Chapter 3

Naruto didn't get very much sleep. There were a lot of reasons for that, the most obvious one being that he didn't even get to his new home until midnight. The second most obvious was because he didn't want to brave the darkness of the halls and risk running into the crazy super-sharp-nail lady and risk his genitalia, so he pulled a few somewhat uncomfortable chairs together and slept on them opposite Fu. However, the third most obvious reason why he didn't get much sleep was the thing that kept him up the longest, strangely enough, and it was him doing something he usually didn't like doing.

Thinking.

And the more he thought about his situation, the more scared he got.

It got to the point where he was planning out how to approach Tsunade, when to approach her, and what to say to her in order to do anything from getting someone else to replace him, all the way to maybe just a roundtable bodyguard system in place. Futile as it might have been, and even he knew it was, he was mostly doing that to actively not think about the huge bombshell that was dropped on his head by his mentor.

He was the son of Minato Namikaze, the fourth Hokage, and Kushina Uzumaki, the second Jinchuuriki? Well, that explained the whisker marks at least. On one hand, it was nice knowing who his parents were, but on the other, every time he thought about it, more questions just popped up in his head like mole hills. His brain was eating away at itself trying to make justifications for any of the reasons why he had to suffer and it just couldn't. Nothing that made sense anyway.

And thus, he only truly fell asleep around the 4 o'clock mark. Unluckily enough for him, Temari was a morning person, and she didn't get much sleep either thanks to a certain lady ninja from rock belting away through her nasal cavities. So around 5 o'clock, he awoke to the sound and smells of bacon sizzling on a pan in the kitchen that was directly across from the living room.

One hour of sleep a happy man does not make.

Naruto sat up, smacking his lips together to get the feeling of sleep bile off his tongue and immediately winced. The morning sunrise was in perfect view of the living room window and also at the perfect height where it blinded him sitting up. He tumbled off the couch and walked over to the kitchen, where Temari was poking at the strips of meat.

"Hey Temari," he muttered as he nosed through the fridge.

She was wearing felt pajamas with patterns of weasels flying around on it. "Hey Naruto," she replied flatly "Want me to throw a few strips on for you too?" She was asking more out of politeness rather than intimacy.

"Yeah," he said quickly, still blinking the light out of his eyes. "Thanks."

"Don't… mention it," she said lowly as she reached for more pig meat. The pan's sizzling exploded in intensity when she put the new ones on. "You a morning person too?" she asked.

Naruto shook his head emphatically. "Nope. Didn't sleep well."

Temari nodded knowingly. "Mmhmm. Someone needs to get that girl some sleep plugs or something."

Naruto's face scrunched in confusion. "What? No, I mean, I was sleeping over there," he pointed to the 'bed' he was using as a sleep surface. "I was awake because… stuff."

"Stuff, huh?" Temari asked in an almost mocking tone. "Because that's not vague."

"I was… thinking, okay? You weren't?"

Temari shrugged, putting the pieces of bacon that were ready for consumption on a plate with a paper towel on it. "I was trying to blot out the sounds of a lion's death throes coming from Kurotsuchi's room. But, yes, I guess that contributed to it."

Naruto sighed and leaned against the counter. "We're married now, aren't we? That's so weird to think about. I should be freaking out right now."

"Don't," Temari warned. "It's not like this is real or anything. Not like real real. If I had to guess, it would probably be just a stamped paper and nothing else. I'm sure it's all ceremonial."

"So does that mean… we can see other people?" Naruto asked, his hopes starting to raise. If that were to be the case, then the political marriage would mean nothing to him, not really. He could still date Sakura, save Sasuke, and become the Hokage without any problems.

Temari paused and stared at the bacon. Traditionally, it wasn't uncommon for both spouses in a political marriage to be able to take lovers aside from their partners, but the way Tsunade described their marriage made it seem like it was going to be broadcasted all across the world as a message of peace to tie all the nations together. Would they be able to see other people? "Maybe," she replied noncommittally. Mei might know. She went back to kage administration shortly meeting up with the rest of them the night before.

Naruto yawned widely. "Well, I don't really know you that well, but at least you don't look crazy. That makes two out of five."

"Two?" Temari asked?

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, you and Fu."

"Have you met the other three?"

"The, uhh…" Naruto tapped his finger to his chin. "What the cloud chick's name? Started with a 'Yu'."

"Yugito?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, her. She threatened to kill me if I came on to her. So I'm going to have to put her down on the 'try not to interact with much' list."

Temari giggled. "Doesn't that mean you just have to not act like an asshole?"

Naruto touched his throat at around where her knife-like nails had been last night. Perhaps he wasn't explaining it properly. "I guess," Naruto replied helplessly. Sometimes it was better to accept defeat move on with a conversation. He learned that from Jiraiya, though admittedly, the roles were usually reversed.

The sounds of shuffled stomping came from the hallway. Kurotsuchi poked her head through to the kitchen with bleary eyes and midway through a large yawn when she realized it was occupied by both Naruto and Temari. Her yawn turned into a smirk. "Hey loverboy," she said sleepily.

It was obvious that she was being condescending rather than playful. Even Naruto knew that. He just scrunched his eyebrows and looked at her confusedly. "What was your name again?" He knew better than anyone that someone dismissing a call for attention was the worst feeling possible when one was seeking it.

Her smirk turned into a light frown. "Kurotsuchi," she almost spat out as she shuffled over to where the drawers were and started raiding them for cereal.

"So what does breakfast usually look like in rock, Kurotsuchi?" Temari asked disinterestedly.

"Cereal and field rations."

"No bacon?" Naruto asked, munching through a strip as Temari added a few more to the pan.

She brought out the fixings for cereal and started up her usual breakfast with the ease and grace of a person who had been doing it for years. "Look, as much as I'd like to play house with you all, I think I'll pass. I've got things to do, places to go, people to see, and all that jazz. And I don't want to do it with you."

Naruto snorted. "What do you have to do? You're not on a mission, are you?"

She smiled at him with an over exaggerated sweetness. "That's confidential, honey."

A tic mark formed on Naruto's forehead, but he didn't respond to her. It's not like it really mattered what she was doing, but just the way she responded to him got on his nerves. Way more than Sasuke ever had, that was for sure.

Yugito walked in so silently that Naruto wasn't even sure how long she'd been standing there, just that when he took a step back, he nearly bumped into her. Ever the dexterous type, she sidestepped him and grabbed a piece of bacon from the bacon plate without making a sound.

"Woah," Naruto said appreciatively. "You're like a cat."

Yugito practically growled as she gave him the stink eye. "Was that you trying to be funny?"

Naruto looked from side to side a few times. "What? No, I just didn't even know you were there. You move like a cat.

"It's because," Fu said from the couch and pausing to take a yawn "… She's the Jinchuuriki of Matatabi, the two-tailed demon death cat. You know, cats."

"Oohh…" Naruto said in realization.

Yugito leveled a hard stare at him. "You didn't know that?"

Naruto sighed. It was too early in the morning for this. "Nope, I didn't Ms. I'll-Kill-You-If-You-Try-Anything."

Yugito shrugged. "I will."

"Yeah, I know you will! The point is, that's not how you're supposed to introduce yourself to someone you're meeting for the first time! Even I know that."

Temari looked over at everyone. "Am I the only one who brought a second pair of clothes?"

Indeed, everyone was wearing what they had come into the house with and all the clothing was slightly rumpled, indicating they'd been slept in with the slight exception of Naruto, who had taken off his jacket.

Naruto shrugged helplessly. "I don't know where they took my stuff."

Kurotsuchi started paying attention to the conversation. "Wait, you're a fan of orange tracksuits, right?"

Naruto nodded slowly, already dreading the answer. "Yeah…"

Kurotsuchi pointed her spoon at him. "I think I might have slept in your room. There were a bunch of those in the closet," she said through a mouthful of Ninja-Os.

Naruto leaned against the countertop. "That's one mystery solved."

"Oh, oh wait a minute. Does that mean the penguin sleeping cap was yours too?"

Naruto nodded.

"Awww… I didn't know my honey was such a softie," Kurotsuchi said in a baby-voice.

The tic mark returned with a vengeance. "And I didn't know that my dearest-"

"Don't." Temari warned. "She's just trying to get a rise out of you."

Naruto took a deep breath. He might have been able to deal with the situation better if he had gotten more sleep. Too bad that didn't happen. Kurotsuchi just sat back with a smirk on her face and continued eating her cereal. He already really fucking hated her and could already tell they were going to get along like C4 and an electric charge.

Fu tumbled out of the couch blearily mumbling "Too early."

"You're a ninja," Yugito said sternly. "You should be able to get out of bed at a moment's notice."

"I can," Fu said defensively. "But what kind of masochist wants to wake up at five o'clock?"

Temari, Kurotsuchi, and Yugito all raised their hands. Fu pouted at them. "I'm surrounded by weirdos."

"Here here," Naruto said, making Fu huff a few breaths of laughter out.

"Is that bacon I smell?" Mei asked, obscured by the hallway.

"Yeah!" Naruto said emphatically, going for another slice. "It's really good t-"

He didn't get the last part out because his windpipe suddenly got obstructed with semi-chewed pieces of bacon. The reason for this was from the involuntary gasp when he saw what Mei was wearing. Or, wasn't wearing, for lack of a better term. Because Mei was a woman who was used to sleeping and living alone, she had thusly not packed suitable sleeping attire that covered her body very effectively. She had also 'forgotten' to put her normal clothes back on that morning. Basically, she was wearing a nighty so sheer that it was encroaching on lingerie levels.

Yugito started patting Naruto on the back to help get the meat out of his throat while he hacked away. Kurotsuchi whistled appreciatively. "Is that part of the kekkai genkai too?" she asked lowly, pointing her spoon at the two mammary's.

It seemed Mei didn't hear that snippet as she approached and opened the fridge like she wasn't practically naked. Fu was staring at Mei the whole time as she did it with wide eyes.

Temari spared a glance, made a sound like a mixture of a huff and a scoff, and went back to her cooking. It was an obvious ploy for attention, especially from the only male variety in the house, who was just starting to cough out the rest of the bacon stuck in his lungs. How old was she? Shouldn't she be acting more mature?

As soon as Naruto was done coughing, he stood up straight and made sure to divert attention away from Mei. Even so, his face was a dangerous shade of red and there was a major threat of nosebleed. His constitution wasn't so low that he'd pop a boner at the mere mention of sexuality, but he was afraid of what might happen if he stayed there. "Right," he coughed into his hand as he beheld the contours of the counter "Well, I'm going to talk to granny. She's probably up by now."

Mei's face scrunched up in worry. "And what about breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day, you know.

Naruto nodded, still refusing to look at her. He didn't trust his eyes not to wander and he also didn't want to set a bad first impression on the people he had a feeling he was going to be seeing a lot of. "Oh, yeah I know. I'll get something more satisfying on the way," he said on his way to the door.

00000000

6:30 A.M.

Tsunade groaned as she stretched her back out. She'd been hunched over her work for so long that when she tried to bend the other way, there were audible cracks as her vertebrae sorted themselves back out. She was getting too old for this shit. Of all the monumental achievements bequeathed to society due to the advancements of chakra utilization towards domestic use, why couldn't there be a better way to read over and sign documents in a professional manner. Honestly, the amount of times that she considered just moving her bed into her office to do-

"Granny!" The door burst open with a bang and showed Naruto in the middle of the doors, agitated, but not considerably short of breath. There were dark bags under his eyes and his clothes were ruffled.

Tsunade was jostled back to attention and looked back at him with dark bags of her own. Not that he'd know; they were obscured by her youth genjutsu. "Yeah-" she mumbled lazily before coughing and straightening out her spine. "Yes?" She asked again, this time in a more commanding way.

Naruto walked up to her desk and placed his palms on the table. "C-Can you- Could you- Rrg!" He had planned out how to ask her beforehand, but his words just kept getting muddled in his mouth. Fuck it. He was a man of action anyway. "This isn't going to work!" He finally got out.

Tsunade let her back slump forward and caught her head by the bridge of her nose with her fingers. "There's no stopping this-"

"I-I know. It's just- Okay, so one of them's nice. That's great. She's great. Good. Her name's Fu. One of them, I don't really know that well, but she's okay. Temari and I get along fine enough. One of them, the one from Rock, I cannot stand. She's such a-"

"Naruto," Tsunade warned. "The Tsuchikage's still in the village here and the walls have ears. Don't say something you wouldn't say to him."

Naruto huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Even he has to know that his granddaughter's a bit of a cunt."

"Oh, Christ," Tsunade muttered as she started to rub her temples.

"And another one, the one from cloud, Yugito, she threatened to kill me if I came onto her. Which okay, yeah, I get it, don't come on to her, but those were the first things she ever said to me. It was unprovoked. And then, she did this weird nail-elongation-thingy and put 'em to my neck. And those things were sharp. I think the lines are still showing on my skin." Naruto tilted his head back to she could see.

Tsunade peeked under his chin. He wasn't lying.

"And I'm pretty sure the last one's an exhibitionist," Naruto said conclusively.

Tsunade shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what you want me to tell you. At least none of them threatened to kill you outright. That's a plus, right?"

"The status of me not having a death threat should be normal!"

Tsunade splayed her hands out to the side. "Yes, and you're going to have to deal with it."

Naruto's face scrunched in frustration and he even took a deep breath like he was about to yell, but he let it out through his nose at the last second. He took a few more deep breaths and sat in the chair opposite Tsunade. "Okay… okay, I get it. It's going to happen. But that doesn't mean I have to live with them, does it? It's all just… words on paper. Why did you pack up my apartment anyway? My things were good where they were."

Tsunade slapped her hands down on the desk a bit harder than she maybe should have. "Look, Naruto, the only way any of you are going to get along better is if you spend some time with each other. So yes, I took the liberty of sending your apartment to the house in the biggest room there. And that's a good house, might I add. You would have had to spend your whole life doing missions as a genin if you wanted to even put a down payment on it."

Naruto took a calming breath and leveled his tired eyes back onto her. "Do I have to spend much time with them?"

"Yes."

Naruto flipped his hands through the air in a show of barely restrained consternation. "Why?!"

"Were you not listening last night? We could have all signed a paper that would have been torn to shreds the moment more than two people had their backs turned. The whole reason that you six were married was because you're important both to the villages and the people inside of it. So yes, you have to interact with each other. Because if our ninjas see you six living together and they know that you all haven't managed to kill each other, then they might think 'huh, maybe our mortal enemies aren't so bad if they're managing to keep the violence to a minimum'."

"So I just have to act?"

"Please don't. You're bad at acting. Just don't kill them. I know you. You won't do that because you're a good person. You're the person I put my faith in, after all."

Naruto lowered his gaze. There was a bit of shame rising from his chest. "C-Can I at least… see other people?" Naruto asked lowly.

Tsunade sighed and looked down on him with a sort of combined fondness and moroseness. "I'm sorry. During the deliberations with the rest of the kage and Shibuki, we decided it was in our best interest to not allow mistresses and the male equivalent among the participants of this marriage."

Naruto sort of crumpled in on himself from the combined exhaustion, stress, and emotional trauma. It just kept getting worse and worse. Next thing she was going to say was that he wouldn't be able to try and bring Sasuke back.

Tsunade opened her mouth to speak, to which Naruto suddenly pointed a finger at her face and said "No! Forced marriage or not, I'm bringing Sasuke back. This isn't going to stop me and I don't care what you have to say about it."

Tsunade's eyes colored with a hint of amusement. "That's okay, you can do that. I was going to ask how you slept last night."

Naruto sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Bad. Like, really bad. Like, only an hour of sleep bad."

Tsunade leaned back as well. "I only got two. Though that was only because I was up with the rest of the kage, making changes to our agreement. Why didn't you get sleep?"

Naruto shrugged helplessly. "How could I? Just found out I'm being forced into marriage with people I don't know. I got to the house late and I didn't want to wander the halls because I was scared I'd get my balls cut off by the scary woman with the long nails. And to top it all off, I just found out my dad was the fourth hokage, who sealed the collective hatred of humanity in my gut for reasons unknown, but thought to be of good nature."

Tsunade's eyebrows quirked. "So Jiraiya told you about your father? Good. I wasn't sure he would go through with it."

Naruto splayed his hands helplessly. "Kinda wished I knew all along, but… whatever. I don't have the energy to be angry."

Tsunade looked behind her to check on the status of the sun. "Speaking of energy, the official announcement is going to happen at around noon to the whole of the village. Could you do me a favor and make sure your- uhm… the other five make it on time?"

Naruto's eyes went half-lidded. "You were going to refer to them as my harem, weren't you?"

Tsunade let a bit of her exhaustion show through. "It was a long night," she said, as if that was a perfectly reasonable excuse.

Naruto got up slowly, gave her a somewhat mocking salute and exited through the door.

00000000

7:00 A.M.

Naruto went to his favorite training ground next. Whenever his brain was stumped with a difficult question, it always helped to go to a field and train his body and various ninjutsu. Because even if he didn't make any progress on a brain problem, it was heartening to know that at the end of the day, he'd made progress on at least his combat potential.

His ninjutsu arsenal might have been sorely lacking to the common bystander, but it wasn't to him. He didn't need a huge amount of ninjutsu that were really only effective in certain situations because he had the most important ninja tool in the written history of shinobi. He had versatility. Though many might laugh at the mere concept, it was Naruto's mind that was his greatest asset. The thing that got him through most of his encounters with life or death was the ability to think up a solid battle strategy on the fly with limited information a shit ton of improvisation. The fact that he was unpredictable was the reason why he was a person who was difficult to defeat in battle.

Thusly, Naruto's training usually revolved around him training his body and schooling his mind on how to use shadow clones or rasengan differently. Sparring with himself was actually shockingly useful due to the fact that he got the knowledge of what he did wrong with a punch to his face, either giving or receiving. Unlike other people, who often trained in a specific way or style of fighting, he just focused on fighting.

Yugito alighted on the ground in perfect view of him doing just that, fighting with himself. It was amusing to watch him beat himself up, so she stood just under the treeline, practically invisible under the shade of the leaves.

A one on one match turned to two on one. Then two on two, three on one, two on three, three on three and so on. When she felt like she had a firm grasp on his fighting style, she walked out of the treeline and towards him. By the time she was noticed, there was practically a war going on between the Narutos.

The main Naruto undid the jutsu and stood, sore and tired from the sparring and looked at her. "Yeah?" He asked. He had taken off his shirt and was practically drenched in sweat. Any bruises that were forming were in the process of getting healed right before her eyes. Her healing factor might have been impressive due to her status as a Jinchuuriki, but this was just insane.

Yugito eyes didn't move from his. "I came to your village's training grounds to do my daily exercises. I sensed your chakra and came over."

Naruto was watching her like a man in front of a tiger who he had been told by his friends was friendly but he wasn't really sure if they were telling the truth. Her voice wasn't quite monotonous or disinterested, but more detached than anything else. Like she was doing she didn't want to do, but was doing it anyway. Talking to him was like eating vegetables to her. "Right…" Naruto said as he took a step back. "What, do you want a tour or something?"

Yugito shook her head. "No, just curious about you. We're going to be spending some time together, so I figured we should establish a rapport."

"What's a rapport?"

Yugito closed her eyes and let out a small sigh. "Let's call it… an understanding of sorts."

"You threatened to kill me," Naruto stated with a deadpan.

"I was setting a boundary."

"Is that what they call it in cloud?"

A small, sort of dangerous smile flickered on her face for a fraction of a second. "I wasn't sure what kind of person you were, or are, for that matter, so I erred on the side of caution. I wouldn't want to kill you if you tried something you shouldn't, after all."

"Do I look like the kind of guy who'd do something like that?"

"Looks can be deceiving."

"And sometimes people are like an open book. You see how my face looks kind of annoyed. That means I'm annoyed," Naruto said condescendingly.

Yugito took a while to formulate her answer. Too many thoughts flickered through her mind that she wanted to say but knew that she probably shouldn't. No, she was the adult in their situation. She had to be mature. In the end, she decided to go with the best policy, honesty. Her face hardened as she said "I'm… trying my hardest here. I've just been sent to a country that, historically, I've been at war with my entire life, been told that I was getting in an arranged marriage along with four other women, and to top it all off, it's to a boy. The fact that I'm here at all, trying get to know you better, is only because I want to be sure of where we stand, so I know how to act moving forward."

Naruto bristled at the 'boy' comment. She might have been trying for a reasoned response by wearing her thoughts on her sleeve, but it had the opposite effect. He walked up to her and glared at her. She was only 2 or so inches taller than him, so where did she get off calling him a boy? She didn't look that much older than him. "I'm not a boy," Naruto said, his eyes slanting dangerously.

Yugito huffed out of amusement. She was almost twice his age and had been training as a shinobi non-stop since she was a child. Did he actually think he stood an ice cube's chance in hell against her? Where did all that arrogance come from. Yugito smiled and placed a single finger against his chest. "Would you like to put your money where your mouth is, boy?"

Naruto slapped the hand from his chest. "What are the conditions?"

"Taijutsu only."

"Works for me."

They both waited in a status of complete and utter stillness. The wind picked up and ruffled the trees' branches off in the distance. One of the small green leaves broke off a branch and fluttered through the air until it was between then.

As soon as that leaf alighted on the ground, they flew into a furious brawl.

00000000

7:30

A Naruto clone opened the door to the house the six of them were staying at. The only person immediately visible inside was Mei, who was sitting at a table in the kitchen with a newspaper in her hand. Thankfully, she was fully clothed.

The clone walked in and leaned against a wall leading to the kitchen. "Are you the only one here?" he asked.

Mei's head tilted a fraction, though her eyes didn't leave the paper. "Ah, Naruto. Nice to see you too."

Naruto, after a few seconds of deliberation, took a seat opposite her. His face scrunched up for a moment. "Mei, right?"

Mei nodded her head.

"So are you the only one here?" He reiterated.

She nodded again.

"Right, well the announcement to the village is happening at noon, so granny wants you be there at around that time, okay?"

He was about to get back up, but Mei's eyes snapped away from the paper to his, interrupting his train of thought. "Did you just call the most powerful woman in the entire village 'Granny'?"

Naruto nodded, a small mischievous smile on his face. "Yeah. Did you know that she's actually really old and just hides it all with a genjutsu?"

Mei looked up, considering that for a moment, before saying "I suppose that would make sense. She is from a few generations above me, after all. However, Naruto, you should know that women are sensitive about their age. If you call them 'Granny', it could hurt their feelings."

Naruto sighed into his palm. "Look, we have a bit of a history with each other. When I first met her, she was a rotten old hag who was willing to throw Konoha to the wolves. Some things happened, I won a bet, and now she's the hokage. She's a good person now, don't get me wrong, but I'll never stop calling her that."

Mei smiled with a sweetness that couldn't be natural and looked back to her newspaper. That didn't sit well with him, so he asked. "Why?"

"Hm?" Mei asked, looking up from the printed word.

"Why does it bother you that much? How old are you anyway?"

Mei's face was dangerously still for 5 seconds. 5 whole seconds of doing nothing but looking at him with a smile on her face. He could tell that she was just stalling for time as she figured out an answer, but it still creeped the hell out of him.

"I'm 24," she finally said. "And as for why calling her granny bothers me so much, it's simply proper etiquette."

"But she is old enough to be a grandmother. It's a term of endearment."

Mei nodded her head down. "Still though, it's nice to be considerate of the feelings of others."

Naruto let the subject go with a tired shake of his head. He was never going understand women. "So you're 24 then? Honestly, I thought you were older than that."

The paper in her hands crinkled with a suddenness Naruto wasn't expecting. It deformed the entire section she had been reading. Naruto didn't have to be a detective to know that he accidentally pissed her right the fuck off.

Naruto's brain started working overtime. Why did that just happen? What had he said that made her angry? The only thing he talked about was her… age…

"Er," Naruto choked on his words as he started to get them out "I- I mean I only thought that because you, er, act so mature. You look exactly your age."

Mei started inadvertently leaking malicious chakra from her body, making Naruto even more on edge. Why couldn't women be more simple? Why did every interaction he had with one have to be a walking minefield? And why the hell was Mei sensitive about her age? She was only 24.

"Naruto…" Mei said slowly and with barely restrained anger. The malicious chakra started to disperse. "I… understand you have a crush on one Sakura Haruno, correct?" She asked, changing the subject.

Naruto gulped audibly. "Ah, erm, yeah…" He said, looking down and grabbing the back of his head.

Mei put the newspaper down serenely. She took a deep breath in and out, then looked at him with her full attention. Her smile was gone. "Well I'm sorry to say that among a few slight changes to your duties as a shinobi, there is the fact that we, the kage of our villages, have made the agreement that concubines or extraneous lovers shouldn't be allowed-"

Naruto held up a hand to interrupt her. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Granny told me. But… what other changes to my duties are there?"

Mei considered for a moment. "Hm… Nothing of major consequence. You'll be more protected since you're the member with the lowest prestige and ability in our arrangement. Also, after the announcement here in the leaf, the six of us will be going around the countries in a circle making similar announcements to the villages, ending with the iron country."

Setting aside that bit about lowest prestige and ability, Naruto asked "What village is in iron country?"

"That's where the convention of minor villages is going to be held. Shibuki of waterfall is acting as the de facto leader of the minor village alliance."

Naruto's eyes widened somewhat. "There's a minor village alliance?"

"It's mostly just talk, so I doubt many of the shinobi of those same villages are aware of it either. You didn't think Fu was just representative of waterfall, did you? Well, she is, but she's also representing the villages smaller than the big five."

"Damn."

"Damn indeed."

The Naruto clone slapped both of his knees and went to stand up. "I'm done here. Announcement at noon and-"

"And Naruto," Mei asked serenely.

She had her face back on. Every time she wore it, it filled his stomach with no small amount of dread. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Don't ever talk about my age again, or I'll kill you."

With not a second left to lose, the Naruto clone dispelled in a hurry. He knew that even if she was inclined to begin hostilities against him that he wouldn't feel anything and would dispel anyways, but that face made him think twice about it.

At least he knew now to steer clear of that woman like she were the plague.

00000000

7:42

Another Naruto clone was patrolling the village, looking for the three other girls. He had seen Kurotsuchi in the sights of another clone, so that only left Temari and Fu left to alert. Two people in an entire village that housed tens of thousands. This wasn't going to be fun.

Naruto landed on the ground, kicking up some dust from the street. The dirt ground was dry and flew up easily. It was hot out, more so than usual and it was mostly due to the humidity. And it was only morning. He couldn't imagine how hot it would be throughout the day. It was enough to make him consider running across the ground, where shade tended to be more plentiful, rather than the rooftops that he had grown accustomed to.

He put his hands on his hips and looked around the somewhat populated streets. He needed to consume something cold. A lot of the buildings and shops had changed since he'd been away. He hadn't even tracked down most of his friends yet. It was a good thing businesses opened up early in Konoha

As he looked around more sedately, he realized that his feet had inadvertently found his way to Ichiraku's. Ramen with a cool drink sounded perfect. Temari and Fu could wait. He flipped away the flaps and was halfway through saying "Hey old man, guess who's b-" before he realized one of his targets was sitting at the stools. She was out of her pajamas and had put on a black kimono with red trimming. On her back was a war fan as tall as herself. Temari turned around and looked at him. It was as if someone had drained all the emotion out of her face and had just left the exhaustion.

"Hey Naruto!" Teuchi exclaimed exuberantly. "When did you get back? Sit down, let me get you a bowl of your favorite."

Naruto smiled, though it was lacking in a lot of conviction, and sat down next to Temari. His interactions with Mei had taught him to handle the opposite sex like one would handle high impact explosives. In front of her was a practically untouched bowl of ramen heavy with vegetables. "So what brings you here?" Naruto asked gingerly.

Temari straightened out her spine and sighed. "Nothing. What about you?" She was talking like her mouth was on autopilot. Pleasantries spilled from her lips with perfect ease and practice, but her heart wasn't in it.

"It's uh… it's hot out," Naruto said lamely. "Hey old man, can I have something cold to drinik?"

Teuchi tilted his head away from the ramen pot for a second. "Like what?"

"There are options now?"

Even though his face wasn't visible, Naruto could just feel the grin on the old man's lips. "Yessir. We got all kinds of things now."

"Lemonade?"

"Right up."

Naruto and Teuchi started up a back-and-forth, bringing Naruto up to speed on the goings on and happenings of Konoha as well as Teuchi a little insight on Naruto's training trip. Most of it was just idle chit chat that didn't really mean anything, however. Temari sat still and stared listlessly into her bowl the entire way through their interactions. She was listening, but she also wasn't.

Eventually, a few people filtered in through the flaps and Teuchi's attention was drawn away from Naruto. He sat awkwardly still and began to dig into his ramen. It was hard to sit next to a sad person without asking them what was wrong. "So uhm…" Naruto started out, swallowing a particularly hefty portion of noodles. "Granny's announcing the whole… thing, at noon. We all need to be there for it."

Temari nodded, but other than that, Naruto was given no indication to whether or not she was actually listening.

Naruto put his chopsticks on top of the bowl and turned around to face her fully. "Okay, what's wrong?" He asked directly.

Temari glanced his way. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing. You look like a zombie."

Her brow furrowed with annoyance as she turned to him. "I said it doesn't matter. It's none of your business anyway. Why do you care?"

"Oh my god," Naruto said as he pinched his temples with his thumb and fingers, obscuring his eyes. "I asked because there's something obviously bothering you! Don't just bottle all that stuff up. Just talk already. It's not like I'm going to tell anyone if it's embarrassing."

Temari seemed lose the energy she had gained from her annoyance and looked back to her ramen bowl. "Everything's wrong. This whole… situation, cock-up, alliance, harem, whatever it is. I'm married now to a person I barely know. This is just… it's fucked. That's what it is. It's fucked."

Naruto lowered his voice. "You were fine this morning."

Temari glared at her ramen. "…You know Shikamaru?"

Naruto nodded.

"Well… I've liked him and I got the feeling that he liked me for a while. There was always this… it's not like it was tension or anything, but it was like the both of us were waiting for the other one to make a move. I just told him a few minutes ago about the contract. About the fact that I'm now in a harem."

Naruto's mood started to turn more along the lines of hers. "Oh," he said.

"It's… I think it's starting to sink in. This could be it. This," she gesticulated around her wildly. "This could be me for the rest of my life, stuck in a loveless marriage with four other women." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I shouldn't be mad at you, you didn't do anything wrong, but it's hard not to be."

"I'm… angry too, you know," Naruto said with his lowest energy setting possible. "It's not fair. This sucks. But, it's not like this has to define you, or anything. It's just words on paper. I, for one, am still going to become hokage no matter what's in my way. I'm going to bring my best friend back home and I'm going to fulfill my promise to Sakura. What about you? What do you want to do?"

Temari rested her chin on her palm. She was back to staring at her noodles. "I just wanted a normal life."

"Aren't you the daughter of the kage of your village? I'm pretty sure normal wasn't an option the moment you were born."

"I am the sister of the kage right now, actually. And… it's not like I wanted a life without excitement. I just wanted to be able to make friends in the academy. Or to walk down the street without people whispering behind my back. Shikamaru was actually probably the only person I know of that actually treated me like a normal human."

After a few moments of heavy deliberation, Naruto reached out a hand and patted her on the back with a small amount of trepidation. It was like he was patting the back of a dog he suspected might have rabies. "You know, I could be your friend."

She looked at him like he was speaking a second language. "What?"

"And so could Sakura and Ino and Hinata. Kiba acts like a mutt and Shino's a bit creepy sometimes. Chouji's really into food, like really into food, and you know Shikamaru. Lee's really cool, but he doesn't have an off switch. Neji's kind of a bastard, but he's nice deep down. And I don't really know a lot about Tenten, but, actually, I think she's probably the most normal person I know. They're all my friends, and now, they're all yours. See how that works?"

Temari was silent for a short time. "I, hm… I'm not the biggest social butterfly in the world. Do you really think they'd like the unwilling wife of a friend?"

Naruto grinned a little bit. "You're selling yourself short. You're a lot easier to talk to than any girl I know at least. That has to count for something. Plus, you're pretty. That always helps."

A huff of laughter escaped her lips. "Yeah, okay." She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I… I guess you're right. I wanted to sulk about this a little bit more, but you're right. Life isn't over. I can… I can manage this." Temari picked up her chopsticks and stirred the noodles around in the broth.

There were worse people she could end stuck together for the rest of her life with. She didn't know whether or not unending optimism was going to get old in the long run, but it was better than pretending she didn't exist at least.

And then the Naruto clone dispelled without warning.

00000000

7:40

Naruto first saw Kurotsuchi as she was standing out in the streets trying to decide between two shops. One, a run-of-the-mill shinobi outfitter, the kind that bought stock from all over the world and sold it rather than having a specialization in clothes, armor, weapons, or what have you. And two, a civilian fashion store with predominantly female summer clothes on mannequins visible through the windows. The shinobi store's insides were dark with lots of blacks and grays, while the civilian shop was white with pinks and light blues. Deciding between the two was like deciding what kind of day you were going to have.

He didn't know why, but seeing her try to decide between the two stores had him wait before he confronted her outright. Such indecision on her part was sure to result in something fun and regretful, right? Something he could hold over her for as long as she lived.

Her fists clenched hard before she decided on the civilian store, hiding her headband in a pocket. Naruto followed her through the door after he put on a transformation to make him look like Naruko. Kurotsuchi only got about 5 steps in before a woman in a store uniform walked up to her with a patently fake, toothy smile and asked "Hello, are you looking for anything in particular?"

Kurotsuchi's head was on a swivel as she superficially looked all over the store. "Y-Yeah, er, no, I mean. I'm just… looking." She spoke like she was nervous, or even worse, embarrassed. It was a far cry from the brusque girl he almost got into a shouting match only an hour or so ago.

Kurotsuchi walked stiffly over to the women's section and stared at all the dresses on the mannequins. Not knowing that she was being watched, her face went through the gamut of expressions. From apprehension, to judging, to surprised, to thoughtful, to wary. She always ended up going back to a one tucked away to the side: a modest white summer dress with a simple pattern. She stood in front of it for a very long time, biting the insides of her cheek before she finally got a replica near the model and fast-walked to the changing room.

Oh, this was perfect. The foul-mouthed tomboy had a penchant to the more stereotypically feminine pursuits, and better yet, was ashamed about it? Naruto wasn't going to let this go. He was going to tease her relentlessly. Maybe then she would think better about bad-mouthing the prankster king of Konoha. In fact, ideas were already running through his head about how to prank her to hell and back.

Naruko grabbed a random dress and followed after her, getting into the dressing room adjacent to Kurotsuchi. Kurotsuchi really put new meaning to speed. She was in there for all of five seconds before coming out of the room. He'd even been planning on making rustling sounds as if he were putting the dress on. Realism was what sold pranks, after all.

The boy transformed as a women poked his head out to see Kurotsuchi standing at the opposite end of the dressing room, where there was a semi-circle of mirrors arranged so that she could see all angles of herself

Kurotsuchi busied herself with looking into the mirrors with a few backward glances and straightening out the dress. Her face had a mixture of apprehension and fear, like she was scared someone she knew would pop out of nowhere and see her at an embarrassing state.

Too bad for her that was exactly what was going to happen.

Naruko walked up behind Kurotsuchi and clapped a hand on her shoulder. "No, no, your stance is all wrong."

Kurotsuchi visibly recoiled from the clone's touch. "And you are?" She asked, very irritated that anyone had acknowledged her as existing at that moment in time.

Naruko smiled. "Name's… uhh… Sakura. Haruno Sakura." Naruko's name was too similar to Naruto and they already had a resemblance going on, so he made it up on the fly.

Kurotsuchi scrunched her eyebrows together. "Sakura… that sounds familiar."

"It's a common name here."

"Huhh…" Kurotsuchi seemed to buy that excuse and turned back to the mirror. Her eyebrows were still scrunched, but more out of consternation than suspicion. "What were you talking about?"

"You're trying to impress a boy, aren't you?"

First confusion, then an unwillingness to tell the truth because it would take too long and she was talking to what boiled down to a stranger went across her face. "Erm… yeah, sure, let's go with that. Anyway, what's wrong with my stance?"

Naruko backed up and looked her up and down. "You're too stiff. You look like you're about to pounce on someone."

Kurotsuchi nodded and bounced on her heels a little bit, taking in deep breaths of air. "Yeah, yeah I guess you're right. H-How do you do it? Like, you know, look… girly."

Naruko smiled. He almost felt bad for what he was doing. Almost. "First try smiling."

Kurotsuchi did and it looked bad. Bad to the point where Naruko had to use all the willpower he had not to burst out laughing. "Okay… that's- that's good. Just try to think of something funny."

Kurotsuchi's face morphed into frustration before she relaxed herself and tried again. Naruto wished he had a camera to commemorate the event. But those were bulky, expensive, and hard to carry out anywhere.

"W-Why don't you just try a pose, then? Doesn't have to be serious. It can just… eh, warm you up." Naruto was going to have to make an award ceremony if only to give him the medal of 'World Class Bullshiter'.

Kurotsuchi put one hand on the side of her head and one on her hip then tried to smile.

Naruko burst out laughing despite his body's earnest struggle to keep calm. He laughed and laughed until Kurotsuchi looked at him like he was an insane person. She'd looked about as ridiculous as a bear in a tutu. "What the hell's your problem."

"Oh… oh, oh dearest, I'm just having the most fun I think I've ever had in my life." Naruto undid the transformation as he doubled over from the laughter.

Kurotsuchi's face turned bright red from a mixture of embarrassment and supreme anger. When Naruto saw this happen, he pointed at her face and starting laughing harder. She cracked her knuckles very harshly, starting the process of ramping down Naruto's natural high. "Any last words before I encase you in cement for the rest of your godforsaken life?" She asked in a low voice.

Naruto held up a hand. "Yeah, yeah," He took in a deep breath. "Wooh. Sure you can do whatever you want, but only after I tell you something."

"Speak."

"Granny's making the announcement at noon. So be at the kage administration at around then."

"That it?"

Naruto shrugged with a 'please for the love of god, punch me in the face' face. "Yeah, but it's not like it really matters. I'm a cl-"

Without Kurotsuchi having done anything, the Naruto clone dispelled mid-sentence. At first, she thought it was a deliberate move on his part to escape her wrath, but then she felt a sort of malice begin to permeate through the air.

She'd felt that sort of feeling before. It made her forget all the righteous fury that had been building in her body until that moment. It made her uneasy, then somewhat frightened. She dashed through the dressing room to see the various workers of the shop milling back and forth with frightened and worried expressions on their faces. They could feel it too, but they also knew that there wasn't anything exploding or the roars of great beasts that had become familiar to them, even if they had only heard it on one occasion.

It was demonic, unrestrained chakra.

Kurotsuchi began to feel real, unbridled fear.

00000000

7:44

The Naruto clone was, for lack of a better word, starting to feel good. He couldn't really put a finger on the why's, when's, or how's, just that when he was with Fu, he felt happier. It didn't take long for him to find Fu, in fact, it was more Fu who found him, and when they met, he decided to take her on a tour of Konoha. She was bubbly and happy and interesting and not just easy to talk to, but fun to talk to. He laughed a lot when he was with her. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so comfortable around someone. And that was only adding onto the fact that they had only been really interacting for about an hour or so.

It was like she wore her heart on her sleeve. She desperately wanted to connect to people and to have fun with them. He couldn't think of another person who was as much alike as him in personality than her. Perhaps that age-old adage of 'opposites attract' really was bogus. Because he was really starting to like her.

Currently, there were resting on top of the fourth Hokage's monument head eating a boxed breakfast from a vendor. The rising sun gave them a really good view of the village. The sky was blue, there were a few clouds rolling through the sky, and the birds chirped happily in the breeze.

Fu finished her food, set aside her box, and leaned back against the monument, holding her stomach in comic satisfaction. "That hits the spot," she said.

Naruto sat back as well and let out a loud burp. "Damn straight."

Fu giggled. "That was a good one. Wait, let me try." She cleared her throat and sucked in her breath. Naruto waited in mock anticipation for several seconds until one of the loudest and longest belches he had ever heard outside of an Akamichi feast belted out from her stomach.

Naruto laughed once she was done. "That was impressive."

Fu smiled. "Damn straight."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Naruto tiled his head towards her. "Hey, what's that red tubey thing on your back anyway?"

"My colony."

Naruto ah'd as if he'd understood it before his brain processed what she had said in full. "Your colony?"

Fu smiled smugly and put her hands behind her head. "My tailed beast is the seven-tailed beetle, so I can talk to bugs. The ones I like I keep on my back."

"So… like the Aburame?"

"Hmm… a little bit. They mostly keep to one type of bug though. I can keep all types of bugs."

"And… you can do this because of your demon?"

Fu hummed an affirmative. "All the tailed beasts give us cool abilities. Or at least that's what I've heard. The only other Jinchuuriki I've met in person are you and Yugito."

Naruto cupped his chin. "What's my cool ability then?"

Fu shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't you ask?"

"Ask who?"

She poked him in the belly, where he had mentioned his seal was. "The guy in your gut."

Naruto laughed fully and heartily, until he realized she was being serious. "He wants to take over my body. Of course I'm not going to ask. And even I wanted to and could do that, he, or it, is just a mass of evil chakra, right?"

Fu frowned a little bit. "Evil? Tailed beasts aren't evil. Chomei's really nice. Maybe Mr. Ninetails is kinda a meanie, but that doesn't mean you can't try to be nice."

Naruto sat forward and held his head in his hands. "Maybe…"

Fu thought for a moment before a lightbulb went off in her head. "Hey, wanna see something else I can do?"

Naruto turned to look at her. He began to say "Sure," but was dispelled halfway through.

Fu, for her part, was somewhat shocked by this. This shock only stuck around long enough for the feeling of malignant chakra to wash over her. She stood up on the monument and created wings from her chakra, what she had been planning to show him before he dispelled, then took to the air.

It didn't take her long to see off in the training fields a huge swath of trees get turned to cinders and ash as a blue streak of fire zipped around a red streak of solid chakra.

Naruto and Yugito had gotten into their beast forms.

Fu felt a deep and profound worry grow in her gut.

AN/ I've got the story name changed. Thanks to Djflemse for the title name