A/N: Hi! Sorry for the delay. Thank you so very much for your comments, they make my day! I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Much love!

Only when Meredith came back to Seattle and got back to her routine that she started to feel whole again. Her encounter with Nathan had been emotionally exhausting. She hated herself for doing the right thing and stopping him that night. It had been two months since then. Sixty days without seeing him, or hearing from him. It was for the best. She knew it was. She was in her forties. She had kids to take care of, kids whose father was dead. Of course she had help, but Amelia had her own thing going own with Owen, Alex with Jo and Maggie… Maggie helped her a lot. But she knew her sister wouldn't be there forever. Meredith didn't want her to. The truth is that juggling a career as overwhelming as hers along with her three young kids was not something she thought she would be doing. Ever. By the time Meredith met Derek she started to change her mind about having kids, but before that, if you told her that she would have a house full of toys, food and crayons all over the floor she would laugh her ass off.

And even though she knew her and Derek would end up having kids, she never really thought it would be three. Meredith grew up an only child, so… three is a lot. But it was nice. She didn't know what she would do if Derek had died and left her alone. With nothing but memories and a blue post-it. She thanked the God she didn't believe in every time she was feeling depressed and heard one of the kids' laugh across the hall. After all she had been through and all that she still had to fight, those three faces made everything, everything, worth it.

When she thought about the child she lost when Derek was shot, which was not as often as it once was, she just felt sad. Her life would be so different. She would have a kid who would be around Zola's age. Would Meredith and Derek even have adopted Zola? She didn't like to think about that. It made her no good. But she would have liked to know her baby. Her first baby. Her and Derek's first child.

She was done with kids, she knew that much. Zola, Bailey and Ellis were enough. She would always have the house full, she would make sure of that. Make sure to raise them right, with love, so that they would always want to come back to her, even when they got older and built their own lives. That was one of her priorities.

That's one of the reasons why the whole Nathan issue was an arduous one. She is smart enough to know that she does deserve to experience love again. In whatever form, in whatever intensity the Universe could allow her to. But just the thought of her kids meeting him, and them being too attached to him, and then, him leaving, or her leaving him… that possibility overwhelmed her in a way that she couldn't quite bear it. It wasn't easy to trust anyone enough to enter her life like that.

But Nathan was… something. It hit her instantly and now looking back, it went by so fast. Their relationship or whatever she could call it, to an outsider, was no more than a fling, but she would be lying if said that it didn't hit her hard. And she knew it wasn't because it was her first try after Derek died, because it wasn't. She had a thing with Thorpe, which went terrible. But with Nathan, it was different. She knew it. She felt it. Most importantly, she felt that they didn't get to let their relationship get to a place where everything was simply… fine. And she felt that possibility, that was the thing. She knew that if she let herself just feel and let him show her the affection she knew he had it in him things would be close to perfect.

Maybe that's what she had to do.

Nevertheless, it was too late now.

She knew that if she contacted him he would probably talk to her as if no time had passed. She would hear his silvery voice and the only thing that would go through her mind would be why the hell wasn't he there, with her? Why on Earth everything had to be so difficult when it came to them?

She would let it be. She had to.

Except…

She was in the O.R teaching all she knew for first year interns when her phone rang.

"Can someone see who is it, please?"

"I will, Dr. Grey" said a red haired intern.

"No need to answer it, just let it ring."

"Ok." the intern said, picking up the phone. "It's a Nathan Riggs, Dr. Grey."

Meredith stopped what she was doing for about ten seconds. "Oh." her voice trembled slightly with surprise. "Okay. Thank you."

"No problem."

Nathan. Why was he calling? Had something happened? She knew Megan was ok, since she had spoken to Owen a few days ago, besides her and Nathan weren't even together anymore. What could he possibly have to say?

Maybe he just wants to chat. Catch up. Yeah, maybe that's what it was. She would have to call him back, she was way too curious now. If he wants to just talk, she would try to be as superficial as possible. She didn't need this thing between them to be even more draining than it already was.

She finished her surgery and scrubbed out, all the while thinking about him. He had only called that one time, so it probably wasn't anything urgent. He hadn't sent any text messages either, so she really had no idea what was going on. Just fucking call him, Meredith, then you'll know, she told herself.

Meredith went to an on-call room, after making sure that she would be the only one in it. She wasn't going to have any other surgeries that day, unless an emergency came in. Sitting down on a bed, with her back anchored on the wall, she took a deep breath. She was alone. She could do this. It was just Nathan. Whatever it was he wanted she'd be fine and she'd handle it. She scrolled through her contacts, pressing the name she hadn't read in a while. She took another deep breath before putting the phone on her right ear.

It rang two times before he answered.

"Hi." Ah, there the voice was. This was not going to be easy in the slightest.

"Hi. Uhm – you called? I was in surgery." Her voice was pretty normal, nothing he would be able to notice.

"Yeah, I figured, that's why I didn't call again." Ok, so maybe it was an emergency. "I just wanted to- Can you talk now?"

"Yeah, I can. What's up?"

"How've you been?" His voice was casual. It was just a chat. She didn't know what to make of it.

"Um. Fine, I'm good, actually. How about you?" Now she had relaxed a little.

"I'm great. I'm great." He didn't say anything else. Was he nervous? Was he trying to say something?

"Nathan." She sighed softly. "Why did you call?" Meredith asked with no judgment. She knew the feeling all too well.

"To tell you something. Actually, to hear your opinion on what I'm going to tell you. I-" she waited. "I might move back to Seattle. Soon. I- don't know when but I already solved things with my job here." Now was his turn to wait. She didn't know what to say.

She knew he loathed his job in Malibu, it was a joke for a surgeon as good and as experienced as him. But she didn't expect him to come back.

At least, she tried not to hope that.

What would that even mean? Was he coming back for her? She could feel herself start to feel something resembling anger. Was she expected to just rush into his arms?

"Um – Okay?" she said warily. "Do you want my permission? I mean – what do you want me to say, Nathan?" she changed the phone to her left ear, unsettled.

"No, don't get mad. This is why – God. Well, I thought it would be better to talk to you than to just surprise you there, I imagine you would hate that even more, right?" He snickered back.

This isn't how she thought it was going to go.

"Well, yes, you're right." She had to give him that. "But, no. No, I- I don't hate that you're coming back." She said quietly. In fact, she was quite happy. That's what she had wanted to happen, really.

"You don't?" he asked carefully.

"No. But what's going to happen then? I- I kind of was expecting to never hear from you again, at least, not now." she asked exasperated, in a confiding tone.

"I know. But Meredith, I-. I'm going crazy here. I can't stop thinking about you. I mean, what am I even doing out here?" God, why didn't call sooner. "If you only knew how much it hurts not to-"

"I do know. I do know." she risked and allowed herself to tell him that. He sounded as desperate as she felt.

They were stuck in a heavy silence for a whole minute.

"The thing is-" His voice was quiet but certain now. "Meredith, I don't want you to be just a memory, I want you to be a reality. I want my life to be… with you. If that's what you want too. So. I'm coming back. I'm coming back to Seattle. Okay?" he asked for affirmation.

There was no other answer she could have given him.

"Okay." she whispered into the phone.

A/N: I hope you guys liked it! Let me know what you think!

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