Broken Dreams and Silent Screams
Chapter Seven
Lucy groaned softly as she woke up. It took her a moment to realize she wasn't in her own room. Then she remembered that she went on a first date with Carter last night to a Chinese food restaurant. She looked over and saw Carter still sleeping with his mouth hanging open ever so slightly. It was adorable and she wished she had a camera.
Panic gripped her for a moment as she wondered what Carter thought of her. She stayed over on their first date. Hopefully he didn't think less of her. But they had such a good night together that when he suggested they come back to his place she didn't think twice about it because she didn't want the night to end.
And the sex…well the sex was better than she ever could have dreamed. Although she was still self-conscious about the large vertical scar on her chest from the attack, he made her feel beautiful. She could easily fall in love with him.
She moved closer to him draping her arm around his chest. It didn't surprise her that the movement woke him up.
He wrapped his arms around her. "Well I easily could get use to this."
She smiled, propping herself up so that she could see his face. "I could too."
"What's going on inside that pretty head of yours?" He asked, looking deep into her eyes.
"Do you think we rushed things last night?" She asked.
"I don't think we rushed through anything last night." He smirked. "But if you want, we can try it again."
She laughed and lightly smacked his chest. "Seriously though. We skipped some steps in this relationship."
"Yeah." He agreed. "But we have known each other a long time and have been through things most people never have to go through. Don't overthink this, Luce. It feels right to me. Does this feel right to you?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "It feels right to me too."
Lucy jolted awake, breathing heavily. She felt faint and her head hurt. Touching her head, she saw blood on her hand. "Great." It took her a moment to realize she was upside down in Romano's SUV. Then suddenly she remembered that they crashed.
She looked over and saw something that would haunt her dreams for the rest of her life. Romano was perfectly still with a huge piece of glass stuck in his head. There was blood everywhere. "Oh my God. No…"
"Robert!" She called, trying to get his attention. "Robert! Look at me! Ok? You're going to be alright! Just stay with me!" His eyes slowly turned to look at her and then they closed.
The approaching ambulance was a sweet sound. She wiggled around, trying to get out of her seat. She needed to get to him. She needed to save him. But it was no use. She was stuck.
She reached over and felt his pulse. It wasn't as strong as she would have liked, but at least it proved he was alive. She could see his chest rising and falling slowly, so he was breathing too. It wasn't long before there was a paramedic at her window. All of the windows were already smashed so they didn't have to worry about breaking them
"Don't worry. We're gonna get you out of there miss." The paramedic said as he assessed her neck and took vitals.
"Get my friend out first please." She asked. "He has a really bad head wound, but he has a pulse and is breathing. Don't worry about me. Get him out. He needs to get to the hospital immediately."
"We have someone working on him." He assured her getting the special knife they cut seat belts with out and getting to work on freeing her.
"No. Don't do that...Just stop trying to help me. You have to get him help first." She reminded him, suddenly feeling dizzy. She barely heard him ask if she was ok before blacking out.
"Hey Luce…What are you doing?" Carter asked as he came into the kitchen.
"Hey." She smiled at him, glad he was home from work. "How was your day?"
"It was alright." Carter chuckled. "Dr. Romano was in the ER a lot today trying to implement new policies. I swear that man is infuriating. He was just walking around the ER like he owned the place and was better than everyone else."
"I don't think he is as bad as you say he is." Lucy defended him.
"Why do you always defend him?" He asked.
"Did you forget that he worked really hard to save me that night?" Lucy asked quietly.
"I could never forget that." He replied, coming over and wrapping his arms around her waist. "But Elizabeth saved you too."
"Yes. She did a great job too." Lucy acknowledged, turning to face him. "But she told me about a week later that it was really Romano that saved my life. I had coded after throwing a clot and both he and Elizabeth tried to save me but they couldn't. Elizabeth was ready to pronounce me when Romano tried again. That last attempt worked and he brought me back to life. So I can't believe that the man is as entirely evil as you claim he is."
"Well one very good deed doesn't make him a good man. I think you have sensationalized what kind of a man he is out of appreciation for what he did." Carter said, giving her a kiss. "But I guess this is just something we'll just have to agree to disagree on. So what are you doing?"
"I'm making dinner for us." Lucy smiled, proud of herself.
"It smells good." He started nuzzling her neck.
"It's my mom's famous homemade lasagna. Her recipe calls for everything to be made from scratch." She told him." It's almost ready."
"Is this what you spent your day off doing? Making lasagna?" He asked.
"Yeah." She reached up to give him a kiss. "I thought it would be fun."
"You didn't have to though. We could have gone out." He told her.
"I didn't mind." She smiled. "Besides, I thought you liked lasagna."
"I love lasagna." He assured her. "I just didn't expect you to go to all of this trouble for dinner."
"I just wanted to do something nice for you." She said, the smile falling from her face.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad." He told her, leaning in to give her a kiss.
"You didn't." She sighed. "This might have been me going a little overboard." After all, they had only been going out for about a month.
"I love it." He told her.
"I love you." She said, without thinking it through. As soon as she said it, she panicked.
He was staring at her but wasn't saying anything. It made her think she was the stupidest person in the world for blurting that out. So she decided to try and cover her tracks. "I mean, I'd love for you to try it."
"Don't do that." He shook his head.
"Do what?" She asked.
"Don't back track." He explained. "Do you mean it?"
She nodded.
He smiled, leaning in for a kiss "Good, because I love you too."
Lucy jolted awake again as she was lowered out of the ambulance. She heard voices all around her but the voice she heard the loudest was Carter.
"Alright. What do we have?" Carter asked.
"MVA." The paramedic said. Two passengers pinned in the car after it rolled over several times. The worse off one is coming right behind us. We have a 30 year old female, head lac, arm lac, LOC, bp 135/80, pulse 95."
"Alright…" He looked down at her. "Lucy! What happened?"
She looked up and saw Carter standing over her. "Carter?"
"Don't worry Lucy." Carter said as he helped roll her gurney into a trauma room. "You're going to be alright."
She stayed quiet as Carter and the nurses worked on her, clearing her spine, getting an IV in, drawing blood, getting a pulse ox. She tried to focus on what they were saying even though she wanted to go to sleep. But she figured if she listened to them running the trauma it would help keep her awake. She was glad that when Carter pushed on her abdomen there was no pain. So maybe she was lucky and didn't get any internal bleeding.
Romano probably wasn't that lucky. She turned her head to look over at the adjoining trauma room. That had to be where they took him. Everyone was moving around a lot faster over there. She recognized Morris and Weaver working on him. Romano looked like he was intubated. She tuned out and focused on trying to figure out what was happening next door.
"Lucy!" Carter's voice got her attention. "We need to get a CT scan of your head."
"Romano?" She motioned to the trauma room.
"Morris and Weaver are working on him." He replied. "He's in good hands too. Ok?"
"Can you check on him?" She asked.
"Sure." He smiled and stroked the side of her face. "I'll see you when you get back from CT."
A short time later Lucy sat in the suture room, watching Carter get suture kits ready. He had made sure she got a pair of scrubs to wear since they had to cut off her clothes when she came in. She just needed stitches on her forehead and her arm. For some reason, Carter had insisted on doing them instead of handing them off to a resident.
"So your tests came back fine and the CT was clear. I thought about admitting you for the night because you lost consciousness, but I doubted you wanted that." Carter explained.
"You're right." She told him quietly. "I don't want that. How is Romano?"
"He is up in surgery right now. They are trying to get the glass out and repair the damage. As far as I know, he didn't wake up before going in to surgery."
She absorbed that information, knowing what that meant. There was a very good chance that he wouldn't wake up. If he did, he probably wouldn't be the same as before. The glass had been stuck in the left side of his brain. So he could have language and logic problems. This felt like a nightmare she couldn't wake up from.
Carter got started on stitching up the arm laceration first.
Lucy watched him until she heard the door to the suture room open. She saw Kerry come in with a police officer right behind her.
"Lucy, do you have a moment to talk to the police about what happened?" Kerry asked.
"Of course." Lucy nodded. She didn't want to, but realized she didn't have a choice.
"I'm officer Locke." The man greeted. "Do you remember what happened, Dr. Knight?"
"I was driving us home." Lucy started. "He was drunk and kept saying he was bored. He kept grabbing the steering wheel and turning it. And I tried to keep from going into a different lane but he just wouldn't get go."
"Witnesses did say the car was swerving." Locke nodded, writing it down. "We did a blood alcohol on you and looks like you didn't have alcohol in your system. Dr. Romano on the other hand has a blood alcohol of .21."
"Lucy's not in trouble though, right?" Kerry asked.
"No." Locke agreed. "We're not classifying this as a crime. Thank you for your time."
Kerry held the door open for the officer and then closed it. "Lucy, do you know if Robert has any other family we could call? I looked in his personnel file and the only emergency contact number he had listed was for you. You are listed as his next of kin."
Lucy shook her head. She didn't realize he had done that. "He was an only child and both of his parents are dead. He doesn't have any other family."
She watched as Kerry exchanged a glance with Carter. "What's going on?"
"Lucy, Robert's injuries are very severe." Kerry warned her. "If he doesn't have any blood relation family to call, then I'm afraid it will come down to you making some hard choices. But we can cross that bridge if and when we have to. Hopefully it doesn't come to that."
"Yeah." She nodded. "Hopefully."
Lucy watched Kerry leave and then looked over at Carter, who was done with her arm. "I shouldn't have come back here."
"Hey, this isn't you fault. You didn't ask him to get drunk." He told her. "Now hold still. I have to stitch up your face."
She stayed as still as possible.
"You're really lucky when you think about it." Carter prattled on. "I heard that the car rolled at least six times."
"Yeah…" She grumbled. "I'm lucky. That's me. Miss Lucky."
He sighed. "Luce…I want to help you. I really do. But I don't know how. When I'm done with this, do you want me to find you an empty room where you can rest for a while?"
"Romano…"
"He will be in surgery for several hours." Carter reminded her. "And I already have it set up so they will page me if anything happens or when the surgery is done. You should rest."
"Ok." She agreed after thinking it through for a moment.
"Here we go." He smiled. "You are all stitched up now."
"You aren't going to leave me with a scar, are you?" She asked.
"Of course not. I've got mad suturing skills." He assured her with a smile. "Let me go see what room I can set you up in. I'll be right back."
She nodded, watching him leave. It didn't take him long to come back in. "I found a room for you." He held out his hand and she stood up, taking it.
She let him guide her to a room as far away from the trauma areas as possible.
"I'll come and get you when there is a change." He promised, turning to leave.
"Carter?" She called out.
"Yeah?" He asked, facing her.
Before she could change her mind, she closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around him. "Can you maybe stay with me for a little bit? I don't want to be alone right now."
"Of course." He nodded, gently patting her back.
Maybe it was the fact that she was exhausted. Maybe it was the fact that everything was crumbling down around her. Maybe it was because she always felt safe in his arms. Whatever it was, she finally felt herself be able to cry. Soft sobs soon gave way to body-shaking sobs.
She felt Carter pick her up and carry her to the bed, placing her on it first before getting up there too. As soon as he was on the bed, she went back to clinging to him, laying her head on his chest.
"I'm sorry." She said in between sobs. "I'm so sorry."
"You don't have anything to be sorry about." He assured her, kissing the top of her head. "You're going to be ok Lucy. I promise."
Carter wasn't sure how long they laid there together on the bed. Lucy cried for a long time. So while she cried, he ran his fingers through her hair and said soothing words. There wasn't anything else he thought he could do in the situation. He suspected that she hadn't given herself a chance to process everything that had happened the last two days and this was her way of starting the grieving process.
Once she stopped crying, she fell asleep. While he hated the situation leading up to it, he did cherish the fact that he was able to have her back in his arms. He doubted she would still want him around one she woke up. He realized she only clung on to him because he was there when she allowed herself to fall apart.
But that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy having her close right now.
She had been through a lot the past two days. First she lost Rebecca and now because of the car accident with Romano she might lose him too. Although he still didn't understand their friendship, he understood that Romano meant a lot to her. It seemed she meant a lot to Romano too, judging from the fact he made her his next of kin.
Losing two people she cared about in such a short time period would be a lot for anyone. Lucy was strong and she could handle a lot. But he wasn't sure how much more she could take right now.
"Carter?" Lucy called out sleepily.
"Hey." He greeted, looking over at her. "Did I wake you?"
"No." She shook her head. "I need you to know I lied."
He was confused. "You mean I did wake you up?"
"No." She shook her head again. "I lied on the roof. I do love you."
There was no way for him to control the huge smile that formed on his face when she admitted she loved him. If it was a different time, he would kissed her and never let her out of his sight ever again. But this wasn't exactly the best time to focus on their relationship issues.
He settled for kissing the top of her head. "We don't need to talk about that right now."
"We may not get another chance." Lucy pointed out, getting up and sitting on the edge of the bed. "I seem to be a magnet for disaster. Everywhere I go I bring death and sadness. You may not want to get too close to me."
"Hey." He argued, moving to sit next to her on the edge of the bed. "That's not true."
"Look at the facts." She scoffed. "I got us attacked by Sobriki. I couldn't save your grandmother even though she had her stroke in the ER. I came here to save Rebecca's life, instead she is dead. I tried to take care of Romano and now he…"
"None of those things are your fault." He assured her.
"I'm supposed to be a doctor and first do no harm." She chuckled sardonically. "Instead I've come back to Chicago and all I've done is harm. Rebecca….Robert…you…I'm like a giant wrecking ball or a Godzilla attacking everything in my path. Someone needs to stop me."
As serious as this conversation was, he couldn't help but laugh at the image of Lucy acting like Godzilla.
She poked him in the stomach with her elbow. "It isn't funny."
"You have to admit the image is kind of funny." He laughed.
"I'm serious though." She insisted.
"I know it must feel that way right now." He told her.
"You don't understand." Lucy sighed. "It's not like I'm just having a bad day. I am legitimately jinxed. I'm serious when I say you may not want to stand too close to me. Lightening may strike you dead just for standing next to me."
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "I think I'll take my chances."
She stood up. "Carter, this isn't a joke. I'm serious."
"I know." He was about to say something else when his pager went off. He looked at the number before getting up and picking up the phone. "This is Dr. Carter…ok…ok…and that means…ok…ok…thanks." He put the phone down and faced her.
"He made it through the surgery and they were able to remove the glass." Although it seemed like good news, he wasn't smiling. He didn't like what he had to tell her next.
"That's good." She sighed, searching his face. "But what is the bad news?"
"He is hooked up to a ventilator and other machines." Carter explained. "They are going to retest him in six hours but as of now there is no brain activity."
"Shit." Lucy sat back down on the bed.
"It's possible that they made a mistake…"
"No. She interrupted. "You and I both know that a new set of tests won't make a bit of difference. He's gone."
"I'm sorry Luce." He told her.
"I'm going to go up and see him." She said, standing back up. She ran her hands over her face and took a deep breath.
"I'll go with you." He offered.
"No thanks." She shook her head. "I have to do this by myself."
When she got close to him, he pulled her in for a tight hug. He didn't have any words to say that didn't sound hollow, so he stayed quiet.
She returned the hug, clinging as he was a life preserver. He kissed the top of her head and she broke free, leaving the room without another word.