I awoke washed in white. White walls. White sheets. White smock. But she stands out like a sore thumb in her black and gold. She lounges in a chair next to my bed, her head rests in her hand and it appears she has awoken from a slumber just as I have. Our tired as eyes meet.

"Morning" she drones

"Whe…where am I?" I ask, my voice rumbling with exhaustion.

"You didn't make it all the way but you gave a good try."

"Make it? Make it where?"

"Outside the walls."

"Walls?" I echo but then I close my eyes and reality sets in "Oh"

I look at her as I try to pull my thoughts into a cohesive strand. Her mouth quirks into a smirk and she begins to chuckle.

"Why do you always look like that?" she asks me so breezily.

It appears the allusion of my authority is no longer in play. We are aware that this dance, this game we were playing has been altered and the rules have changed.

"Look like what?"

"Like you are the loneliest person in the world."

Her answer surprises me. To be more exact, her blunt approach surprises me but the answer in itself does not. I am lonely. I choose loneliness. My solitude comes with the title. You have to be detached to make the big decisions and I admit that ever since my path has crossed with The Caretaker I have used isolation as a way to avoid grief. If I avoid my grief then I can avoid the crushing reality of losing everything I love.

"I don't know what…this is…but I need to get back to my ship" I claim

I attempt to sit up but every nerve in my body cries out in agony. I cry out as well. I lay back down shaken and frustrated. I feel with the Ensign's more honest approach my mind feels less muddled but in that the situation is now all the more….what? Absurd? Sad? Infuriating? I don't take well to being made the fool. I don't take well to games as well.

"Who are you?" I ask with a huff

"I think you know"

"I'm tired of this little game!" I snap "I need to wake up! Get out! Move on! I have a crew and a ship depending on me! I need to get home!"

I sit up this time, slowly. My body protests but with less force. I look her her. She looks back with no fear.

"You're more aware now. This is the good part. This is where we get what we both want."

"What is that?"

"Answers."

"Answers to what!?"

The Ensign releases an exasperated sigh. She stands, stretches and makes her way to a small metal table near my bedside. There rests a single hypospray. She picks it up and wiggles it as she looks back at me.

"Will help with the pain." she explains before pressing it against my neck and releasing the medicine into my bloodstream. Immediately I feel relief and I am more than grateful.

"Thank you."

"Lets go for a walk" she replies as she hands me a robe that apparently had been folded at the foot of my bed.

I don't quit feel like complying but I am also aware that whatever role she may play in this situation, she may also be my ticket out of here . She maybe mysterious and unpredictable but thus far she has not been cruel to me.

I slip out of bed and stand on shaking legs. Without a word The Ensign helps me put on the robe and offers her arm. I accept her assistance with caution. We exit the white room only to enter a corridor in Voyager.

"Why did you kill Ensign Little Iron?" I ask

"Love"

"Love?"

"She loved me deeply. She made it clear. I loved her back deeply as well but I didn't say. I think she knew. But love gets in the way and when someone loves as deeply as she did then death is the only way to eradicate the problem"

"But to kill someone. To end their life that is irrehensable. I could never."

The Ensign stops and turns to me with a furrowed brow.

"But haven't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"He loves you and yet you kill the future with him. You kill the love and replace with drive."

"With drive?"

"Yes. You need drive to get you home."

"But I would never kill Chakotay."

The Ensign chuckles once more and shakes her head before continuing our walk.

"You of all people should know that death comes in more than one form."

"Who are you?"

"It will come to you."

Commander's Personal Log [Audio Only]

Stardate: ******

Log:

The spirits are awake and active. I speak of them and a book I have been reading about the spirits of my people topples to the floor. I like how ornery they are. It reminds me of my father, I feel he has been with me quite a bit as of late.

I've been running the ship from her bedside. I know I have my duties, my people and my honor to adhere to. But something deep inside me tells me there is more at play with Kathryn than just a simple coma. I speak to my spirit guide and he warns me of shadows in the soul, I speak with my crew and they say they feel at times they are being watched, I read what little I can on the Ludere and I am warned that they are always more than what you imagine.

A soft whimper.

I'm sitting beside her now. She's more active. There are more twitches here and there. She is starting to speak more. I think she is talking to someone but I'm unable to make out what exactly she says.

I am [sigh] I am in debt to Voyager. It has become my home as for my crew. I'm almost at peace if I am sent to the colonies when we get back to Earth because Voyager has been the peace I have searched for all my life. I have been the prey of fury since I was a young boy. The Elders in my village both applauded and feared me because of the fury that would erupt from my young body. I was a warrior. I am a warrior and a great one at that. But it kills you over time when that is all you are. But then I found Voyager and I have found true peace. As warrior it is my duty to protect my village, my people, and all that I care for. That is Voyager. My duty is to protect Voyager at all costs.

mumbling

But I fear…I fear Kathryn just might be that cost.

a groan

I'm don't think I'm willing to pay that price.

End Log.

The corridors we walk are arduous and I can feel each step prick needles throughout my body. But The Ensign's support does not waver and she does not mind that we walk at a snail's pace. Our conversation continues easily in a question and answer form. For the first time I am getting to know this woman who haunts my dreams and bewitches me so. Yes, she only really reveals herself in cryptic answers and knowing smiles. But I will take what I can get. It's a dance with her and step by step I will find my way back to my crew.

"You were never human."

"I like to believe after all this time I have a little humanity in me."

"You play it well."

"I'm a modern day Stella Adler"

"A what?"

"Did I just use a reference you didn't know? Well, thats a check for me."

I can't help but smile. The playful side of her puts me at ease despite the circumstance. I can tell she has taken a liking to me and I to her. Perhaps that is why I feel more willing to ask questions. As I continue to probe the game dissipates and in this moment, although we are at odds, we are equal.

"Is she dead? I mean really dead?"

"Little Iron? Your Engineer?"

"Yes. Both."

"Thats hard to say. You think and you live in a very…linear way."

"So in a linear form are they dead?"

"That will be up to you."

"I don't understand."

"You will soon."

"The symbols. Did they mean anything?" I ask

"Anything can mean something, Captain."

"I don't understand your strategy." I say with exasperation "The siren, the symbols, the silence, the killing…you have us running in circles but why? You have been with us for months now! Shouldn't you know by now we are on a mission of peace?"

"I do believe that you believe that."

I stop. She stops and turns to me. Her face is nearly blank but she holds a hint of expectation in her gaze.

"Then what do you believe in?"

"Tell me the mission of Starfleet."

"To explore, to discover new worlds, to…"

"…to seek what you do not know."

"Exactly."

"To explore is to study, yes?"

"Yes."

"Do photon torpedoes help you study? Do phasers with lethal ability help you study?"

"Thats for protection."

She throws back her head and emits a bark of a laugh.

"Captain" she chuckles "There is a difference between simple defense and obliterating one's enemy."

"Starfleet never has the intention to…"

"I'm tired." she states boldly but with a hint of resignation in her voice, holding up a hand to silence me.

My mouth snaps shut. It irritates me but this is the most forward she has been since we have met. She turns from me and places her hand against a panel. The black screen comes alive but instead of the usual controls, I see a white screen with the series of symbols that had been submitted into our database. I have poured hours into staring at these symbols, I have scoured over hundreds of alien text trying to make sense of it all, I have began to memorize the symbols by heart but it feels as though I am looking at them for the first time. With a wave of her hand she scrolls through the series of alien text until she reaches the very bottom. There, with the tip of her finger she spells out Ex astris, scientia. The motto of Starfleet Academy, "From the stars, knowledge." The words fade into the white and reappear as the alien text.

My eyes widen and she smiles.

"Notes. Its notes on Voyager. You've been studying us."

"Is it not the scientist's duty to seek what we do not know?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm simply what you do not know."

The EMH, listens blissfully to the rise and fall of the delicate soprano emitting throughout the sickbay. Opera has always put the mind at ease and stimulate the senses. The moment was pure. The unconscious Captain for once makes no sound and the EMH believes the music brings her peace. Perhaps there had been a glitch in the Doctor's subroutines at the moment because the hologram could swear that he could feel a very realistic pain in his chest when the computer notified him that the Captain's heart had just stopped beating.