"Do you plan on getting out of bed today?" Paola asked Elena with a hint of attitude.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Elena snapped back. "I'm getting up. Not that I have anything to do today" Elena complained. She was in a particularly bad mood that morning.
"Did he come to your bed again last night?" Paola wondered. "It's been a few nights since he's come to see me" She really wasn't that upset about it at all. Although she did often worry that if he had no more use for her that he'd find a way to get rid of her.
"Of course he did" Elena said angrily. "I would happily let you have him back"
"Happily?" Paola laughed at the irony. "I'm not sure anything could make you happy anymore."
"Plenty of things could make me happy. But I'm stuck here with nothing and nobody" Elena said, growing more bitter and her patience wearing thin.
"Nobody?" Paola asked, offended by the remark. She had always tried her best to be there for Elena. "Well! You have the King don't you?" Paola responded to her own question, knowing that she was pushing the young Queen.
"I don't want anything to do with him!" Elena shouted and just glared at her servant. "You know that!"
Paola gave Elena a smug look before giving her snide retort. "Well, according to you, he's all you've got left in your life. Maybe you should start enjoying your time more with him. Give into the feeling of it. Try to please him. Let him please you. Maybe you'd wake up a little less irritable and a bit more tolerable to be around."
"I'm not you! I will not stoop so low as to PLEASE him!" Elena said, completely disgusted by the idea of it and completely disgusted by Paola at the moment. "What is your problem today? Why are you acting like this towards me? I've been through enough!"
"And you're giving up!" Paola countered. "Not only that but you've been pushing away the only two people who want to help you! If that's what you want to do then fine! But don't ask me what my problem is!"
Elena had nothing to say. Deep down she knew that Paola was right but she wasn't ready to admit it aloud or even to herself just yet. She was too busy drowning in self pity.
"Get out." Elena demanded, not wanting to be faced with the truth any longer.
"Fine" Paola responded, throwing her hands up, rolling her eyes and walking away.
Elena watched Paola leave her and as she left the tent, saw that Gabe had been standing there. The second of the two people she'd been pushing away. She caught his eyes for a moment and could see just how much he disapproved of her behavior. She quickly turned her back on him.
"She's right you know" Gabe told Elena in regards to what he had overheard. Elena's only response was to let out a heavy and aggravated sigh, not wanting to hear Gabe reiterate all the things that Paola had told her.
"Well I'm sorry if I've gotten used to disappointment throughout all of this" Elena said in a resentful tone. "Why are you here now? To tell me that you still haven't found anyone to help us out of here?"
"No. Not at all." Gabe told her, trying not react to her negativity but growing frustrated with it at the same time. Just as Paola had moments ago. "We actually have found a contact in the palace. He's going to get us the scepter. Once we have it here, I'll know that Gervaso will keep his word in helping us. Then we can finalize our plan. We're getting close"
"Close?" Elena questioned with frustration. She finally turned to look at him. "We aren't any closer than we were six months ago. We still don't know who we can actually trust, we still don't have the scepter, and we still don't have an actual plan! We're not close Gabe!"
Gabe's jaw dropped. He had expected her to be excited about their new contact, instead she spoke down to him as if he had done nothing for her. He finally had had enough of the way she was treating everyone around her. He had tried to tolerate it all, knowing that she was hurting but he couldn't do it any longer. He had finally lost his temper with her.
"Look! I'm the only one doing anything here! At least I'm trying! Do you even WANT to get out of this anymore?" Gabe shouted, his voice filled with disgust and irritation "All you do is sit around here all day waiting for your king , your husband to come to you. Paola was right. You've just given up Elena! You've given into your life here with him and I'm starting to think that you like it! That this is what you want!"
Elena stared at him and just fumed. She wanted to lash out at him in return, to yell at him, to hate him. But she knew that was exactly what she had been doing to him all along. She knew that she had pushed him over the edge and now he was frustrated too. He stood by her side for months as she shut him out and pushed him away. She had let the loss of her family and the loss of her freedom overwhelm her and she dealt with it all in silence. Letting her grief internalize. He couldn't possibly understand what she was going through because she never took the time to open up to him, not even a little bit. She was mad at his words but she knew she couldn't blame him. She did her best to stay calm. She allowed herself to truly meet his eyes. When she did, she saw that though he had been harsh with her, he still hadn't given up on her. He was still there, begging her to talk to him, to let him know what she was going through, how she was feeling. After seeing the anxious look in his eyes, she was finally ready to let him back in. She had nearly forgotten how true Gabe had always been to her. Now, she desperately wanted Gabe to know and understand what her life had become.
"You're right Gabe. I do sit here all day waiting. But I sit here like a prisoner." Elena managed to reply through gritted teeth, trying to overcome her feelings. "I have no where to go, no power, my words mean nothing. I've become nothing." She then steadied her waivering voice before continuing on and Gabe swallowed hard as he immediately regret what he had said. "I lie in bed at night dreading the moment that the door to my tent pulls open and the moonlight shines in and I see him standing there shadowing over me. When he climbs on top of me all I want to do is die. I would rather die than have him inside of me one more time." Elena choked back tears as she finally put voice to her real life nightmares. Gabe's stomach twisted into a knot. He felt ill. He wanted to do something, anything to make it better. But the damage had already been done. Her beautiful spirit that he had fallen in love with seemed like a mere memory now. The past six months of her life had finally broken her. He didn't know what to say. His eyes saddened and softened as he helplessly looked upon her.
Elena's anger had quickly faded. She had little energy to be angry anyways. Being angry wouldn't change anything. She hung her head in defeat, arms dangling by her side. Gabe stepped closer to her and reached for her hands. Elena took them for the first time in what seemed liked forever. She squeezed hard, then shut her anguished eyes. She opened them to meet Gabe's once again, seeing that he continued to feel her pain, even if he couldn't completely understand it. She slowly brought herself closer to him until she was fully in his arms, still looking up at him... silent... yet their eyes told each other everything. They could barely remember the last time they had shared such an intimate moment and they got lost in their boundless connection. They began to breath as one as their silent conversation continued. Elena had been furious with what Gabe said to her but now, his presence brought her comfort. Gabe had always represented safety to her and allowing herself to be close to him again felt good. Gabe wanted nothing more than to stop Elena's suffering and Elena saw the turmoil that Gabe was facing, knowing he didn't have a way to do it.
Elena finally spoke up in a softened voice. She continued to battle tears, knowing that if she gave in to them she might lose all control and at that moment she just wanted to tell him everything. Every feeling and every thought that would pass in her mind during her nightly torment.
"I just lie there most nights..." She began, "I make my mind go to anywhere other than where I am and how awful it all feels..." A tear finally rolled down her cheek as she continued through stuttered breaths. "I think about... how there has to be something more to it... I think of how ... it has to be different when .. you actually want to be with someone ... what it's like to be with someone who loves you... I think of how it might actually ..." She paused and gasped as she tried to deeply inhale before she continued.
"I think of you Gabe." She finally admitted, "I think of what it would be like..."
"Don't" Gabe interrupted with conviction. He clenched his jaw as his chest tightened and stomach turned. He was choking back his own tears now. He rested his forehead on Elena's and cupped her face in his hands. He brushed his thumbs across her cheek bones, wiping away the tears that she couldn't hold in any longer. She leaned into his touch, gently closing her eyes and savoring the moment. She could feel his heart pounding close to hers. Gabe closed his eyes as well and when he did, a single tear of his own was forced down his cheek. He breathed her in, knowing that he shouldn't be so close to her and wondered if he would ever get the chance to be again. It took everything in him not to press himself up against her yearning lips and show her that everything would be different if they could be together.
"Gabe... I.." Elena started but Gabe couldn't let her finish.
"Don't say it" He whispered. "You can't. You can't say it." He repeated, adamantly shaking his head. She was finally opening up to him and he hated that he had to stop her. But he did have to stop her. "I'm sorry Elena... I'm so sorry for what i said.. I'm so sorry for all of this. If I could take it all back, I would. If I could fix it, I would...But I just can't right now and I know that ... We're both frustrated." He then pulled away and held Elena by the shoulders at an arms length. His eyes were still filled with sorrow and longing for Elena but his voice turned Stern. "Don't say any of it ever again." He ordered her. "They'll kill me. Then they'll kill you. And then Avalor has no chance for freedom. We are making progress. Just please don't give up now. Please. If you do... then all of this will have been for nothing."
Gabe released her, turned and walked away, further breaking Elena's heart but his as well.
Elena straightened herself up and tried to gain some composure. Gabe was right. They couldn't do anything to jeopardize their plan now. They had been through too much. They couldn't afford for their own feelings towards one another to get in the way of the job that needed to be done. They had to be smarter than that. Until she had the scepter in hand and they had a solid plan, their goal was simply to survive.
Elena then turned her thoughts to Paola. Paola had shown Elena tough love, forcing her to release some sort of emotion, even if that emotion was anger. Elena now knew that she needed that. She needed to get her anger out of the way in order to feel the pain and sadness that she had been burying within herself. Gabe had allowed her to express those feelings. He had allowed her to cry. Their moment together was brief but it had helped. It helped her realize that she had been grieving all wrong and she had been allowing herself to fall into a deep depression. Gabe had all but gotten on his knees and begged her not to give up. He had been working so hard for her, she needed to work harder for him. She could no longer shut out the people who actually cared about her. Her first step towards a new attitude would be apologizing to Paola. If anybody understood what Elena was feeling, it was Paola. She needed Paola to get her through it all.
Elena took her time, sorting out her emotions and replaying the conversations she had just had. She then walked over to her dressing area, put on a new gown, did her hair up nicely and even made the effort to put a bit of make up on to cover the dark circles she had developed under eyes. She was tired of looking worn out and demoralized. She would no longer lie around in bed all day. She may not be able to have any control as a queen or any power over the army but nothing stopped her from spending her free time among the people of Fuerza, gaining their trust and forming relationships with them. When the time for her rule came, she would need them all. She stepped out of her tent, holding her head high. She breathed in the fresh air and a sense of renewal flushed through her. Her eyes glanced off to the side, finding Gabe standing loyally at his post. He tried his best not to grin when he saw her emerge. Elena shot him a quick wink and then set off on her way, Gabe followed closely behind as usual. She hadn't lost her spirit after all.