Summary:

A terrific tale of the daunting wedding nights of three unlikely couples who have been brought together by a botched Ministry of Magic Marriage Law. Pairings: Sirius Black X Luna Lovegood. Remus Lupin X Hermione Granger. Severus Snape X Ginny Weasley. Warning: Smut! DO NOT READ IF THE AGE GAP DISTURBS YOU.

Further:

To escape bethrovement to Ministry picked men (read: Death Eaters), Hermione, Luna and Ginny marry to Order of the Phoenix members who are outside of the brackets of the Ministry's badly thought out law which only binds witches and wizards between the ages of 16 and 36 into predetermined pairings. It's a fateful thing that Remus, Sirius and Severus are all thirty-seven.

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The following night Luna and Sirius were joined in marriage. Hermione understood perfectly Luna's excitement for the wedding night ahead of her when she saw Sirius waiting at the altar; dark and dapper in an all black three-piece muggle suit, his jawline clean-shaven and his long hair looking far more casually elegant in its tousled state than seemed fair. Luna, for her part, looked like an angel as she floated down the aisle in a shimmery dress with an enchanted looking train swirling behind her like early-morning fog. When they kissed it was brief but undeniably passionate and Ginny and Hermione exchanged knowing smirks.

Afterward there was a brief celebratory dinner at an old Italian restaurant in Hogsmeade and Hermione indulged heavily in fruity red wine. She was nervous drinking, butterflies had settled deep in her ribcage and her heart pumped faster at the thought of tonight's ... conversation.

Remus observed her downing alcohol like it was her lifeline, she was clearly nervous and it endeared him.

It was late at night when Remus and Hermione hobbled back to their estate together. Up ahead Sirius was chasing Luna home as as Padfoot and Severus and Ginny were long gone (Snape had grabbed the ginger girl and apparated her back into their room, having grown tired of her taunts; tonight on his remarkably bat-like appearance).

The house was quiet when they entered. They silently took seats on opposite sides of the kitchen bench and Hermione armed herself with another glass of wine.

'So,' Remus started, clearing his throat, 'I guess now is as good a time as any to begin.'

'I guess it is,' said Hermione, staring at Remus bravely.

'What's your favourite part of your body, Hermione?'

Hermione pondered the question for a moment. She took a sip of her wine before she replied. 'I like my back.'

'Your back. Why?'

'Well, backs are sexy in an understated way. And I feel like my back has a nice curve to it at the bottom.'

'That's true. I imagine you'd look quite the treat in a backless dress. There is something enticing about a woman's bare back,' Remus agreed.

'Now my question,' Hermione said. 'What's your favourite part of your body.'

Remus smiled at her like he knew she'd throw that question right back into into his face. 'I'm afraid my answer is a fair bit more crude than yours was Hermione.'

Hermione's interest was piqued. 'I'll cope,' she said dryly.

'Its my penis - or cock, if you don't mind me saying. There's something uncomfortably clinical about the word penis. Don't you think?'

'It does sound a bit too official for this kind of conversation,' Hermione agreed, flushed but confident and coherent.

Remus nodded, observing her closely. 'Well, as you know, I'm a werewolf. I got bitten as a young child so I was already werewolf when I hit puberty. I don't know if is because of my affliction or if it is simply genetic, however I've always had the biggest cock in the locker-room, so to speak. My appendage is decidedly large and it's been a contingent to my quiet confidence ever since, as primal and brute as that seems.' He gave a light laugh.

Hermione willed herself not to glance down to Remus' in search of his bulge, but could not keep her imagination from forming the picture of a large cock; thick and veiny, slapping lewdly against Remus' thigh, a shiny mushroom head smeared with precome, heavy balls hanging low. Hermione couldn't deny her curiosity.

'Interesting answer, Remus,' Hermione said, sounding decidedly tipsy. 'Your question.'

'Are you, or are you not, a virgin?'

'I am a virgin.'

'I suspected,' Remus said, 'but best to be sure.'

'Assuming you're not a virgin, who did you lose your virginity to? Give me the story,' Hermione parried back.

'Well, it was the beginning of my sixth year. I'd never really dated due to my lycanthropy. I didn't like people getting too close to me, it seemed not worth the risk. But I was in an admittedly popular crew in our day; Sirius and James drew many admirers - they were handsome, personable, intelligent and on the Quidditch team. I also had a few girls interested in me, nothing to their followings, but it was flattering.

'One night after a Quidditch victory party with a few too many butterbeers in my system, I found myself in the boys dorms with a girl in the year below me, Val. Valerie Mowle her name was. Well, we'd been snogging all night and one thing leads to another and next minute we were having sex.

'It was half decent too for a few drunk teens losing their virginities to each other, she had a nice rack of tits.' Remus smiled fondly, looking caught up in his own memory. 'I remember being mesmerized by them swinging in front of my face when she was on top. A good looker Val was, Sirius didn't believe I'd actually bedded her for a week afterwards.' Remus gave a chuckle.

'We slept with another a few times after that. It was always friendly though, never serious.'

'So you've got a thing for big breasts then?' asked Hermione, the alcohol slipping into her demeanour and making her bold.

'Well, I've got a thing for women,' said Remus. 'Big, heavy tits or small, perky ones. Long, toned legs or thick thighs and a big arse, I'm not hard to please, Hermione,' said Remus.

'That's logical,' said Hermione. 'So no type?'

'Can't say I'd be able to pick one particular asset from the crowd, no.'

Hermione nodded.

'What about you? Have you got a type Hermione?'

'Well, I did fancy Victor Krum for a bit back in fourth year, and I also liked Ron too, so I guess you'd say I like tall guys,' said Hermione, silently acknowledging that Remus well over 6 foot himself. 'Tall and lean, with a bit of character, I suppose. I've never been into the Cormac McLaggen or Lockheart textbook good looks.'

'Well, I can't say in unhappy to hear that,' Remus commented dryly. 'Your turn.'

Hermione took a big gulp of red and looked Remus in the eye. 'What's the best sex you've ever had?'

Remus raised his eyebrows and leant back in his chair. 'The best sex I've ever had.' He said, mulling it over. 'It must've been just after the first world war. I was all alone and in a very bad way, and took to living as a muggle for a very long time.' Hermione understood, at that point Remus would've believed Sirius to be the traitor, and his other three best friends, Lily, James and Peter, dead because of him. How lonely it must've been for him. She felt a surge of pity for the kind man in front of her.

'During one stunt working in a muggle library I found myself an admirer. She was a curvaceous woman, dark skinned, long hair in braids, used to wear low cut camisoles into the library to seduce me. It worked. We were sleeping together for about two months after that. I crashed at her London flat nearly every night for a while there.

'The best distraction you can possibly hope for; sex is. But see, she was into something you'd call … well, I don't know how to put it nicely, but she liked being told what to do. You could liken her to my slave in bed, so to speak. For all her confidence and bravo when coming onto me, she would have licked my shoes and slept on the floor covered in cum if I wanted her too.'

Hermione looked mildly horrified. 'And did you … make her-'

'No, no! I was always a kind, er - master, to her. That's what she called me. Master or Sir. I was only interested in domination of the sexual sort, and never into pain when there was no dual pleasure earned from it.

'She was a submissive sadism and humiliation type. She moved onto tougher men than me, who would've flogged her raw for disobedience, simply to establish their power, not that she would have minded. She he was turned on by the power play, she loved the release of full subservience.

'Anyway, when we were together, it was mostly me telling her to do sexual acts, calling her my slut and what not, spanking her and mildly humiliating her by cumming on her face or in her panties.'

Hermione could feel her face flushing and the blood spreading like a heatwave down her neck as she listened.

'It was the perfect distraction, considering the mental and emotional state I was in. I threw myself into my job by day and into my sex life by night. I took it all out on her, which she adored. It was my release, my way of coping.'

Hermione looked mildly scared.

'Are you OK, Hermione?'

'Well … I don't think I can do - that - stuff, for you,' she said timidly.

Remus rushed to console her. 'No, no! I don't expect you to. I'm merely telling you that at that point in my life, the sex was the best I've ever had because, aside from the obvious pleasures of it, it also acted as a means of coping, so to speak. To control someone else in the bedroom like that is empowering and consuming. Do you understand?'

'Yeah, I guess so,' Hermione said, not looking entirely convinced.

Remus could almost smell the restlessness nervousness on Hermione, and ploughed on in explanation in an effort to comfort her. 'I am at a different phase of my life now. I no longer seek an emotional and mental release in bed, as I did, perhaps unhealthily, back then after the first war. Now physical release is primary to me, as it is with many people.'

'I understand that.'

Hermione was being honest with him, and he relaxed. He'd been scared he'd frightened the girl.

'Well, what's your most common fantasy?'

Hermione did not reply for several long seconds, but stared at her wringing hands and took great gulps of wine.

Hermione, you've got to trust me,' Remus coaxed. 'I just told you something deeply personal and perhaps a little outside the box.' Hermione snorted. 'You can place the same trust in me as I do you. I will never judge you.'

'It's no that I don't trust you,' rushed Hermione. 'I do! But I'm embarrassed. I envy how you talk so cooly about sex. Its attractive.' She admitted.

Remus grinned at her.

'Well, I suppose my most common fantasy is when someone, the person changes lots - its never relevant to the scene, stands at the end of the bed, and they watch me masturbate.'

When it seemed Hermione would not elaborate anymore, Lupin pried.

'Do they tell you to masturbate or simply enter into the room and happen to watch you? More precisely, is is a turn on to have someone telling you to touch yourself for them, or for you to be playing voyer and having someone watch?

'The first one,' muttered Hermione muttered.

'So, how does the fantasy usually begin? Do they catch you in the act or-'

'Yes.'

'Ok. And they tell you to continue touching yourself? Or you do so by your own admission?'

'They tell me to.'

'I thought so. And the man, does he touch himself or not, while watching you?

'Usually he touches himself.' Hermione replied, marveling silently at how Lupin seemed to be inside her head, for his questions were perfectly accurate.

'Does he finish?'

'Yes.'

'Where?'

Hermione squeezed her eyes shut. He must be reading her mind somehow. 'On me.'

'Be more specific.'

'Between my thighs,' Hermione muttered, looking into her near empty glass.

'Interesting,' Remus commented. 'Any other fantasies?'

'My turn to ask questions, thank you,' Hermione snapped, more playful than irritated.

'Well, go on then.' Remus sounded amused.

'Hmmmm ... have you ever been with a man?'

Remus laughed. 'Once or twice I did receive wet kisses from my mates, usually Sirius the horny mutt, when we were younger. But no, besides that I've never held interest in being bedded, or bedding, a man.'

Hermione nodded, amused.

'Have you ever considered bedding a woman?'

Hermione groaned, clearly annoyed at herself for bringing about this topic. 'Well, I do sometimes consider it in fantasies, but I don't know if its a reality I'd actually want to play out, you know?'

'Good answer, Mrs Granger.'

Hermione raised her eyebrows at him and gave a small smirk, as though to say; you'd like that, would you?

Definitely a touch drunk, Remus silently commented, smiling at her cheek. 'My turn. Would you let me spank you.'

Hermione answered nearly instantly. 'Yes. Permitted it is with the intent of pleasure, not pain.'

'Of course. Of course.'

There was definitely something like teasing happening between them now.

'What's your favourite position in bed?'

'Doggy. Remus answered quickly. 'Maybe it's the wolf in me, maybe it's the large appendage, but doggy feels like the height of all things dominating. I like the total control and the primal feel of it. It's rough and deep.'

'I can imagine.'

'It also provides the benefit of unparalleled access to a womans arsehole, as far as sex positions go.'

Hermione's jaw dropped for a second before she recovered herself. 'Have you ever done, you know- anal?'

'My question Hermione,' said Lupin, but before she could apologize, he was answering, 'I know this will be your next question anyway, so after this I can have two questions, and then we will go to bed?'

'That sounds fair. And, yes, yes, bed too.' Hermione rushed to agree, keen for an answer.

'Well then. Yes, I have done anal. Though only three times. At my size it's not something even usually keen women are interested in. There is something very intimate and ... naughty about someone elses arsehole, I'll admit to slipping a finger up many women's behinds and it's a sensation like no other, when done properly. I've eaten arse as well, pardon the crude terminology, a few times, always after a thorough shower though. I like how a woman she squirms and squeals in pleasurable embarrassment. Its addictive.'

'Ok.' Said Hermione, flushed and looking thoroughly educated. 'Your two questions.'

'Have you ever experimented with your arsehole?'

'No.'

'Would you?'

Hermione paused for a half a second before answering. 'Yes.'

Lupin smiled. 'Good game, Hermione. Bed now I think. I daresay you've had a few glasses of wine tonight and will be wanting to hit the sack.'

'I may or may not be sleepy,' Hermione teased.

Definitely feeling the effects, Lupin thought as he turned off the kitchen lights with a wordless 'Nox' and followed the brunette up the staircase towards their bedroom, and if he was watching her bum move under her fancy black pants no one was there to notice.

That night they both dreamt the same dream of Hermione kneeling under Remus obediently with a look of desire on her pretty face as she stared at his huge cock; of him slapping her arse loudly as he fucked her from behind while she squirmed in the bedding; of a finger teasing her arsehole lightly while she gasped and grinded back on Remus and of a cumshot splattering thickly on her sloppy pussy from behind.

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