*strolls into FFN two months late holding Starbucks*

If Danny had ever in his life sat through a more uncomfortable dinner, he couldn't recall it. The tension around the kitchen table was palpable as Danny, Jazz, and the Pines family dug into their sloppy joes – which, really, should have been a main course for a laid back, friendly meal.

Jazz was proving her usefulness once again by taking on the burden of dinner conversation with Stanley, answering for the both of them as the man went through a laundry list of questions about their parents and school and the town and their hobbies. Even Mabel, the unstoppable chatterbox, seemed subdued during the meal, opting out of the conversation in favor of concentrating on slipping bits of potato chips and celery down to Waddles, who lay contentedly next to her chair.

Dipper was keeping his head down, and had barely taken so much as a bite from his sandwich, instead idling the time away by twirling his baby carrots around in the ranch dressing and not eating any of them either. Danny would know – he had been keeping a sharp eye on the kid the whole time, looking away only when he absolutely had to. Dipper would peer up from his plate occasionally, but the moment he'd lock eyes with Danny, he'd duck his head down again, pallid and nervous.

Good.

Danny would have been perfectly fine getting through the whole meal that way, just keeping his eye on Dipper while Jazz and Stanley created some white noise in the background, but their conversation was abruptly cut off when Stanley finally noticed his nephew's barely touched plate. "You all right, Dip?" he asked.

Head still down, Dipper nodded. "I'm fine."

"You've hardly made a dent in your supper. Your stomach okay?"

He nodded again and went back to playing with his carrots. Obviously unsatisfied with that response, Stanley opened his mouth, no doubt to start on some followup questions, but Dipper beat him to the punch. "Grunkle Stan, I've got a question."

"Um, all right. Shoot."

"You and Ford did a lot of hunting and researching on monsters and stuff over the past year, right?"

"Was that your question?"

"No, I was – I was wondering. How would you guys handle a monster that was half-human?"

It was a testament to Danny's restraint and maturity that he didn't leap across the table and start trying to strangle Dipper to death then and there. As it was, he held himself back with a white-knuckled grip on the edge of the table. He tried to keep his face impassive, although he was sure that his eyes must have looked nothing short of murderous. Mabel had directed her attention back to the table, eyes wide and mouth dropped open into a little 'O' shape. Jazz, meanwhile, had her brow wrinkled and lips pressed in a thin line, looking like she would much rather be anywhere in the world right now besides here in this kitchen.

Fortunately, though, Stanley didn't seem to have noticed the shift in the room, or if he had, he chose not to react to it. Instead he replied, "Why do you ask?"

"We're, ah, we read some short stories in English class," Dipper said. "We're starting a horror unit, Edgar Allen Poe and Shirley Jackson and the like, and one of the ones we read had this sort of creature thing that – that got me thinking…"

Danny raised a brow. That lie came much more smoothly than any of the others he'd heard from Dipper. He wondered if maybe he'd been spending the whole dinner so far coming up with and mentally rehearsing it. Whatever the case, Danny could relax his grip a little now that Dipper had refrained from spilling the beans. For now, anyway.

"Huh, half-human," Stanley said. "Wait, you've met half-human stuff before, haven't you? Mabel told me you two had met a merman last summer. Isn't that just half-human, half-fish?"

"I meant, um, not like one where half the body's human, half's something else. More like, uh, like it could go back and forth, sometimes human, sometimes not."

"Like a werewolf, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm." Stanley drummed his fingers against the table. "Well, that would depend."

"On what?" That was Jazz asking this time. Danny had already nearly forgotten she was there, he had been concentrating so hard on the conversation between Dipper and Stanley.

"A couple of things. One would be what the non-human half was. Whether or not it was somethin' dangerous. Ford told me that one place he'd gone, he met some people who could turn into animals, and they were mostly a mixed bag, but none of them deadly or nothin'. Apparently there was one lady who could transform into a hamster at will. Ain't exactly much of a threat. But even some of the more dangerous animals, as long as the person kept a cool head on their shoulders, it didn't much matter. That's the other factor, I figure – how much control the human half has versus the non-human half."

The fraction-of-a-second glance Dipper threw toward Danny was almost imperceptible. "So, if the human half's in control…"

"Then it's probably not somethin' to be too worried about." Stanley took a bite of his sandwich and continued through his mouthful, "Course, there's always exceptions. Even if the human half's in charge, it ain't like every human being is a picnic. Most people, sure, if they find out they can transform into some sort of monster, they'd try to keep it on the down low, but there's always gonna be some whacko out there who'll be all, hey, I've got fangs, let's see what these chompers can do.

"In fact, don't know if Ford ever told you about it, but while we were sailin' back from the Arctic, we were docked in this town in Nunavut, and we dug into the local lore. Apparently a couple years ago, some newcomer had traveled up there from Hudson Bay, seemed a nice enough man, but not long after, people started goin' missing. Turns out the dude was a Tamma– a Tammi– well, a Tamma-something, don't remember the name of it, I'll have to ask Ford later. Point bein' he was this creepy-as-hell cannibal monster thing that could take human form when it wanted. Took the people in the town months to pin him down."

"What'd they do when they found him out?" Dipper asked.

"Skewered him with a harpoon, I think. Least, that's what I was told."

"…Oh."

"What a way to go, though, ain't it. You doin' okay there, Danny?" Stanley asked, and Danny barely managed not to jump in his seat at suddenly being addressed. "You're lookin' a little green around the gills. Sloppy joe not sittin' well with you? Wait – uh, your parents did brief you on what mine and Ford's line of work did, didn't they? This isn't all, uh, all a shock to you, is it? Geez, I didn't, um…"

"They did," Jazz cut in. "It's all right, we're familiar."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Danny said. He grimaced at the slight squeak that slipped out in his voice, and cleared his throat. "I'm – I'm fine," he repeated. "Probably just the sloppy joe, like you said."

"I could whip up somethin' lighter for you if you want. Toast and peanut butter's usually okay when your stomach's kinda off."

"No, um, no thank you. I'll just stick to the side dishes for now."

"If you're sure." He turned back to Dipper. "That answer your question, Dip?"

Dipper swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, that, uh, that – actually, um, one other thing. What if – what if it was a ghost?"

Stanley quirked a brow. "Like, a were-creature that's also a ghost, or – ?"

"No, I mean, like what if that was the non-human half? Half-human, half-ghost?"

Stanley shook his head. "Don't think that's possible. That would mean that they're both alive and dead, wouldn't it? And that just ain't a thing, no matter what that one stupid scientist with the cat said."

"But what about the type of ghosts here in Amity Park?" Dipper pressed. "They're different than the ones back in Gravity Falls, aren't they? Like, they're not just imprints from dead humans, they're kind of a separate thing."

"Ford told you about that? I thought he said he was keepin' his research to himself until he had some more safety measures in place for you kids."

Dipper dropped his gaze and fidgeted in his seat. "Well, uh, he told me some stuff. Just a quick overview."

"Huh." Stanley took a bite of his sandwich, face pensive as he chewed. "Eh, I figure it's still not possible. Accordin' to Ford, the ghosts around here are technically demons, right? From a different dimension. So if something was going to be only half-demon, that would mean they, like, came from two different dimensions at once. Wouldn't work."

"But, hypothetically, if that were possible, what do you think? Would it be a threat?"

"What's it matter? I've been sayin', it's not like you're gonna have to deal with one. Want me to come up with a protocol in case of a tooth-fairy invasion while we're at it?"

Mabel whipped her head toward him, eyes wide. "Wait, what do you mean? The tooth fairy's real, right?"

"Wha – Mabel, you're jokin' right? You're fourteen years old."

Mabel stared at her uncle for another few seconds before giving him a shaky smile. "Uh, yeah. Yeah. Pfft, of course I – I know. Just kidding. Obviously the tooth fairy's, uh… not real… yeah." She ducked her head down, but Danny could still see the thousand-yard stare glassing over her eyes.

Dipper cleared his throat. "So, um, about my, uh – "

"Right," Stanley said with a nod. "Well, I figure if there actually were some kind of half-human, half-ghost-slash-demon or whatever those things around here are, it would probably be a pretty big problem. I mean, come on, demons are bad enough news without the bonus of blending easily into society. So Ford and I would probably go for eliminatin' the threat."

There was a second's pause as Dipper chewed anxiously at his lip before asked, "But – but a ghost – a demon – it wouldn't automatically be bad, would it? It's just a being from a different dimension, so, other dimensions must have both good and bad in them."

"Yeah, but the good ones have the decency to not go raidin' other dimensions. Come on, Dip, how many demons have you met who are just here to see the sights and relax, versus how many who want to see the whole place transformed into a freakin' hellscape just for the spectacle of it?"

Danny glanced back and forth between Stanley's serious gaze and Dipper's sheepish frown. Ford had mentioned, hadn't he, something about having encountered demons of some sort in the past, but he hadn't given much by way of details. If that past experience, though, was really as bad as Stanley had just made it out to be, that might explain why Dipper seemed so keyed up about ghosts.

It didn't make it right, of course, but it was an explanation.

"So I guess you and Ford would…"

"Put that thing back where it came from," Stanley finished with a shrug. "From what I've seen, that's usually how the ghosts are handled around these parts anyhow. And if that doesn't work or ain't an option, then try and kill it before it can kill us. Not pleasant, but sometimes it's gotta be done."

The silence that followed that declaration was deafening, the only sounded breaking through it the soft chewing of Stanley continuing his meal. He seemed to notice it after a few moments, and grimaced. "Well, geez, don't go all quiet on my account. Sorry, that probably wasn't great dinner conversation. Don't know how much you two get involved in the business anyway," he added to Danny and Jazz.

"Oh, it's – it's fine," Jazz said, in a voice that was too chipper and with a smile that was too perky. "I find the whole field rather interesting, actually. But more as just an observer. We'll have to ask Ford for some anecdotes at some point, won't we, Danny? Perhaps get some insight on different ghosts. Apparently the ones around here are pretty different from the ones in California."

Stanley furrowed his brow. "Uh, probably? I wouldn't know."

"Oh. I thought Dipper said you've encountered some ghosts in the past."

"I have. What's that got to do with California?"

"Isn't that where you're from?"

"That's where Dipper and I are from," Mabel said. "Grunkle Stan's from Oregon."

"Long story," Stanley said with a shrug. "Bottom line, these two spent a couple summers with me, and now we're testin' out a year-round thing."

"Ah," Jazz said, nodding at the scant explanation; she still wore a puzzled frown, but as much as she liked to pry into the lives of her own family, Danny knew she tended to spare other families the same treatment.

However, it turned out that prying wouldn't have been necessary. Dipper took a deep breath, shoved his plate away, and turned to her. "It was kinda my fault, actually."

"Uh, Dip," Stanley grunted. "You don't gotta – "

"No, it's all right, I want to tell them," Dipper said, waving his uncle away before continuing. "The summer before last, Mabel and I spent up in Oregon with Grunkle Stan. And the town he lived in was, um, well, it was weird. Like, I know you've got weird stuff going on in Amity Park, but trust me, Gravity Falls has got you beat. And – and that was kinda our first time actually going head-to-head with all this paranormal stuff, and it was a lot. A lot to take in. At the time, I guess we sort of had the adrenaline going to keep some of it from sinking in all the way, and a bunch of it was actually pretty fun anyway, with some exceptions, but, uh, well, when we went back to Piedmont for the school year, we didn't, uh… we had some trouble adjusting. Kinda dumb stuff, really, nightmares and things like that. Apparently once you've dealt with that stuff, it's kinda hard to go back to normal. We sorta did a rotten job of it."

"Hey, hey, I've told you not to beat yourself up like that," Stanley scolded him. "Trust me, first time I was exposed to all that paranormal crap, I basically had a mental breakdown montage. You and Mabel handled yourselves like champs."

"Still. It was enough for Mom and Dad to get worried."

"Well, more confused than worried, actually," Mabel said. "Your doodles probably didn't help much, Dipping Sauce."

"They were therapeutic!"

"They were dumb."

"Anyway. We basically, uh, didn't come back quite right, and they noticed. I think they might have thought part of it was just, you know, kids going through weird phases during middle school. They talked to the school counselor about it a couple of times, and he started sitting down with us and having us share our feelings or whatever. Standard stuff. But we pretty much faked our way through everything, and Mom and Dad figured that whatever it was, it was under control.

"And then – " Dipper sighed. "Then I blew it. There was – well, for a bit of context, one of the creatures – one of the demons – " He tentatively chanced a glance toward Danny. " – back in Gravity Falls was kind of, uh, worse than the others. Like, the Joker meets H. P. Lovecraft basically. And he – he had this habit of giving people these stupid little nicknames. Anyway, at school this kid transferred in who sorta shared that tendency, that nicknaming thing. Don't think he ever called anyone by their actual name, and he switched it every time. I only had one class with him and I still can't believe how many puns and variations based on 'Dipper' and 'Pine' he could come up with. And well, at one point, I guess it was bound to happen eventually, he, ah, he used the same nickname as the – as the demon from over the summer. It was just some stupid thing, just saying hi in the hallway during passing period, but, I, um…"

"He snapped," Mabel supplied.

Dipper grimaced, but he nodded. "Yeah, basically. I just – I don't really know what came over me. One moment I'm just putting books in my locker, the next I'm tackling a kid and throwing punches and – and I didn't even think about it, it just happened. I'd never gotten into a fight at school or anything before. Never even gotten detention."

Stanley let out a dry chuckle that didn't seem to reach his eyes. "Well, hey, I figure givin' someone else a black eye is just one of those milestones everyone passes in their life at some point."

"Wish I hadn't had to fracture my nose and chip a tooth to reach it though," Dipper muttered.

"Oh, yeah, he was surprisingly good at defense," Mabel said. "I was honestly impressed."

A hint of red appeared on Dipper's cheeks before he cleared his throat and continued. "Well, to cut to the chase, I got suspended, and that was when Mom and Dad finally officially decided something was up."

"Guess that was about when I got a call from them," Stanley said. "Gist of it was, hey, we think you broke our kids. Must have noticed the timeline."

"And yet somehow," Dipper continued, "they ended up figuring that we weren't having these problems when we were staying with Stan, they only actually started when we came back. It was nearing the end of the school year at the time, so they started making plans to have us stay with him again and sort of have him report back on how we were holding up. I still don't know how you managed to convince them that was a good idea."

"It was Ford's doin', actually," Stanley replied with a shrug. "Took over the phone for a couple hours. Don't know quite what he said; I wasn't in the mood to listen to him talk for that long. All I know for sure is that he insists he didn't use some kind of magic charm or somethin' to sway their stance, and I'm not sure I believe him."

"So I take it the arrangement worked out?" Jazz asked.

"Yep," Stanley said, as Dipper and Mabel nodded their affirmation. "Far as I could see, they were back to their old selves pretty quick."

"We thought at first that it was just being back in Gravity Falls that helped," Mabel said. "And that's definitely part of it, but, things were still going well even when we left town for a couple of weeks with Stan and Ford. To Colorado. What was the name of that place we went to?"

"St. Elmo," Dipper answered.

"Oh yeah. The ghost town named after a holy muppet."

"Mabel, how many times are you going to tell that 'joke' before you realize it's not funny?"

"As many times as it takes."

Dipper rolled his eyes. "Great. Well, anyway, I guess the summer went well, so Mom and Dad talked with Stan and Ford and ended up making plans for us to try staying with them during the school year. On a trial basis, though. They, uh, they made it pretty clear that if any of the, um, the problems from last year started up again, Mabel and I had better get on the first plane back to California. So – " He took a deep breath. "There you go. That's the Cliffnotes version."

Jazz was nodding thoughtfully, and Danny had to fight to keep from growning at her expression – the focused, pensive expression that always seemed to say, 'I've just decided what I want to do for my next psychological pet project.'

"Welp," Stanley said, clapping his hands together. "There's the end of story time. If you're all done eatin', I'll start clearin' off the table."

"I'll help!" Mabel said, reaching across the table to start collecting plates.

"Dipper, you sure you don't wanna eat any more?"

Dipper shook his head. "I'm good."

"I'm puttin' it in the fridge anyhow if you wanna nuke it later."

"All right." Dipper scooted his chair back and stood up. "I'm gonna head on upstairs, finish up that homework." He gave Danny and Jazz a quick nod goodbye before slipping out of the room and up the stairs.

"Are you two stickin' around?" Stanley asked. "Or do you need to finish up that homework too?"

Jazz looked to Danny, who shrugged. "I guess we're good to head out. Thank you very much for the meal, Mr. Pines."

"Hey, it was just sloppy joes," he grunted. "Save those proper manners for when I make lobster." He scooped up his own plate and joined Mabel, who was already at the sink getting started on the dishes.

Jazz gestured to Danny to follow her as she made her way to the front door, but stopped when she noticed he hadn't moved. Instead, he was staring up the stairs, his face drawn in a tight frown. "You coming, Danny?" she asked.

"Yeah, um – actually, you can go on ahead and start the car. I think I left something upstairs."

"Mm. Figured you might have," Jazz said, a knowing glint in her eye. "Well, don't take too long."

"I won't."

Danny stood from the table and made his way back up the stairs. He didn't bother knocking on Dipper's door, instead simply walking in as if he'd done it a million times before. Dipper had been at his desk, starting to gather the scattered books and papers together, but he paused and looked up at Danny's entrance. "Hey," was all he said.

"Hey," Danny replied. "Why did you tell me all that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you and Mabel and Stanley, you all just said 'it's a long story' and I didn't push. So why the sudden switch?"

Dipper shrugged, and he chewed at his lip for a moment before slowly answering, "I dunno. I guess, um – you know, you'd already revealed your big secret to me, right? I, uh, I figure it's the least I could do. I mean, like, it's not anywhere near your thing, but, uh – well, it's something."

"You didn't have to."

"I know." He let out a long, slow breath. "Listen, I – I'm not gonna tell. I promise. I know I seemed sorta on the fence about it earlier, but – "

"Yeah," Danny said flatly. "After what Stanley said, you'd have to be something of a sociopath to still think blabbing was a good idea."

Dipper winced, but he didn't argue the point. "Well, just know, you don't have to worry about that. I'll – I'll stick to researching the other ghosts around here from now on. Just the ones that cause problems. I, um, I can toss out the stuff I've got on you, if – if you want…"

"Thanks." The two of them were silent for a moment, until Danny asked, "You got a pen?"

"Huh?"

"A pen. And a scrap of paper."

"Um, yeah…" Dipper picked up a pen and a pad of Post-It notes from the desk and held them out for Danny. "Why?"

Danny uncapped the pen and held the lid between his teeth as he scrawled on the Post-It. "Need to give you my cell number," he said. "Text me yours."

"Uh, okay?"

"And I'm gonna let you know once my parents will be out of the house for a while. Jazz could probably give you and Mabel a ride."

The confused frown creasing Dipper's face deepened. "Wait, why?"

"Because." He snapped the cap back onto the pen and handed it and the note back to Dipper. "You're a smart kid, but you're not much of a ghost fighter. Yeah, I know, you've done some research – " he said, holding up a hand to cut Dipper off when he opened his mouth to interrupt. " – but if you and Mabel really want to go up against the ghosts around here, you're gonna need a lot of work. And I can help with that."

"Are – are you offering to train us?"

"Yeah. Just, you know, you're already kinda in the know here, and I really don't wanna turn on the news at some point and find out you two got killed in a ghost attack because you were trying to, I dunno, pray the ghost away or something."

Dipper blushed and folded his arms. "I'm more competent than that, you know."

"You splashed me with holy water."

"… Fair point."

"So are you in?"

Dipper seemed to think it over for a few moments, staring up into Danny's face. Danny wasn't sure what he was looking for in his expression, but he must have found whatever it was, because he slowly nodded and said, "I'm in. I figure Mabel's in too."

"Great. Looks like I'll see you soon then." He turned to leave, but as he reached for the door, he paused to look back over his shoulder to add, "And Dipper?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't think I've said it yet, so: welcome to Amity Park."

He continued out the door, and although he didn't look back to see for certain, he was pretty sure that, out of the corner of his eye as he turned away, he saw Dipper smile.