Summary:

A terrific tale of the daunting wedding nights of three unlikely couples who have been brought together by a botched Ministry of Magic Marriage Law. Pairings: Sirius Black X Luna Lovegood. Remus Lupin X Hermione Granger. Severus Snape X Ginny Weasley. Warning: Smut! DO NOT READ IF THE AGE GAP DISTURBS YOU.

Further:

To escape bethrovement to Ministry picked men (read: Death Eaters), Hermione, Luna and Ginny marry to Order of the Phoenix members who are outside of the brackets of the Ministry's badly thought out law which only binds witches and wizards between the ages of 16 and 36 into predetermined pairings. It's a fateful thing that Remus, Sirius and Severus are all thirty-seven.

HP

It was a warm summer night in Hogsmeade and the windows in Hermione and Remus' room were thrown wide open to tempt in the balmy evening breeze.

Remus sat up against the headboard of their bed, a copy of 'Transfiguration Today' folded in half in his hand while he read about an article titled: 'Lycanthropy v.s Werewolfry: Arsenius Jigger explains which locution better describes the werewolves'.

In contrast to Lupin's relaxed manner Hermione seemed filled to the brim with cornish pixies for she simply couldn't sit still. She kept on throwing him nervous glances before resuming her jittering while he watched her fret and stew out of the corner of his eye with mild amusement.

Nearly an hour had passed before Remus finally questioned this odd behaviour. If she had something to say, surely she would have spat it out by now.

'Something on your mind?'

'Er ... Um.' Hermione looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

Remus raised his eyebrows expectantly at her.

Like a dam breaking, a confession came spilling forth Hermione very quickly. It was clear that she had been stewing anxiously on this topic all day. 'I'm not confident or fit like Ginny. She can make a grown man blush with her words! She's lewd and flirty, I - I'm not. I'm shy, I can't say those kind of things. I get embarrassed. And I'm not like Luna either. Luna's so honest. She can say things that are uncomfortable and mortifying and not blink twice. She has no shame! She won't blush and stutter over this like I'm sure I will.'

Remus closed his paper and put it on the bed side table. 'I'm going to take a wild guess here and assume that when you say 'this', you're referring to is sex.'

Hermione looked up at him and gave a sombre nod.

'Hermione, Tell me what sex is.'

Hermione gulped. 'Well … When, a man and a woman, or any two people really, when they - see I get embarrassed!' she exclaimed, angry at having proven her own point.

'When a man and a women (as in our case) have sexual intercourse, it can be defined as the erect penis entering into a vagina. Repeat it back to me Hermione,' Remus ordered her in his professor voice.

Hermione did, word for word, though her tone was a touch shakier than Lupin's.

'Sex in general encompasses lots of different acts, including kissing and the stimulation of erogenous zones with hands and mouths. Common acts include blowjobs and handjobs, and fingering and licking a woman out - excuse the unprofessional terms.' Remus said with a slight smile. 'Repeat it, please.'

Hermione did.

'So,' Remus continued, 'lets take this to a more personal level. Have you ever brought yourself to an orgasm, or tried to?'

Hermione made a strangled sound, her eyes wide. What in Merlins Name ...

'I'll answer first, if you want?'

'Er - yes.'

'Most mornings I wake up with morning wood, though its not as persistent as it used to be in my Hogwarts days. I hardly wank of a morning anymore.

'It's popular for a guy to get off before bed, a bit of a sleeping pill of sorts; you see orgasms are deathly relaxing. But I don't like it. I prefer to read before bed with a hot tea and a bar of chocolate if I'm feeling indulgent.

'These days my favourite place to have a toss is definitely the shower, its practical and the cleanup's easy.'

Hermione's mouth was still gaping slightly.

'So Hermione, do you want to tell me a bit about your personal habits?'

'Well,' Hermione began slowly, 'I guess I only began exploring that kind of thing when Ginny told me to take an extra long shower one night at The Burrow, for she was in a bit of a mood, she told me. The implication was clear.

'I was mortified and ran off the the bathroom. I must've been in there for an hour before I dared to return. She was laughing when I came back in, told me she'd been done forty minutes ago, that the thought of Harry got her-' Hermione stopped as she realised what she was saying. 'Well, that doesn't matter does it. Anyways, that was in the summer before I began my sixth year, so Ginny was going into fifth. I never tried it at The Burrow, but a couple of times at Hogwarts with a silencing charm in place late at night I'd have a go at it. It never really worked though, so I ended up ordering a book.'

Remus laughed loudly but kindly. 'Of course you did. Smartest witch of her age and all. Consulting a book - brilliant.'

'It was very informative. I learned that the brain was the largest erogenous zone in the body, which I liked the sound of. Soon enough I could conjure a half enticing scene in my mind. Half an hour later I'd be there; to an orgasm, I mean.'

'And how do you bring yourself to this orgasm?'

'I've always found that clit stuff worked better for me than fingering or any other sort of stimulation. I've put a finger in myself less than a dozen times I'd expect. Usually I just go down there to gather lubrication,' said Hermione, flushing a bit at the confession.

'Thank you for being so honest with me Hermione.' Remus was smiling warmly. It made him look handsome. 'I can tell that was hardly your cup of tea but you were excellent.'

'I think were about ten times closer now than we were ten minutes ago,' Hermione muttered good naturedly.

Remus chuckled. 'I daresay we are.'

Hermione gave him a little smile.

'I'm going to propose something to you. Our wedding night is three nights away. I think we should prepare for them. I want it to be as comfortable as possible for the both of us. That means giving you a bit of confidence. '

'Like practicing a spell before an examination.'

'Sure,' he said with a tone of amusement. 'We're learning the theory.'

Hermione smiled at him. Inside she was doing a victory dance; shed just talked about masturbation! And she hasn't even stuttered! Ginny would be so proud of her.

'Your confidence in other aspects of life comes from intelligence, so let's keep within those boundaries. To build on your nerve we can have a formatted conversation on sex and the likes. It will be a game of sorts; a back and forth battle of bravery; who can ask, and indeed answer, the most risque questions. You're a Gryffindor; daring, and I know you're competitive. These elements will come into play. Hopefully you'll become more comfortable around me and we will see each other in a new light.'

A sexual light, Hermione silently commented. 'I'm really grateful to have you as my husband. The lengths you'd go to to make me comfortable and confident about all of this makes me feel really safe and cared for.' She beamed at him earnestly.

Remus smiled back at her kindly. 'Hermione, you're one of a kind. You're truly the best kind of challenge. I'll enjoy this as much as you, trust me.'

HP

Authors Note: the second part of this will be up in two days MAX! In the meantime ... let me know what you think about Remus and Hermione as of yet xxx