Inspired by the Murdoch Mysteries. All cast from the series owned by Madame Maureen Jennings.

Characters from legends (kind of) made up on the spot. Feel free to laugh (please don't cry).

'Do you believe who you meet?'
~~Emerald Sonata

&~ MURDOCH MYSTERIES ~&
- Investigating Legends -

:: Case 2 ::
St. Joan D'Murdoch

"Now listen to me, young lady. Women like you shouldn't get your hands into a fist fight. I-it's just not right."

"Monsieur, you misunderstand me. I am here to liberate my people from these tyrants called Englishmen."

It was the Dockyards, of old turn of the century Toronto. There was no CN Tower, neither was there any tall buildings made of glass and steel (save branded with the good name Pendrick). Rather, it was a genuine turn of the century locale where the majority of transportation were horse drawn carriages, and a small minority of hand-cranked steam cars (branded Ford).

Right now, there had been a rather large brawl in the Toronto Harbour. It started out with a drunk man trying to hit on a girl who was only there to purchase fresh fish. Of course the maiden refused, and an altercation had started. Then, by eye witness account, some other woman in silver armor came in to bash the assailant's face in with a round metal shield. Following up, the attacker's dock buddies (equally drunk on rum and whiskey) saw their friend being smitten by a girl (physical blow-wise). Then it turned into an all out fight straight from a bar brawl.

"As much as protecting that young woman was a kind gesture, you still could have gotten yourself hurt. Look at you, miss, you have a black eye!"

"… I was too careless when those mongrels attacked me from behind. I honestly didn't expect the conflict to be as bad as the Battle of Orleans! Aie!"

"…C-come again?"

The one who was holding this conversation was a certain Constable from the Toronto Constabulary, Station House Number 4. His name was well known to be George Crabtree, from his peers at the station and other people in a different timeline (he wouldn't understand the metaphysics of the latter). The Constable had been called because of the massive fight that started at the docks. Much to his surprised, by the time he arrived on scene, about 9 men lay wasted across the dirt. Number 10 was just Judo flipped by the Lady in Silver Armor carrying a round shield and a small sword (which looked like it was made of false metal thank god). His reaction was much like watching a walrus get flipped by a mighty raccoon. It was astounding. The shaking of the earth on impact made him applaud as if a Chimpanzee did a body flip… but then he remembered the weight of his Constable Helmet and had to cut the fun short. Else the Inspector he works for will have his badge more ways than one.

"Wh-what are you doing!? G-get these chains off my hands! I-I'm not my handmaiden, I'm not into that kind of play! Kyaa! Aidez! Aidez!"

"I hate to do this young lady, but this is for your own good. Now sit down and... well, wait for the fellows back at the Station House to bring a carriage I suppose."

"Let me go, English Cochon!"

"Oh Cochon! I know that one! It means pig right? As much as I like a good pork chop on a Sunday Afternoon, nothing ever beats Aunt Daisy's Pumpkin Pie. No sir... well, maybe Aunt Petunia's Special House Made Meatloaf on every Tuesday, but all the best!"

So he arrested the Lady in Silver Armor, cuffed her by the wrist, and sat her on a barrel for question until more Constables and a certain Detective could arrive to round up the rest. She had this mean looking black eye and her hair that was supposed to be tied up in a Dame's bun, was an ungodly mess. He offered to put a fresh slab of raw steak (bloody) over her face, but judging by how she had this horrified look of the cut meat, Constable Crabtree might have concluded she was a vegetarian.

"You should be ashamed of yourself. Women should never get herself into a fist fight of any kind. Leave that for the men to deal with."

"It was God's wish that I take up the sword and lead my people to freedom. I only did what He thought was right. If I can't carry out my promise and protect that young girl, how do you expect me to guide the citizens of the French Kingdom!?"

"Now, now. Don't go making excuses and pulling religion... or history into this mess to save your arse from the cells. Alright? You're in a lot of trouble today and I'm sure both the Detective and Inspector will give you quite an earful of… whatever you did was wrong."

"Heathen. You look and sound like a Frenchman, so why are you betraying me again!?"

"Newfoundland, actually. And you pronounce it as Newfund-LAND, not NewFOUNDlund. It's easier to roll of the tongue."

"I spit on you."

"Oi, listen here, young lady. I could also add assaulting a constable to your charges… Are you sure that's what your God wants? Huh?"

"Guh! You cochon! H-how dare you reverse the situation on me! I-I...I'll bite you!"

"Oh-ho. No thank you, I've already got a girl in mind. Yes sir. Ahem."

The Lady in Silver Armor struggled in her seat on the barrel. Maybe it was uncomfortable, sitting on an awkward chair, that she had to do that. Constable Crabtree highly doubt she was going to pull some acrobatic trick to get out of her cuffs like some kind of escape artist. No, he made sure she stayed right where she belonged.

"Guuh! Sacre bleu. Wh-what is this barrel I am sitting on? M-my skirt is getting wetter. A-and this smell...d-don't tell me it's-"

"I believe that would be a barrel of fish. Cod perhaps. Which in Newfoundland, we have a tradition of kissing the cod to welcome newcomers to the town and you would down a bottle of the finest rum made in Labrador."

"…Mon Dieu. This is worse than being burned on the stake... twice."

"Oh come now, it's not that bad. You might smell a bit of fishiness on your lips, but that will go away in about a week or so. Besides, it brings good luck and fortune, who wouldn't want that."

"Execute me. Execute me now."

"Hold on one moment, there's more things in life than being obsessed over the end of everything. Why, I used to think that after eating a bad can of processed meat, I thought my time would have come from the 80% chancing of having Botulism. But I soldiered on, survived the night and here I am! Now I've come to appreciate the little things, and I'm even working on my next novel."

"... Mon Dieu."

"Yes, It's about a strapping young detective, about my height perhaps, who goes on a roaring adventure that involves the curses of Egypt clashing with the Warlocks of England. I plan to make it an epic thriller, something that's never been done. Hmm, I think I'll add in the Princess Lousie of Great Britain and Ireland as a potential love interest for the main protagonist, which was of course inspired by the actual Princess coming to Canada - and I recall being the lead Detective in solving this Infernal Device with another young chap. Oh, he could be the hero's peppy sidekick! Who knows, I might be able to get three books from all of this."

"… Please. Just burn me already."

"Oh, by the way. I didn't get your name, miss."

"…Joan…Joan D'Arc from Orleans. Sniff."

"Jean…Jone…Hmm. Indiana Jones! that could be a great name for my character in the novel!"

"Mon Dieu, Mon Dieu. Pourquoi m'as tu abandonne?"

While the young and energetic Constable Crabtree waited for his fellow peers to come and arrest the 10 unconscious drunk assailants, he continued to merrily talk about his dreams, his ambitions, his plan with a certain (cute) Coroner girl, and more thoughts about his ripping novel. All the while, the Lady in Silver Armor recited a passage from the bible to endure this embarrassing encounter (Mark 15:34).

"Aidez, aidez (note: hamster whine)."

"Oh, that sounds like the perfect title for the book. Adders... On a Train! Sounds like the perfect moniker for an epic thriller of love and adventure!"

"Le Sob (T_T)."

And that was the case of the St. Joan D'Murdoch.