Is anyone still reading this story?
I couldn't sleep at all last night. It was either because I couldn't stop thinking about my talk with Cato or that I was to enter the games in just a few hours. I've always been an early riser, waking up to go hunting before school starts but now I just lay in this oversized bed waiting for Effie's voice.
My talk, well more like little conversation with Cato last night left me thinking that maybe he really does want to help Jackson and me.
I thought maybe he was ashamed to be working with us; ashamed to be associated with District 12. But I knew from meeting him back in district 12 that he wasn't like 'everyone' said he was. I should have put a little trust in him. But that's the thing I've been suck on this past hour or so; trust. It's hard to trust people. You never know when they're going to betray you or just disappear from your life. It's hard to let anyone in when you know it won't last long.
I loved my family, but there all gone now.
I loved Gale but he betrayed me.
I let Madge be my friend and then she left me.
I've let myself feel as though I was a part of a new family; the kids at the community home. And now I've been taken away from them.
Trust and love both don't exist in my world.
Should I trust Cato? He is one of my mentors so it is his duty to help me but I made him promise to help get Jackson out. When I asked him he didn't reply back fast, it seemed as though a million thoughts went through his mind. Maybe he was thinking about his games, maybe he has a brother that Jackson reminds him of or maybe he really didn't want to help us. But yet he said yes; yes to helping me; yes to Jackson. And I trust him. I trust that his yes answer was genuine. I guess I'm just waiting to see how long it will last.
**** Skip a few hours ahead ****
Cinna walked me to this cold blue titled cell where I now wait until I step into what looks like a tube that will bring me up into the arena. On the inside pocket of my jacket he placed a gold mockingjay pin I always carry with me. I got this pin to give to Prim on her birthday one year to give her strength, to let her be brave but so she would always know that I would protect her. How well I did with that.
I can hear my heart pounding and my fingers are tingling with nerves. I decide to re-braid my hair to try keep my mind calm but that's not going to well. The machine voice starts to count down. With a finale last long hug to Cinner and him telling me he's betting on me to win, I step into the tube. The door closes and I wait for it to take me to my death.