Tara made her way down the stairs quietly, too immersed in her own thoughts to notice a shadow peaking out from the dim kitchen light.
She looked up in alarm as she entered, but relaxed quickly upon seeing the familiar face. "Oh, Hi Mr. Giles. Sorry, I didn't hear anyone down here."
Giles was sitting at the kitchen counter, steam rising from the mug in front of him.
"No worries at all," he smiled. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I would have a cup of tea. There's water in the kettle." He motions to the counter stool beside him. "Please, join me."
Tara nods, walking further into the kitchen to pour herself a cup, her face scrunched guiltily. "I feel bad that you're on the couch. Are you sure Willow and I can't-"
"Tara, no, it really isn't bad," he cut off. "Trust me, I've slept in much worse places before." Giles pondered, thinking of the many apocalypses and all nighters that had often left the gang in questionable sleeping positions.
"Besides," he added, "it will only be temporary."
Tara nodded, surprised, but didn't push further as she moved to take the offered seat beside him.
Giles glanced at the troubled blonde beside him. "What has you up? Can't sleep either?"
Tara stared at the mug in front of her blankly. She had tried to shut her mind off enough to sleep, but had not had luck so far, which promoted the journey downstairs. "No," she said plainly, shaking her head.
Giles nodded, deciding this was as good a time as any to ask the question that he'd been wanting to ask since he arrived back in a Sunnydale. "Tara, could you please tell me about the resurrection spell?"
Tara let out a breath. She had anticipated this question from him. "Giles," she began, "you have to know, it was all of our responsibility, me, and Xander, and Anya, not just Willow." She swallowed, "I should have asked more questions, and done more research, but I was convinced that since Buffy's death was mystical, this was different." She searched his face for a reaction. When she saw none, she continued, "And although it appears to have worked, so many things could have gone wrong."
She closed her eyes, once again feeling ashamed at how naive she had been. "Willow could have been hurt. I need to be better. I know better."
"She is quite convincing, isn't she?" Giles quipped, his hand coming up to rest on the side of his face.
"It wasn't like that," Tara replied defensively, feeling the need to stand up for her sleeping girlfriend.
Giles nodded, disclosing candidly, "Maybe not. Although I'm fairly certain that Willow kept the most undesirable aspects of the spell to herself. What it entails is…I'll just say, not for the faint hearted. She was absolutely in over her head."
Tara shifted in her seat and moved the hot mug further from her body, suddenly feeling like she was burning up from the inside out.
Giles noticed her change in demeanor, and sighed, feeling compassion for the kind-hearted woman beside him. "She is extremely gifted, Tara," he continued carefully, "And has done a lot of good for us, but the magics that were used for this spell are extreme levels of dark and dangerous."
They were silent for a few moments, and Tara spoke up after a few shaky breaths, a confession on her tongue. "This is actually why I couldn't sleep," she continued slowly, "It's just…little things that I'm noticing now, and wondering why I haven't noticed them before."
She turned toward Giles in her chair, unleashing what she had kept to herself the past couple of weeks. "Like, we were doing a spell the other day, it was for an invisible demon to take solid shape. A demon that um," she faltered, "Well, he sorta hitched a ride back with Buffy," she swallowed nervously. "But anyway, we were doing the spell, together, and then Willow just…completely took over. It was like the magic consumed her or something."
"And then," Tara continued, suddenly unable to stop, having found an outlet in Giles. "She even wanted to use magic to make our bed yesterday! I told her that was completely unnecessary, but who knows what she's using it for when I'm not around."
Giles nodded, upset but unsurprised his suspicions were confirmed. Willow was spiraling out of control and clearly dependent on her power.
Tara continued off the Watcher's silence. "I don't want to come off as unreasonable, or jealous, because that's not it at all." She sighed, "Honestly, I'm just worried. And I love her. I love her so much that it makes me scared."
"We all do," he replied instantly. "I mean," he coughed, clearing his throat. "We do, but not in a…. soulmate way. Where as you, I mean,"
The blonde laughed in spite of the intense conversation, used to saving a certain red-head from this type of social blunder frequently. "I get it. I just, I don't want her to think I'm attacking her." She shook her head. "She just thinks she has to be Super Magic Girl, or something."
"I've been having these thoughts for awhile now," she continued, too far gone to be embarrassed of her vulnerability, "but it just hasn't felt like the right time. With me being brain-sucked, and then losing Buffy…I couldn't." She shook her head adamantly, "But there's no excuse now. Besides my own cowardice. Which is probably the main factor here," she added on quietly.
Giles shook his head. He didn't want Tara feeling like she was responsible for Willow's shortcomings. "It happens to all of us," he assured her. "Please, don't think this is your fault."
She she let out a bitter noise between a laugh and a sigh in response. "I would argue there is fault in being complacent."
"That's on all of us," he paused, deciding after a moment to confess how his conversation with Willow had gone, albeit emitting the more upsetting details.
"Tara, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that I did try to talk to Willow." He explained, "I let my emotions get the best of me, and I wasn't so much as talking to her instead of reprimanding, which I realize now was not the best approach." He sighed, "I was still angry at what she had done, and I had to address her recklessness the minute we were alone."
"She, um, she didn't tell me about that," Tara replied quietly. If her thoughts were keeping her up before…
"She wasn't interested in listening to me," Giles continued. "But Tara, I think she may listen to you." He placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder comfortingly.
They were both quiet for a few minutes. The late hour catching up to them both.
Giles stood, moving to place his empty mug in the sink. He looked off fondly, remembering the timid version of Willow he had first met years ago, and how much she had changed into a confident young woman. "I try to see it from her point of view, and I imagine it would be difficult to go from limited power all the way to an unlimited amount of power in the impressively short amount of time that she did."
"And personality wise she is no where near that insecure girl any longer," he added after a pause.
Tara rubbed her temples, her head suddenly feeling heavy.
What did he mean by that? She only knew Willow as being so sure of herself. Was there a time her strong and brave girlfriend wasn't that way? She couldn't imagine Willow and 'powerless' in the same sentence. She had recognized her power the moment she first laid eyes on her at that fateful Wicca meeting. It was magnetic to her. Plus, she literally fought monsters.
"Please know," Giles cut in, turning at the sink to face her. "I am here for you, and I truly hope everything will work out."
Tara smiled lightly, her appreciation for the Watcher before her temporarily outweighing her thoughts. "Thanks, Giles. I missed you. We all did."
Giles eyes move towards the floor awkwardly, bashful at Tara's admission. "Right, well, goodnight then, Tara," he calls, turning to retire to his makeshift bed in the other room.
"Goodnight," Tara returns with a slight wave of her hand.
She sighs, unable to get her body to move make a move upstairs just yet. If she thought she had a lot on her mind before, it was nothing compared to now. At least she knew that she wasn't alone in what she had been observing, but she knew it was up to her to intervene. And she would, she affirmed to herself, when the timing was right, of course.