"Report!" The Commander demands as he steps into the sickbay

"The change was sudden, everything was on par but the cortical moniter was suddenly removed. I had her vitals reading on the commbadge but we lost that as well."

"Damn. What were her vitals before you lost contact?"

"Elevated heart rate and dropped body temperature but as I said before nothing out of the ordinary."

Chakotay slaps his badge "Chakotay to Torres. Any improvements?"

"I don't understand" The Klingon woman replies in disbelief "I installed the best of my firewalls, failsafes and traps but its gone through all them like its nothing. Chak…I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Use your team if neccessary."

"Aye…Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"The safety protocal has been shut off."

A pause. A realization. A moment of agony. The Commander returns to reality.

"We need to get control of the holodeck again. Use whatever means necessary. This is a top priority."

"I'm on it."

"Doctor."

"Yes, sir?"

"Join BE'lanna in Engineering. The minute she gains any control of the Holodeck I want you to be able to moniter the Captain."

"Right away, Sir."

Silently, the Commander calls out to the spirits beyond in hopes that they will guide the Captain to safely and selfishly to him.

Weightless in water, I am adrift. My body is encased in agony. If I had the ability to gasp I would. I need to move. Weakly, I attempt to swim to the top and realize my desperate need for air. I am unable to see so I kick upwards and force my limbs to propel me to what I hope is safety. How can cold be so heavy? Why do I forget that freezing can feel like lead? I pray my father didn't experience this in his final moments. I pray they were both unconcious and drifting into slumber. I shake my head in an attempt to shake them from my thoughts. My strength is depleating at a rapid rate and my limbs are burning. Is this the end? I can't go now! I have so much to do! Suddenly, the water dissipates and I lay once more on an icy floor.

I gasp and sputter as the remaining water exits my lungs. My body convulses as the cold still tampers with my muscles and nerves. I hear a groan and look over to see the Ensign in the same state just a few feet away from me.

"Co…cou…couldn't take…u…us..sss…to a warm…er…climate?" I sputter to her

"No" she states "en….ends…ends here."

"T…t…to he…hell….with you!" I growl

Against the protests of my body I pull myself onto my hands and knees. I make my way to her. Hand forward. Knee forward. Hand forward. Knee forward. My trek is pathetic but my resolve is steady. When I near her I am expect a surprise blow or at the very least a biting retort but I recieve nothing. She's trying desperately to pull her self up but failing. I watch her for a moment. Her palor is greying, her muscles spasm under her efforts to move and the aggravated grunts she releases sound so desperate. She looks up to glare at me. Her eyes, those beautiful blue grey eyes are losing their spark.

"Yo..you're…dying" I state

She says nothing. She only glares. I have seen her die hundreds of times. It usually happens in my dreams as I teleport to that cell. She feels so real, so tangable in my arms when I see the light in her eyes leave. Funny, how in a moments notice we go from a person with actions, emotions, hopes and dreams into just another lifeless corpse.

"You're….dying" I state again "Yo..you're the one…..wh…who needs….to let….go."

"No!" she shouts

"Ha…how…how much….energy have you….you put into me?" I growl as I crawl on

"No" she whines

"Why….why are you sss…so…so deseprate?"

She manages to sit up slightly as I grow near. My body is screaming and I feel the grogginess of hypothermia drag me down, down into the ice, down beneath the ice, down to lay with my father and Justin. I should long to be with them. I should be panicked to be prostrated a top my nightmare, but oddly, I don't mind. They don't matter right now. Though my mind is hazed and speech is slurred, I can see clearly.

Wh…why…ssso…so…desperate?" I ask again "Are…a…are you…the last?"

With out warning she lunges and her hand clasps onto my throat.

The crew once as a sending off party now stands infront of the Holodeck doors contemplating the unknown.

"It has control of the entire Holodeck, it can adapt to whatever I throw at it." BE'lanna explains "But if we can get the doors open we can at least enter the program and help her out."

"The doors have a series of locking mechanisms. How do you suppose we get in?" Chakotay inquires

"Thankfully the doors work on a different system in order to not inturrupt a running program as people come in and out. We can blow them open easily. The trouble is, the computer will take note of forced breech and will try to shut down the program. I assume that…thing will circumvent the order but it will also be aware of our presence."

"I should also inform you that we do have a visual of the Captain." The Doctor chimes in "I do feel that time is of the essence."

The Hologram steps to a near by panel and types in his commands. The panel chimes in agreement to the Doctor's steady hand and the sleek black panel transforms into the vision of an icy tundra. The group lets out a small gasp as they take in what they see. BE'lanna lets out a growl.

"As I said…" The Doctor quietly punctuates " of the essence."

"BE'lanna" Chakotay chokes out

His eyes, dark. His tone, bitter. After years of service and friendship it was no surprise that the Klingon woman is already at task with an order that had not been spoken.

Cherry blossoms. That's what my blood looks like splattered upon the white. When I look back at this, if I am able to look back at this, I will remember my DNA as an impressionists painting. At first, she latched onto my throat as her nails dug into the skin of my neck. I gagged. Using my moment of surprise she surged forward and suddenly I am staring up at the sky as she straddles me with both hands squeezing my air way. So weak. So cold. So tired of it all. I thank the soilder in me for reacting with little thought. She is strong but she is small, she is lighter. I bend my knees and thrust my hips up, I snake my ankle around hers right before lurching to one side. We roll and once again I hover over her. I am quick to pin her down. She struggles beneath me and I struggle to maintain my control. So cold. So damn tired.

"Dying" I grunt "Let….go!"

She struggles still but with less aggression.

"Let go!" I growl once more.

She begins to cry with what I believe is frustration.

"Yo…your time" I say softly

She stills and looks into my eyes. I try to read what they want to say to me when suddenly she reels back the most she is allowed and slams her head into mine. I reel back as stars dance before my eyes and blood begins to gush from my nose. Before I can gather a thought a searing pain explodes into my side. I cry out and roll off of her. I clutch my side to find that I had been impaled by a knife of some kind.

"BE'lanna" Chakotay repeats with an edge of anxiety

"Give me a sec!" she replies as she clicks in a small explosive to the large doors

Her fingers are blurred in their rapid movements. The air is thick with anticipation and tension. The questions are eminated through furrowed brows and tightened lips. How badly is she hurt? What will the creature do when we enter? How much borrowed time are we on? Is it already too late?

"Step back" BE'lanna commands

The group obeys. A bang. Sparks fly.

I gasp. I gape dumbly.

I turn and she lays beside me. Though her skin greys and her eyes begin to dull an aura of light surrounds her. She places her palm against my cheek as I have done so many times to the members of my crew. She looks at me with a tenderness as I have done so many times. My blood soaked hand clutches her jacket.

Touch, this final sensation of existance.

"I go…" she mumers "then…whu….we go….t…gether."

A sob exits my lips. The cold has claimed us and the fight has abandoned us. She has marked me as her own. I may not enter her matrix but I will not go forward.

"Help me pull" The Engineer grunts as she threads her fingers into the small gap provided by the explosion.

The Commander joins in and the two groan against the heavy doors made to lock in a makeshift bio dome, a high tech soundproof system and another world of secrets. Sweat begins to bead across their brows as they struggle to cause any movement. The Doctor joins in.

Slowly, she becomes irridesent. My nerves prickle against her touch as the last of her life's energy dances against my touch. I gasp and sob. My vision is blurring with fatigue and tears. My side is ablaze. I can no longer hold up my head. I can barely see her now as she changes form.

A groan.

A curse.

Straining mucles.

Straining patience.

She wants to speak but as she once was in our time together she is mute. She dwindles and before me she is nothing but light. She is the spark in anothers eyes, she is the pitch in the laughter of a child, she is a burst of energy in your chest when you dance, she is the palpitation in your heart when you see the one you love. She is all that the poets, the philosophers, the scientists and the zealots have tried to describe as life. She is life and she is dying. She is light but she is dimming.

Finally. A creak and slight movement.

In this moment, I pray that my tears is a cleansing of all that we have done wrong. I no longer fear the taste of blood in my mouth. I understand there is nothing left but the inevitable. I whisper a goodbye to my mother, a condolence to my sister, an apology to my crew and a prayer for myself. She is now an ember and I dim along with her. She flickers in my hand, a parting glance.

"Go" I croak.

She is gone. I smile. All is well. We rest in peace now.

"Kathryn!" a voice cries in the distance.

For them I flicker, a parting glance. But it's my time to go. I greet the blackness like an old friend and I allow my light to dim.

Commander's Personal Log [Audio Only]

Stardate: ***ERROR***

Log:

I didn't expect anything….uplifiting when we entered the Holodeck to rescue the Captain. But it didn't make it any easier when we found her. We stepped into what appeared to be a frozen tundra. But as we neared Kathryn and the being, spaces of the simulation fazed out and quickly the facade was gone all together. From what I am guessing, the being had tapped into our systems and using its energy to create whatever picture it wanted. I think it is…was much like a leech. It needed a symbiotic relationship. For sometime, it used Kathryn and then jumped to the holodeck when it was expelled by the Doctor.

I….sigh….the night before I had been visited by my spirit guide along with my father. That is very rare. They warned me of the spirits of mischief and ones who like to play. They warned me of the absence of regret in others. What is a game to them is not to others. I feel we have encountered many such beings since entering the Delta Quadrant. I remembered their warning when we found Kathryn. She had been mortally wounded and had lost a lot of blood. I also believe she was bleeding internally. We watched the last of the being die out in Kathryn's hand. We scanned carefully, on every sensor for the being but found nothing. It is cold to say but all I could think was "good riddence."

I have to applaud the Doctor for his quick and well tuned work. It was touch and go for a long while but I swear that man can work miracles. Naturally, I can't tell him that. His ego is the size of a Malon Freighter.

As Commander, I trust in my Captain to return to her duties with a clear mind and ability to lead. She has proven herself to do that time and time again. As her number one, I will be sure to assist her in any way so that the well being of my captain and crew is ensured. But as a friend, a companion, I worry. I will never stop worrying. She is strong but she is still human. She is still flawed. She allows so much pressure on herself. I fear that all the late nights, constant stress, bountiful guilt, never ending work and the non-stop job for seventy odd years has weakened her resolve. I fear she makes herself a target for the playful spirits with the absence of regret.

End Log.

I lay on my bed, unblinking. I rub the spot on my side where I once had been stabbed. The skin is smooth and despite some tenderness it is almost as if the fatal blow never happened. It is now I understand why some Admirals decide to hold on to a few scars that mar their skin. I realize now that they needed a reminder of the time they had been humbled back to the basics of their humanity.

I hear the chime at the door. I close my eyes. It chimes once more. I don't bother to move because I know him well. He'll overide the code, as he always does. He will enter my quarters unassuming, as he always will. I hear his heavy footsteps and I count them until they reach the foot of my bed. I open my eyes to look at him. He smiles and I smile back. I roll to my side and he joins me.

His arms are heavy and his warmth is a nice change of pace from the cool recycled air. He breathes me in and I pretend that I don't care.

"She become so small" I tell him "She was nothing but a tiny little thing in my hands. I realize that is what I was to her, a tiny little thing in her hands."

"Hard to believe she was real" He says

"She was real enough" I reply

"She was" He agrees after lightly brushing a hand against my side

I roll over to face him. His eyebrows raise and he looks off into the distance. He looks like he's about to tell me a story but blinks and rubs his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask

"I really must be tired" he chuckles

"Why?"

"I swear the wall just flickered out."

The End.

Thanks for sticking with me throughout this journey. Did you know I have been writing this on and off for almost a year!? Oh my lord, writing this has kicked my butt left and right but to be honest I'm proud of it. Your support has been amazing and I can't thank you enough. See you in the next story ;) - RB