A/N: Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing! :) Love your feedback and response to the story.
EPOV
I was shaking with emotion as I drove away from Bella.
I began to drive to the airport, planning to buy a plane ticket to Siberia and spend the next few decades in isolation. I couldn't live in a world where Bella didn't exist, so when she died naturally of old age, I would seek my own destruction. But, as the distance grew, my dead heart began to hurt. It was more than heartbreak. I physically could not handle being separated from Bella.
I pulled off the road, parked the car on the side of the interstate, and ran into an adjacent forest. Running didn't make me feel better, and it only reminded me of Bella and the times I would run with her on my back. I smashed into a boulder and lay on the ground, letting the rocks cover my body. Sorrow overwhelmed me. If I couldn't be with Bella, I didn't want to be with anyone, even my family.
I spent the next week curled up under the rocks. I was in an isolated spot in the forest, and no hunters or humans came near. Every second my thoughts were devoted to Bella.
Bella, Bella, Bella.
Rationally, it was easy for me to say that she was better off without me. I was dangerous. It was the best decision of her life to stay away from me. If she didn't want to be with me anymore, I would accept her decision. I told myself that a million times since we met because I was so amazed that she wanted to be with me. A tiny part of myself always expected her to run screaming from me at some point in our relationship. I wasn't worthy of her.
Rationally, easy. In reality, excruciating.
My jumbled thoughts began to examine every aspect of my relationship with Bella.
There had never, ever, been a moment in our relationship when Bella had shown or expressed any problem with me being a vampire. Quiet the opposite, she seemed to embrace it. She never gave me the impression she wanted a more "normal" boyfriend. When the incident in Phoenix happened, when James almost killed her, it was the perfect opportunity for her to break up with me. Any other human would have had the good sense to say goodbye to such a dangerous, complicated relationship. I would have completely understood. But, since then, Bella and I grew even closer and she had practically become a daughter and sister to my parents and siblings. The last several months with Bella had been the happiest of my existence and I was convinced Bella felt the same way.
I didn't know what made her change her mind, but Bella made it very clear she didn't want me. As I told her, I would always want her. I couldn't live my life without her.
Under that pile of rocks, I decided to compromise. I couldn't vanish from her life. Bella was my life. I would watch her, protect her, stay near, but keep my distance.
She would move on, go to college, marry and have children. It would be painful to have her experience life without me, but not as agonizing as being separated from her.
A small slither of hope at seeing her face again gave me the strength to leave the pile of rocks and return to Jacksonville. I wouldn't force her to talk to me, but I wouldn't leave her ever again.
It took awhile to make my way back to Jacksonville. The sun had to be avoided and I didn't have Alice's help to navigate it safely. I knew she would be watching me, but I was without a phone and couldn't be contacted. I wanted to stay off the radar for a while anyway. My heart was broken, even if I had settled on a compromise. I didn't want to deal with Carlisle and Esme's worry, Rosalie's condescending "I told you so" attitude or Emmett, Jasper and Alice pestering me to try to win Bella back.
I waited until night then slowly made my way towards the city. My clothes were covered in mud and dirt, so I was forced to find a store to buy new clothes. I chose sneakers, sweat pants and a shirt, and ran back to Bella's mother's apartment. It was hard to run at a human pace, but I didn't want the hassle of buying or renting a car and the façade of a long distance jogger was a good cover.
It was after midnight when I arrived at the apartment complex. Monitoring the thoughts of those around me, I climbed up to the third floor undetected and tried to subtly peak into the window of Bella's room. The curtains were closed and the windows were locked, but I did hear a heartbeat. It sounded as though someone was tossing and turning in bed. I climbed sideways and jumped on the balcony. Renee and Phil were in their bedroom and being intimate. I tried to ignore their thoughts, out of respect and privacy, and took the opportunity of their being distracted to pick the balcony door lock and enter the apartment.
Bella's scent permeated the living room. It made my throat burn, but I welcomed the feeling. Quietly, I followed Bella's scent to the guestroom. The door was closed, but I knew she was in there. I leaned my head against the door and wished I could talk to her, but I knew I couldn't.
"I love you, Bella, and I always will," I whispered.
BPOV
Initially, I refused to return to Forks. I wanted to stay in sunny Florida where I wouldn't have to interact with any vampires. I missed the Cullens, of course, and I ached for Edward, but I had to protect myself.
I hadn't expected to have to be forced to live with a couple so desperately in love. Renee and Phil couldn't keep their hands off one another. Although, they tried to be respectful of me, I noticed every touch, kiss, and caresses and it made me sick. At first, I thought I would be able to handle it. But, as Renee drove me to register for my senior year in high school in Jacksonville, I baulked.
"I want to go back to Forks," I blurted out, surprising myself. Renee had been on her cell phone talking to Phil and I reached my limit. At least with Charlie, I wouldn't have to put up with that. He had a larger place and I wouldn't have to be woken by the sound of Phil and Renee having sex. I could be alone.
"Darling, you're just nervous. You'll love going to school here, I promise," Renee replied, dismissing me.
"I'm serious, Mom. I already have friends there and it'll be my senior year. I'm sorry to do this to you, but it's what I want to do and I'm not changing my mind."
Renee frowned and sighed. "Stubborn as ever, I believe that. Are these "friends" you speak of Edward? Do you miss him?"
The mention of his name felt like a punch in the stomach. "No….not at all," I lied, rolling down the window and letting the heat of the day overwhelm the car. Warmth was the opposite of Edward, who always felt so cold. "I miss Dad," I added, knowing she wouldn't argue with me about that. Although they had a good relationship, it was still awkward even after all these years.
"Well, I'm sure he misses you," she murmured. "If this is really want you want…."
"It is," I interrupted.
"School in Forks started two weeks ago," Renee pointed out. "You'll have to catch up."
"I'll manage."
"I'll call your father to make the arrangements," she sighed, seeming sad about my decision. I expected her to be glad to be alone again with Phil, but she looked like she'd miss me.
"You'll come to my graduation, right?" I asked.
She nodded, her eyes filled with her tears. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
A few days later I was driving my old truck into the parking lot of Forks High School. Butterflies filled my stomach. I was nervous. I didn't know if the Cullens were still in Forks. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper graduated the year before, but Edward and Alice were supposed to be seniors, like me. As I parked the truck and turned off the ignition, I remained in the cab. Maybe I had made a mistake, I thought. What if Edward was at school? How could I face him every day? It would be unbearable being so close to him and not be able to be with him.
There was a tap on the window and I jumped.
"Bella! What are you doing here?" a voice shrieked. Jessica.
I grabbed my backpack and got out of the truck. "Hey, Jess, I'm back, I guess."
She enveloped me with a hug. "Your dad told my dad who told me that you were staying with Florida with your mom! I was so sad you wouldn't be back for senior year, but now you're here and it's so surprising and exciting! Oh, and I heard you and Edward broke up. I'm so sorry, but that's how those things go I guess when you date out of your league. Oh, and school started two weeks ago, so you're going to be really behind. That's so weird, though, Edward just returned to school yesterday. He was on vacation with his cousins in Alaska or something and now you're here too! Will it be awkward? Did you miss him and that's why you came back?"
Jessica spoke a mile a minute and I was overwhelmed with her words. She linked her arm in mine and continued to talk as we walked towards the school office. I tried to dissect her words carefully. It was a small town and if Charlie told anyone anything about me, I wasn't surprised Jessica found out about it. My stomach churned at the mention of Edward. He was at school. And he had been with his Alaskan cousins? I knew exactly what that meant. He had been with Tanya.
Suddenly, I felt dizzy. I wasn't strong enough to face this. Maybe Charlie would let me home school. Then, Jessica squeezed my arm and we stopped walking.
"Look," she whispered. "There he is…."
I turned and looked down the hallway. My heart began to pound. It was Edward.
