The Enchanted Forest-Missing Year…..
Regina sat at her window, her legs tucked beside her, as she stared out into the distance. They had been back here for about four months, and even though people said it would get easier, it was getting worse. Not only did this place remind her of a past that she did not want to remember, a past that she had worked hard to leave behind. Not only was this a land where she lost everything, but now it was also the place that kept her away from her son. And today, the pain was particularly excruciating.
It was his birthday. The one day of the year she always celebrated no matter what; the one day of the year that she will always hold dear to her heart; the one day she could never regret, nor wish for it to change. She knew that with Emma's new memories that she was probably celebrating it with gratitude as well, but she doubted that anyone can match hers. But it wasn't just about the fact that he wasn't with her for it, after all, he wasn't with her either last year. But at least he remembered her, at least he had an idea who she was, even if he was pushing her away, even if he didn't want her in his life, she hoped that at the time, he did know how much he meant to her, and that he remembered what a big deal she always made of it.
She had thought that the pain of losing him would go away with time, but it never did! It kept getting worse, every time she saw one of those idiots who came back as well playing with a child, her chest would ache. Every time little Roland would come up to her, images of her own brown haired little boy would flash before her eyes, reminding her of what she had to give up, reminding her of the ultimate price that she paid. It was ironic really, that the price for both curses, the one person she loved most, was someone named Henry.
She jerked slightly, effectively snapping out of her own painful world, when a hand was placed on her leg. Her head whipped around, her mouth open and ready to growl at whoever dared enter her chambers without her permission, only to freeze at the innocent pair of eyes that were staring up at her, with nothing more than worry.
Her mouth remained slightly open, her brain trying to think of something to say, but for the life of her she couldn't think of a single reason why Roland should be here, let alone something to actually say.
She expected the vibrant young boy to say something, but to her surprise, he just scrambled up onto the window sill, turned around so he was facing her, and crossed his legs, before he moved close to her, so that their legs were touching. His small hand reached out, and rested comfortingly onto her knee.
If the young boy's actions had been surprising her constantly since her return, nothing had perplexed her more than this. For even though Roland had never even showed a hint of wariness around her, he had never waltzed into her chambers like that before.
He was looking intently at her, his eyes searching hers, prying past the walls she had spent many years building, past the defenses that had kept her fiercest enemies at bays, but was unable to hold against a young child's worried gaze. She felt uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze, she didn't like it when people looked into her soul. She had spent many years making sure no one can, so why was this kid any different? Why couldn't she tear her eyes away from his? Why-to her surprise-did his touch sooth her? How is it that the usual ache in her chest seemed to lessen?
She saw his nose scrunch up adorably, as his eyebrows furrowed in though, before the last words she ever expected to hear from him, left his lips, "you're sad!"
The confidence with which he had said them, surprised her, and it was if someone had dumped a bucket of freezing water on her.
Her lower lip trembled slightly, as she drew in a shaky breath, her usual resolve in these situations betraying her.
"Yes, I am," she said softly, despite her better judgment.
He cocked his head to the side, "why?" he asked curiously.
Regina opened her mouth to answer, but found herself incapable. What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to explain it to a four year old, when she can't even explain it to herself?
"I…uh…I miss my son," she finally found her voice, albeit a bit hoarse.
"Where is he?" Roland inquired.
"He's….."She trailed off, not sure what to say. "He's lives in a different land," she finally said.
"Can't you go to him?" he wondered, and it took every ounce of strength in her not to sob at his words.
"I'm afraid not." She whispered sadly.
She had expected more questions, more inquiries as to why she can't get to him, or about Henry himself. But to her surprise none came. Roland just looked at her for a little bit, finally allowing her the time to realize that he had intertwined his tiny fingers with her own, and when she looked down at them, she was surprised that the dreadful feeling of loneliness that had plagued her since her return, wasn't as strong. That despite her usual reflex of shying away from any touch, sweet little Roland's touch was soothing, and his fingers seemed to fit perfectly with hers.
She looked up at him when she heard the sounds of shuffling, and before she could react, Roland had scurried onto her lap, thrown his arms around her neck, and gave her what she guessed was the tightest hug he could muster.
The gesture surprised her, but his tiny shoulders muffled her gasp before she could fully comprehend what was happening. She stiffened in his tiny arms, and was at a loss about what to do. But it seemed her arms had a mind of their own, and they moved up to wrap around the boy's small frame.
"Don't worry," he mumbled into her shoulder, "you'll find him again."
Storybrooke-Present…
And little Roland was right, she did find Henry, and just like she found solace in Roland that day, she was finding it in Henry now. She watched him fondly as he put the phone back on the table, before he walked over to her, and snuggled up between the couch's back rest, and her body, resting his head onto her chest, and draping his arm around her body. He had just gotten off the phone with Ruby, since they had discovered that the lasagna had burned while she confronted Robin.
"Why didn't you order lasagna?" she wondered, as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"I ate Granny's lasagna a bunch of times before the new curse, and again after I came here with Emma, I miss yours!" he stated confidently.
She smiled wistfully into his hair, "sorry about that!" she apologized.
He shrugged his shoulders, "no it's alright, I wouldn't pay attention either!" he commented, closing his eyes when she pressed her lips into his hair in a lingering kiss.
"Mom?" he called.
"Yes."
"Why did you capture Marian?" he asked, craning his neck to look up at her.
She sighed audibly, as she looked intently into his eyes, trying to find the usual anger, or accusation, but all she found was curiosity.
"I don't recall capturing her, I don't even know what I intended to do with her. But if I had to guess, then I probably thought she helped Snow escape my guards," she ventured a guess.
"You really loved him, didn't you?" he asked, and when she furrowed her eyebrows at him, he added, "Daniel."
"The only other person I loved more was you," she reminisced, "he was the only good thing I had, I lost my only chance at the life I wanted when he died," she finished tearfully.
"Why did you stay with the King?" he asked, "why didn't you leave him?" he added.
"By the time I got rid of my mother, we were already married, and he never would've let me go. He would've sent out his guards to find me, and if I had been caught, I would've been killed," she explained.
Henry stiffened when he heard the word 'killed', "why would he kill you?" he asked in horror.
"Treason, I ran away from the King, abandoned my duties as queen, and that is punishable by death," she elaborated, "maybe that wouldn't have been so bad," she mumbled as an afterthought.
Henry's entire body shivered as a chill ran down his spine at his mother's last sentence, and he snuggled up to her even more, "don't say that," he reprimanded, shuddering at the mere thought of his mother facing the gallows.
"Sorry baby," she apologized sincerely, tightening her arms around him even further, and rubbing her hand up and down his back in an effort to sooth him.
He pulled himself up, lifting his head off his chest, and found her questioning gaze, "I know I said some terrible things to you before, that I told you I wished you never adopted me, or that I wasn't your son. I even let Emma take me to New York without even asking you if you were okay with it, and wasn't there for you when your mother died," he ranted, "and I know that I already apologized for all of that, and told you that I didn't mean any of it, but it's not enough. I didn't mean them, but I thought they were true nonetheless!" he confessed, "I thought that you didn't love me, just because we weren't related by blood. I ignored everything you did for me, all the memories I had with you, and paid attention to blood and blood alone, and I shouldn't have. But I just couldn't understand how someone who hated my entire bloodline could possibly love me, I never stopped to ask what happened to make you hate them, and what made me so special. And by the time I figured it all out, I was in Neverland, and I was going to talk to you when we get back, but then the new curse hit, and before I knew it, not only was I saying goodbye to you, but I was about to forget all about you," he rambled in one breath, and stopped when his lungs cried out for oxygen.
"Sweetheart," she interrupted, before he could start again, "I know all that, I understood your anger. And the second you called me your mom, that was all I needed to hear," she soothed, but he shook his head defiantly at her.
"No, Mom," he objected softly, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, what I told you that day you took me for ice cream and a walk was true. New York does have its own kind of appeal, but I did feel lonely there, like I didn't belong somehow. The apple tree I found in Central Park, I always went there when I got upset, I didn't understand it, but I felt at peace when I saw it, but I also felt like something was missing. And that nagging feeling went away when I came here, it was strange and I didn't understand it, but the feeling went away when I was with you."
Never in her wildest dreams did Regina think that she will ever hear those words coming out of him, and her breath caught in her throat, as the tears pooled into her eyes. Her baby boy did recognize her, on some level at least. He wasn't wary around her, like she had thought him to be, but he was confused by the way he felt.
She pulled him back into her arms, and buried her mouth and nose into his hair, "I love you so much," she mumbled tearfully.
Henry happily snuggled back into her embrace, and tightly wrapped his arms around her waist, "I love you too, Mom," he said back.
The sweet moment between mother and son was interrupted by the doorbell.
"Wow that was quick!" Henry exclaimed, giving Regina one final squeeze, before he got up to go get the door.
"My purse…."she was interrupted by Henry's loud, "I know!" and she couldn't help but chuckle.
Henry was glad when he found Ruby standing on the other side of the door when he opened it, "hey Ruby," he greeted warmly.
"Hey," she said, although she didn't seem like herself.
She handed Henry the take out bags, and he happily took them from her. He was about to ask about the money, when his eyes landed on the receipt, so he just turned around to get the money from his mother's purse.
"How's your mom?" he heard her ask.
"Well, I know what I said to her was pretty harsh, and I'm sure she's upset, but you should ask Grandma about her," Henry said nonchalantly.
Ruby chuckled at his reply, and shook her head, "no, not Emma, Regina," she corrected with a soft smile, one that did not quite reach her eyes.
"Oh, ummmm, she's tough, and she's got me this time, so it will take some time, but I think, eventually, she'll be okay," he hoped, and she nodded.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, when he finally noted the weird look in her eyes, as he handed her the money.
"Can you go get her? I wanna talk to her," she replied, and Henry did not hide his shock at her words.
"Um, I guess. I'll go see if she's up to it," he stated, coyly letting her know that if she is not up for it, then Ruby will just have to wait for another time.
But Henry did not have to go anywhere, since his mother's voice reached his ears before he could even turn around, "it's alright, Henry," she said softly, as she made her way towards the foyer, "come in, Miss Lucas," she invited, offering a fidgeting Ruby a small smile.
Ruby gingerly walked into the house, her eyes intently examining the floor boards, a sudden interest in counting them arising within her.
"Is everything alright?" it was now Regina's turn to ask, when the young brunette seemed to suddenly lose her voice.
"I..I…uh…" Ruby truly was at a loss for words, not sure how to start, or what to say.
"I do recall taking away Ariel's voice, but not yours," Regina quipped, earning a surprised chuckle from Ruby, who relaxed when she saw the teasing gleam in Regina's eyes. It was a rather refreshing change from the usually cold, hard stare she got from the Mayor.
"I know that people were pissed at you for casting the curse that they claimed you ruined their lives and separated them from their loved ones. But truth is, most of them are lying. I, for one, did not suffer one bit under the curse. On the contrary, you gave me a second chance to live a life without the burden of past actions hanging over my head. I did some terrible things too, Regina, but those around me seemed to forget about them. Whether it was because they cared about me, or because they needed me, so they just decided to look the other way. Either way, it wasn't right. And I didn't say this before, because I didn't want to betray Snow. But I was reminded by someone that doing the right thing shouldn't be confined by personal agendas," she finally ended her rant, smiling softly at the identical expressions on both mother and son's faces.
They both looked like they had seen ghosts, or as if Ruby had sprung another head. She saw how Regina was now slightly leaning on Henry, who was now starting to smile approvingly at Ruby.
"Thank you, Ruby," Regina finally found her voice, albeit a little shaky, and Ruby couldn't resist the wide grin at how the usually formal Mayor, used her first name.
So here is a long chapter for you lovely readers, I thank you for reading this story, and for your lovely reviews.
I will re-read it again when I don't have to get ready for work, and correct any grammar or spelling mistakes.
Let me know what you think.