When Phoebe was little she would try to rouse me on Saturday mornings from my teenage slumber by sitting on my chest. Her little boney knees would dig into my skin as she climbed a top me and she pressed down with gusto. I remember that moment before full consciousness where I can see nothing, hear nothing but I could feel a weight pressing me down. She was so small but for a while she was able to press me down, I swear I could feel her slowly pressing my ribcage into my organs.

In that moment, before consciousness, I would attempt to pull in oxygen but none would come. All that I knew was the pressure sinking into me. But then I would catch a whiff of cranberry juice flavored breath, I would open my eyes to see a mischievous grin coated in a red sticky substance. I would growl and send her hurling off the bed.

But this time there is no giggling little sister pressing down on me. There is no mischievous smile to open my eyes to.

"It won't be much longer…" she coos into my ear

Her embrace is unrelenting and I am unable to shake her off.

"Oh god…" I croak

I gasp as my throat constricts from the pressure now seeping in under my skin. In this moment, this last grasp of what is called life, my mind has never been so clear. I feel her breath against my neck and I am so suddenly, so painfully aware of the woman who is now stroking my hair.

"I know" I gasp "I know…who…"

"Shhhhhhhhh"

"I know who you are"

A loud crack echoes around us and the hallway is illuminated by a white hot light.

The Mistress of Kahless cried out to the abyss. The blood upon her armor, the blood upon the rocks, the blood upon her hands, the blood that spilt from the wound of her own doing. The blood was the truth that had been unspoken.

"My mate" Kahless wept "What have you done?"

"To my house…..I bring honor" The Mistress replied "To myself…..I bring only dispair."

"But you must bring death to your enemy" Kahless pleaded

"Then I must bring death to myself." The Mistress wheezed "For it is myself who is my greatest enemy"

Breath. It comes in small but rhythmic waves. I struggle to swim to the top of the sea of nothing. Breath. Each wave fills my lungs slightly more each time. Light peaks through and sound returns. Shuffles, beeps and mutterings. I yearn to know more. My head twitches towards the sounds. A moan. More light filters in and melts into vision, the vision of grey. A ceiling.

"Captain?"

A voice. A voice that sounds like home.

"I…." I croak, barely audible.

"Don't speak. Take it slow." The Doctor informs me

My vision clears and I become aware of my surroundings. There is color, there is sound, there is light and I am thankful. The Doctor waves his tricorder over me as he takes in my vitals. A hand grasps mine. I twitch my head once more to see Mr. Paris standing over me.

"You're all right Captain" he says softly "But you've been in a coma so I can't have you jumping off this table to battle Chaotica's Army of Evil."

I groan.

"Can you blink for me?"

I blink.

"Thats great" he says with such pride and such warmth "Blink once for yes and twice for no. Do you know where you are?"

Blink.

"Are you in sickbay?"

Blink.

"Are you on a ship?"

Blink.

"Do you know which ship?"

A tearful blink.

"Are you on the USS Starship Columbia?"

Two blinks.

"Are you on the USS Starship Voyager?"

Blink.

He continues with his series of questions and I answer. I can see both Tom and The Doctor relax with each answer.

"I've been expecting you to awake soon" The Doctor informs me "You have been reacting to outside stimuli for sometime."

"Chakotay is going to be so mad" Tom chuckles "The one time the big guy leaves your bed side you wake up."

"Oh dear" The Doctor gasps before slapping his commbadge "Sickbay to Acting Captain."

The title makes perfect sense but it is odd nonetheless to hear.

"Is this an emergency Doctor?" Chakotay's agitated voice replies "We are dealing with one monster of a problem in Engineering and…"

"She's awake"

A heavy pause.

"I'll be right there."

I concentrate on various objects around me. The lights above me, the crisp crease of The Doctor's sleeve, grooves of the fabric of my hospital gown. I take it in as I allow my mind to return to reality. Within minutes I hear my first officer's heavy footsteps. Then within a moment, he stands above me with a gentle grin. He looks tired, a little beaten but he's all in one piece.

"Welcome back, Captain." he greets me softly

"Happy….be back" I struggle to say, then it hits me. We have a situation on our hands. My eyes widen and I reach out towards him. My tired muscles work through air with the consistency of mud.

"Life form!" I earnestly inform him

"What?" he replies in confusion

"Give her a moment, Commander" The Doctor assures him "She may need a little time to be fully aware of her surroundings."

"No" I protest "The Ludere! The lifeforms!"

The name of my captors tumbling from my lips has caught the attention from the room. Chakotay looks at me for a long moment. I can see the thousands of explanations to my outburst rolling through the rolodex in his mind. My hand now grasping his wrist gives him a gentle squeeze and I urge him to understand. I urge for the years we have spent lost in space, side by side, will help him find the words I cannot say. Sadly, we do not have the time for my recovery. Here in the Delta Quadrant, the time for anything waits for us along with all we have lost in the Alpha Quadrant. Slowly, the pensive stare begins to melt away. He leans in slightly.

"Spirits? They've been communicating with you?"

"No….poreal"

He nods. He will always speak in fables and riddles. I will always speak in formulas and calculations. But thanks be to god, we almost always know what the other is saying, no commbadge needed.

"If there was an alien life form effecting your brain functions we would have known!" The Doctor retorted "We have scanned multiple times."

"But…." Tom offered "We did note high energy fluctuations in her brain waves."

"Also, non corporeal lifeforms are incredibly hard to detect." Chakotay chimed in

I felt a rush of relief as my ever trusting team picked up on the clues I had so desperately fought to give.

"Crew….can't" I struggled

"Take your time" The Doctor informed me once more

"Crew…ca….can't sleep."

"Is that how the Ludere attack? They effect you when you sleep?" Chakotay asks

I nod.

"That would explain why you both were comatose when we found you." Tom added

"Did you communicate with them? What do they want?" Chakotay urged

"Out…space. Out..of their space."

"But we already are."

I shook my head.

"Delta is…is their space."

"And if we don't leave soon?"

The answer did not need to be voiced.

"We could be here for decades. How are we going to persuade them to get us off their backs?" Tom asks with a hint of exhaustion in his tone.

"We leave." I say matter of factly "We….make them….think we have left."

"How do we disguise ourselves from non corporeal beings who can enter our minds?" Chakotay pondered

"BE'lanna?" I ask

Do I ask of her health? Do I ask for her presence? Do I ask of her whereabouts? What I ask in her name I am unsure but I know I am in need of her in some sense. Tom calls for BE'lanna and their conversation follows almost verbatim to the one The Doctor shared with my first officer. We must convene. We have a plan to make. Once more we must think our way out of the impossible.

The Doctor scurried off to his office to retrieve all medical information he could find on both the Ludere and my medical occurrences of the past month. Tom stepped away to continue his medical duties. I continue to appreciate my surroundings and revel in the comforting hum of Voyagers core. That very hum, the heartbeat of the ship, reminds me that I am still here. I'm very much here.

Chakotay perches himself on the edge of the biobed. His face painted with a question he's afraid to ask.

"Penny for your thoughts….Commander? I ask in my slowly recovering speech

"When you were asleep" he begins quietly "You would talk. You would talk to the spirits or images in your dream. You would talk to a number of the crew but there was one crew member you spoke in great length of but never gave the name."

"Ensign" I reply dully

"Yes. But you never gave a name. Who was the Ensign?"

I close my eyes for a moment and once again I can see the crooked smirk. I open my eyes and glance down at my hands. I flex out a couple fingers and reminded once more of my mother's hand. I smile sadly before looking back up at dark questioning eyes.

"Me." I reply "The Ensign was…me."

So sorry for the wait. Again, writers block can get the best of us. Thanks for your patience. - RB