After the David Bowie song Clementine wanted to go to bed, though she didn't want to sleep with Sharon. The little girl instead accompanied Lee, the two replacing Kenny and Duck in the engine room as the small family found a semi-comfortable spot in the storage cart.
Everyone in the cart tried to make idle chatter to pass the time, then were silent as most of them ate dinner, then silent as they tried to get some sleep.
Except for Sharon.
In just one day she had driven hours on end with no sleep, took care of a dying friend, been adopted in to a family, burned her arm, saw Omid's bone out of place, and gave rations to her friends knowing exactly how long the rest of the food in her bag will last.
She tried to think of the good things. Lee found her a guitar, the kids got to have candy, they met new friends, managed to find a working train, she got to sing for the kids, they have enough food to go around for a little while, and they are literally on track to Savannah.
Though the latter both excited and terrified her.
It had been months since she's seen Lisa, being on Sharon's mind every day since waking up at the Motor Inn, sometimes she could see Lisa idling around their makeshift home as if nothing happened. To actually see her, to know she is okay, to know they don't ever have to be separated again, there is nothing she wants more.
Sharon has tried not thinking about the reality of the situation and it didn't help that everyone reminds her of it. Lisa could be gone. Savannah could be empty, it may even be a death trap, the chance of Lisa being there is slim to none.
Leaving the group to find Lisa could be a death sentence.
But maybe that's what she wants.
A death sentence.
Hit with sudden claustrophobia Sharon stood from her corner, stepping over sleeping bodies to the exit. As the door shut she zipped up her jacket and wrapped the pajama pants tighter around her neck, then sat on the walkway with her arms wrapped around the railing.
Out here it's easier to keep her mind off of that topic with so many different stimulations to distract her. The continuous rattle of the tracks below and the hum of the engine, the cold breeze that made her shiver, the smell of grease and fuel, and the moonlight bouncing off of the metal around her.
"What's wrong with me." Sharon mouthed, bringing her hands to her face.
The sudden movement of her left hand caused the tender flesh to flare up. Never before did she have a fear of fire, the Motor Inn would cook over open flames back before Ben and Travis joined. Something about waking up and seeing nothing but fire again, she could hear a baby crying, someone shouting her name, everything burned.
With nails digging in to her non-burnt hand Sharon tried to forcefully distract herself from thinking about it again.
The glass cutting in to her palm, the cold nights surrounded by equally smelly walkers, covered in black muck but unable to remember how it got there, being so alone she'd follow a walking corpse as if it were leading her somewhere safe.
Lisa has to be there, she has to be there.
"Sharon?"
And as quickly as that she misses the privacy of her own room, to be able to have a panic attack without someone walking in on her.
Wiping the tears from her face Sharon turned to see Lee standing just outside the door. "You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." Sharon scooted back a little, seeing the man a little more clearly. "Is something wrong?"
Lee hesitated, turning his body to look in the conductors room, then to the front of the tracks. As he knelt by Sharon's side he opened his mouth trying to explain what troubled him, nothing would come out. After some internal debate he finally spoke. "I uh… I have to ask you something, but you gotta promise me you'll keep this on the down low, for now."
Sharon took a deep breath. "Are you sure you still trust me?"
"After I told you about my past you didn't start a witch hunt."
"I did get Katjaa killed."
Lee sighed. "Sharon, this is serious. I… I need your help with this."
Sharon watched carefully as Lee removed the walkie talkie from his belt, presenting it to her. She recognised the dimly lit pink stickers, Clementine is usually holding on to it as if it were a precious porcelain doll. It's odd to see Lee with the talkie and not Clem.
"You've seen Clementine talk in to this a few times, right?" When Sharon nodded he continued. "Have you… heard any voices coming out of it?"
"No? I thought it was broken." Sharon looked closer at the device, seeing the little red light that means it's on. "She asked me to sing in to it a few hours ago… was someone actually listening?"
"I think so…." He reached out and clicked it off. "I don't know what this man has been telling her, but I do know he wants to take Clem from us. Whatever you're planning in Savannah, I want you to know that she needs you right now. Duck needs you. Kenny needs you. Carley needs you."
He meant it to be comforting, that there are people that want to be around her. But these words? These people?
"The next chance we get, I want you to help me talk to her. She really looks up to you."
Why? She's a mess, why is she looked up to? Why is she trusted at all?
"I'm going inside. Don't stay up too late, it's gonna be a long walk in the morning."
With Lee gone Sharon's heart raced again.
With so many people relying on her, how selfish would it be to leave them to find Lisa? Why her, of all people? She can't even fix Omid's leg properly, every time she had the chance she left the Inn and was always on the brink of leaving them behind, she was the reason for Katjaa's death.
She can't even decide if she'll run to Lisa's the moment she recognises the street or stay with the group.
She can't even decide if she'll continue living if Lisa isn't there.
To Sharon her rest seemed like a blink, in reality she got five hours of sleep. Her body jolted her awake as if she was falling. An unfamiliar weigh bared on her shoulders, curious to see a letterman jacket draped over her, squinting in the dark to read Ben's embroidered name on the side.
She sighed and tried to think of something to lull her back to sleep, to a good sleep. A warm comfy bed, soft blanket, and a familiar friend laying next to her, singing a sleepy duet together. That had always helped Sharon sleep when she had trouble.
Before Sharon could reminisce any further, the door to the cabin opened up.
"Well look who's awake." Kenny neared Sharon's side and held out his hand. "Good timing, I was just about to wake everyone else up."
"Are we there?" Sharon asked, allowing him to help her up.
"In a bit, I wanna get rations sorted and make sure everyone's good to go." Kenny said. "You okay? That spot didn't look comfy."
"I needed some space, I'm fine now." Sharon let go of his hand. "How about you? Are you doing. . . okay?"
"You don't need to worry about me. . . I. . . fuck I miss Kat, but I still have Duck and. . . you..?"
Sharon avoided looking at him. "About that. . . Kenny, if this makes you uncomfortable, the whole 'new addition to the family' thing-"
"Relax, I just gotta get used to it is all. Kat and I. . . shit ever since she pointed out that our first kid would have been around your age. . . I-I don't want you to get all weirded out."
Sharon bit her tongue.
"I don't expect you to call me dad or anything, what you can expect is me and Duck lookin' out for you." Kenny smiled. "Now I gotta get back to the 'wheel' and make sure we're not heading straight into a horde, could you wake everyone up for me and sort out rations?"
Tongue on the verge of bleeding she nodded, allowing Kenny to turn away and continue his job without a doubt in his mind.
This would have been easier is she didn't already love and dearly miss her family, the family printed out on the keychain, the family who gifted her the pajamas wrapped so comfortably around her neck.
After everything she has been through with her true family can she really accept a new one so soon after losing them? They could be alive, how would they react to being replaced? If she ever saw them again, that is.
Standing in front of the door, Sharon looked for any sign of consciousness. Carley's lantern found back at the train station had been lit and dimly shown Omid and Ben reading. Omid's book is by far thinner than Ben's massive Bible, she remembered he would occasionally read the one the motel had in the nightstands but didn't know he had taken one with him. Omid's book looked to be some sort of Science Fiction, based on the large spaceship on the cover and the deep enthralled expression plastering his face.
Every few pages the two would whisper something then continue with their respective books. The moment Sharon opens the door everyone would wake up to the cold early morning breeze and unshielded engine roars, the small moment of peace they are enjoying would be over with.
Ben lowered his book, looking up wide eyed at Sharon, who had been staring at them silhouetted in the dark.
Suddenly aware of how creepy she's being, she twisted the handle and slowly slid open the door, watching as a random few rolled over to see who came in.
"Oh, it's just you." Ben said. "Not that it's a problem, I just- uh- thought you were some stranger watching us."
Based on her conversation with Lee last night, that may be true.
"Sorry." Sharon whispered, nearing the lantern carefully. "I wanted everyone to get a little more rest before I wake them up."
"Damn, I was hoping to catch a few more hours after this chapter." Omid whispered, shutting his book. "Are you okay? We were worried you were gonna fall off last night."
Sharon nodded a little too quickly. "I just needed some space, after yesterday I just. . ."
"It's alright, at least we know you didn't freeze." He smiled, gesturing to the jacket still draped over her shoulders.
Ben's face turned bright red, almost oblivious from his own embarrassment that Sharon had taken off the letterman jacket and held it out to him.
After checking his watch Lee cleared his throat and sat up slowly, a hand gently shaking Clementine's shoulder. "Any reason Kenny wants us awake at this hour?"
She shook her head, forgetting that mostly everyone couldn't see her head. "He didn't say why, just to wake everyone up and give out breakfast."
"Not that I enjoy it, but do you mind if I deal out rations?" Lee said, standing up and stretching. "As much as everyone enjoyed the fruit, we should save those for last, when we really need the sugar."
Sharon nodded. "Sure, I need to organize it a little bit so give me a second."
In the dark still, Sharon found her backpack and unzipped it, quickly pulling out the brown paper bags and shoving it in another random pocket. He knows now about the deal and wouldn't be too surprised to see those in there, but she would prefer if he wasn't reminded by it.
Around her everyone started to wake up, Christa woke up quickly and a little too alert though relaxed when she looked at her surroundings; Travis groaned loudly per usual, a hand already hovering over his shoulder wound; Clem started to fall back asleep, pushing herself to her feet and approaching Carley; Carley woke in a jolt and instinctively reached for her gun, seeing the little girl in the dim light calmed her.
Once done with organizing her bag Sharon let Lee look inside, taking this opportunity to open the cart doors. In the short time from coming inside to now the sun had started to rise. The cart suddenly had moving bodies all around, people grabbing for their bags and organizing what they had, Lee handed out rations this time with a can opener.
Sharon waved him away, opting to skip this meal.
Before Lee could protest Duck walked in, still rubbing his eyes. "Um… Dad says he wants to talk to Lee, Carley, and the new people."
Lee sighed, holding out the can and opener to Duck while looking to Sharon. "Alright, but you are taking the next round of rations."
The four adults left, Omid struggled to stand on his own though managed to limp out of the room without disturbing it too much.
As the door shut Travis immediately started to complain. "Oh great, and again we are treated like a bunch of kids."
Sharon rearranged the cans and bottles, offering to open up the can for Duck while he gathers his things.
"I mean… we are, technically?" Ben said, turning off the lantern and sticking his book in his bag, the bag he shares with Travis.
With the can open Sharon put the opener back in her backpack and zipped it up.
"No, the kids are kids, I'm a year from being an adult." Travis crossed one arm. "You'd think they'd atleast have Sharon in the room, she's allowed to drink."
"I don't think we could all fit in the room." Clem said, digging through her little pink bag. "Um, Sharon have you seen my walkie talkie?"
The young woman paused, trying to listen to what the boys were saying but couldn't with Clem directly in front of her.
"It isn't in your bag?"
"No, and it's not in Lee's."
She wanted to ask so many questions, but is now a good time to get in a discussion about stranger danger, pedophiles, and stalkers?
"I can ask him about it… but… Clem, can I ask you something?"
"Is it about my hair?"
"What?" Looking closely, the little girl's hair under her cap had changed from last night, it had been cut and separated into pigtails, Clem usually sleeps in a ponytail so it didn't look much different to how she has it in the mornings. "No, but I do like the haircut."
"Carley and Lee did it, they said it's safer this way." Clem reached back and pouted, feeling the new short pigtails. "Carley said it's why she cut your hair."
"Well, it was a little uneven." And burnt. "I wanted to ask, you said that radio is broken right?"
Clementine's eyes went wide. "Yeah…"
"I know the talks with your parents are pretend, but you haven't been talking to anyone on it-"
"The talks are just pretend, you sang on it last night, remember?"
Resisting the urge to sigh, Sharon nodded with a smile. "I just wanted to make sure. I'll go and ask Lee for it."
Clementine smiled wide and wrapped her arms around Sharon's shoulders. "Thank you!"
With a quick hug back Sharon stood, leaving her backpack where it sat and leaving the cart.
Lee needs to know. They need to know.
As she neared the engine cart the train suddenly slowed, Sharon reached out and forcefully pressed her hands against the door as to not ram in to it, the group turned to look back at her for a second before turning back to the tracks.
There she saw it, after two underpasses the tracks curved slightly up ahead, past the trees the trains backed up and surrounding the whole area is another horde of walkers.
"We just can't catch a break, can we?" Kenny sighed. "Change of plans I guess, we get off here and walk."
"Wait, how do we know Savannah isn't overrun by these things?" Omid said. "This thing goes backwards right? Why don't we go back to that river and find somewhere else to get a boat?"
Christa shook her head. "The whole area surrounding the river is swamp and mud, you wouldn't get two feet without hurting yourself."
"The only other place I can think about that has boats is thirty miles away." Sharon said, finally entering the room instead of listening through the broken window. "This is just one bad train station, we should stay on track to Savannah."
Kenny slowed the train to a stop.
"Aren't you a little biased?" Christa turned. "Isn't your friend there?"
"We've done enough bickering already." Lee held his hands out. "We need to come up with a plan, not argue about one."
Carley cleared her throat. "We already got this far, we may as well get off here."
Christa nodded. "Alright and what about the walkers?"
Kenny stood and stretched, his back popping in multiple places. "We go around."
"You can't just go around a horde, one sees you and they all see you."
"We could always do the blood trick." Lee mumbled.
"The what?"
Before Christa could press on what he meant, Omid lit up. "Hey I got an idea." With a wide smile Omid looked to make sure the group is actually listening to him. "Why don't we plow through them?"
"And into another train?" Kenny looked back to the tracks. "Nice plan genius."
"Yup, but not with us on it."
Carley hummed. "That. . . could actually work."
Lee shook his head. "So everyone gets off and we leave a speeding train to ram in to the horde, why does this sound like a bad idea?"
"Because it is." Kenny scoffed. "You'd need everyone to get off and have one person stay behind to push down the throttle."
"If we do go through with this, who would stay behind to do it?" Lee asked.
Carley nodded. "Travis and Omid are out of the question and to be honest I don't trust Ben."
"I sure as hell ain't gonna leave Duck behind doing a stupid stunt." Kenny shook his head. "Why am I even talking, we're not going through with this stupid plan. Everyone pack up, we're heading out."
Kenny stood, shoving the chair behind him as the group parted.
As Omid started to limp out the door Sharon finally spoke up. "Lee, can I talk with you for a second?"
"Can this wait until we're out? I gotta make sure Clem is ready to leave."
Before she could finish he left.
Carley pursed her lips in the silence looking to Sharon, waiting until the rest of the group are out of earshot.
"Lee told me what you did."
Sharon's breath hitched in her throat. "Carley, I-I-"
"I'm not mad, you were doing what you thought was right." She sighed, looking out the window. "Looks like everyone's ready."
Sharon timidly neared the window, seeing the last of the group jump off the train with their bags on, notably Ben had Sharon's heavy backpack, the guitar, and her crossbow in his hands, looking to the conductors room expectantly.
"Things are going to be different now, next time you feel like risking your life to save everyone else's, let us know, okay?" Carley stepped out the door, the door slowly shutting behind her with a deafening click.
Kenny from outside turned around and waved his hand. "C'mon girls, I don't wanna waste the little daylight we have hanging around a dinner bell."
Alone in the room Sharon felt her fingers going numb, her legs refused to move out of the spot as if she was too weak, her joints felt a hair away from breaking apart.
Ben lifted up her bag, as if she didn't already see it by his side. "I got all your stuff ready."
Everyone is accounted for and off the train, all aside from Sharon.
Despite the early fall morning the room felt like she'd been baking, slowly roasting as heat waves broke through her skin, a bead of sweat rolled down from her temple and off her jaw.
Turning around Sharon spotted the throttle, she had watched Kenny adjust it a few times, watched him pull it until the train slowed, watching him push it until the train moved.
"Next time you feel like risking your life to save everyone else's, let us know, okay?"
Her thoughts echoed off the metal walls, every word being so loud she couldn't make out anything clear. Nothing made sense, nothing looked right, nothing felt right.
Out of the confusion the only thing that looked clear had been the throttle, the more she stared at it the less it made sense.
Grasping on to the throttle made the room feel so clear the details burned in her retinas, the longer her hand strayed the quicker the world around her faded.
"Sharon what are you doing?"
Slowly she pushed, the throttle clicked into place and the train shifted around her.
"Sharon-"
Pushing harder the train continued faster and faster, feeling greedy she slammed the lever into the console.
The train groaned, picking up speed so fast Sharon tumbled backwards, the old door caved to the sudden weight and slammed open. The engine sounded louder from the walkway, the moment her head hit the ground she realized how fast she was going.
The air whipped at her body as she struggled to stand, the trees that passed being lost in blurred green shapes and the first overpass whipped by in a literal flash. Looking over the railing the horde of walkers got closer and closer.
Rushing to the stairs Sharon stared at the ground beneath the train, details passing her so fast she couldn't focus on it.
As the last overpass neared she didn't have time to think about what mistake she had just made, the only way out from here is a dirt driveway directly ahead of the train, enough space to land without hitting a tree, flat ground, something stable.
She'd seen this in movies, tuck and roll right? Can't be too hard. Tuck and roll.
Edging herself to the last step Sharon took one last look at the driveway, not having time to think before jumping.
The sound of the train faded and all she could hear is the rushing wind, for a split second she couldn't feel anything. A split second nothing weighed her down, nothing mattered.
Then she crashed, her body meeting the dry dirt and rocks.
The train worked hard with what little fuel it had left, rushing loudly to the train depot. All walkers turned at the sound, those who stood on the rail were ploughed, those who didn't followed the noise deeper in to the station.
Sitting up, Sharon coughed and dusted her jacket. Slowly she stood and looked for any walkers that focused on her, when none came she relaxed and patted her body down for blood or sore spots. Her ankles burned though it was bearable, her head still spun though she could stand straight.
The sound of a distant but heavy impact around her confirmed that the train hit directly into another.
She should be dead.
Walking back on the tracks she spotted the group, from this far away she could only make out Kenny in the front.
He's definitely mad.
She should have stayed in the train.
To her left she could see the outskirts of Savannah, a couple of lots, some buildings, nothing recognizable from here but if she got closer she'd know her way, she'd know how to get to Lisa.
Is that even what she wants to do? Only a few moments ago she almost killed herself, intentionally or not she can't tell- though what other reason would she have to pull that stunt, other that to face certain death?
"I want you to know that she needs you right now. Duck needs you. Kenny needs you. Carley needs you."
She can't leave, even if she really wanted to. She's better than that, she's better than to leave them behind.
Right?
Duck's mother just died, he doesn't deserve his new big sister to throw herself at death and danger.
Sharon decided this to be a good time to meet halfway, not wanting the rest of the group to have to walk this close to the train station and yet wanting the group to start walking in to the heart of Savannah sooner.
As they neared Kenny rushed to meet her first, stomping with every step and his face a bright red.
They stopped under the first overpass face to face, Sharon tried to not look so scared as he locked eyes, though oddly it was silent, which scared her more.
As he got the words right in his mouth he finally spoke. "Now's not the time, but don't you EVER pull some stupid shit stunt like that again." Kenny almost growled as he spoke. "The moment we get somewhere safe- Jesus- FUCK Sharon-"
He raised his hands to his head. As the group neared the red drained and he caught his breath.
"I don't want to hear anything that's not directions to to docks." Kenny announced, brushing past Sharon to lead the way. "Let's go."
Both Travis and Lee refused to greet her as they passed, both Clementine and Duck rushed to hug her, being called away by their guardians quickly after doing so.
"I thought I told you to let us know." Carley said, no emotion apparent. "I know things are hard right now but you don't get to do that, Kenny nearly had a heart attack and the kids? If you died from that I don't. . . "
"I'm sorry-"
"I'm not the one you need to apologize to." Carley sighed, leaving Sharon behind.
Christa and Omid came next. "I didn't think anyone would be stupid enough to go through with Omid's plans."
"Hey." Omid gave Christa a playful-mean look. "It was a good idea, it worked!"
Christa rolled her eyes. "Yeah-yeah, let's get going."
Lastly Ben stood in front of her, already holding out her crossbow and bag. "Did you know your bag is really heavy?"
"Well, it is carrying all of our food."
"Then I'm happy you didn't drive off with it." Ben decided to keep the guitar as his bag he shared with Travis is much lighter than Sharon's. "Let's catch up."
The two jogged to meet up with the group, deciding to stay far from those upset at her, meaning the two stayed far in the back as they weaved through some trees to get above the overpass.
"Honestly," Ben said. "I don't know if I'm happy or not that we're out of that motel, at least out there we knew what was waiting for us, out here things could be so much worse."
"I'm happy we're out, it's nice to be able to walk around during the day."
"God, just having night watch freaked me out, but actually being out here at night?" Ben shook his head. "I don't know how you did it."
"With the jacket I was fine, as long as I walked around slow they didn't bother me."
"Ugh, that thing." Ben visibly shuddered, even though he only helped her coat the jacket a few times. "I hope we never have to do that again."
"Well we're out in the open now, we might all have to do it." Sharon said.
Ben sighed, dropping the subject quickly. "So, does this area look familiar?"
"Not at all, once we get closer to the main roads maybe." Sharon's hand reflexively rested on her stomach, her old wound ached.
As the trees parted the group stopped to check the map for directions to find that the map shown detailed train routes and not random business centers. Christa, Kenny, and Lee managed to find where they are using the shape of the freeway ahead and the distance from the train station, although Sharon knew she wouldn't be much use she wished they let her look at the map.
"Okay everyone, here's the plan." Kenny announced, avoiding looking at Sharon as he addressed the group. "We're gonna stay off the road as much as we can and we're gonna do this quietly."
Christa continued. "We don't know what could be waiting for us, so let's keep the chit-chat at a minimum."
"This is going to take a while, so if you have to pee, go now."