a/n - This chapter has the potential to be very heavy, and very personal
This is an official trigger warning, the content below contains attempted suicide, if this is an issue for you or you simple don't want to read it, you can skip directly to the next chapter when it comes out without missing much in the way of relevant story content.
Layne awoke
Coughing, choking, and sputtering, as he spat out something foul from his mouth, a familiar stench hitting his nostrils as he turned over, mixing with the acrid stench of smoke from an unidentifiable source
Puke?
The front of his shirt was completely drenched in it, probably ruined, and Layne contemplated shucking it as he staggered to his feet, wrenching his eyes open to take in his surroundings.
As the world came into focus confusion overtook Layne, this crumbling, destroyed cityscape wasn't the blasted dunes that he'd lost consciousness in
The destruction carried on as far as the eye could see, in all directions and Layne looked around, taking in the sight of the ruined, the sound of smoldering embers and crackling fires, the smoke billowing into and darkening the sky, where once there had been large buildings, now there was only crumbling ruins.
Where the hell am i? Is this… Karakura Town?"
Layne took a step forward, and then recoiled as he stepped on a body dressed in a torn Shinigami uniform lying on the ground next to him
Layne then gagged, and fought back the urge to puke some more as he noticed that the body was missing its head, and mutilated beyond all recognition
What the fuck is going on here?
Deliberately, Layne turned away from the headless corpse, reasoning that attempting to identify it would be impossible without the head, and besides the immediate goal of working out just what the hell was going on.
Layne walked directly away from the corpse, still fighting the urge to heave his guts up
As he walked around the ruins of what he was increasingly beginning to suspect was definitely Karakura town, the sick feeling he had wasn't abating, while the other pressing issue he'd come up with was that he had apparently lost both of his zanpakuto and was wandering a wasteland without much of a tangible way to defend himself.
As he walked past more littered bodies, some he barely recalled as being various grunts and mooks from the Shinigami, others that were more like the first one he'd seen, mutilated and mangled beyond any hope of recognition.
As he rounded a corner he came into sight of a body that couldn't be made unrecognizable no matter how hard the assailant tried, and it made his heart sink even further
Captain Komamura lay propped against the shattered wall of what probably used to be a convenience store, his life's blood dried and smeared in puddles and graffiti around him, clearly tortured before his eventual demise
Layne knelt beside him, shocked and appalled at the sight, Not Captain Komamura, so tall and proud in life, virtually indestructible, to be brought low like this.
Layne forced back a tear, trying valiantly to remind himself that he didn't have time to break down right now,
"Get the hell away from him!" A familiar voice shouted angrily at Layne, who whipped around to see Moll, zanpakuto released, drawn, and threatening him "I don't know why Aizen's minions have such a hard on for mutilating our dead, but I'll kill you before you desecrate any more of our warriors"
"Moll" Layne said hoarsely "Moll what the hell happened here?!"
Moll held her zanpakuto to his throat, a questioning look in her eyes
"How the hell do you know my name?"
"Moll… I've known you for ages, it's me, Layne"
"I don't recognize you… Are you one of that people that used to live here, and if so how can you see me?"
"Moll it's me, we went to school together, came to Soul Society together…"
"We definitely didn't come to Soul Society together, I came with a friend of mine…"
"That's right, Joel was separated from us, and I fought with him when we went"
"That's not possible; Ichigo fought with Joel, and damn near died doing so"
"What? Ichigo and Joel have never fought, Ichigo fought Renji"
"Ichigo fought both of them… I don't understand, you know some of the details, but pieces of what you're saying are all wrong… who the fuck are you?"
"I told you, it's me, Layne Trell, I'm one of your best friends"
"I knew a Layne Trell… but you… he died, years ago, long before I got pulled here"
That information threw Layne for a loop and he stuttered, and then stopped talking in shock
I died?
"They found him in his home, drowned in his own vomit… it was ruled a suicide, it was the talk of school, he lost his mother maybe two weeks before he was found… and since you're not a dead man, why don't you tell me who you really are before I have to smack you with Sora.
"Your…your favorite color is yellow, you've got a scar shaped like a crescent moon on the back of your left arm and your release phrase is Rise Inside" Layne stammered out "I..i..I may not be able to convince you that I'm Layne Trell… but you are Moll Rayner, and I do know you"
Moll's expression softened in shock "There's absolutely no way you could know that, even Joel doesn't know about the scar… what in the world"
"I was there when it happened"
"So was I" another familiar voice cackled "I was the one who gave it to you"
Several shinigami flashstepped in and surrounded Layne and Moll, their figures cloaked in unnatural shadows that Layne had seen only once before
Anita was on the scene, the shadowy manifestations being souls that her zanpakuto, Kagetsuki had trapped within itself surrounding Layne and Moll, their weapons drawn and at the ready
Layne looked closer, and was revolted by what he saw, the Shadowy clones of Hisagi, Izuru Kira, Hinamori, and worst of all… Joel
"Anita…" Moll growled, also familiar with the new arrival "Fuck, this was a trap"
"Well, yes… but you didn't take the bait I set… this fascinating individual claiming to be a long dead man happening to be here was just serendipitous, I've been wanting to add you to my collection Moll, you can join Joel for eternity"
Anita shifted her gaze to Layne as her shadow clones disarmed and subdued Moll
"As for you dead man… you're claiming to be someone very interesting, you're younger brother will be interested to see you"
"Go fuck yourself" Layne snapped back
Anita wagged a finger at him "Temper, temper"
A shadowy stone fist collided with the back of Layne's skull, knocking him unconscious yet again
Layne awoke
Coughing, choking, and sputtering, as he spat out something foul from his mouth, a familiar stench hitting his nostrils as he turned over
Puke…again?
The front of his shirt was completely drenched in it, probably ruined, and Layne again contemplated shucking it… before shooting to his feet, instantly awake and aware
His surroundings had changed yet again, this time he was in front of his house, standing on the front lawn of its old location
Very funny Roxas, get me the fuck out of here right now!
There was no response to his mental outburst, so he growled, frustrated, before he happened to catch the date on the newspaper, laying on the lawn just a metre away from him
No…not today… not here, not now, anywhere, anything, I can't do this again
Layne blinked, and the scene changed, he was now kneeling beside his dead mother, the knife protruding from her heart again, just like the day he'd found her, so long again
I can't see this, Roxas! Diff! Anyone! I can't do this again, I'll give anything! Get me out of here!
Layne's anguished mental pleas, went unanswered and all he could do was weep, as he rediscovered his mother's dead body, reliving the pain and suffering over and over again, like a loop
It seemed like an eternity before he blinked, and suddenly he was standing in his room, the tears miraculously dried, and looked down at his own prone form, surrounded by empty prescription anti-depressants, antacids, painkillers, booze bottles and a huge bag of Doritos
Moll said I died… I tried to die at least… no one knows about that, I puked it all up, I couldn't even kill myself correctly
Layne knelt down and rolled his prone double onto his side into the recovery position
I don't have to live for everyone else, I have to live for myself… but if I don't live, everyone I care about is going to suffer my loss, even if it doesn't matter to me
Layne thought about all the times he'd come close to death, far more often than the average person to be sure, and remembered cursing all the times he'd narrowly survived, only to fall down again into the dark pit of the depression that frequently consumed him, the secret pain that he shared with no one, because he was ashamed of himself, and ashamed of the way he felt.
I have to get help… but I've got a job to do first
When Layne awoke again, he was chained to a wall, back the in ruins of the destroyed Karakura town, and about to bear witness to the decapitation of Moll, but this time he awoke with determination and the knowledge that he was in his own head, as he had been so many times before.
"Oh good, you're awake, dead man" Anita said sardonically, as she raised her blade "Just in time"
Layne disappeared from his bonds and reappeared next to her, wielding his keyblades in his usual manner
"Better than that, I'm alive"
Layne cleaved through the Anita figment and the whole scene faded into white
Layne awoke, but this time there was no putrid stench of vomit, instead just incredible muscular pain, the cold light from inside Las Noches, and sand.
"Layne!"