"She's a cruel mistress, and a bargain must be made. But oh, my love, don't forget me. When I let the water take me." - Florence + The Machine

Loneliness had settled in hours after the tears had stopped. It was a crushing, empty feeling that permeated very sinew of muscle and tendon in her body. She lay curled inward, weeping with swollen, red eyes. While she had shifted herself from the prone position she had landed in when she was thrown in, she still laid despondent against the smooth stone of her holding cell. Frey could feel the semi-constant brushing of the swirling darkness against her mental borders and the accompanying flow of tempered concern that trickled through their connection. Thus far she had managed to keep him at bay, though she was considering letting him through just to spite the bitch who had thrown Poe to the wolves.

It had taken a while, but she was finally beginning to calm herself down enough that breathing no longer felt like a chore. Her eyes and cheeks still felt like sandpaper from her hours of crying, but at least her rage had quelled to settle around minor loathing. She no longer wished to kill the General, and honestly she could easily admit that she had reacted badly. Still, Leia's indifference to her pain and the way she had forced everyone else to ignore her; it wasn't right.

Of all the conflicting emotions that agitated around inside her mind, spite towards the woman who had all-but raised her the last ten years was the easiest to justify. 'How could she send him alone on a mission where his life was at risk?' She thought to herself sullenly. 'Could she have done this to spite me? As a warning for being distracted?' It was highly unlikely that the General would have actually done something to risk Poe's life, right? Frey opened her eyes and stared at the rough stone floor, trying to puzzle out whether or not she could dig her way out of her cell with only what she had on hand. The guards had removed her vibroblade and unlatched her pistol from her belt before throwing her in.

Freya was about two seconds from Force pushing the guard into a wall for fun, but the sound of clicking heels forced her to change her plans. Instead the brunette shifted herself off the floor and into a sitting position. The action did little to change her standing in the general's eyes, but it made her feel less vulnerable than lying sprawled out on the floor. Usually Frey would be more concerned by the dirt and grime that was spread all over her special suit, but today she couldn't bring herself to care. If the sound of familiar heel steps hadn't given away who her impending visitor was, the subtle waves of radiating Force that wafted off of her did.

Though it took every ounce of her strength to school her face into a mask of indifference, internally she felt like she was fracturing into a million tiny little particles. Though her body ached and burned from the wounds she had gained the day before, she managed to force herself to sit with her legs crossed as if she was readying for meditation. Placing her hands limply on her knees and closed her eyes, completing her facade. Though she was sure that Leia would see right through her, she wanted to pretend that she was unaffected, aloof. It was less likely that the bitch would use her emotions as a mental weapon if she could appear…. alright. She was so far from alright.

"I see you're awake, finally." A twitch of an eyebrow almost gave her away, but she righted herself and ignored the woman forever. She knew she wouldn't be able to get away with this much longer, but truthfully the girl took a certain amount of sick pleasure in being purposefully insubordinate. As if reacting to her familiar presence, the darkness that had been her constant—albeit unwanted companion—withdrew.

'Hm, if that's what it takes… be near one enemy to remove the other.' she thought to herself, amused by the irony. The brunette could feel the icy stare of the General as she fumed on the other side of the energy barrier. While she took her time acknowledging the fuming women, she mused over the vast differences that she had found between her former master and his sister. From what she could recall of him, Master Skywalker had been stern, concentrated and forceful; but above all things he had been kind, and often playful. Freya had understood that her Master had been different than the ancient masters of old, almost more human than the carved marble that the others had been.

"You are acting childish Freya, it's below you," the elder woman said, interrupting her concentration. Another eyebrow twitch betrayed her, but she just shrugged it off and continued to ponder. Where he was kind and playful, his sister seemed to be nothing but harsh edges and perpetual frustration.

'Maybe that's what happens to you when your entire planet is blown up by daddy dearest?' That excuse had probably garnered enough pity from others, but Freya had begun to believe that the elder lady had used it and her brother's legacy to bolster her place in the senate. Eventually though the truth had come out about her father's identity and they had ousted the former princess. After all, who could trust the daughter of a sith lord.

"If you do not answer me when I am speaking to you, you will receive no aid for your wounds nor food for the next week." The threat was hollow and she knew though her training had been interrupted, all initiates were taught how to heal wounds with concentration. The food though, that might be a problem. With enough concentration, a fully-trained Jedi could learn to subsist on the energies of the Force, but unfortunately she hadn't yet taken her trials before the destruction of Yavin.

'I could last a few days. Maybe enough to teach her not to threaten me? Scare her into thinking she was going to lose her prized possession?' Unfortunately it was around this time that her body very vocally voiced its dissent. The answering gurgle echoed lowly against the cave-like cell, followed closely by a resigned sigh. "What do you want Leia?" The brunette's tone echoed her sour mood, but her snarky use of the elder's name would surely irk her. "Are you missing your lapdog licking at your heels?" she added wryly. Sure she was being self-depreciating, as far as she was concerned she deserved it. Poe was dead because of her. Because she had loved him. Gotten too comfortable.

"Clearly my lapdog as you put it is need of retraining. Didn't I teach you not to bite the hand that feeds you?" Freya leveled a harsh glare at the woman, but she was still too numb inside for it to have much bite. To most of the world Leia Organa was a kind and motherly figure, stern when she needed to be and fierce. She treated most people fairly and had compassion for even her enemies. There was really only one person who was not prone to receiving anything other than ire from the resistance leader; Freya Revik. For some reason, that well-known Leia Organa as not the woman she knew, or at least the elder didn't show her those sides of her. When they were alone, Leia was cruel and calculating. She was careful though, only allowing her personal guard to see how she treated the young resistance fighter.

"Clearly you didn't hear me the first time, so I'll try again. What do you want?" Freya wasn't in the mood for an audience to her grief, and clearly Leia was in the mood to rub salt in her wounds.

"What I want is for you to behave yourself. What I want is to not have to fear an attack from my subordinates. What I want is your obedience," she said vehemently, practically spitting like a kicked rancor. "I am sorry for your loss. Poe was an excellent pilot and he knew what he was getting into when he joined the resistance. So do you," she continued, rubbing her forehead in frustration.

"No. You don't get to talk about him like that.." Freya was practically growling, feral in her rage as the elder's half-hearted platitudes reached her through her bars. Anyone might have been yelling at this point, banging on the barrier, maybe even throwing themselves at the wall, but not her. Her muscles were tensed, coiled tightly like a tigress waiting to pounce. Precise control had been beaten so far into her that it came as second nature now, it had just taken her a day to remember herself. She concentrated on placing all of the broken pieces of her heart in a little box in her mind and labeling it 'open tomorrow', because right now she couldn't allow herself to mourn anymore.

"I will talk about him any which way I wish little girl. Now, if you are done being petty, I have a proposition for you," the General began, her lips pursing as she schooled her features into a look that screamed 'this is business'. "Now before you launch into another childish tantrum about how horrible I am, you should hear me out. It's in your best interest," she interrupted, having seen Frey about to say something; probably rude from the look on her face. The General folded her arms over her chest and shot her a smug grin. Frey's mask of indifference had fractured by this point, but she had managed to scrape up enough control to keep her sitting down on the cool ground; when all she really wanted to do was launch herself at the bitch and rip her throat out like the feral dog she was being treated like.

"What. Do. You. Want?" Freya growled, her tightly wound control was fraying uncontrollably, and she wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to quell the rage that was building up inside her. How she had ever considered this woman a mother to her, she would never be able to reconcile. Her usually bright hazel eyes were dull and listless, but she trained them on the face of the woman speaking to her like she was just another monster.

"I have a mission for you—"

"There is literally nothing you can bribe me with that would make me want to do a damn thing for you right now," Frey interrupted. Her dull eyes were set ablaze at the sheer balls this woman had to possess, for her to even think that Frey would willingly do jack shit for her anytime in the foreseeable future.

"If you do this mission and return successful, I will release you from my service."

Freya's body chilled instantly. A sharp shiver shot down her spine, rendering her momentarily paralyzed. There was no way that this was actually real, and if it was there was bound to be some over-arching catch; there always was. Her eyes dropped suddenly to the floor, counting the divots in the stone to try to calm her racing thoughts. Could she actually be free? 'Do I want to be?' It took her longer than she cared to admit, but once she managed to wrangle her sprinting mind, she lifted her eyes to study the woman again. "What is this mission?"

"Will you behave if I lower this?" she asked, gesturing to the flickering wall separating them. Wordlessly the younger woman nodded her assent and Freya watched as the General signaled something to the guard standing at attention beside her cage. With a hiss the barricade blocking her from the woman fell, and once more Freya had to fight the instinct to tear her heart out. "I'll send the information to your datapad. Get yourself ready, you leave tomorrow at oh-four-hundred," she said briskly. With a last withering look she turned around to leave, but not before giving her one last bitchy comment, "and clean yourself up, you smell like bantha shit."

She snapped like an over-tightened guitar string, and without preamble she had skyrocketed to her feet and propelled herself at the retreating figure of the woman she had once called mother. 'But she never really was, was she?' Mothers were supposed to pick you up and tell you everything was going to be okay. They're not supposed to be the cause of your pain, they're supposed to make it go away. Mother's are supposed to tell you that thunder is angels bowling, that it's okay to be afraid of the dark, and that it isn't silly to think that there might be monsters under your bed. They're supposed to tell you that 'yes it's okay if you want to climb into bed with them just this once' because it's scary in the room alone.

"You piece of shi—" she never got to finish her insult as once again the brunette found herself face first on the ground, yet another burn blazing over the breadth of her back. Tears pricked painfully at the corners of her eyes, the strain of the night's previous tears making it grating like sand paper. Mothers were supposed to say that it's okay to be afraid, and not be the thing you were so afraid of; they're supposed to love you no matter what. The sound of heels clicking on stone greeted her, and she turned her head to stare up at the women.

"You can't take away your pain by hurting me," she said with a sigh. A polished leather shoe appeared in front of her face as the General used the tip of it to Force her chin up so that Freya was staring at her. "But now you can go on your mission without having your injuries seen to." Mothers are supposed to teach you that, yes, there are monsters, and it's okay to be afraid of them. Mothers teach you that it's not okay to let the monsters win, and it's not okay to be one. So, what did that make Leia Organa? What did that make the woman who had molded her into a monster that even the First Order feared?

Her breathing was ragged as she lay there on the floor, spittle flying from her mouth as she fought back angry tears. She heard the guards laughing as they also walked away, leaving her to nurse her wounds and find her own way back to her quarters. Once the residual shock had left her system, she pushed herself up onto her knees and then her feet. She favored her right calf as she limped her way to the door and down the hallway.

It took her much longer than she would have liked to get back to her quarters. She had sat there staring at the door for what felt like forever, before she managed to push herself through and into her living room. It looked exactly the same as it had when she left, which surprised her. Surely the place must know that he was gone, right? That he was never coming back to make the bed like she had planned, or eat the leftovers of his favorite dessert that he had left unfinished in the chiller. No, somehow in this room he was still very much alive, kept sentient by the things he had cherished. Now that she was looking, she could see evidence of his life everywhere she looked. In the way his pilot manuals were stacked haphazardly next to their lumpy sofa, or in the unfolded blanket draped carelessly over the cushions. She saw him in the paintings he had bartered for on the distant planets he had visited, their scuffed up frame only adding to their worth. They told his stories.

He wasn't coming back, no matter what this room thought.

She stiffly removed her shadow suit, moving through the motions as if it were any regular day and not the one where she'd lost yet another man to whom she'd given her heart. 'I'm starting to wonder if I'm cursed… it would explain a lot.' Naked and shivering, she dropped her suit into the special cleanser unit and set the cycle to quick-wash. It had to be ready as soon as she got out of the shower, as staying in this room was beginning to make her manic again. Without allowing herself to linger any longer on the pieces of Poe that she found around their quarters, she marched herself robotically to the refresher and directly into the shower.

Unlike the resistance bases located on the various desert planets around the 'verse that required dry showering, D'Qar was absolutely spoiling with water. It was an often sought after luxury to be allowed to use actual water whilst bathing. None of these interesting facts mattered to Freya right now though, and as she settled into the moderately sized water closet, she turned the water to frigid. A stifled shriek hissed from her lips as the water reached her. The shock of the icy water cascading over her prone body had her shivering instantly, but the affect she had wanted—clarity—had washed over her instantly. Over a day walking around in a haze had done a number on her nerves, but the bitter caress of the glacial water thrust her right back—firmly—into reality.

Poe was dead, but now she could be free. She had to prioritize her problems. First she would complete this mission as she always did, and then she would allow herself to properly mourn Poe far, far away from the Resistance and her. Her body trembled chaotically as she stepped slowly from the shower. She wrapped herself up in her usual plush towel, but even after her body began to warm; the chill never left her bones. Under normal circumstances she would have immediately left, mission parameters in hand, but she was so tired. Weary and forlorn enough to make mistakes.

Without even worrying about clothes, she threw herself wholly into bed and wrapped herself up in her down comforter. She tried to lose herself to the thrall of sleep, but someone refused to be ignored any longer. She could feel him pressing against her walls, hard enough to feel like she was being smothered without the curtesy of physical contact. Once more that spiteful streak raised its vindictive head, and she was sorely tempted to give in and let him see everything. She knew better though, than to let that man poke around unattended in her head. There was more than just resistance secrets to keep locked away in her head.

Still, she was sure that with how insistent he was being tonight, that if she didn't let him in willingly he was just going to force his way through; harming them both. Listlessly she warded up her most important thoughts, hoping that he would ignore them in favor of the small crack in her armor she was about to give him. The idea was that if he assumed that she wasn't letting him in willingly, then he would only focus on that small flaw; ignoring the others. Once she was sure that most of her mind was sequestered behind moderately firm mental walls, she loosened her hold on the proverbial l wall keeping him out. She liked to think about it like lowering a drawbridge.

He swarmed at the chink in her armor like a moth to a flame, and eventually he trickled through far enough that she could almost feel him physically curl around her. "I have been trying to reach you all day. I felt your pain through the bond. Talk to me." He didn't leave much room in the way of argument, the raw inferno of his words almost smothering the weaker flame of her spirit. Even in the vast sea of the Force she felt fragile. If he noticed, he didn't act on the knowledge.

"Not now. I can't—I can't do this right now Ben," she whimpered, trying to hold herself together enough to not get lost in his radiating darkness. Her focus was strained by the events of the day, and ultimately she wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer. Already she could feel him trying to force himself deeper into her mind, filling up all the available space with the suffocating brilliance of his power. Even if it weren't him it would be intoxicating. Having him in her head was like playing with a power line, dangerous enough to tread and death to try to stand on solid ground while grasping it.

"Don't bullshit me Kai. We both know that I understand you better than that," He sounded so sure of what he believed of her, that she was tempted to just let herself believe it. It would be easier to believe that this man knew her, maybe even more than she knew herself, but after ten years she was pretty sure that he knew nothing about her. How could he? He'd left her too. "Kai. Talk to me," he pleaded. If she'd been in the right mind to care, she would actually have been surprised by the beseeching way that he was speaking to her.

"My…" boyfriend, lover, what exactly should she tell him? "My friend. He was killed today," she continued, each word sending her tumbling further back down into despair. It was strange, but she was almost certain that she felt him wrap himself around her and support all of the broken pieces that made up her presence in the Force. While his presence felt overwhelming and powerful, she was sure that all he felt of her was sand through his fingers. Freya felt as though she was falling apart and try as she might, she couldn't stop herself from trickling away.

"…" Silence met her on the other side of their connection. Was it because he was actually feeling sorry for her, or was it because he hadn't even been aware that she had someone else in her life? In the spirit of fairness, he had to have assumed she wouldn't just wait around for him; after all, he hadn't. "I see," was all he muttered. This peaked her curiosity, as usually he was much more chatty about things like this. Did he know something about what had happened to Poe?

'There is likely no way that he would know about the death of one single pilot in the entirety of the 'verse, but why that hesitation?' Her thoughts were racing at a billion miles and hour, but she was grateful for the distraction. Thinking quickly she scrambled to mask the faint change of her Force signature as her mood shifted. "We'd been living together for almost a year now…" she whimpered, though now she had a reason to be oversharing. Maybe if she prodded him enough with her relationship, he would spill everything that he was hiding from her. He had always had a bit of a jealous streak, though it was doubtful that after this long that he held any lingering feelings for her, it was worth a try.

A lightning fast flicker of emotion flared around him, but whatever it was never translated over to her end of their connection. She couldn't be entirely sure, but if she had to guess she call it jealousy. She muffled her amusement as she continued to concentrate on the emotions she could still feel trickling down to her. He was censoring himself now and she was barely feeling anything from him. "I'm sorry Kai, truly. Guess we're both having relationship… crises." Oh he was being careful indeed now, scripting his words ever so carefully.

"That's one way to put it, I suppose," she trailed off, suspicion beginning to swell within her. She could feel him beginning to withdraw from around her as if registering her change in mood. No longer did she feel quite so fragile, but she still wasn't strong enough to push him out of her mind by herself. Truthfully, it didn't matter if he knew anything about Poe or not, it's not like knowing anything would bring him back to her. Still, she was growing tired of this mental game and his presence was beginning to irritate her. Apparently this line of conversation was not what he had expected though, so maybe if she continued he would just leave her alone. "Things were different with him though… he'd asked me to marry him, Ben," she smoothly lied. Freya had to approach this carefully or else instead of warding him off, she would only succeed in pissing him off.

"Oh?" The curiosity she felt trickle through their bond was tainted by the sickly feeling of, what she could only assume, was jealousy. He was still restraining himself carefully. It spoke to the strength of their bond that she was able to feel anything from him at all while he was restricting himself so carefully. "I'm not sure whether to congratulate you, or give my condolences," he admitted briskly, continuing to pull away from her. She could perceive the distance between them now, feel the lack of mental contact leaving her painfully, like a fresh burn. Part of her would always crave him, but Freya had resolved years ago that she would never again give into that yearning.

"Our bed is just so empty now," I said, ignoring his statement entirely. Even if she had lied about the proposal, it still stung to think about the loss of that potential future. Her and Poe had discussed their mutual interest in settling down one day, but with the unrest of the galaxy there had never been a good time to seriously consider marriage. After all, neither of them wanted to risk leaving a widow behind in the instance that one of their missions claimed their lives. 'Like now,' she mused to herself. Unfortunately she could tell while he was respectfully giving her some space, there was no further indication that he planned to leave her alone anytime soon. "Ben, I have to go. I need sleep. Busy day tomorrow."

"Going on a mission?" He asked this calmly, like he actually anticipated her answering him.

"You know I can't tell you that," she retorted with a small sigh. Freya could feel barely restrained frustration and anger flare over him, though it spoke a lot about the status of their friendship that he was at least trying to keep it from reaching her.

"That's my cue to leave then, right?"

"Probably for the best."

"Good night then Kai. We'll talk again soon."

She didn't reply, but she felt him slowly withdraw from her mind. It felt like excising an abscess, reducing the pressure in her head and leaving behind a large empty space that he had previously occupied. Once he was safely outside of her barriers, she slammed them back up behind him like springing a bear trap. Physically she could feel her body relaxing, and almost immediately she allowed herself to drift off to sleep.

Notes

Sorry this took so long! I had a little bit of writers block due to the stress of my car's radiator crapping out on me. Hope it's not too rough! Also would you guys prefer if I bolded the talking words?

Question Time: What do you think her mission will entail?

20 points for a correct answer, 10 for the attempt!