I stand before the Holodeck door and I feel as though I'm about to step into the lion's den. I take in a deep breath to center myself. A hand is placed on my shoulder.

"You don't have to do this" my first officer offers with a tender smile.

"You know I have to" I reply

"I will be keeping a close eye on your vitals" The Doctor informs me as he makes his final adjustments to my moniter "At the first sight of serious trouble you will be transported out faster than you can say caffeine dependancy."

I hear his quip but don't bother to respond. I am a spartan soon to enter the colosseum. I am Odysseous about to face the Cyclops. I nearly smirk at that final thought. Life in the Delta Quadrant is not to far off from the trials of the Odyssy. She awaits. I can feel her radiating behind those sliding doors. She's ready to go and so am I.

"I know your little friend likes to be unpredictable but my team has been sure to prepare for any surprises she wants to throw at our systems" BE'lanna infroms from somewhere behind me.

"I know you'll set her straight, Captain! The crew believes in you!" I hear Neelix chirp from my side.

"The Holodeck is ready and secure" BE'lanna informs us

I nod and the doors open. My group drawls in a breath to see nothing but black. She gives no details away. This program is made for my eyes only. I take a step forward to see if my movement would cause any change.

Nothing.

"Be strong, saith my heart. I am a soilder." I say as I slowly make my way into the unknown "I have seen worse than this."

I step into darkness and by instinct close my eyes to take in a deep breath. I smell wild flowers and feel a gentle breeze brush against my skin. Indiana. I don't have to see it to know. My eyes open to see my farmhouse. I approach it with a tender but tentative smile. I can see the old porch swing where both my sister and I were taught to read. It's also where Pheobe experienced her first kiss. A windchime brought home from my father on one of his many away missions, sings in soft soprano notes. I step into my home.

"Hello?" I call out timidly

I'm not surprised by the silence.

Again, by the call from deep within I make my journey towards my father's study. I make my way down the long hallway decorated in family portraits. My graduation, my parents wedding day, birth announcements, family reunions, relatives who had lived and lost in a time that can seem almost imaginable.

I walk past the large yellow kitchen where my mother tried so desperately to teach her stubbern first born to cook. I can almost smell her cooking and but can nearly taste my father's famous root beer floats. I make my way past my sisters old room that was once littered with posters and crumpled up drawlings. Why is she so hard on herself? Can't she see what an impeccable talent she holds? Why won't she see the effect her work has on others? She had once brought tears to a stranger's eye from a small painting of the meadow from outside her bedroom window.

I hesitate at the door at the end of the hallway. I know it's just an illusion, a mixture of photons and force feilds but stepping into his domain since the accident is always hard. That is exactly why she brought me here, a strike to the solar plexus. I turn the knob and the door creaks as it is slowly opens. I'm surprised to not see the young woman lounging in the office chair with her feet proped up on the desk. Though her flare for the dramatics reminds me so much of Q, I understand that she perfers the art of subtext. She may paint for me in large and abstract brush strokes but it is the smallest of details she wants me to look at. So I scan the room, examine the papers on the desk and finger the spines of the books collecting dust on the shelves. I read over every title.

"The History of Starfleet; A Story of Unification and Determination"

"The Feynman Lectures"

"Cryptonomicon"

"Cochrane: The Life and Legacy"

"Sex At Dawn"

My eyebrows raise as I take in the title of last book.

"Sex" a voice says behind me "Almost more fun to say than to do really."

I turn to see her leaning in the doorway, her arms crossed against her chest and smile that does not reach her eyes.

"Ensign" I greet

"Sex" she continues without missing a beat "The word is like the action. You start out timid with the s and then you just sail into the word, head first. It's a lot like falling in love. It feels good on the tongue too." she takes a step into the room as her hands gesture in animation "Then you end on the x. It's abrupt but slightly fizzles out and then you realize you wished it never ended. You worked so hard to feel that euphoria and then it all ends."

She looks at me expectantly and I at her.

"Is that why you put a sex book on my father's mantle?"

"Do you like sex?"

"Ensign." I state warningly

"Do you prefer men or do you enjoy the complexity of the more familiar sex?"

"Can we just speak as civilized beings?"

"I have a feeling as a scientist you would want to try a little dabble in everything the body has to offer."

"I asked you a question."

"I asked you to leave"

Her statement stings. She looks at me with eyes of steel. Her posture remains relaxed but her anger is known.

"That is all we are trying to do. We are stranded. We are a lifetime of travel away from home. You must understand…"

"I understand well enough" she cuts in "As I have explained, I do not believe you or your people intend harm. Your people are trained in empathy and respect. Its admirable."

I smile faintly.

"But.." she sighs "You have such a long way to go and your nature comes to the surface far to easily. You are not ready to coexist in my space."

"But why kill us? Why sentence us to death?" I implore "Does that make you any better?"

"Better? No. But smarter? Yes."

Her arrogance irks me but I digress.

"Then lead us out of your space. You can ensure we do not cause any harm to your people."

She chuckles and shakes her head. We are going to end up talking in circles and I am not the one to waste precious time. I look at her for a moment before exiting the study and without question she follows. I step into the kitchen and out the side door.

"What are you doing?" The Ensign asks with a hint of amusement

"You're pulling this from my memory, yes?"

"Yes."

We approach the shed and I swing open the aging door. I take a moment to glance around the dusting remnants of my childhood. I push aside Pheobe's old skates and my mother's two broken sewing machines. I crawl over my father's many attempts at side projects to ease a busy mind. Finally, my searching hands find dusted leather padding. I pull out two size small boxing gloves.

"Then you will know what these are for" I reply holding up the aging gloves.

She scrunches her nose before replying "As much I love the omage to your first officer, lets go a more suiting route."

The world around me shimmers out of existance and the gloves in my hand dissapate. Soon we stand in the excersise training center of the Acadamy. I smile as soon as I recognize the place.

"You took fencing for a semester, right?" she inquires as she hands me my fencing gear

"Yes" I reply simply

"Don't worry, I'm no Picard either, but I thought this would be fitting for the conversation."

"You certainly have a flare for dramatics"

She simply smiles before slipping into her gear. I admit I feel ill at ease being unable now to read her expressions but so far our ways of communicating have brought us nowhere. At the very least, it buys us time.

We face eachother, turn, take fives paces and turn to dual.

"Unguard!" she cries

We begin.

"What are your readings?" Chakotay asks

"No sign of distress" the hologram replies

"Everything is holding up" BE'lanna chimes in, anticipating her friend and commanding officer's next question.

"Don't worry, Sir" Neelix says assuringly "If we know the Captain then we know she is giving that….that…thing what for!"

"She's only been in there for ten minutes" BE'lanna sighs "I'm already anxious with anitcipation."

"You and me both, Leutenant." Chakotay replies "But if we also know the Captain we know she would not like us just standing around. Doctor I would like a report on the Captains vitals every half hour and BE'lanna I need to be informed at the first sign of trouble. Anyway we can assist our Captian, we will."

"Aye, sir" the two reply

"To your stations"

"Aye, sir" the group replies

She's strong and skilled, that's for sure. But thankfully I'm not nearly as rusty as I would have believed. I have also become quite attuned in the power of adrenaline in my career. I block each swing and blow thus far. I nearly knock her off balance with a surprise twist of the wrist, turning her sword nearly out of her grasp and stepping forward into her her stance. She corrects by returning the action, we strain in a lock before releasing and stepping back.

"You're a wothy opponent, Captain." she pants

"I don't have to be" I reply

She jabs and I block.

"I wish that were true. But you know where we stand."

"Do I?"

I swing towards her feet and she jumps.

"We shared a brain. Don't you remember?"

"Yes, but you were the one pulling the strings."

She takes a jab to my side and I block barely in time.

"Give yourself more credit, Captain. You found your way out much quicker than other beings I have encountered."

"That doesn't erase the stunts you pulled."

"Stunts?"

I step in once more, she anticipates my move, but then I smack her sword downward, twist the combining weapons and jolt sideways. The sword flies out of her hand and the series of changing of the positions cause her to lose her footing. I am quick to pick up her sword, I hold them both in one hand and remove my mask. She does as well.

"The silent, sniveling girl you once were" I state coldly "The chocolate box, the meandering like a lost puppy about my ship, Esnign Little Iron" I flashback to the coffin ejected into the lonely space of the Delta Quadrant "The walls, BE'lanna, and then leading me back to my ship but only almost. Only far enough for me to die at your hand and for me to be aware of that. You toyed with me, Ensign. Like a cat with a mouse before the kill, you played with me. So tell me, for a such an enlightened and greater being, why would you be so cruel?"

She stands, slowly. Her features, dark.

"I just wanted to speak in your language?"

"My language?"

"Like a human. I speak in cruelty."

"I don't believe you."

"Why?"

"Because you are smarter than that. You know there is more to humanity, you have seen it! You've seen it in the crew, in how we love eachother, support eachother. You see it in my memories and how I took care of you. No…no you're trying to hide something."

"What on earth could I be trying to hide."

"I don't know but I'm going to find out."

I lift the sword for her to take but the weapon disapears from my hand and once more the scenery changes.