Chapter 11

It took them three long days of travel to reach the Lakes. It was then that Elizabeth realized how selfless Fitzwilliam had been in his choice of location for their wedding trip. There was a lot of climbing and walking involved to see all the sights, and Darcy could not accomplish all of it with his crippled leg. She found herself, as was her habit, lingering behind so Darcy could keep up; but he encouraged her to go ahead and see all the sights. She discovered that he could indeed do more than she had imagined. She decided not to make a habit of underestimating him. Again, she was curious how he had come upon his infirmities, but decided it was not the right time, if there would ever be a time. He had never brought up the topic himself, and she did not want to make an issue out of it. She loved him and wanted him whether he was lame or not.

Darcy's friend from university owned a cottage at the Lakes that he had generously offered for Darcy and his bride to use on their wedding trip. It was much larger than Elizabeth would imagine a "cottage" would be, but it was comfortable, and had lovely views and excellent hospitality. In the evenings after dinner, Darcy would join Elizabeth in their joined sitting room, and they would read together, and then share kisses. They got into the habit of kissing every day, and in the evenings before bed. They kissed longer and longer each day, it seemed, until their lips did not part for fifteen minutes at a time.

Elizabeth found it the most pleasurable thing she had ever experienced. But the longer they kissed, the more she longed for something more; she did not know what. Her breasts felt full and swollen, her nipples puckered, and she began to feel a tingling down between her legs, a place she had never touched except during bathing. She began to feel an ache for Fitzwilliam to touch her; but he had held to his word, and his hands never trespassed lower than her neck, although her hands often caressed his chest and arms during their embraces. She did not know how to ask for more; was not sure if she was ready for more. She decided to take advantage of her husband's patience and simply enjoy their kisses.

They still shared a bed every night, and Elizabeth enjoyed those minutes when she snuggled up to Darcy as she fell asleep, and then woke beside him in the morning, his dark eyes blinking and bleared from sleep. His face was the first thing she wanted to see every day for the rest of her life.

Their three weeks at the Lakes passed quickly; and although Elizabeth was sad to go, she was also eager to see her new home, and Jessica, who should have arrived the day before they returned.

Pemberley was a marvel such as Elizabeth had never seen. The lands were more extensive than she had guessed, and she imagined many long walks in her future across the beautiful landscape. The House itself was beautiful, not overly ornate or ostentatious, but tastefully designed. Darcy was clearly proud to show her his home, and was pleased by her positive responses.

After Darcy had introduced Elizabeth to Mrs. Reynolds and the rest of the household, they called for Mrs. Mowbry. Jessica's nurse arrived in only a few minutes.

"Mr. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy," she curtsied as she entered the sitting room. "It is a pleasure to see you again."

"Come, sit, Mrs. Mowbry," said Elizabeth. "I want to hear if you and Jessica are settling in well at Pemberley. How was your journey?"

"It was … difficult," said Mrs. Mowbry. "I think Miss Jessica had not completely comprehended what her removal to a new home would encompass. She found it hard to leave her old home, especially Mrs. Tanner and the two older children. She cried very bitterly for them when we first left."

Elizabeth's face twisted with anxiety. "I was worried it might not be the right thing to bring her here," she said. She turned to her husband. "Maybe we should have taken her with us on our wedding trip, Fitzwilliam."

"There is nothing we can do about that now, my love," he said, then asked Mrs. Mowbry, "Do you think Jessica has improved now that she is at Pemberley?"

"She was, indeed, delighted to find the beautiful house and wonderful toys; but her spirits are still a bit low. She has been asking after you every hour since we arrived."

"Then we had best go see her at once," said Elizabeth, standing immediately. Darcy and Mrs. Mowbry also got to their feet, and Elizabeth followed them to the nursery. She decided she must start memorizing the locations of different rooms in the house; otherwise she would be lost for weeks.

When they reached the nursery, Mrs. Mowbry opened the door and said, "Jessica, someone is here to see you."

They saw the little blonde girl sitting at a table with a child's tea set, and dolls arrayed for what was clearly a tea party. When she looked up, she immediately raced toward Elizabeth, clasping her arms around her mother's legs in a hug. "Mama! Mama!" she cried, then burst into tears.

Elizabeth felt herself close to tears as well. She picked Jessica up and settled the girl on her hip. "Shhh my darling. Everything will be all right now. Your papa and I have returned, and you need never be away from us again."

It took a few minutes for Jessica's sobs to quieten, but when they did, it seemed that her excess of emotion had been spent.

"I hope you like your new home, Jessica?" Elizabeth asked. "Your papa had everything prepared in advance so that you would be comfortable."

"Oh, yes, it is wonderful, Papa," Jessica said, turning to look at Darcy. "I love all the marvellous toys! But I do miss Ned and Amy," she looked slightly downcast again. "Do you think they could come visit?" she asked with sudden hope.

Darcy and Elizabeth exchanged a glance. That was something they had not thought of. Jessica had been used to playing with other children for hours every day. It must be difficult for her to adjust to being the only child in an otherwise huge, empty house, no matter how many toys she had.

"I am afraid it is too far away for them to visit, sweetling," said Darcy, "but there are many children on my lands who would love to have you for a playmate. Perhaps you might meet some of them tomorrow?"

"Oh, yes! That would be wonderful! Thank you, Papa!" Jessica beamed.

"I need to go freshen up from our trip," said Elizabeth, "but after that I shall come back and play with you until dinner. Would you like that?"

"Oh, yes, Mama! Will you come too?" She turned to Darcy.

Darcy looked surprised, but agreed with alacrity. "If you wish it, certainly."

A few minutes later they had left Mrs. Mowbry alone with Jessica in the nursery, and Darcy was leading Elizabeth to their adjoining chambers. "I did not even think of her need for other children," Elizabeth said as they walked slowly down the hall, Darcy's cane tapping in time with his limping feet. "I feel like a dunce."

"Then I am equally dense," said Darcy. "But I think it would be good to introduce her to some of the tenant children. All the tenants who work on my lands are loyal to me, but there are some in particular who are very good people, with well-behaved children. We will steer her toward those."

"You are too good, Fitzwilliam," she said, leaning her head against his shoulder briefly.

"Not really," he said. "I have come to love her as well."

She smiled at him. "I had wanted to begin on my duties to the tenants in the next week or so, but I suppose I could start tomorrow. If you have business at some of the farms, we can go out together and take Jessica with us. That way it will seem more natural for her to make friends amongst them."

"That is a wonderful idea."

"I suppose I should speak with Mrs. Reynolds after I refresh myself," she said. "I want her to have the baskets prepared for tomorrow."

"Are you sure you do not wish to rest for a time?" he asked in concern.

"No, for I promised to play with Jessica until dinner. I feel terrible that she was so unhappy to leave the Tanners, Fitzwilliam. I wonder if we have made a mistake in taking her away."

"I am sure we did not," he said firmly. "She should be with her true Mama. She will be so cossetted with love and entertainment that soon she will not have any thought of being sad again."

"I hope you are right," she said, leaning her head on his shoulder once more.

They had reached the mistress's chambers, and found that Lizzy's maid had already come in and was starting to unpack. Darcy showed her around the chambers, including the sitting room connecting their bedchambers.

"Let me know what you wish to have changed, and we shall have it done as soon as possible. I would have had it altered myself, based on what you did in your chamber in Darcy House, but I thought you might want something different here."

"I will let you know, although they are lovely already. I do not think I will have to change much."

She rose up on her tiptoes to kiss him, and he responded at once, as he always had. Fortunately Elizabeth's maid was in the dressing room, so she could not see them, and they kissed for several long minutes until Elizabeth grew breathless and her lips were swollen, her intimate parts tingling. Again she wondered what further pleasures might be in store for her. Perhaps she would discover tonight, she thought to herself.

Both Darcy and Elizabeth were very tired by the time the day ended. They had arrived at Pemberley in early afternoon, and had spent the rest of the day preparing for their visits to the tenants tomorrow, and then playing with Jessica, who seemed happy again now that her favourite people were with her. Elizabeth asked her daughter, out of the nurse's earshot, how she liked Mrs. Mowbry, and Jessica replied that she liked her very much. Elizabeth was relieved. She would have been devastated if she had chosen someone unsuitable to care for her daughter.

After dinner, they decided to forgo the music room, and instead retire to their shared sitting room to read. That, naturally, led to another round of passionate kisses; but Elizabeth did not want this evening to end as all the others had since they married. With her body humming with excitement and eager for more, she pulled back, breathing hard, to look into Darcy's face. He was similarly affected. She said, "Fitzwilliam, I want you to make love to me."

Darcy looked surprised, and then concerned. "Are you certain, Elizabeth? I am willing to wait as long as you need. I do not want you to feel pressured in any way."

"I do not feel pressured. I want this. Truly."

He searched her eyes with his until he had evidently decided that she was telling the truth. Then he replied, "I would be happy to, my love."

They stood and she led him to her chamber, holding him by the hand. She took off her robe to reveal the shimmering nightgown beneath it. Her Aunt Gardiner had picked it out for her when they were shopping in London, telling her that it was something a husband would like very much. It was gossamer-light, and practically transparent. Elizabeth had been saving it for the night when she was finally ready, and Darcy obviously appreciated it. He stared, and his breath grew heavier, and a blush rose in his cheeks. "You are beautiful, my love."

A little nervously, Elizabeth backed toward the bed with a smile. "Are you going to join me?" she asked.

He took off his robe and his nightshirt, and crawled into the other side of the bed. Elizabeth was happy to see his naked body for the first time. It was as glorious as she had imagined. She had been able to feel the muscles in his chest and arms when she touched him during their embraces, and now she was able to see the curly black hair that spattered his torso as well. She touched it curiously. It felt just as soft as the hair on his head. Darcy leaned down to kiss her, and as they kissed she could feel his right hand tentatively caressing her curves over her nightgown, even as she touched him. At last he lifted his head.

"May I see you, too?" he asked, sounding out of breath.

Without hesitation, Elizabeth lifted the nightgown over her head and it fell to the floor beside the bed. She seemed to have lost her nervousness. Darcy was looking at her with such worship and admiration in his eyes that she could not help but feel like a goddess. Granted, she was looking at him the same way.

He ran his right hand over her body as he began to kiss her again, and she gasped as he began to kiss from her mouth to her cheek, and down her neck. She shivered with the pleasure of it. Then his kisses travelled down her chest until, before she knew what was happening, he had taken one of her nipples into his mouth and was laving it with his tongue. She moaned loudly, never having been able to imagine such pleasure before. With his right hand he gently squeezed her other breast, and then lightly pinched and twirled the nipple. With both of her nipples being manipulated in such a way, Elizabeth was beginning to writhe on the bed, not caring how loud her moans were becoming. The place between her thighs was now throbbing with the desire for his touch, and she began to beg him, without knowing how to ask. "Fitzwilliam, please… I need… I need…"

Darcy lifted his head to look at her, then seemed to understand. He moved his right hand down her flat stomach and touched her soft folds, wet with moisture from her arousal. She let out a strangled cry, which seemed to excite Darcy. He continued to suck on her breast even as he slicked his finger up and down her folds, seemingly searching for something. Elizabeth knew when he found it, for she nearly bowed up out of the bed with the pleasure of it. There was a tiny place that was giving her immense pleasure as he touched it gently and then made circles around it with his finger.

The pleasure grew stronger and stronger until Elizabeth felt that she had lost control of her own body; but she did not mind, for she had never experienced such pleasure in her life. It built, and built, until she thought she could take no more; and then it crested, and she was launched into a world of pure sensation, where nothing seemed to exist except the feelings surrounding her. She thought she might have screamed, but she was not sure. She was not aware of anything until a few moments later, when she had relaxed back onto the bed, feeling languid and sated. She looked over at Darcy, who had pushed a curl back from her forehead. He was looking distinctly pleased with himself.

"What – what was that?" she gasped, and realized her throat was scratchy.

"That was your climax, my dear. I was not sure whether I could do it, but I am glad you are so responsive."

"How did you learn to do such a thing?" she asked.

"There was a book hidden in the Pemberley library. I came across it when I was in university, but never took a clear look at it since I did not think I needed it. But when we became engaged, I came back to Pemberley to get it."

"And it tells you how to do these things?"

He nodded, and she realized how tense he was. He was holding his body very still, but she could see his arousal was long and hard, and she wanted to please him. Besides, her mother had been right so far about marital relations. The next part must be just as good.

"I am ready for more, Fitzwilliam."

He hesitated. "Are you certain? I am willing to wait."

"Of course I am certain. I want to feel even closer to you."

Clearly eager, but wary of frightening her, Darcy climbed over until he was between her legs, which she spread for him. Elizabeth felt fine until she felt his weight press her down, and then she froze, terrible memories bombarding her.

Darcy immediately sensed her withdrawal, and rolled off of her.

"I am sorry, Fitzwilliam. Perhaps we can try again. I am determined to overcome my fear," she said, her voice wobbling.

"There are other ways we can do it, my dear," he said. "Ways where I am not on top of you."

"There are?" she asked in surprise.

"Yes. Come, you get on top of me."

Elizabeth was not certain how this was going to work, but she trusted Darcy, so she carefully positioned herself on his upper thighs, balancing with a knee on either side so she did not crush him. He held his erection straight up with his right hand, and said, "Now, you mount me."

Elizabeth could see now what he meant. She positioned herself so she was above his erection, and then slowly lowered herself. She was expecting pain, but to her relief, the moisture inside her channel led for an easy passage inside of her. He was big, and so the fit was tight; but it did not hurt in the least. Rather, the fullness led to a different kind of pleasure. She could see on her husband's face how much he was enjoying being inside of her, and it gave her a giddy rush of feeling.

She began to rock her hips over him, and he groaned. After a minute or so, she decided that she needed more, and so she rose onto her knees until he was almost completely out of her, then slammed back down. Darcy moaned loudly, and thrust up from beneath her. This was the way she wanted to do it. She rose and fell, rose and fell, again and again, until both of them were panting, and Darcy had gripped her hips with both his hands, even the crooked left one.

Elizabeth could feel the pleasure rising in her again. She did not know that it was possible for it to happen twice, but she was soon proven wrong. She cried out with her release even as she heard Darcy shout, and his seed fill her. Having no strength left, she fell forward onto his chest, panting. Then she burst into tears.

Darcy held Elizabeth close to his heart. He knew why she was crying. He was not alarmed. He could not imagine what she had gone through when she was attacked, but this experience had clearly so surpassed it that she was feeling an emotional upheaval of relief, mixed with joy and love.

He ran his hand down her hair as he held her to him. "Shhh, it is all right, my love."

"Oh, Fitzwilliam. That was so wonderful," she sniffled, getting control of her tears.

"I am glad. It was wonderful for me too."

"Was it everything you were expecting?" She gave a small smile.

"Even more," he replied.

"I never imagined such pleasure existed," she said.

He felt himself slip out of her now that he had grown soft, and she rolled over to the side, but stayed in his arms. After a moment, she asked in a whisper, "What happened, Fitzwilliam?"

He had not realized that he was rubbing the palm of his left hand with his right thumb. It was often sore and stiff, the wrist bent and the fingers twisted.

He recognized that Elizabeth had just made herself extremely vulnerable to him, and he felt that he could give that vulnerability in return. He never talked about his infirmity; but it felt natural to do so with Elizabeth.

"It was when I was seven," he said. "My best friend was George Wickham. He was two years older than I, and I looked up to him. Once day, when we had our ponies out for a ride, he dared me to take a certain dangerous jump that my father had told me I was not allowed to take. At first I told him no, but then he needled me and called me a coward. I wanted to impress him, so I agreed.

"When we were riding toward the jump, Wickham kept up at my right, so that we were side by side when we jumped. That was when he pushed me, when I was in mid-air."

Elizabeth gasped. "He pushed you? But why would he do such a thing?"

"He was a cruel boy, although I did not know it at the time."

"But you could have died!"

"Indeed, I almost did," said Darcy. It was only as he grew older that the idea had come into his head that Wickham had indeed been trying to kill him. He had always been jealous of Darcy. Perhaps he thought he could take the place of the heir of Pemberley if the true son died. "My left arm and leg were shattered, and the pony had to be put down because of its injuries."

"That is terrible, Fitzwilliam!" she snuggled up closer to him, pulling his left hand to her breast to stroke it. No one had ever touched him in such a way, and he felt inexplicable warmth in his heart for this woman.

"At first the doctor said he would have to amputate both leg and hand, but my mother begged my father not to allow it. He asked the doctor to try to save me another way. He did, but I was left crippled for life."

"I am so sorry, my love. Although I hope you know that it makes no difference to me."

"I do know that." He leaned over to give her a soft kiss.

"Was Wickham punished?" she asked once the kiss ended.

"I told my father what had happened, but Wickham managed to convince him that it had been an accident. He was always able to charm my father into anything."

"How terrible! And this was the same George Wickham who came to Meryton?"

"Yes. Our friendship ended that day, but he has never ceased to take advantage of my family, and especially my father when he was alive."

"It seems we have both had tragedy early in our lives," Elizabeth said. "But together, we have been able to overcome it."

"Indeed, we have," he said, and kissed her again.