Chapter 2

A/N: Hi! I am so glad you guys want me to continue this story! Thank you for your kind comments! Hope you like this chapter. I am changing a bit of my storyline for what happened in episode 14x05, so it's a little more canon. Enjoy!

Malibu was hell. When Nathan moved there with Megan and Farouk he knew he would have a hard time dealing with the whole California vibe. On the first month of living together, things were going pretty okay. He woke up every single morning feeling like he had everything a guy could wish for. Sure, he was having difficulties finishing the house and trying to help Farouk adjust with their new lives, but he felt like he couldn't be happier. He was with the woman he loved, he suddenly discovered he made a great dad and the "manly" part of him felt good for having a family to take care of. He didn't think he'd have that. Not now, at least. Before he discovered Megan was alive and well, he was too involved with his feelings for Meredith to even think about having a regular family of his own. Sometimes he'd daydream about nights with Mer and her kids, having dinner with all of them, learning to live together. Learning her kids' likes and dislikes, hearing their jokes, wondering if they liked him and then discovering that they thought he was "pretty cool". Nathan would be lying if he said that he hadn't made those scenarios in his head. The scenarios that only made him want to fight even harder for Meredith. He knew he was in too deep. And he also felt that she probably didn't like him as much as he liked her. But when they were together, only the two of them, in the few moments that she let her guard down and was just Meredith with no filters: no hard façade, no "you don't know what I'm feeling right now" face, he knew that his feelings, whatever they were, were reciprocated. She'd look him in the eye after laughing about something he had said and he just knew. They would look at each other for a few seconds, and he felt mesmerized by their connection. By her beauty. By her. That was the thing with Meredith, he realized: when she walked into the room, she didn't become the only person in there. She was it. She was the room. He was always captivated by her presence, since day one.

After the first month after he left Seattle, things started to get harder. He and Megan fought most of the time. Though, the truth is, they had always fought. In the States, in Iraq, in the hospital. He had always brushed it off. They were young. Ten years had gone by; things had to be different now. He was much more mature, and he supposed she was too. He still wasn't used to see her maternal side. He loved it. He never thought he'd see Megan with a kid. And she was amazing with Farouk. She was a worried and compassionate mom. Always knew what he would need, what he was feeling. Their relationship was moving. And Nathan was starting to connect better with the boy. Farouk liked him and felt safe with him, he could tell. That was enough for now.

What wasn't enough was his and Megan's relationship. The first time they had sex after ten years was… good. He was worried their chemistry or whatever had worn off. It hadn't. To his – and he supposed hers too – surprise, it was like riding a bike. She was beautiful, he loved her, she loved him. He felt like it, she felt like it. It was good, it was natural. But that's all it was. Good. Natural. Normal. Maybe it was just a phase. And that theory would work if it wasn't for how often they fought now. First it was quiet, bedroom fights, about the door on the kitchen, the color of the cabinets, the ugly carpet that he chose for the living room. Then, both of them became a lot more vocal. One day, after Nathan's first day on the job he got at Malibu's Thousand Oaks Surgical Hospital, they screamed at each other so loudly that Farouk actually screamed at them for them to stop. They did, and then apologized, said that it would never happen again. Megan, later, said that if Farouk caught them screaming like that again, it would be over. Nathan didn't think she'd say that, not really. He didn't think of the possibility of not being with her. He thought they were done. He thought they'd just be together forever, until one of them died. She was the love of his life who went missing for 10 years. Of course that they'd be together, she was alive, she was there! Not being with her sounded… impossible. Not bad. Just… it wasn't going to happen. Except, he didn't know if he wanted that life. He was hating his job at the hospital. He managed to do only one surgery in the span of two months. That was unbelievable. Never would have happened in Iraq. Or Seattle, for that matter. In two months, Nathan was disliking his life routine more and more. He didn't hate it. If he was being honest with himself, he could probably live like that for the rest of his life. It could be worse. It had been worse: he didn't have Megan before. Or Farouk. That was fine. He was going to learn to live that new life. The life he always wanted.

After his and Meredith's short text exchange, he felt a sense of closure. She was there. He was here. That was it, he would probably only see her again if he went to Seattle with Megan to visit Owen. She would be happy with her children and maybe would even find someone to love. He was going to be in California with Megan and Farouk.

That's what he thought, until one day, when Megan was out running errands and he was staying at the house with Farouk. He heard the front door open.

"Hey." Megan said, carrying a few plastic bags.

"Hey. Want a hand?" he asked, already moving off the couch.

"Yeah. I- I have to talk to you about something." She said, giving him the bags and watching him put them on the kitchen counter.

He looked confused. "Okay. Right now?"

"Yeah. Can we go to the bedroom? Where's Farouk?"

"He's playing with his toys upstairs." Nathan said, still trying to figure her out.

She looked at him with a certain sadness he wasn't sure he had ever seen before.

"Come on."

In their bedroom, who was actually a neatly decorated space, with blueish colors, he closed the door.

"Is everything okay? You look-"

"No, I'm fine. I'm fine. It's just- This isn't working. You and me. It's not working, Nathan." She gestured between them as she spoke. She looked nervous, that conversation wasn't easy for her.

"I-." He looked down at his feet. He wanted to deny it. He wanted to say no, but he just couldn't make out the words. "I know." He sat down on their bed.

Megan sighed with relief. "You do? So this isn't something that I'm making up? That I'm allucinating? You do see that all we do is fight, right? I'm not crazy?" She asked exasperated and sat down by his side.

"I do. We- I think this was fine before because we weren't in this same picture, you know? We weren't in this position. We didn't even live in this country. We fought and made up."

"I know. And now we fight and still make up but… It's so tiring, Nathan. I- I am ten years older now, I can't keep living the way we did, it's not right. We don't deserve this, after all the shit we've been through." She grabbed his hand.

"Yeah. I know." He put his hand above hers.

"What do we do?" She whispered, looking into his eyes.

"I can move out. I can… figure out a life to myself. You know I don't like this job right now."

"I do."

"So, I'll move out and decide what I'll do."

"You can stay here though, it's not like we hate each other, Nathan."

"No, I know, I know, but I don't think we both really want that." He laughed. "Plus, the longer I stay here, the more I'll have a hard time saying goodbye to you and Farouk."

She laughed with him. "You're right. I do love you, you know."

"I love you too." He stroked her cheek. "But this is what's best. Right?"

"Right." She said to him, sad that this was over.

After that conversation, Nathan took a couple of days to move out and booked a hotel room in downtown Malibu. He didn't know what to do, but he did need a place to stay. He was doing okay. It hurt, of course, to be without her for ten years, having her come back and then realizing they weren't good for each other anymore, but he felt like that was the best decision to make. He hadn't had an honest conversation with her like that since… ever. And it felt like she was just as done with their relationship as he was. He was going to be fine.

When he saw Meredith's picture on the cover of JSA magazine on a medical shop, though, things inside him changed. She made it. She was nominated for a fucking Harper Avery Award. She was incredible. He said that once, and he would always believe it. He still condemned himself for trying to change her mind about operating on Megan. Of course she was the perfect person to do it, he is so glad she did it. Megan was perfectly fine, her surgery went perfect, she had her life back. And now, Meredith was going to win the biggest surgical award there was. He was so happy for her. When they were at the plane, when he assisted her with that surgery, he knew, for sure, that she would be praised for what she was doing. He had never seen anything like it. She was incredibly talented. He remembers he felt lucky for knowing her. For being able to see up close how incredible she is.

Seeing Meredith in that magazine cover created something new inside of him. A sense of pride, a sense of she got what she deserves. If he was still with her, he would hug her tight and just whisper in her ear how he knew she would make it. How he thought she was one of a kind. How much he loved her.

He knew he had to do something. He talked to Owen, just to know how everything in Seattle was and managed to discover that the ceremony would be at Los Angeles. Megan had told him they weren't together anymore, but Owen and him had sort of become best friends again. Then, he talked to Maggie, and said that he wanted to congratulate Meredith, so she gave him the name of the hotel she was going to be in. It was easy. He picked white roses, since Meredith probably wouldn't like red ones and asked for them to be sent to her. He knew it still wouldn't change anything between them, but he had to let her know what he felt and how happy he was for her.

The flowers were sent on Friday. The ceremony would happen on Sunday night. He was given an invite to ceremony, since the hospital he worked in Malibu gave those out for all the attendings and the ceremony was less than an hour away from there. The Harper Avery Awards were a big deal. Even bigger than in Seattle. Then again, everything in California seemed to be a bigger deal than anywhere else.

He thought of going. He had a feeling Meredith would win. What would she think? Would she hate it and tell him to leave? Would she ignore him?

Or would she appreciate it and hug him? What if he actually got to say the things he so desperately needed her to hear? That she was incredible, that she was the best, that he loved her?

Did she even knew he and Megan weren't together anymore?

He had to go see her win.

A/N: Sorry to end it like this but I had to! This chapter was a lot longer than I expect it and I wanted to make a bit more suspenseful. Please comment what you think, I love to hear your compliments and your thoughts, they keep me going! All the love.