Aftermath And Change
The scene before me was all too familiar. Lying in the hospital bed was Kouta sound asleep recovering from his injuries he received in his fight with Tataeru. I couldn't recall the exact number of times we've been here like this. Evening had already set, with only light of the crescent moon peering through the window and revealing Kouta's severely bruised face. Even after his medical treatment, his cuts and swollen face still spoke volumes to the amount of damage he received.
"I guess nothing has really changed huh?" I spoke aloud to ward off the silence. "In one way or another, we would always end up here like this. You in the hospital bed and me waiting for you to recover. It's the mighty return of the dynamic duo!" I let out a forced chuckle. "What kind of lame joke is this?" I grinded my teeth together to control the emotion swelling within me.
Just what exactly has changed these past years? My friend was right there within my grasp and I failed to protect him! What's the point of being called the #7 Level 5 if I can't even protect those close to me! Feelings of frustration and anger smothered my mind, with the urge to lash out becoming more prevalent.
"It's frustrating, isn't it?" A quiet voice broke me out of my rage. A familiar and calming voice, yet also unsettling.
"Kouta?" His eyes remained closed, but the slight shift of his body confirmed that he was awake. I quickly tried to regain composure. "What's frustrating? You've been in the hospital before! With enough guts, you'll be out of here in no time!"
I nervously waited for his reply for what seemed like an eternity. Would he reply with his normal yelling outburst, nonchalantly reply, or complain about his next hospital bill? Unfortunately, it was none of the above.
Under the covers of his bed, his body began to move. Despite the multiple broken ribs, despite the fractured left hand, despite the agonizing pain he endured, he slowly sat up, his brown eyes glaring into mine, "The end result of this, it's frustrating. Don't try to play it off, Sogiita Gunha."
His words cut into me, breaking the weak facade of confidence I created. I should have realized it was pointless to lie to Kouta. He was always keen on picking up when I wasn't feeling gutsy. Why even attempt to lie in the first place? Was I trying to protect Kouta? No. I've failed on that front so many times. So why did I lie?
"Things won't change just because we wish it, nor will change come easy even if we both work for it. Despite the years and our separate hardships, it ended like usual. Of course is frustrating." My gut twisted painfully in response to his words. He spoke out what I didn't even want to acknowledge.
Did I even accomplish anything these past years? Did I move a single step forward? If I compared myself now to the me when I entered middle school, would there even be a measurable difference? I wanted to say something, anything to break the crushing atmosphere but what could I say? What words could I speak that won't come off as hollow or false? What could I say to break that negative thought scratching at the back of my mind? My mouth opened yet no words or sounds escaped.
"If you don't want to talk, that's fine." His words broke me out of my inner thoughts. "I've got plenty of things to say. So please listen."
Plenty of things to say? I wasn't sure where he was heading with this but I decided to listen. I nodded my head in agreement.
"I guess the best place to start is where we left off? Well for starters, I joined a Skill-Out group after I left. And before you start preaching about Skill-Out and how they're a bunch of gutless thugs, I wasn't' with a group like that. The leader, Komaba-san, initially created the group to improve the status of Level 0s. They didn't indiscriminately attack high level espers out of sheer spite. Though I can't say we helped the relations between them either. Petty theft, smuggling goods around the city, Hell, Komaba-san and Hattori even stole an ATM one time!" Though I was never a part of big operations like that. I-huh? Gunha? Gunha!"
Kouta's voice broke me out of my strange trance. I glanced up to see his face speaking volumes about his anger. "Oi! I've still got one good hand here! I'll break it against your face if you don't start paying attention!"
"Hm? No no! I was paying attention! But…"
"Haa? But what? My story isn't good?"
"N-no! Just that…." I paused to properly word my thoughts. "you said you joined a Skill-Out group right? But you have an esper power. You're not a level zero."
"...Error In huh? You can hardly call that a power." A somber sting echoed in his voice. "You can say this power is another reason why I joined Skill-Out."
"But Skill-Out is a group of level zeros right?"
"...Gunha. Why do you think a group such as Skill-Out even exist? I already understand what you think of them and why. And to an extent, I agree with you. Bombings on research facilities, methodical beatings on high level espers, robbery, I've even heard some nasty rumors about murder. Things like that classify those groups as scum. No matter the circumstances, you shouldn't drag others down because of your own misfortune. Why does a group like that exist?"
A single word came to my head when he asked. My reply would have been immediate if not for some other information my mind was still struggling to grasp. Kazeyare Kouta joined Skill-Out? I couldn't fathom it. Why? How? To me, it didn't make any sense. I felt my expression change from shocked to anger. Kouta never once glanced away from my face, waiting for my answer.
I averted his glare as I replied, "Jealousy." I bitterly let out. "That negative emotion drove them together. It's a group joined by a gutless drive to hate others with abilities." Despite the harshness of my words, that was my honest opinion on why such a group as Skill-Out exist. I held no good opinions on Skill-Out. Kouta should've expected this response and honestly, I wished he never told me he was in Skill-Out, shifting my own thoughts of Kouta in a negative light.
"Heh." A strange sound escaped Kouta's mouth. "Hahaha!" In a strange turn of events, Kouta broke out in a fit of laughter! Not understanding the change in mood, I stared in disbelief. "Ah! My sides! It-it hurts to laugh! Ha! Even my face hurts right now! Haha!" His laughter began to die down, while a large smile remained on his beaten face. "You haven't changed at all! Still as blunt as ever! I was in a Skill-Out group you know! Keep talking like that you're going to hurt my feelings!"
A strange emotion swelled within me that I found difficult to discern. Anger, yet somewhat happy? My cheeks began to burn as I hotly replied back to his laughter, "You're the one who asked me what I thought about Skill-Out!"
"Yes I did but I expected a little bit of restraint. My body's already broken, now you're trying to break my spirit? I didn't know Sogiita Gunha was kind of person to kick a man when he's down!"
My face became even hotter, "Ah! That's not what I was trying to do!" I exclaimed defensively.
"I know, I know. Just joking with you a little bit." Joking? What sick sense of humor did you develop? "But I completely agree with you Gunha. For the most part. These Skill-Out groups were created out of jealously towards espers who developed abilities while they remained as level zeros. Jealousy, resentment, hate. You can say all those negative emotions pulled us together. But it's not what kept us together."
I could feel it. The warm emotion he expressed when talking about them. Despite my outlook on them I felt a light smile tugging at the corners of my lips. I wanted to hear more. Why did Kouta have such a bright smile when talking about this particular Skill-Out group? What did he experience in the years we were apart. "So what kept you guys together?" I asked almost excitedly, slowly creeping my chair closer to his bedside.
Kouta placed his right hand under his chin, "Hmmmm. It's really hard to pin it on one emotion or feeling. Comradery is probably the closest word I can think of."
"Comradery?"
"We all had something in common right? I'm not speaking for all Skill-Out groups but for us It was about overcoming that pain of weakness. Even the inauguration you had to talk about the one decisive moment that made you join Skill-Out! So I told them what happened at the Learning Core, about you, though I did omit the part about you being a Gemstone and me actually having an ability. Can you guess how they reacted to my story?" I shook my head in response. I couldn't even begin to understand the guts of Skill-Out. Kouta pressed upwards on the corners of his mouth as if to imitate a smile. "They laughed."
"...Eh?"
Kouta took an exaggerated breath, "'Gyahaha! That's it! That's your sob story! What a letdown!'" He changed the deepness of his voice to mimic what I could only assume was the reaction of the Skill-Out thugs. "'Poor kid. He was doomed to fail at the start.'" Now his voice was higher, like a female(A very manly female). "'I've heard worse stories. But I've heard a helluva lot more stories better than this. 3/10.'" a monotone guy now? He exhaled as he finished his last voice imitation, "They all had something crude and mocking to say about my story. 'Kid, Your friend can run at mach speeds, is nigh invulnerable, and can throw punches that causes things to explode? With a goal to obtain a power that can counter that? Sorry kid but you were dead in the water before you even jumped in the ocean.'"
"They're wrong!" I knew the words might sound hypocritical but I couldn't agree with that way of thinking. "With enough guts, trial and error! You could've gotten an amazing ability! Quitting just because you're a level 2 or have no signs of developing abilities is not something I can agree with!" Laughing at someone's failure? Telling them to accept it and even reprimanding his attempt?
"He's right though." His words tore through me. How could he agree with such thinking? "For the longest time I didn't agree. But It took a broken arm and a guts filled punch to make me realize the meaning of those words." There's meaning behind those gutless words? "I had set myself for failure by putting you at the starting line."
"With enough guts-"
"Nothing would have changed. Having guts helps but I lacked something like the other level zeros. Even Academy City with all its knowledge and technology can't explain why some people don't develop abilities."
I couldn't deny what he said. Ayumi once said that level zeros are almost as much an enigma as my ability. Something that wasn't fully understood. And yet, I felt irritated about the whole situation. "So you give up? Accept defeat?"
"Give up? No. Acceptance? Yes. Komaba-san wanted us to accept ourselves for who we are. Heh." A small chuckle echoed in the dark room. "Can't believe it took me this long to figure that out." Once again a warm smile fell upon his face that felt contagious. "'Accept that we are level zeros and nothing is going to change that. Doesn't mean we're going to lie down and die. Find your own power, your skill, that one thing that makes you unique. Polish it. Define yourself in this city that deems us trash! And with these skill, usurp the notion that level zeros are pointless!'" Kouta raised his right fist triumphantly during his speech. "That was something Komaba-san said to us. Well? What do you think? Komaba-san was pretty cool right?"
"Amazing." the word subconsciously slipped out.
"What? Did you say something?"
"Amazing!" I excitedly rose from my chair, barely able to keep my guts from overflowing! "I could definitely feel it! The overflowing guts he poured into that speech! Komaba had no intention of giving up! In fact he created that Skill-Out group to create hope for level zeros! To prove to the city just how gutsy they are!" I was wrong about them. "Something like that," that speech sparked the guts inside me!
"Ah.. W-wait a minute Gunha! C-calm down!"
"Something like that is truly…"
"Awawa! G-Gunha don't!"
"AMAZING!" A multitude of colorful explosions rang out in the hospital room. Unfortunately the staff didn't take kindly to the full display of guts so I had to leave the hospital. Stepping outside into the night, the cold October breeze brushed against my face. "How can they kick me out like that? Can't they understand that's a normal reaction when hearing such a gutsy speech?" Instinctively I reached for my phone to check the time, only to find nothing in my pockets. That's right, I broke it right before I inserted some guts into that Tata guy. Which brought up another thought.
Ayumi! I haven't contacted her since we split in District 8! "Not good! I was suppose to meet up with Kouta and call her when I did!" Just thinking about more 'remedial' lessons caused my inner guts to shiver. "Now's not the time to waver! I'll just tell her what happened when I get to the dorms! She'll understand that I had no choice but to show some guts! ...Probably." I bravely walked through the dimly lit city, toward a new 'enemy' called Kihara Ayumi.
-BREAK-
"So, Sogiita-kun. Let me reiterate your story. Please feel free to correct me if I miss anything." A smile that only foreshadowed terror plastered itself on Ayumi's calm face. Despite her ridiculous appearance of a full body wolf suit(minus head), her fury still demanded an air of respect and most importantly, fear. While I sat almost subserviently on the living room floor, I awaited for Ayumi to bring down her 'judgement'. "After we parted ways I gave you strict instructions to join Kazeyare Kouta, which you did, bravo on that part." A slight smile of hope tugged at my cheeks, which immediately disappeared at her following statement. "However prior to that you received a phone call from Kazeyare. You answered the call only to hear struggling and some incredibly embarrassing words from Kazeyare." Despite my head bowed I could somewhat picture Ayumi struggling to hold in a giggle. "You rushed to the scene, 'inserted some guts' into…"
"Tata-"
"Antagonist A, then proceeded to take Kazeyare-kun and A-san to the hospital. Did I miss anything, Sogiita-kun?"
Gah! She added kun? Not good! She's not happy at all! "N-no ma'am…" A timid almost silent voice broke through.
"Ah, I forgot to mention that you broke your phone and left Kazeyare-kun's at the scene, making it impossible to contact you." It's over… The only thing left for my guts is 'Remedial Lessons'. I gulped at the thought of going through that guts draining regime.
"Sogiita Gunha. Why would I care about any of that?"
"Eh?"
"Someone attacked Kazeyare-kun due to his connection to you? That was bound to happen and I guarantee that it's going to happen again. So once again he's in the hospital. It's all useless information to me."
My brain couldn't keep up with the situation. She's not mad about that?
"Why would I be upset about that? None of that concerns me. I'm not in the hospital. Kazeyare-kun isn't dead." Ayumi let out an annoyed sigh before continuing her interrogation. "Tell me Sogiita-kun, what was the purpose of our outing last night?"
"...Trick-or-treat?"
"Yes Trick-or-treat. And it's safe to assume you accomplished that before rushing to Kazeyare-kun's aid correct?"
"...Yes…" I meekly replied.
"So tell me Sogiita-kun, Where's your candy?"
"Candy? Ah, That's right! I left it somewhere in District 8. Thinking about it now, I probably dropped it in that construction zone where I found Kouta!"
Ayumi remained quiet as she evaluated my answer before finally exhaling a light sigh. "I guess it can't be helped. After all your guts don't allow you to leave someone in need of help alone."
Huh? Despite her current demeanor, she actually agreed with my action? Is Ayumi finally opening up to the idea of going by guts?
"T-thats right! You can't expect me to worry about some candy when someone is hurt! My guts won't allow it!"
"And I worked so hard on your training regime to reduce your impulse to act on 'guts'. Perhaps I should extend the "remedial' classes?" A gentle smile appeared on Ayumi's face. Which signaled that my situation reached rock bottom. That smile brought no joy to those who saw it. What followed that smile was a torture, or 'remedial' lessons as she liked to call them. A torture inflicted upon me that was far worse than any physical pain I can imagine. A mental exercise that while highly effective, drains my guts more than anything else.
I wanted to avoid that at all cost! But when dealing with Ayumi, my guts led me to one solution! "W-what if i get you something much more amazing than a bunch of halloween candy?" Bargaining! Despite Ayumi's cold demeanor and questionable ethics, she's quite open to games of chance and mutual exchange. Something about proving mental superiority and cheating the system.
"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow, sparking her curiosity, "Tell me, Sogiita-kun. What could be better than the seasonal candy from Academy city? What could be better than thinly chocolate coated almonds with a peanut-butter core filling? What could be better than jelly beans filled with different dried fruits? Each one filling your taste palette with numerous sweets like a rainbow dancing on your tongue. What could be better than the extra large jawbreakers filled with cotton candy? Reaching that final layer, breaking into it after exhausting your jaw muscles, to be immediately rewarded with a soft fluffy filling that doesn't quickly melt but gently massages the innards of your mouth before transforming into a smooth, sweet liquid. Tell me Sogiita-kun, there's something of equal value to that?"
What! There's Jelly beans filled with fruit? That sounds amazing! I definitely want to try that! And the peanut-butter filled almonds sound delicious too! Wait! Don't let the candy distract you! Focus your guts Sogiita Gunha! "Yes! A seasonal sweet! All the girls in my class have been talking about it! A fall seasonal cheesecake!"
"Hmmm." Ayumi crossed her arms contemplating my offer, "I heard about it before. Supposedly some big name chef from france entered Academy City recently to expand her knowledge in cuisine. Her expertise in desserts is top notch and supposedly, the cake has different layers, each with a taste and texture to stand out on their own but still complement each other when together." A rosy blush spread across her cheeks if only for a moment. "...I want to try it…"
"Hmm?"
Regaining her composure from her sweet filled thoughts, Ayumi returned to her normal self, "This might work out for you Gunha. I'm truly impressed. You can use that head of yours for more than just headbutts."
I released my held breath. The storm had finally passed and extended 'remedial' lessons were averted. "Of course! I bet that cake taste better than any candy!"
"I look forward to it. In the meantime, I'm going to sleep." She lazily stood up, her body swaying in exhaustion. I guess that's to be expected. I'm not sure what time Ayumi got home but she was still wearing her halloween costume like me. How long did she stay out?
"Sleep? But you normally pull all nighters! It's barely midnight!"
"Unfortunately I got called to the labs earlier tonight for advice on AIM and biological responses. Those useless eggheads couldn't decipher the readings and even lack some of the required analysis programs!" Her tired voice expressed her disdain for the scientist that called her in.
"Hmmmm…" As I stared intently at Ayumi,I felt something wasn't quite right…
In reaction to my focused stare, she covered herself in defense, "What are staring at? Are you trying to undress me with your eyes? Don't tell me Kouta's perverted tendencies are rubbing off on you? I thought your stupidity made you immune to that!"
"Hm? Ah no! I wouldn't do something as gutless as that! It's just…" Squirming and rocking in my sitting position, trying to find the right words. "Nothings wrong but…" again I couldn't word what I felt.
"What?"
"A-are you ok?" I didn't understand why I asked such a question and I can only imagine that my face mirrored her confused look. An awkward silence fell upon us. "I-I'm sorry! I don't know why I asked. I just felt like something was off… I can't really explain it but my guts are telling me something is different!"
Ayumi blankly stared at me for my dumb outburst before she uncharastically covered her mouth with her hand and hastily averted my gaze. "You! You noticed something different about me? You who never noticed when I changed my hairstyle or wore contacts instead of glasses? Now of all times you notice something?"
"Ah?" her voice died down to a whisper as she continued her rant.
"I'm not sure if I should be happy, angry, or just plain frustrated with you."
"Huh?"
"Don't worry about it." Her composure was regained just as quickly as it was lost though I didn't understand why she lost it in the first place. "You should head to bed too. We're visiting Kouta first thing in the morning. I need a full report of the incident tonight." She closed the door to her room before I could even respond. Guess she was really tired. I began to undress when her voice broke the silence. "Hey, Gunha."
"Hm?" I was quite surprised by her sudden voice. It wasn't often that she initiated conversations, even then it was usually about experiments or reprimanding me for being too 'gutsy'. Something was definitely different. Ayumi is never this talkative.
"What if I were to…" A long silence followed her unfinished question. "Never mind. I almost asked a stupid and pointless question. Goodnight Gunha."
"...Goodnight, Ayumi."
Finally in my soft bed, I stared at my plain ceiling, sorting out my thoughts. And for the first time in a long time, I felt exhausted. A swirl of emotions and uncertain thoughts rose in my my mind like a volcano about to erupt. Anger. Sorrow. Fear. Anger toward myself and my inability to change. Sorrow towards Kouta for always facing the consequences for my incompetence. And most importantly, fear. Fear for what tomorrow holds.
What's going to happen from now on?
I don't know.
Are attacks like this going to be more often?
I don't know.
Is Ayumi going to be a target? What about my classmates at school? Will they be okay?
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know!
Of course I don't know. The future is always laced with uncertainty. My power doesn't give me insight into the future. But now, I'm more anxious about that uncertainty more than ever! As if to psych myself up, I raised my fist toward the ceiling, "I'll just power through with guts! Like I always do!"
Guts isn't always enough.
Which brought about another uncertainty.
What do I do if my guts aren't enough?
I don't know…
I rolled over and closed my eyes to force myself to sleep, "Accept yourself and your power, huh? Kouta made it sound so easy but I'm not sure if I could do that myself."
So lets be honest, Not a lot happened here. A dialogue chapter if you will but our characters are building more depth to themselves. Specifically Sogiita Gunha. Speaking of, this by far was the hardest chapter for me to write! Mostly due the restrictions of a first person perspective and how Sogiita Gunha as a character. He is a man of action. One who would rather act than think, a drastic contrast to Ayumi and Kouta. I almost dropped this chapter altogether. I've rewritten this chapter about 4 or 6 different times and I think it shows. Reason why I didn't is because of Gunha, who right now in the story is the 'weakest' character. Ayumi has her science, Kouta has his hero dream yet what does Gunha have? What drives Gunha to be so gutsy? His inner thoughts might reveal something but not everything. As the story progresses and our heroes grow, what will they find at the conclusion? Will they even find anything at all? If you've read A Certain Unexplainable Gemstone, you might have some idea how this will end. Please leave a review, and I hope to see you soon!
This is Sargent Crash.
Crashing Out!