A/N: Hello! I am very sorry I didn't update this story sooner; I was really busy at the end of 2017, with University and the holidays. I'm also sorry about this short chapter, but I really wanted to post something before travelling! I'm going to the beach in a few days and won't be able to update this story until I come back, but don't worry; I am not done with it! Thank you so much for your comments; they really are my biggest motivation to write this, I know how important fan fiction is for us fans, especially in this scenario, with Martin gone. That's it for my ramble; enjoy and let me know what you think!

Meredith knew from the moment she saw Nathan at the hotel bar that it was all going downhill. The chill down her spine let her know that no good could come from encountering him there, as gorgeous as ever, with his greenish eyes that she always managed to get lost in, since the first time she saw it. The truth was that her attraction to Nathan was one of the strongest she ever felt. She wouldn't say it was stronger than what she felt for Derek, but it was certainly something she never thought she would feel again. Not ever. Especially not for Owen's kind of brother-in-law. Not for a guy who had a dead fiancée that would later be found alive. She thought she was done with those kinds of messes, but apparently not. When she was younger and clueless she used to laugh about the girls in the movies that always fell for the wrong guys, asking herself why wouldn't they just go away when they knew it was only going to hurt? But as she grew older she began to understand that when it comes to love, the one thing you can't do is control it. Love, attraction, passion, "likeness", fondness. All things that can't be manipulated or avoided. All cut from the same cloth, only with different levels of affection.

She didn't know at what level she was at the moment.

It certainly felt like it could be love. When she felt all those things just by looking at him she suspected that's what it could be. When she thought about his hand in hers at one forty-two in the morning when she couldn't sleep, she was almost sure she loved him. But at times like this, with the Megan issue and her three kids, she wanted it to be anything but love. Love, she learned, made everything harder. Decision making, thought process, the ability to just concentrate on something other than the object of your affection.

Maybe what she felt for Nathan was nothing but attraction. Physical attraction, the kind that makes you weak in the knees just thinking about it. His arms, his skin, his scent. Sometimes she thought she should just give in to that feeling, it seemed a much better choice. An easier choice, if nothing. At times Meredith thinks that's what got her to kiss him that first time. It was unexpected, it was the last thing she thought she would be doing that day, but that's the thing with attraction, it comes when you least expect it, and when it does, you get the urge to act on it instantly. Not that her appeal for Nathan started at that moment, she knows it was way before that, but she really needed it. So she got it. Feeling him reciprocate those feelings felt even more amazing than she had thought.

But what was happening was too confusing. She hated not knowing. She hated not being certain about things, especially things that were inside her head; things that she should be able to label. And with him there, when she had just won the biggest award of her career, it was too much. It was overwhelming the way he had surprised her and told her that he and Megan were no longer together. Part of her hoped that one day she had the chance to see him again, but the rational part, the one that ruled most of her thoughts most of the time, was certain that that was it for Meredith's and Nathan's relationship. At times she would caught herself mourning their 3-week fling – it was what she tried to convince herself as to what their relationship was – but quickly ignore it, because how could she allow herself to be sad over something that wasn't even supposed to happen?

As soon as his lips touched hers she cursed herself for inviting him to her room. She knew what could happen, and frankly, she missed him, so a kiss wasn't supposed to make her as irritated as she got, but kissing him at such a delicate time seemed wrong. What was going to happen after? She knew herself enough to be sure that if it wasn't for her contemplation over the mess they were in, they would definitely have sex. Except she didn't want him to leave after. And, as he said, he wasn't going to leave his job, not right now. She would be way too stupid to agree to a long-distance relationship when she was in her forties with three kids. And, if she was being honest, she enjoyed his company too much to only speak to him via text messages. Meredith knew that if she let herself be with Nathan, it would be for good. At least until one of them got tired of the other, but she was almost sure she wouldn't get tired of Nathan. Well. She wouldn't worry herself with that. Not now, at least.

She had to break the not-surprisingly good kiss when she felt Nathan's hand on her waist. It felt perfect in the same proportion that it felt overwhelming.

"No. Let's stop here. We shouldn't do this." She said breathless, pulling away from him and running her hands through her hair.

"I-. I know. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." He responded, looking at her in a way that did not help anything. "I'm gonna go. I just- I really did come here to congratulate you, I didn't expect-" he trailed off, not really knowing what to say.

"No, I know, I know. I just-. This is not how I thought you and I would go, you know?" She said, looking at him now that he was further from her, still sitting on the bed. "I mean, I know how complicated it was at the beginning, but after we solved the issue with Maggie I thought-"

"You thought it would work out. Yeah. I did too." He knew that convincing Meredith into being together again like nothing had happened wasn't fair. He wasn't going to do it. He couldn't help himself when he kissed her, but he was thankful that she stopped it. "Megan showing up was not something I expected, at all. I think I had given up on finding her. Because… I was happy, Mer." He looked at her. Really looked at her. "At that short period of time. I was happy and I wanted you to be happy. That's what all of this means. I want you to be happy. I just wish you could have been happy with me, you know?" His voice was soft when he said the last sentence.

"Yeah." Something squeezed in her chest. "I know." It hurt and it was getting more and more awkward. She didn't know what else to say.

"I- I should go." Nathan said, standing up.

"Okay." She whispered, knowing he had to. For their sake.

"I-." He looked back, with his hand in the door handle. "We'll figure this out. This isn't goodbye. Right?" He asked with a shy smile, looking for reaffirmation, care, love, anything that she could possibly give him.

Her eyes weren't as shiny now and he knew that her icy façade was coming back, and that's why her words surprised him when she looked him in the eye. "No. This isn't goodbye." she said, with a light smile.

Nathan knew what he did and why he had to do it.

He also knew, from personal experience, that if you love someone, it's worth fighting for.

No matter what the odds are.