1/26/18: Here's a brand new chapter mostly from scratch. I reworked the scene of Shiro waking up after the group bonding night to have him talking to Tactus now that everyone already knows Darrow's secret.

Trigger Warning: There's some discussion of rape and sexual abuse at the end of this chapter in regards to Tactus' backstory. It doesn't really get graphic or anything, I just wanted to warn you all now. If you'd like to avoid the conversation, stop reading after "Shiro chuckled at the rather understated description of Tactus' brothers".

Chapter 25: Hidden Depths:

Pax Officer's Lounge

En route to the Asteroid Belt

February 3rd, 2841

Shiro groaned as he opened his eyes. The flicker of light from the HC screen lit up the room in a soft glow. Lifting his hand to shield his eyes, he squinted as he glanced upward to look at the clock at the top of the screen. It was 11 in the morning ship-time. Looking around, he saw that the rest of Darrow's inner circle was fast asleep. He couldn't remember what time he'd fallen asleep, but he was pretty sure they'd all stayed up well past midnight. Roque, Victra, Tactus and Quinn had taken a day to get used to the idea of him being a time traveler, and after that had hounded him for questions about life on Earth before the Conquering. They'd found a channel on the HC that was marathoning old TV shows from his time and had proceeded to stay up all night binge watching and providing commentary. The last time he remembered looking at the clock had been about seven hours ago. Great, he thought to himself sardonically. As if my worries about surviving long enough to get back home weren't bad enough without going into a potential battle sleep deprived.

He pulled himself off the chair he'd fallen asleep in as he quietly surveyed the room. Roque and Quinn were cuddled together on the couch directly in front of the HC box. Sevro and the Howlers had declined to come, as they were in the middle of planning the tryouts they were going to hold on the way back to Mars. Several of the younger Golds in their war party were interested in joining, so Sevro and the original members were discussing how to vet new recruits. Because of Sevro's plan to hold tryouts, Darrow decided to wait before telling the Howlers the truth about his origins. The Reaper himself was off in his stateroom with Mustang. Shiro smirked at that as he carefully lowered the recliner's footrest. Tactus had fallen asleep right next to the chair, so he needed to be careful not to disturb the man. Once he was certain that nobody else was awake yet, he tiptoed around Tactus and slipped out into the hallway.

Most of the ship was already awake at this hour, so the shift in lighting made the Black Paladin squint before his eyes adjusted to the brighter lights. In need of some food, he made his way down to the lowColor galley so that he could have his breakfast in peace. He gave a nod to Screwface and Weed as he passed the two Howlers in the hallway. They both found his preference for eating with the lowColors weird, but they respected him enough not to ask questions. At the very least it meant that he was able to make it towards the back of the five-kilometer warship without being impeded. He was satisfied when he walked in to find the galley mostly empty, except for a few Yellows eating by themselves. He took his usual seat in the corner as one of the Browns from the kitchen noticed his presence and came out to ask what he wanted this morning.

After a month and a half under Darrow's command, the ship's cooking staff had finally gotten it through their heads that the only Golds on board who ate as much as the Ash Lord were the Telemanuses, and they were the exception, rather than the norm. Shiro was still tired from the late night and asked for some pancakes. In the last few weeks, Darrow's actions in how he and Shiro treated the lower castes on board the ship had been profoundly puzzling for the lowColors. They weren't used to Golds treating them as equals, and even after getting used to it, the kitchen staff were still surprised when Shiro, Mustang, Sevro, or any of the other Golds on the ship politely thanked them for their meals. That'll be a big part of toppling the hierarchy, though, the Black Paladin thought to himself as the flustered waiter retreated into the kitchen. Hopefully, by treating the lower colors better and improving their self-worth, it will be easier to change things. Tearing down the Board of Quality Control and the Hierarchy won't make a difference if the lower castes keep groveling for every Gold that tries to boss them around.

For a few minutes, he sat in silence as he ate his meal. The quiet hum of the ship's engines vibrated through the wall behind him, broken only by the sound of his fork clinking against his plate. He was just about to take a sip of his morning cup of tea when the doors slid open with a soft hiss. Tactus strode into the room, his dark clothes rumpled and golden hair disheveled. Without a word, the lancer took a seat at the table opposite from Shiro. The few lowColors still in the room, used to Shiro's presence there at meals, paid the man no mind as the cook came out to ask for Tactus' order. The two men were silent as the Brown returned to the kitchen.

Shiro couldn't help but be impressed with how much Tactus had changed since being given a second chance on Europa. To the outside observer, he was the same as he was before. He still made acerbic comments at his friends' expense, and he couldn't go an hour without making a crude joke or sexual innuendo. But if one looked closely, the difference was staggering. He still told sex jokes like nobody's business, but his biting insults lacked the cruel edge they had before, and he hadn't even touched a Pink since coming aboard. Just comparing his behavior in the days leading up to the gala with the way he was acting now, Shiro was surprised at how quickly Tactus had mellowed.

Being having someone who accepts who he is behind his walls has done wonders for him, the Black Paladin thought to himself. Sevro, Roque, and Victra were still wary around him, but even they had noticed the sudden change in their old friend. Victra had chugged an entire bottle of Venusian wine the previous night when Tactus paid her a genuine, unironic, straight-faced compliment. Roque had jokingly asked for an audio recording to make sure he hadn't imagined such words coming from Tactus' mouth. The suspicion and pain from the man's betrayal was still there, but already, it was fading rapidly.

Last night, after coming to terms with yesterday's revelations, Tactus had asked Shiro why he supported Darrow's decision to trust the man, knowing the kind of person Tactus was and what he had done. Shiro's own thoughts on the matter were complicated. At the Institute, Tactus had tried to rape one of his classmates to make a point. And he'd grown up using sex slaves like interchangeable parts in a machine.

"You've done a lot of terrible things," Shiro had told him. "And you've survived by not thinking about it. Your shitty childhood doesn't justify or excuse the things you've done but being able to recognize that it was wrong in the first place is the first step to atoning for it. I wouldn't have supported Darrow's choice if you were too far gone to recognize the damage you've done."

The Black Paladin was jolted out of his reminiscing as the cook emerged from the Kitchen with a tray of food and slid it in front of Tactus' seat. Once the Brown was out of earshot and the galley sufficiently empty that they wouldn't be overheard, Tactus finally broke the silence.

"I checked the HC when I woke up this morning," he said. "Mother's disowned me, so I can kiss any inheritance goodbye." While the words were probably supposed to sound sad, Shiro couldn't detect any trace of bitterness in the younger man's voice. Resignation, maybe. But if anything, Tactus almost sounded relieved to be officially cut off from the screwed-up family he'd been born into.

"You sound pretty relieved about that," Shiro commented after he spread some butter across the top of his second pancake.

"It's like you said," Tactus replied. "Family is more than the people you're related to by blood. My mother making it official is just a weight off my shoulders. I'm more at home among our little band of psychos than I ever was with my own brothers. Tharsus and Appolonius are like wild dogs in the streets, and rutting stags in the bedroom, if you catch my drift." Shiro chuckled at the rather understated description of Tactus' brothers.

"They slept with whoever they wanted and didn't give a shit about their partner's emotions, then pulled a razor on anyone they feel insulted them," Shiro summarized with a laugh. Tactus chuckled in amusement before his expression soured.

"It wasn't just razors, though," Tactus said. "Appolonius once told me that the only difference between their rivals and their bedmates were that rivals were pixies they hadn't bedded yet. Tharsus liked to say that sex was as much about domination as it was about pleasure. That's why I tried to rape Nyla back at the Insitute. As an assertion of power."

"You told me about that," Shiro observed, wary about where Tactus was going with this conversation.

"I know," Tactus answered, a look of uncharacteristic sadness on his face. "Sorry. I know I already told you, Shiro. It's just that I feel more comfortable talking about myself with you than the others. Even leaving aside all the bridges I burned, I feel like I've grown up among Gold for so long that it's easier to let my walls down for someone with an outside perspective. I know he'd be sympathetic anyway, but I'd feel ashamed spilling my innards to Darrow like this." Shiro nodded in understanding as he put a hand on Tactus' shoulder in support.

"I understand," he replied as he picked up his tea.

"As I was saying," Tacus continued. "My brothers always taught me that sex was about dominating someone else as much as it was about one's own pleasure. When it came to "mentoring their baby brother" as they put it, the treated "actions speak louder than words" as a personal code. And they didn't give a shit about taboos and social norms. There was no line they were ever afraid to cross."

Shiro froze, his cup of tea centimeters from his lips. He gently placed the cup on the table, careful not to shatter it in his shaking hands. He turned to look at Tactus, eyes widened with shock, wondering if it could possibly be true. The broken, vulnerable look in the man's eyes made it perfectly clear that he had meant exactly what Shiro had thought he was implying. Tactus had been sexually abused – no, raped – by his own brothers. No wonder Tactus was so fucked up before Darrow showed up in his life, Shiro thought to himself as he re-evaluated his opinion of House Rath. With role models like that, he had no outside perspective to show him how evil what his brothers did to him was.

Shiro's expression hardened as a metaphorical storm brewed in his features. He had a steely, dangerous look in his eyes he hadn't had since his duel with Zarkon in the astral plane. His left hand shook with barely contained rage. He already detested the Rath family by reputation, but now he was ready to beat them all bloody with his bare hands for what they did to Tactus, lack of superhuman strength and durability be damned. Suddenly, he felt the energy weapon in his right arm activate. The smell of burning metal registered in his nostrils, and a soft sizzling noise echoed in his ears. He had less than a second to register a metal surface giving way beneath his glowing hand before he lurched sideways until his right armpit banged against the new hand-shaped hole in the bench.

Tactus was on his feet in an instant as he moved around Shiro to help remove his mechanical arm from the hole he'd carved in the seat. It took a few minutes of careful maneuvering before the Black Paladin's arm was finally freed from his own unintended handiwork.

"Tactus," Shiro began, his voice low and dark. "The next time we see your brothers, I'm going to kill them." While a small part of him was horrified by his eagerness to kill, that was voice was quickly silenced by his own instinctive urge to protect the people around him, what his teammates jokingly called his "Space Dad" persona. More than that though, it was the fact that the Rath brothers were depraved even in comparison with other Golds. Despite everything the man had done, he still considered Tactus a tenuous friend. And the Champion had no mercy to give to those who hurt his friends.

Yeah... That kind of got a bit dark there. But yeah, Tactus being sexually abused by his brothers is not something that's been spelled out in canon, but in Morning Star, Tharsus made some comments about Darrow's friendship with Tactus that had some fans on reddit scratching our heads. His exact words are "Did you piddle my baby brother? Is that why he was so besoted? Well you'd hardly be the first to plow that field if you catch my drift." And there's some debate on the Red Rising reddit subforum as to what Tharsus meant by it. Some people just thought it was a derrogatory comment about Tactus' bisexuality. Others thought, with how many references there were to Star Wars in the series, that Tharsus was implying that he and Appolonius (Thank Iron Gold for giving us the name of the other brother at last) had raped Tactus when they were younger. Given what we've heard about Tactus' brothers and the way the two behave in Morning Star and Iron Gold, it certainly doesn't seem OOC for them to do that to him.

Background Info:

-In the Red Rising universe, English is considered a dead language. Nobody really knows what language everyone in Red Rising is speaking, since the Latin phrases in the books are explicitly identified as Latin. The fandom generally concludes that they're speaking an evolved form of Esperanto.