing climaxed when the two girls that were just mentioned showed up and started arguing about which one of them was Guiche's girlfriend. Both girls decided that neither of them were his girlfriend and after they slapped him they parted ways. I was also about to leave but before i could Saito showed up to see what was going on and Guiche started yelling at us about making two girls cry. Then, the guy challenged us to a duel and that's when I found myself outside.

Neither me, Louise, nor Siesta wanted us to do the duel. I didn't want to because I thought the whole thing was stupid. Louise and Siesta didn't want want us too because they kept saying,

"A commoner can't beat a noble." While Siesta said it with worry, Louise said it with anger. It wasn't until Guiche started mocking Louise that she completely flipped sides and forced me and Saito to fight. This sucks.

"My name is Guiche the bronze. As such, my bronze valkyries will be your opponents," he announced pridefully before pulling a rose out of his robes and flicking it around. A few petals fell off his rose and when they hit the ground four bronze golems appeared and they charged towards us. I would've commented about the valkyries being amazing if they weren't busy kicking our ass. The things were a lot faster than us and a lot stronger than us. After being knocked down a few times, Saito called out this unfairness.

"This is unfair! It's four against two and they have weapons!"

"Hm, I suppose you're right," Guiche said boredly, "Very well, I'll give you both a weapon." And with another flick of his rose wand, two bronze swords appeared in front of us. They weren't anything special but they would do. Upon picking them up, I felt like I just took took a shot of a mix of morphine, steroids, and adrenaline. Along with that, I also knew how to use the sword like a master and the brand on my hand started glowing. The same thing appeared to have happened to Saito because his hand was also glowing and the pained expression he had before was replaced with one that was calm and collected. In short, it was time to kick ass and fuck bitches. Unfortunately for Guiche, we were all out of bitches.

With a single swipe from mine and Saito's sword, the four golems disappeared in a puff of smoke. Guiche said something, I think it was a taunt or a gloat but I was too into the rush to remember what he said. He waved his rose some more and even more valkyries appeared. These were quickly cut down and then replaced by more which were once again cut down and this went on over and over as me and Saito got closer to Guiche with each wave and he got more panicked. Eventually, we did reach Guiche and he brought in the final boss. It was like the normal valkyrie only it was bigger, the metal looked thicker, and it had one of those ridiculous bumper swords. This one was so strong that it survived two strikes from our swords before it disappeared like its brethren. Now there was nothing standing between us and Guiche.

"S-stay back!" Guiche said in a panic. He waved his wand to try and summon another golem but the only thing that appeared was a small lump of bronze. We responded to his threat by slowly backing towards him. When we were right in front of him he finally gave up and surrendered.

"Stop! Stop!" he yelled in panic, tears threatening to spill out from his eyes, "I yield! I yield!" But I was having none of it.

"I got a plan," I whispered to Saito, "Let's milk this for all it's worth. Follow my lead." He nodded to me. "Guiche," I announced, "I am the victor of this duel and as such your fate is in my hands." Everyone stared at me wondering what I was going to do and Saito look at me uneasily.

"What are you doing?" he whispered to me.

"Just watch," I whispered back, "As the loser of the duel, I sentence you to death!" I swung my sword down towards his neck. Most of the spectators looked on in stunned silence while Guiche and his two ex girlfriends cried out,

"NO!" Saito made a move to stop me but I stopped myself when the sword was an inch from his neck.

"But, I would be willing to spare you for a small fee."

"W-what?" Guiche begged with the tears now flowing freely, "Anything!"

"I demand all of the valuables that you have on your person."

After hearing my demand, Guiche shakily retrieved a small pouch from his pocket.

"H-hear, take it! It's all the money I have!" I tossed the bag around in my hand a few times. It wasn't very heavy but it was pretty heavy for an object its size. I shrugged and pocketed it.

"Alright, be gone," I said while removing my blade from his neck. Once it was gone, Guiche took off into the crowd and I started to walk off with my newfound winnings.

"Today was a go-" I began but couldn't finish because I immediately passed out once I let go of my sword.

A/N

The real A/N this time. This took longer than I thought because of laziness and visiting relatives. In order to save time and because it's 4:40 AM while I'm writing this I'm not going to read through and edit this. You get to read my night writing in all it's gloriousness. Other than that, I am glad I got another chapter out. One part of this chapter went through a rewrite and one small part was scrapped from the final thing. What were those things you may ask? Once I'm done with this fic I'll probably create a chapter where I write down all my scrapped ideas so you'll just have to wait. Enough about my writing though, time to ask whether or not you as the reader liked it or not. My opinion on this chapter is a six or seven out of 10. It could've been better but it's not terrible. I'd like to respond to the comments about the cover image, I'm glad you guys seem to like it. I made it in like two seconds in ms paint. Maybe I'll make another one in three seconds this time but for now the current cover is staying. I've said and talked about everything I wanted too so I'll see you in an indeterminate amount of time.