Author's Note: I finally managed to get this chapter together. Originally, it was going to be one long chapter with a whole bunch more tacked on the end, but then I divided it into two chapters. And that's good news, because that means more will be on the way soon. I hope you enjoy; don't forget to review!

. . .

Did you know that even the Dark Lord himself has New Year's Resolutions? Well, he does. And this year, he decided to step up his game against his least favorite writer in Arda. So it was that when the spring semester began for the poor little Estel, Sauron called the team of Snagas back to Barad-dûr to evaluate their tactics and determine a more efficient way to drive Thalion insane. The orcs nervously filed into the dark tower and stood before the throne of the invisible Sauron, waiting for instructions.

"I want you worthless slaves to stop wasting time and effort," the Dark Lord snapped at his servants, who cowered before him. "Why haven't your attacks been fruitful?"

None of the Snagas wanted to speak, but at last Snaga 1 stepped forward and answered for the group. "It's not that they haven't been fruitful, my lord," the orc growled. "It's that they won't push her quite over the edge. Some have been very close, though."

Sauron contemplated this a moment. "Which ones have caused her the most turmoil?" he demanded. "Perhaps we can replicate them enough times to make her lose her mind."

"We've broken the air conditioning on at least three separate occasions," the orc informed. "That might have become a bigger wear on her sanity except now the accursed apartment has put in a new unit that we haven't learned how to disable yet. However, that has not done the most damage. It seems that the most effective means have been those that do not involve her personally. For some reason, she seems to delight in caring about the fate of others."

The Dark Lord scoffed. "Such is the nature of my foolish enemies. But to what specifically do you refer?"

"Sports," Snaga 1 revealed with an evil grin. "She has specific teams that she cheers for, though she has no reason to whatsoever—she's never met any of the players. But the closest we ever came to making her lose it was one game with her favorite baseball team back in October. We commissioned some fans and players, and the result was a bat-flip that brought the wretched writer within a hair of insanity."

"Well, what stopped her?" yelled the Dark Lord in anger. "How could you manage to mangle that plan?"

Snaga 1 would have snarled at the insult, but he cared about remaining alive, so he kept swallowed his anger and reminded himself of how painful it would be to die via the burning wrath of Sauron. "A couple verses in Job and some nonsense about providence from one of her heroes."

The Dark Lord felt his spiritual veins run hot with spiritually flaming blood, making him spiritually very unsettled. The tower filled with the presence of his fury like a cloud of darkness, which is none too pleasant a situation for even orcs to endure. "Calvin?" he clarified.

"Yes, my lord," the orc answered. "He has ruined lots of our plans, that theologian scum."

"And since he's dead, we can't do anything to stop 'im," Snaga 2 dared to chip in.

Sauron continued to silently fume, ignoring the orcs who were now very anxious as they simply stood in their lord's presence. After all, it's not like they could see his expression and figure out what he was thinking. At last, the Dark Lord let out a sigh—the breath being like the opening of an oven containing extremely burned fish fillets—and made his decision.

"I want 2016 to be the year that Thalion Estel becomes a public disgrace of insanity," he stated firmly. "If sports has some effect on her, we will continue to use that opportunity. We will also continue our other plagues, but while we have this opportunity, we must use it."

"But my lord," Snaga 1 quietly interjected, "we have already knocked off 'er favorite team in her two favorite sports. How will smaller losses produce a larger result?"

Sauron rolled his eye and shook his invisible head. "You know nothing of these matters. Already from afar I can see the toll these failures are taking on Estel. She grows weary, and that is the perfect time to strike. We will simply continue to pound her with attacks until she cannot manage the load anymore. Her pathetic, mortal brain will collapse under the strain, and she will be the laughing stock of fanfiction writers."

"So who should we go after next?" Snaga 1 asked.

"I will not allow this opportunity to be squandered," Sauron affirmed darkly. "For this wave of offense, I will take matters into my own hands."

The orcs now became exceedingly nervous, but their master gave them no time to contemplate the sad prospect of being accompanied to work by the Dark Lord himself. Sauron instead began setting up his evil plots immediately.

"Snaga 1, get a list of all Estel's likes on Facebook," Sauron commanded methodically. "Go through them and bring me all those that are relevant to our cause. Snaga 2, send for my NFL ally. Tell him I need a guaranteed victory for his team, and he must use all means necessary to win; deflation will not be enough this time. Snaga 3, I want the full roster of Thalion's classes, all her favorite teams, and all the inhabitants of her county. Be sure to research specific background information about every person and animal, including potential blackmail or bribe opportunities."

The orcs, very dejected by the long list of new tasks, slunk into the shadows to go about their work. Sauron's disembodied spirit remained alone in the darkness, thinking evil thoughts about the pending insanity of Estel. She would not long survive the wave that was about to come upon her.

. . .

Well, apparently there's a storm coming for me. *shivers* What did y'all think? Do any of you guys have any less-nefarious resolutions from New Years that you're still keeping up with? I'm just hoping Sauron will be like most of us and slack off on his…

Also, a big thanks to ElvenRangerRysel, who graciously pointed out to that orcs do in fact have strong accents which my writing was not really showing. So I've slowly begun including the fruit of such accents in their dialogue, and that should continue in future chapters.

P.S. Yes, I may or may not have done some teasing here of a certain quarterback. But I've teased my own quarterback in another story, and I'm sure the object of my comments in this chapter wouldn't be too bothered; he gets flack all the time, and usually it's far worse than anything I've said. Besides, this is just for fun, and no offense is intended. It was simply too perfect of an opportunity for me to pass by. :)