Chapter 11: The Suzie Clawhauser show
A/N: Michael explaining a story with question marks is kind of how I heard kids explain things to adults. Teenage girls tend do that to. They give a statement that sounds like a question. This chapter came out WAY longer than planned, so I decided the best course was to split it in two. There were some scenes I could have easily cut out, but I felt they were too funny or had some good social commentary, so I decided to keep it all in. At least now you'll get two chapters coming out close together instead of waiting a while.
* = I TOTALLY forgot about the gerbils. The problem is, they are planning something good that will affect the finale of the entire arc so I really shouldn't have passed them by so quickly.
1:30pm At Nick's place...
Nick, Terry, Tim, Auburn and Spots were all kicking back in the living room while James was bragging about himself and what happened at the restaurant to Auburn and Terry. "And then, the jaguar pounced on Mr. Wilde and started choking him! Without any fear of my own safety, I jumped in and attacked the jaguar, freeing Nick from his deadly grasp and I fought the guy off while Nick helped Spots attack the dingo. She was so impressed, she yelled out 'Jimmy! You're awesome! I love you!"
Spots was upset. "Okay one, that's the worst impression of me I ever heard and two, I totally did not say that!"
"Yes you did!" Nick replied. Catching Spots in her lie.
"Y-Yeah well...I didn't exactly mean it the way it sounded!"
James was upset. "What the hell does that mean?"
Spots put her arm around James. "I'm sorry Jim. It was just...the whole excitement of it all. Although I'm super grateful for you saving my dad, but he taught me that these confusing feelings for you is more than likely just us bonding closely or a platonic infatuation."
"Say what?!"
"Yeah! I mean, I've been having these odd feelings and obsessing over you a bit, but in the end it's probably nothing serious. Just a bonding experience."
James gave Nick a dirty look. "Thanks a lot jerk! You're ruining my life!"
Wolford chimed in with a joke. "Yeah. Don't ruin my son's life Nick. That's my job."
Terry got off the phone with her doctor. "Well I got some good news! My doctor took a good look at my ultrasound and the stab wound didn't come close to my vital organs. I mainly just bled out which caused me to pass out. Also, my stitches should be healed enough now that I can walk around as much as I want. I just can't do any running yet."
"That's great to hear!" James said. "I've been feeling so guilty about seeing you in that wheelchair."
Terry smiled. "Well, it brought you into our lives, so it was worth it."
James leaned over and kissed the tiger on the cheek. "Thanks aunt Terry."
It was then that Petey and Michael came bursting out of their bedroom in tears. "WAAAH! DADDY!"
They ran up to the couch and cried in Nick's arms. Nick was confused. "What's the matter guys?"
Michael tried to explain. "W-We finished watching 'Rerun of the Jedi!' "
"...And?"
"D-Darth Raider? He...He was watching Duke get shocked by the Emperor? And he...he picked the bad guy up and threw him down a big hole? But...But he got shocked while throwing the Emperor down the hole and his breathing suit stopped working? And he...he died in Duke's arrrrrms!"
"LOVE WINS!" Petey sobbed.
Nick smiled as he petted Michaels head. "And let me guess. It makes you cry because Duke's father sacrificed himself to save his son even though your father did the opposite?"
Michael shook his head up and down as he buried his head into Nick's chest.
"Well...remember, it wasn't just your father's life on the line, it was all of your siblings as well."
"SNIFF! I know. Daddy? When I grow up, I wanna be like Duke Futtbucker."
"Because he helped save the galaxy?"
"Yeah! And he's like me!"
"Oh? How?"
"He kisses his sister on the mouth too!"
The group laughed. Michael then asked another question. "Daddy? What happened to those gerbils that visited?" *
"I almost forgot about them! They're okay. I sent them back to Little Rodentia and let Brie know that they were helping redeem themselves. They were really happy with me and said that they were planning a campaign of their own. I don't know what though."
"Hey Nick!" Wolford shouted. "It's stiflin' in here! You wanna open a window?"
"Sure thing fang face!" Nick replied. He set Michael down with Petey and went to the window. "At least with us up this high, I don't have to worry about Suzie knocking me down."
"Did she do that at your old place?" Terry asked.
"Yup. She was knocking me down even before you two met." Nick then opened the window. "But she won't be able to do that this high up!"
Nick opened the window and took in a big whiff of fresh air. He then fell back in surprise at a giraffe puppet popping up in front of him.
"It's the Suzie Clawhauser show! Starring...Suzie Clawhauser!"
Nick picked himself up off the floor. "Dangit Suzie! What did I tell you about climbing the building?!"
"I'm not climbing anything Mr. Wilde! I found some big crates to stand on. I can only reach this far with my hoof so I put a puppet on it. Now shush! You're interrupting my show!"
Nick was exasperated. "Oh brother. Go ahead."
"AHEM! We've got a special guest with us tonight! But first, a joke. Knock knock!"
"SIGH! I'll bite. Who's there?"
"Myva."
"...Myva who?"
"My vagina was bleeding like a waterfall this morning! It was terrible!"
Wolford warned her. "Hey! No blue material! 'Dere's kids present!"
"And why is it called 'menstruation' when it doesn't involve men at all? By the way, is my mom there?"
"I'm on the couch honey!" Terry said. "Sarah is here too!"
"Did you get me a maxi pad?"
"Sorry, I haven't had a chance."
"That's okay, I went and got one for myself. Considering my size, the pad's are so large, it was cheaper for me to go to the furniture store and get a small mattress! Hey-ooo!"
Nick had enough. "Suzie, would stop the comedy routine and give your 'special guest' already?!"
"Don't worry Mr. Wilde.." said Suzie's puppet. "that was my last menstruation joke."
"Well, thank y-"
"PERIOD!"
"...That was terrible."
"And now for my special guest. He's adding a new room to our house and currently residing in my shirt pocket, it's Duke Weaselton!"
With her other hoof, Suzie picked up a panicky Duke and put him in the apartment through the window.
"Hey! HEY! Watch it ya crazy dame! I'm scared 'a heights! Next time just let me go up 'da elevator!"
"Sorry Mr. Weaselton!" Suzie replied.
The group was surprised to see Duke at Nick's place.
Nick was happy to see him. "Duke! Buddy!" He hugged the weasel tight. "You are a BIG hero my friend! You did more for 'Preds for Peace' than I ever could."
"Thanks. I came 'ta check up on Twitch and Eye. 'Dere makin' sure 'da possums move 'dere stuff outta 'da extra rooms. Mainly though, I came 'ta show Mrs. Clawhauser our blueprints and plans fer 'da extra room."
Terry was pleased. "Oooh! Let me see!"
Duke unscrolled the blueprints along with some drawings. "After scoping out the frames of 'da bedrooms, we decided 'dat since yer room has a high ceiling, we'd put 'da extra room above yours. It's gonna have an archway above your door, where on 'de right side, Sara can go up 'dese special stairs made fer her. Dey got a soft but firm foam on 'da tips of each stair fer grip as she's climbin' up and she won't hurt herself if she falls back."
Sara came over to take a look. Duke continued. "Now here's 'da fun part kiddo! One side is 'da stairs to enter yer new room, but you exit via 'dis slide!"
"Cool!" Sarah said happily.
"Yeah! And it's got a cushion at 'da bottom fer a soft landin'. On 'da inside, everything will be in reach fer her. It's all low to 'da ground. 'Da shelves, 'da table, 'da bed and all a 'dat. We can even set her up with a low T.V. Stand if ya like. 'Da other good news is 'dat it doesn't mean we got a low ceilin'. No sirree! We got room fer her 'ta grow inta a healthy adult and both 'da door and ceilin' are big enough fer you two 'ta visit."
"Wow! Terry exclaimed. "It sounds like you thought of everything!"
"Well 'dats not all! Sarah's young and might be lonely sleepin' by herself without her sister Suzie. SO! We measured 'da height of Suzie's bed and Suzie was nice enough when she dropped by 'ta change 'ta show me how low 'da bed is she she lays down on it. 'Dis is allowin' us 'ta make a door between 'da head of Suzie's bed and Sarah's room. 'Da door will allow Suzie 'ta stick her neck through and lay her head on Sarah's bed without cramping her neck or anythin'!"
"That's fantastic!" Terry replied.
"Also, I know Suzie 'dere likes her privacy. She almost stepped on one of my workers who accidentally came into her room to do some measurin' while she was changin'. She did not like 'dat! So, 'da door between 'da two of them only opens from Suzie's end. Also, if 'dere's an emergency, we got a baby monitor in 'da room so Sarah can call out for Suzie or you and Ben."
"Something tells me all of this is going to be pricey." Terry replied.
"It is. I'm givin' ya 'da best deal I can because I'm gonna use 'dis project 'ta advertise my business. I'm gonna charge you just enough 'ta break even. 'Dat said, it's still gonna cost between ten 'ta fifteen thousand."
"Holy crap! SIGH! Well, it is a big project."
" 'Dere's one other piece of bad news."
"I'm afraid to ask what."
"Well, Adding 'da room requires a support beam or else 'da entire room would collapse inta' your room.
So, We had to add a big metal pole in yer room as a load bearer."
"There's a big metal pole in the middle of my room?!"
"It's not as bad as it sounds. It was a stripper pole from an old strip club 'dat went outta business years ago. We cleaned it up good and it still has a little standing table so, if you and yer husband like 'ta get a little frisky, you can do it for a little strip tease dance. Have a little fun with it."
"Ooooh!I kinda like that! It won't come apart from me swinging on it will it?!"
"Nah. Since yer on 'da first floor, 'da pole's foundation will be deep in 'da ground."
"Is that all?"
" 'Dat's everything! I have a worker currently making a model of 'da room out of popsicle sticks fer you 'ta check out later."
"It sounds fantastic! Thanks so much Mr. Weaselton."
"My pleasure! 'Dis project will make a great advertisement fer my business. Now if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna see how my new room is coming along. See ya guys later!"
"Later Duke!" Nick said as he waved goodbye. "That guy's really turned himself around. I'm proud of him."
Nick was interrupted by Michael. "Dad! Can me and Petey go to the toy store and get light sabers?!"
Petey spoke up too. "Yeah! Pleeease!"
Suzie the puppet spoke up too. "I'd like to go too! I'm bored out here. By the way, does anyone else hear a cracking sound?"...CRACK! "AAAH! OOMPH! STUPID WOODEN CRATES!"
Terry peeked her head out. "Suzie! Are you okay?!"
"Yes mom! It's not a long fall for me."
Nick couldn't help but chuckle. "She's not gonna stop trying to visit my house is she?"
Terry was a bit mad. "No. And she's gonna hurt herself!"
"Alright, alright. When I get the new fire escapes put in, I'll add some...'Suzie steps' so she can climb up and peek in safely."
Terry was relieved. "Thank you Nick."
Nick then turned to the kids. "Alright guys! Are you ready to head to the toy store?"
"YAAAY! The children all shouted.
Wolford was a bit concerned. "Hey Wilde. You sure 'dis is a good idea? You heard 'da news. 'Dere's fights breakin' out all over."
"Tim, if we just hide away and stay in the house, then Lionheart gets what he wants. He wants us to just hide away in fear and not do anything. There's several good-size predators here. As long as we keep the kids close by, we should be fine. Now let's go!"
The kids cheered as Nick led the family out the door.
Meanwhile, at the ZPD...
Bogo looked at his office one last time. He gave a deep, heavy sigh as he shut the door behind him. He walks downstairs to the front desk where Francine is typing up a report. "Well...it's done."
"You left the resignation papers?" Francine asked.
Bogo gave an assuring smile. "Yes. But I put them on a high shelf so she'll have a lot of trouble retrieving them."
They both had a bit of a laugh, followed by silence. Francine then spoke up. "Are you gonna be okay?"
"I don't know. I guess. After what I experienced today, maybe I should be let go. How could I have been so ignorant of what was going on all around me?"
"It's not your fault! Nobody knew what a bigot Trumpet could be. Hell, he even trained Ben and he's a predator."
"Come to think of it, he was the one who got Ben fattened up on donuts and the like. I wonder if he did that on purpose?"
"Considering what I know of him now, I wouldn't have put it past him."
"Still, it's my fault for being ignorant of these things. Maybe this precinct is better off without me."
Bogo had his head hung low as he was heading out the door. Francine was worried. "Bogo dear, where are you heading too?"
"I don't know. All I know is that I need to clear my head."
"Well don't you worry. When I'm done for today, we'll have a big dinner and I'll make love to you in ways that are illegal in some states!...Bogo?...Bogo!"
It was too late. Bogo was already gone. "I hope he doesn't do anything drastic." Francine said to herself.