My world reimagines itself and now I stand in a garden, not just any garden, my aunt's. Chairs are lined up facing an elegant arch decorated in pink and white roses. A soft breeze causes the pink ribbons tied around the chairs to dance and sway. We stand at the mouth of the aisle. We stand where I should have been years ago, where my life never began. I know Mark would have looked at me in a way I don't deserve. I know he would try his best to appear stoic and relaxed. But I also know his lips would curl into a broad, toothy, unapologetic smile. I know his eyes would shine with pride and maybe a tear. He would pull me close after we had vowed ourselves to one another, after we had walked back down the aisle arm in arm and laughed as our loved ones made a joyus ruckus.

He would pull me close, trace a finger over the fabric of my dress and say "God, Kath. You're incredible."

"Ready to be stuck with a crazy woman?" I would tease

"I'm ready to be stuck being crazy about you." He would reply

She watches me as I take in my surroundings. I don't look at her. I can't.

"Why did you bring me here?" I ask

"Because you wanted to talk about fear."

"I'm not afraid of marriage."

"No. But you were afraid of Mark."

My eyes dart to her and I glare.

"He's a great man."

"Unquestionably. That's probably why you fear him."

In Starfleet, men created all new ways of life and continued to lead humanity into our next step of evolution. Some great men were great in the destruction they could cause simply through the power of their words and the fear they could wield. I was always cautious around both but I had never truely feared them.

"Why on earth would I have feared the man I loved?"

"Because he saw you. You were not a mystery to him."

"You're trying to distract me with emotion."

"Certainly not. I'm making a point."

"Arn't you always" I mumble

She chuckles. I decide to be honest.

"Of course I feared what he would see. He met me when I was broken and I was still somewhat broken when I left for Voyager."

"And now?" she asks, clearly intrigued with my unexpected answer.

"I'll always be I think. But isn't that the heart of humanity? To be fractured. To be imperfect."

"Maybe so."

"What is it you fear?"

We look at eachother before I take a seat in one of the chairs. She joins me. She appears to be irked. I assume I'm not reacting the way she would hope.

"I don't fear you if that's what you're hoping?"

"I wasn't"

She leans back and thinks for a long moment. We share the silence. We share the thought.

"I fear nothingness."

"Do you think humans are nothingness"

"Of course not"

"Are you nothingness?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Are you going to be nothingness?"

"We're getting off track!" She states harshly

"Oh really?" I snort "Was diving into my lost love the track we needed to be on for our diplomacy?"

"This is not a diplomatic meeting."

"I disagree" I reply as I gaze at her "You could of killed me long ago. You could have killed me multiple times, along with my crew. But you havn't. You need something from me."

"My arn't you assertive today."

"Helps that I don't have a corporal life form lounging in my cerebellum."

"Cortex"

"What?"

"We only reside in the crebral cortex….at least when residing in Terrans."

"So you've done it before" I breathe. I can't help it. The scientist in me is much stronger and more bull headed than the Captain. She wants to know all and see all. The hunger for knowledge is never and will never be satiated.

She gives me an incredulous look.

"Long before The Caretaker started playing his games. Just a couple inactive Borg drones."

"Facinating" I reply genuinely

She smiles weakly.

"Do you like to kill?" she asks in a tone of unexpected softness "You have killed many in war and in unavoidable situations. You may have believed you were doing good but did you like killing?"

"No. I hate that part of my career."

"Then you must know how much I hate the idea of killing you. I'm not a monster. I have bonded with your crew and mostly with you." she places a hand on my arm and I don't pull away "I know you fear death. I know you may fear how I would bring along death. But I promise you. I will not bring you or your crew pain. You just have to let go."

"You know I can't allow that."

She lets out a huff in annoyance and looks forward once more. I take in her profile. I examine the downward turn of her mouth. I examine golen wisps of her hair that dance in the breeze. I examine the way her bottom slightly pouts as she mulls over her thoughts much like my father's did when he searched for the right words to say. Suddenly, it dawned on me. Understanding washed over me like sunlight on a new day. I should be angry. I should be furious. I should be gearing up for battle. But I feel understanding. I feel peace. After all, she did warn me that she would be back. I place a hand on top of hers. She turns to me to see me smiling.

"What?" she asks, a hint of hope in her voice.

"It's fun this time around. I have to admit it."

"I….what?"

"The first time you were so cut and dry when you appeared as my father. But this time…this time you really did your homework. It was more fun this time around."

She raises her eyebrows.

"Your conciousness truely is impeccable."

"Thank you. Have you been in my head the whole time?"

"No. I went back to my matrix when you told me to. But I left a door open."

I remember seeing the image of my father turn his back and step into the glowing doorway leading to where I promised myself I would never go, at least willingly. A shiver runs through my body as I recalled my first officer's desperate cries as he helplessly attempted to breathe life into me. Breathe Kathryn! God damn it! Breathe! he brought a force of godlike strength as he pressed against my inert body in attempt to recreate life. It was gorgeous and horrifying being forced to observe.

"Why don't I feel violated?"

"We've been one long enough."

"Take me there."

"Where?"

"Take me to where you will hurt me the most."

"It doesn't have to be like this. Just let go. I promise you no pain in my matrix. You will feel more joy than you can imagine. It's greater than human understanding."

"This is a battle for who I am. You are dying.."

"This no.."

"I'm done with games" I state before she can begin "You can't expect to know me this well and not expect me to go without a fight. Take me there."

"What's the point? This is all fabricated." she says gestering lightly to the holodeck we reside in.

"You said there's a door. It's not over yet. Take me there."

She looks at me somewhat bewildered. I look her. Unflinching.

"Take me." I command with force.

We stare into eachothers eyes as the summer breeze turns bitting and heightens into intensity until it is a blistering winter roar. We are perched upon a slab of ice beside the groans of the sinking shuttle. Inside the shuttle holds two pieces of my heart. Two pairs of hands that once held mine turning blue and two hearts that beat with love growing still. Did they think of me in the final moment? Is it selfish to wish that it is my face that passed their weary mind as the frozen water claimed their dying breath?

My back is rigid. I do not move a muscle.

"Look" she instructs "It's part of it."

My eyes are watering. Though she is my enemy, I grip her hand.

"Look" she says once more

Slowly, my eyes tear from hers and I turn to the sound of groaning metal contorting to freezing temperatures. The stern of the ship slowly decends into its final resting place. A groan exits my lips. The ice creaks and pops. The wind screams against my ear drums. We make music that is only played in the devil's chambers.

A commbadge chirps.

"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"There's been a change in The Captains vital signs."

"Is she in danger."

"Not exactly. But her heart rate has increased and body temperature has dropped."

"Sounds odd but odd is to be expected. We are under orders. We don't pull her out unless there is serious danger. Keep me updated."

"Aye, Sir."

"Thanks, Doc."

I see the last of the shuttle vanish into the icy tomb. My blood is as cold as the water below me.

"Were you there?" I ask distantly "Were you there with them in their last moment?"

"I was not. But one of my kind was."

Finally, the anger sets in. I turn to her.

"I forgot what a leech you were." I state

"I believe you called me a vulture last time" She replies with a smirk "A vulture and a coward. I've been told that's what Justin called us as well before he gave in."

As crisp as her words, my fist slices through the arctic air and collides against her jaw. No sound emitted from her lips until her body thuds against the frozen floor and a small groan breaks the silence. I loom over her.

"You will NOT have me" I growl

She rises to strike but I quickly retaliate with another blow to her stomach. She crumples once more to the ground.

"Nor my crew" I add

I want to strike her once more. She glares up at me as she wheezes for air. I want to slam my fists into her body over and over until the pain of my father's loss, Justin's loss, Voyager's loss, leaves my body. I want to cause so much damage she would be unrecognizable. But that is not Starfleet. That is not Kathryn. So I start to walk away.

"Computer end pro…" my words are cut off as her body collides with mine and the air leaves my body as we connect once more with the ground. Pathetically, I attempt to fight off her clawing hands as she fumbles with my moniter. Though I knew what was about to happen, I couldn't fight the surprised yelp followed by a howel of pain as the moniter is ripped from behind my ear. I elbow her sharply in the side as I crawl forward. It would be better roll to face her to fight or to attempt to stand. But I know her next target is my commbadge.

The blows to her sides are slowing her down but she will not cease. I can feel her ragged breathes on the back of my neck. With all my might I reel back and turn us to where I slam the both of us backwards towards the ground. She wheezes and her grip loosens. Quickly I scramble out out of her hold and snatch the badge off of my jacket. I back up.

"Get up" I call out to her

She continues to wheeze and glares at me. She looks at me as she if she is about to retort when we hear the first of many loud pops. From where she lay the ice begins to crack. It is then I realize that the shuttle had weakened the ice around the crash site and our little scuffle wasn't doing much help.

"Get up!" I cry out

She scrambles but struggles with the speed the ice is crumbling beneath her. I move to help her but realize in horror that ground beneath me has shifted as well.

"Computer end program!" I cry out

Nothing.

The Ensign makes a lunge for me but as quickly as she pounces, the icy water is there to swallow her up. I lose the last of my equillibrium, the moment my leg sinks into the water, I lose my grip on the badge. As the first pinpricks of a thousand needles touch my nerves I can't help but think….

God I hate the holodeck.