Secrets Kept
So... Hi? It's been a while. I've had this chapter (and a lot of the next one) mostly done for six years but pretty much abandoned it since I had hardly any time to write and my job was killing me (like, literally...) and then I was coming to terms with being transmasc, and since then I've been in a three year battle with endometriosis (I'm in recovery for surgery #3 currently). It's been a wild few years!
ANYWAY! I got some inspiration to work on this fic (thanks EmeraldSands!) and decided to run with it! I've got quick drafts done for the next several chapters and I'm going to be working on them while I'm in recovery for my endometriosis excision surgery. This actually won't be cannon with Secrets Told anymore (you'll see in a few chapters), and I'm not sure if I'm going to leave the prologue chapter where May catches Gary and Tracey kissing. I've also been thinking of rewriting this fic entirely with some big changes to it over on AO3 (I've been writing under Essence_of_Silence over there), but I don't know if I will or not. If you're on AO3 and are interested in that, let me know.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The professor's return came all too quickly and the boys couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. It wasn't just that Gary and Tracey could easily slip away from May to be alone, it was also that this was the easiest running the lab had ever been for them. Tracey had been in charge enough times that running the lab without the professor wasn't daunting, though it also wasn't easy on his own. With Gary taking over half of the responsibilities, his presence made things that much easier. Of course, with May taking care of the tauros and the fairies, plus Wyatt helping out by entering all of the data and information about the pokemon into the computers for them, it had never been easier to run the lab.
For a few days, the lab ran like a well-oiled machine, then, suddenly, the professor was back and it was only minutes before he had to leave, yet Tracey was still scurrying around his room trying to pack. He hadn't meant to leave it until the last minute, he had just been distracted. In fact, he had been so thoroughly distracted over the last few days that he had completely forgotten about his upcoming trip home until just the day before.
He was in the middle of tossing a handful of shirts into his bag when Gary appeared in the doorway of his bedroom. He entered the room and closed the door behind him, even though May had recently left for a class in Viridian and the professor was occupied in the lab. Tracey smiled faintly to himself - Gary's concern over being caught was entirely unnecessary but it amused Tracey nonetheless.
"I take it you're not ready to go yet."
"No, I've been distracted - all thanks to you." Tracey dumped a few pairs of shorts into his bag and shot his boyfriend a grin.
Gary rolled his eyes but he was smiling and Tracey felt a burst of adoration towards the other boy at the sight of that particular smile. It was a smile that Tracey was still getting used to, even though he had been seeing it ever since returning from his last trip home. There was something softer to it and Tracey was still trying to work out exactly what, but the more he saw of it the more he suspected the difference was in Gary's eyes. There was a calm sort of happiness that he hadn't seen before and Gary just looked… adorable.
Tracey realized rather suddenly that he had been staring and he turned away quickly, blushing as he peered around the room for the remaining items he needed. "Have you seen Marill?" he asked, scooping up Venonat's pokeball from the top of his dresser.
Gary nodded, crossing the room as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pokeball. "I already got him for you." He held Marill's pokeball out of Tracey's reach when the other teen reached for it and grinned playfully. "What are you going to do for it?"
Tracey rolled his eyes but smiled just the same as he reached out and cupped Gary's face in his hands, pulling him in for a lingering kiss. Immediately wrapping his arms around Tracey, Gary returned the kiss. He tossed the pokeball in his hand to the bed and smoothed his hands up and down Tracey's back as he melted into it, letting the rest of the world slip away for a moment. Even though it had only been a few days, moments like this were quickly becoming his favorite part of dating Tracey.
Grinning, Tracey pulled away and scooped up Marill's pokeball. "Thanks!" he said brightly as he moved away to finish packing, leaving Gary to shake his head at him.
"I should have known you were just using me," Gary sighed. He made no attempt to hide his smile. "How much longer?" he asked, glancing at Tracey's alarm clock. Tracey was pushing it dangerously close and they needed to leave soon if he wanted to make the ferry on time.
"Almost done, I just need my sketchbook and phone…" Tracey cast his eyes around the room, trying to remember where he had placed the last two items and trying to think of anything he might be forgetting.
"They're on your desk… You know, for a pokemon watcher, you're awfully forgetful."
"Thanks for reminding me," Tracey replied sarcastically, though he shot him a smile as he retrieved his phone and sketchbook from his desk.
"Apparently you needed it."
Tracey smiled again. "Smartass."
They shared a laugh as Tracey tossed his sketchbook in his bag and zipped it closed before taking a peek at his alarm clock. They still had ten minutes before they had to leave – perfect. There was something he had been wanting to ask Gary now that they had been together for nearly a week. As he turned back to Gary he was surprised by an unexpected kiss and he laughed again as he pulled back after a moment.
Despite his smile, he met Gary's eyes seriously. "How do you feel about this?" he asked softly. He watched as Gary's expression turned curious, then thoughtful. For a moment it seemed as though Gary wasn't sure how to answer the question.
Finally, Gary leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Tracey's lips. "I like being able to do this," he replied quietly.
Tracey frowned for the first time since Gary had entered the room. "That doesn't entirely answer my question," he pointed out gently.
Gary sighed and drew back. "No," he sighed. "I guess it doesn't." His gaze drifted from Tracey to the window and the trees outside in the backyard as he sat on the edge of Tracey's bed.
Truthfully, it had yet to fully sink in that he had a boyfriend and he was still coming to terms with the idea of having to lie to friends and family in order to keep it a secret. Not to mention he felt a bit guilty about Tracey having to go through the same thing just because he wasn't comfortable enough with his sexual orientation to come out of the closet. He tried not to think about it but it ate away at him whenever he did. Still, it felt amazing to be able to act on the attraction he felt towards Tracey and easing that particular frustration seemed to alleviate some of the lingering stress he always seemed to feel about, well… everything.
He looked back up at Tracey and forced a smile. "I'm getting there, Trace," he admitted. "You know how long it took me to get this far. It's going to be a while before I'm totally comfortable with it, but I like this… I just don't want to force you to wait on me."
Another smile appeared on Tracey's face. "We've already talked about that. I don't mind keeping it a secret for now, don't worry about it."
"You know I'm going to," Gary sighed. "It's not really fair to you and-"
"Then let me worry about it, Gary," Tracey interrupted. "I'll tell you if it starts to bother me, but I don't think that will be a problem right now."
Gary smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes, which still held a glimmer of guilt and uncertainty. "Okay," he finally relented, letting out a deep breath. "We need to get going though, or you're going to miss the boat."
Although he would have liked to push the issue and reassure him a bit more, Tracey nodded and picked up his bag, slinging it over one shoulder as he considered the younger teen. He knew it would take time for them to get totally comfortable with their relationship but he was also surprised at how easily everything seemed to flow between them. Things would be all the easier when, at the very least, May and the professor knew. Maybe Gary would tell them while Tracey was visiting his family.
He grinned at the last thought. "Let's go then."
… … …
It took the better part of the day to get there but, finally, Tracey was back home.
While Pallet had steadily been growing colder as autumn wore on, the Orange Islands were as warm and tropical as ever. The only signs that it was nearly Halloween were the decorations adorning the yards and houses that Tracey passed as he walked along the familiar streets of Sunburst Island towards his family's home. Thanks to a favorable wind, the ferry from Pallet had arrived over an hour early and Tracey had decided to walk to the house, rather than call his parents or a sibling for a ride.
Strolling into the house earlier than anyone had expected him had resulted in an amusing series of responses including his mother and two sisters both squealing excitedly and showering him with hugs while his brother mimicked them, resulting in a harsh slap to the back of the head and punch to the arm from his sisters. His father had been far calmer, hugging Tracey in a warm greeting before directing Josh and Marie upstairs to finish their homework. One would never have known that Tracey had been home only a few short weeks earlier and he couldn't help but laugh at the responses. It was a bit of a chaotic reaction from his family, but it was typical and he wouldn't have it any other way. His family was loving even if they were a bit crazy, but what was wrong with that?
It wasn't too long before everyone had calmed back down. Tracey and his siblings had eventually made their way outside while their parents stayed in the house. Tracey found himself seated on the ground at the base of a tree with Tara, the two conversing casually while his other two siblings disappeared to different areas of the large yard.
The passing minutes turned into hours without much notice as they seemed to talk about nearly everything under the sun. Tracey was careful to avoid any topic even remotely related to his relationship with Gary. It wasn't exactly difficult to avoid the topic although, in the back of Tracey's mind, he was mildly surprised that Tara didn't bring it up herself.
Finally, seeming to be running out of topics, an easy quiet fell over them. Tara pulled out her phone and Tracey resorted to drawing in his sketchbook. A few more minutes passed before Tara suddenly seemed to grow tired of her phone and put it back in her pocket. Tracey was aware of her staring at him for several long minutes until he looked up at her.
"Yes?"
"So?" Tara asked, seeming expectant for some reason.
Tracey frowned. "So… what? Did I miss something?"
"You know, for someone so smart and observant, you can be really stupid sometimes." Tara ignored Tracey as he sent her a faint glare before returning his attention to his sketchbook. "Come on, Trace!" she sighed. "You and Gary had practically made out before you were here last time, and you said over summer that you bet you could get somewhere with him before our birthday… Plus you've been distracted the whole time you've been here –"
"The whole three hours, you mean?" Tracey interjected under his breath.
She rolled her eyes but continued as though Tracey hadn't said anything. "Don't keep me in suspense! We left off at a cliff-hanger – I want to know what happens next!"
Tracey hesitated in the middle of shading the picture he was working on of his younger sister, Marie, playing with Venonat in their mother's flower garden. He had known deep down that this would likely be one of the first conversations with his twin sister upon his return to Sunburst Island but it still caught him off guard for some reason. He had been the one to suggest a relationship – a secret one, at that – and sharing that with Tara seemed like a huge betrayal to Gary. If Tracey was going to betray their relationship barely a week in, then what did that say about their relationship in the first place?
But this was Tara – not just his sister, but his best friend, his confidante. They told each other everything, even when it meant that Tracey heard more than he wanted to know, and even when Tara managed to coax out more details than Tracey wanted to give. Plus, he had already inadvertently let Gary's sexuality slip over the summer when he vented all of his frustrations to his mother and again when he talked to Tara about it back then. And, of course, when he told her about their kisses over a month earlier at his last visit.
It seemed, however, that his silence had betrayed him before he could even think of what to say.
Tara suddenly gasped. "Something happened!" she declared excitedly, eliciting a sigh from his brother.
"Tara," Tracey began warningly, setting down his pencil and abandoning his drawing.
"What happened? Did you kiss again? Did you make out?" At Tracey's irritated sigh and further silence, she gasped again. "Did you two have sex?"
"Tara!" Tracey exclaimed, suddenly having had enough with her excitability. "The guy's barely comfortable enough being gay and we both freaked out over kissing so you think we had sex? Are you insane?"
"It's a definite possibility," another male voice spoke up behind them.
Tracey rolled his eyes as their younger brother plopped down in the grass across from them with a playful smirk. "Josh, go away," he groaned.
"Not until I know why Tara's insane," the younger teen retaliated calmly. He shot his brother a mischievous grin. "Does it have anything to do with your Pallet boyfriend?"
Tracey froze at the word boyfriend, eliciting another gasp from Tara.
"You're dating!" she squealed dramatically. "You are?" she added, seeming shocked as Tracey visibly floundered for a response.
Josh grinned again: a genuine, happy smile that gave Tracey very little relief. "That's awesome, Trace," he said, far more calm than his elder sister. "What?" he asked defensively when Tracey sent him an uncharacteristically harsh glare.
"No one was supposed to know!" Tracey finally exclaimed.
"Why?" Josh asked.
"Because," Tracey sighed, "It's supposed to be a secret for now."
He ran a hand through his hair and groaned in frustration. He was not going to enjoy having to explain to his boyfriend that his two siblings had found out about their relationship within only a few hours of him arriving at the island. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down before he snapped and lost his temper with them.
"Well, whose stupid idea was that?"
Tracey's eyes snapped open and he fixed his younger brother with another harsh glare. "Mine," he seethed, his patience gone.
"Tracey," Tara interjected, her excited smile fading into a concerned frown. "Why would you suggest something like –"
Tracey stood suddenly, cutting her off. "I'm going to see if Mom needs help with dinner," he announced, setting off towards the house. He wasn't about to let them attempt to talk him out of something they hardly knew the details about.
Both siblings jumped up to follow him, voicing their disagreement the entire way across the large yard. By the time they reached the house, Tracey had heard just about every argument they could throw at him and, though he pretended to ignore them, he felt every argument worm its way into his head and dig deeper and deeper into his thoughts. Even though he had been feeling good about his relationship with Gary since it began, the arguments brought up doubts and shed light on the little insecurities that he was usually able to work through with minimal effort.
He suddenly felt more overwhelmed than he had perhaps since the time they had kissed during that one party of May's, when they had told each other that it was just hormones in an effort to preserve their friendship, only to drive a temporary wedge between them.
For a moment, he wished he was back in Pallet, where he wouldn't have to deal with this problem. Realistically, he knew that the doubts and insecurities would have come up eventually and he knew he couldn't just ignore them, but did they really have to do this now?
Tracey wrenched the backdoor open as soon as he reached it and let it close heavily behind him, only to be opened again by either Tara or Josh as they followed him in. "Mom!" he called, peering around the empty kitchen.
"She went downtown," another voice answered from down the hall.
Eager to escape his brother and sister, Tracey quickly headed in the direction of the study. He had no idea what he would do or say once he reached the room – he just wanted to get away from his siblings' pestering.
"Dad," Tara hollered down the hallway, "You have to talk some sense into Tracey –"
"It's a stupid idea!" Josh added, following Tara as she pushed past Tracey and continued down the hall.
Tracey stopped in the middle of the hallway with a groan. His shoulders slumped as Josh and Tara burst into the room, their arguments barely intelligible as they spoke over each other.
"He's got a boyfriend –"
" – A secret boyfriend!"
"And it's not fair to Trace –"
"It's a bad idea!"
Sighing in frustration, Tracey continued down the hall to the room that they had burst into.
"What on Earth are you two –"
"It's doomed to fail!"
"Enough!" Tracey finally shouted, pushing past his siblings and whirling to glare at them. "It's my life, not yours, and you don't even know why – "
"Tracey –"
"You have no idea what's going on –"
"Tracey –"
"And here you are, jumping down my throat –"
"Tracey!"
"What?" he finally relented, turning to look at his father, who chuckled lightly at Tracey's irritated response.
"Calm down!" he said amusedly before turning to the other two teens. "Josh, go do your homework. Tara, do something other than harassing your brother."
Though they clearly wanted to argue and complain some more, Josh and Tara rolled their eyes and left the room, turning on each other in a whirlwind of bickering as they made their way back down the hall. Tracey heaved a sigh of relief as his father closed the study door, blocking out the noise coming down the hall from the two teens.
"Tracey…" Mr. Sketchit said with a sigh of his own.
"I'm sorry," Tracey mumbled, sinking down into the small couch that lined one wall of the small office.
"Don't be, it's nice to know that they can still be shocked into silence occasionally." Tracey crossed his arms and shook his head, unable to suppress the annoyance he felt towards his siblings as his father sat down next to him with another small laugh. "You're funny when you're mad."
"It's not funny," Tracey retorted snappishly.
"Relationships aren't meant to be. So… another boyfriend? Hopefully it's one that you're actually interested in this time?"
Tracey heaved another sigh and slumped in the seat as he brought up a hand to rub at his temples. "Do we have to go there?" he asked quietly.
"Well, if you're going to go through the trouble of keeping a relationship a secret, then I would hope that it's worthwhile."
Taking a deep breath, Tracey nodded his agreement. There was silence between them for a moment. "It's Gary," he finally said.
The surprise was evident on his father's face. "Gary, as in Sam's grandson and your friend whom you've liked for months?" Tracey nodded silently, drawing another small chuckle from the older man. "You sure like to complicate things for yourself, Tracey."
"I don't do it intentionally, it just happens..."
"Well, as long as you're happy. That's all that really matters. Are you happy with this arrangement?"
Tracey nodded. "I'd prefer it to not be a secret, but I'd rather be dating him privately than trying to get by being just friends," he admitted.
"That doesn't exactly answer my question."
This time Tracey was quiet for a moment, giving his answer some contemplation before replying. "I'm happier than I was," he finally began cautiously. "A lot happier than before, but maybe not as happy as I could be if it wasn't secret."
"But you are happy?" his father pressed.
Tracey nodded again, a smile curving his lips. "Yes," he agreed. "You know I've liked him for a while. It's nice to not have to pretend we don't have feelings for each other. It makes things easier."
"So, you're sure about this?"
Tracey couldn't help but laugh softly: the question reminded him of his boyfriend. He shook his head amusedly. "The number of times Gary has asked me that this week..."
"Gary's not big on the idea of keeping it a secret?"
"It's not so much keeping it a secret, it's more the idea of making me wait on him that bothers him. He's not trying to take advantage of it and that's not really something he would do."
"It sounds like you two are on the right track then. No relationship is perfect and they certainly don't start perfect. I see no reason to be worried about the relationship. You're with a guy that you're interested in and who seems to care about what you think. If you're happy with it..."
Tracey smiled again. "You approve?"
There was a small pause during which his father shot him a smile of his own. "Yes, I think I do."
"Even though it's a secret?"
"Even if it's a secret," his father confirmed with a nod.
Tracey leaned back against the cushion behind him and finally felt himself starting to relax as a comfortable silence fell over the room. It lasted several minutes before a thought occurred to Tracey and he groaned, closing his eyes for a moment.
"Um, Dad? About Tara and Josh..."
"I'll talk to them about keeping it quiet - it's your secret to tell. Or, technically Gary's, I suppose."
Feeling slightly less apprehensive, Tracey smiled faintly as another quiet moment fell over the small room. It only took that moment for his worries to creep back into his mind once more.
"Do you think they're right?" Tracey asked suddenly. He couldn't help but feel that he was being a bit paranoid.
"No," his father replied easily, seeming to barely need a second to contemplate his answer. He turned to his eldest son and met his eyes. "I think it'll be a difficult secret to keep, especially considering Gary being Sam's grandson," he said honestly.
Tracey was very suddenly reminded of something and his heart leapt in his chest. His father was a pokemon doctor, particularly respected in the Orange Islands, and often worked with Professor Ivy. He knew Professor Oak and had even worked with him once or twice on projects with Professor Ivy. "Being Sam's grandson? I forgot you know the professor," he moaned, dropping his head into his hands and raking his fingers through his hair.
"That doesn't change anything, Tracey. Don't worry about it so much," Mr. Sketchit pointed out, passing over the interruption calmly. "Being a secret doesn't necessarily mean anything bad about a relationship. Your mother and I kept ours a secret for a couple of years when we started dating," he continued simply.
This piece of information caught Tracey's attention. "What? Why?" he asked, raising his head from his hands. He had never heard about this detail.
His father smiled. "In a way, similar to you two... It meant that one of us would have to come out of a closet of some sort. We met at a pagan gathering and my family was full of strict Catholics. I didn't want to deal with the backlash when my father was supposed to be paying for my med school." He gave a small shrug. "It was easier to keep it a secret at the time."
"When did you decide to stop keeping it a secret?"
"We eventually got tired and came out about it. I suppose our relationship reached the point where it was so serious that we just couldn't keep it secret anymore."
Tracey wondered briefly if sharing this bit of information would somehow make his boyfriend a little more at ease – he certainly felt a little better – but that would mean telling Gary that his family knew about them. Apprehension fluttered in his stomach. Not even a week in and he had already messed up on the whole secret part that had been his idea in the first place. He couldn't help but worry about Gary's reaction, and a burst of sympathy for the other boy coursed through him – if this was how he felt about telling other people about a piece of his very identity… Tracey was struck by the sudden realization of just what sort of pressure and anxiety such a thing must entail.
"Do you think I should tell him about this conversation?" he asked, raking a hand through his hair.
"Well, communication is important, especially in these situations. I remember how hard it was keeping the secret and how scary it was to tell it. It probably would have felt a little easier if I knew that another successful relationship started off in a similar boat." There was a brief pause and he appeared thoughtful for a moment. "I don't know Gary, but based on what I've heard, I get the idea that he feels lost when it comes to this side of himself and you're kind of his beacon of light when it comes to that. I'd say, if you two feel this strongly about each other and you're willing to keep it a secret until you're both more comfortable, then just do what feels right. Trust your heart."
Tracey managed a smile. "Thanks, Dad."
They spent only a few more minutes talking, the topic moving away from Tracey's relationship with Gary until the conversation ended comfortably. Feeling significantly relieved, Tracey headed back outside to the sprawling backyard. After the trouble he had gone through with Josh and Tara, he had little desire to go upstairs and see either of them until well after dinner. There was still some time before his mother would return home so there was certainly plenty of time before dinner would be ready, which was nice considering he had one more sibling whom he'd hardly had a chance to talk to since arriving home.
He found Marie outside, sitting on the low stone wall that separated the gardens from the grassy field with a notebook in hand, seemingly unaffected by the dramatic exit of her elder siblings as her hand moved across the pages. Her long blonde hair fell around her face, the afternoon sunlight reflecting off of it. She looked sweet and innocent and Tracey was tempted to sketch her as he walked along the garden path towards her.
"Hey, kid," he greeted quietly as he sat down next to her. She barely glanced up but smiled all the same as she greeted him. "Still writing stories?"
"Poems," Marie replied, focused on her writing.
"I thought you always said poems were lame."
The young teenager shrugged her shoulders before writing a few last words and snapping the notebook shut. "What was the deal with Josh and Tara?"
Tracey groaned and rubbed at his temples. Though he didn't feel like going over it again, he knew Marie would find out anyway. "They're mad that I have a boyfriend," he answered flatly.
Marie seemed interested. "Is it the cutie from Pallet?" She asked with a grin.
Tracey shot her a playful glare. "He's taken, so don't go getting any ideas."
"So is the hot guy in my biology class but that doesn't mean I can't look and say that he's hot. And if you're dating him then why are they being so dramatic?"
"Because," Tracey sighed. "We're keeping it a secret."
"Some secret. You better hope he doesn't mind us knowing or this one will last only as long as the last one."
"Marie," Tracey groaned. "Don't you start."
She shrugged her shoulders and tossed her hair out of her face. "All I'm saying is it's not really a secret if other people know about it. Besides, it's your relationship so it's your business, not mine."
Caught entirely off guard, Tracey simply gaped at her for a moment. Marie giggled at the response and shook her head amusedly.
"Come on, Tracey, let's go fishing," she suggested as if there was nothing even remotely out of the norm going on.
"You're not going to try talking me out of it like Josh and Tara?" he asked warily, standing to follow her as she wandered off in the general direction of the nearby cove where they often fished.
"Why would I? You've liked him long enough: it's about time you two got together. Plus, he's cute, he surfs, he's already a pokemon researcher, and he has awesome pokemon," she continued with a sly glance and a grin. "Sounds like he's your type."
Tracey smiled, relieved. "Thanks, Marie."
She shot him another grin and giggled before breaking into a run ahead of him. "Race you!" She shouted, drawing a laugh from her brother, who quickly ran to catch up.
…. … ...
The cove was breezier than the house and surrounding yard had been: the first sign Tracey had seen of fall weather in the Orange Islands. He stood close to the edge of the water, eyes closed as he breathed deeply, letting everything that was the little beach take over his mind. He could worry about Tara and Josh, and even Gary's response when he found out about this, later. For now he let the sound of the gentle waves soothe him as he continued to take deep breaths of the salty sea air. It was late in the afternoon and the sunlight was fading, leaving the sky streaked with brilliant reds and oranges.
Marie returned to his side a moment later, having fetched the small tackle box and children's fishing rod that they kept hidden amongst the rocks at the cove. A few minutes later and the line was cast, the rod stuck in a hole in the sand, and both siblings sitting side by side, conversing easily.
They hadn't been fishing for long when Tracey's cell phone rang. He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. It was most likely either Tara or Gary and he wasn't quite ready to handle either of them yet. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he sighed when he saw it was indeed his boyfriend calling him.
He took a deep breath and answered the phone as normally as possible. He knew he would have to talk to Gary about his family knowing about them, but couldn't he have just an hour to unwind from the stress of Tara and Josh's arguments? He had no idea how to even bring it up to his boyfriend, but either way, he couldn't help the smile that appeared as soon as he heard Gary's voice on the other end.
Fortunately, he was saved from having to think of a way to bring up his family rather early into their conversation.
"You're being quieter than usual," Gary observed after only a few short moments. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine..." Tracey answered a bit too quickly.
Next to him, Marie rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the ribs. "Liar," she hissed under her breath. Tracey ignored her.
"I don't think I believe you," Gary replied teasingly.
From his tone, Tracey could picture his crossed arms and smirking face. Despite the slightly teasing tone, Tracey could pick up on an underlying emotion in his voice – somewhere along the lines of concern.
"Just tell him, Tracey," Marie whispered, nudging him again.
"Actually," Tracey sighed, trying to decide how to best say it. In the end, he decided to just be straight forward. "I have to be honest... My family... Well, they kind of... found out. About us."
Absolute silence greeted his admission and it worried him.
"Gary? Are you... Okay? Mad? What?" Tracey asked uncertainly.
Gary made a small noncommittal noise and, knowing him as well as he did, Tracey knew he was thinking his response over. "Well," he finally began slowly. "I guess the whole secret thing has to do with me coming out... As long as they don't tell anyone over here, I guess it doesn't really matter."
The words were confident but the tone wasn't. Gary's tone could pass for nonchalant but Tracey noticed the edge of insecurity, if only because he had grown so familiar with it.
"They're not going to tell anyone," Tracey quickly assured him. "They get it, and my parents are supportive... I think my dad actually likes that I'm dating you."
"Yeah?"
Tracey smiled at the curiosity in his boyfriend's voice. "He's a pokemon doctor, he works a lot with Professor Ivy and has met your grandfather a few times. I think he's happy that I'm dating someone who's working on becoming a scientist."
"So that's where you got it from."
"Being a pokemon nerd? Yeah, I guess so. I learned a lot about pokemon and being a pokemon watcher from him."
"Is that where you learned to draw too?"
Tracey laughed and shook his head, though he knew Gary couldn't see it. His father was terrible at drawing, as were his siblings. "No, that one came from my mom, she's the one with the artistic genes. But, Gary, seriously... Are you okay with this?"
There was the slightest hesitation. "Yeah, I'm okay."
Though Gary clearly wasn't angry, the answer itself was said just a bit too quickly for Tracey to entirely believe. He was certain there were at least a few worries going through Gary's head.
"Oh yeah? How's your heart rate right now?" Tracey challenged playfully.
Gary laughed. "Probably around the two-hundred range," he replied.
Something in his voice sounded lighter, as though Tracey's challenge had actually amused him. It was partially why he had done it, but Tracey was also certain that there had to be some amount of nervousness or annoyance on Gary's end. Calling him out on it had about a fifty-fifty chance of making him admit to it.
"Nervous?"
Gary laughed again. "When am I not?"
"Good point... Annoyed at me?" Gary hesitated for a moment and Tracey gave a nervous laugh of his own. "It's okay if you are," he quickly said. "I mean, I'd rather you not be mad at me, but I'd understand it if you were."
Gary was quiet another moment longer. "No," he answered slowly. "I'm not annoyed... It's actually kind of relieving in a way... Almost like we compromised on the whole secret thing."
Somewhat surprised, Tracey pondered this. He supposed he could understand where Gary was coming from – it was something like a compromise, in a way. Tracey could be open about it with his family without it affecting Gary in any way while they kept it quiet in Pallet. He grinned, immensely relieved by his boyfriend's calm response.
"Does that mean you're going to stop asking me if I'm okay with it?"
"Probably not, considering it's still going to be a secret with everyone else."
"Fair enough," Tracey replied, stifling another laugh.
He appreciated how straightforward Gary was being, even though he was sure the researcher was forcing himself to be at least a little more open than he wanted to be. Regardless of how open he wanted to be, being straightforward and open was something they would need to be sure to do to keep their relationship stable.
They spoke for only a short while longer, their conversation turning back to the lab until May called Gary downstairs for dinner.
Tracey slipped his phone back into his pocket and looked up to find his sister watching him with a smile. "What?"
Marie shrugged her shoulders, not losing her smile. "You two are cute," she replied.
Tracey laughed and shook his head but couldn't wipe the smile from his face if he tried.
... ... ...
Their fishing trip was cut short when Tara pulled up in her dented little car to bring them home for dinner. Tara said nothing about his relationship with Gary and acted no differently from usual as they made the short trip back to the house. Despite a rocky start, dinner was ultimately lovely with roasted vegetables and chicken, freshly baked bread, and honey wine. Josh had made sure to let their mother know that Tracey was in a secret relationship within two seconds of sitting down, resulting in their father scolding him while Marie loudly jumped to Tracey's defense.
Sighing, Tracey closed his eyes and reached for his wine glass, taking a small sip of the sweet liquid and trying his hardest to relax. Tara groaned and rolled her eyes at Josh and Marie's subsequent arguing, picking up her own glass and downing the vast majority of the drink in one gulp. Tracey opened his eyes in time to see her grimace and pull a face at the amount of wine she had swallowed at once. He couldn't help but grin amusedly as she contorted her mouth and shuddered dramatically.
The wine wasn't that bad, that was just Tara's typical response to wine, and she recovered quickly. "Mother, may I have some more wine?" she asked calmly, as though nothing had happened.
Tracey smirked slightly and took another small sip of his drink. He knew the exact response that his mother would give.
Mrs. Sketchit smiled calmly and raised her glass to her lips, taking a long slow sip before closing her eyes and swirling the glass peacefully. "This is a lovely mead," she commented breezily. "I think it might be my favorite." She opened her eyes as she reached for the bottle on the table top and added a bit more to her own glass. "I'm sorry, Tara, but one glass is more than enough for you." Shooting Tracey a wink, she leaned over and filled his glass with even more wine.
Surprised by this last move, Tracey stared at his glass, which was filled nearly to the brim. He and his siblings were often allowed to drink wine at the dinner table, especially if it was around a holiday or special event, but it was very rarely more than a half-glass. This was more than his parents had ever offered him.
"Mom!"
Still smiling serenely, she pretended not to hear Tara's annoyed complaints, instead facing Tracey. "It's Gary?" she asked after a moment of peering at him. Tracey nodded slowly, hoping that this wouldn't somehow turn into an argument with Tara. "It's a secret, but that doesn't seem to bother you," she observed mildly.
Tracey shook his head. "I'd rather date him secretly than not date him at all," he admitted. "It doesn't bother me that much because it's not something that has to be advertised to the whole world. All that matters is being happy and comfortable, and it's only a secret until -"
"Until he's ready to come out," his mother finished for him. She'd always had a way of knowing exactly where he was going with a train of thought. She held up her glass and touched it lightly to Tracey's, smiling in a way that could only be described as proud.
Out of the corner of his eye, Tracey noticed that Tara's scowl had turned into a look of thought. "I hadn't thought of it like that," she said. Their mother turned her attention to Tara and looked at her expectantly. Tara saw this and smiled at them both. "I guess I should have given you a chance to explain," she mused. "I'm sorry, Trace."
"Thanks, Tara," Tracey replied, smiling in return.
Tara grinned and turned to their mother. "Do I get more wine now?"
Tracey and Mrs. Sketchit both laughed and Tracey reached for Tara's glass with one hand while picking up his own in the other, intending to transfer some of his wine to her glass, but their mother gently pushed his hand back down.
"No, no, you've earned that wine, Tracey," she said as she poured a small amount of wine from the bottle into Tara's glass. "You know the rule in this house: disagreements should be resolved by talking and listening to each other." She took another sip of her glass and frowned as she looked across the table at Marie and Josh, who were still arguing while their father simply waited for them to grow bored with their bickering. "Though those two could clearly do with a reminder."
Tracey and Tara shared a grin as she stood and held up her glass, causing their other siblings to quiet down almost instantly. Though a serene and loving woman, she was tall and intimidating with her black dress, long black hair, and intelligent gaze. She was the sort of person who could command a room with ease and she certainly used it to her advantage with her children.
"Seeing as this is Tracey's business and not yours," she began pointedly, "perhaps we could move on and actually eat our dinner."
"You're actually okay with this?" Josh burst out. He received a reproachful glare from both parents as well as his younger sister. Unable to help himself, Tracey rolled his eyes.
"Tracey, could you repeat what you said about this relationship?"
Tracey smiled faintly. "Keeping it a secret doesn't bother me that much because it's not something that has to be advertised to the whole world. What matters is being happy," he said calmly.
Saying it out loud a second time felt good: it was like an affirmation that he had made the right decision with Gary. The only person who still seemed to have trouble accepting it was Josh, who was often rather stubborn and self-righteous, so this wasn't entirely a surprise to Tracey.
The younger teen watched his brother for a moment before sighing and reaching for a slice of bread. "Fine," he relented, though there was still an undercurrent of annoyance in his voice and Tracey had the feeling they would be talking about this again later.
With the situation resolved – at least, as much as it was going to be at the dinner table – their mother returned to her seat. With the siblings quieted for the moment, she launched into an unusually long blessing on the dinner, making references to various mythologies and the upcoming Halloween – or Samhain, as the family celebrated it – she spoke of family and love. Although he didn't focus too heavily on the individual words she was saying, Tracey couldn't help but feel incredibly appreciative of the message that she was conveying. He couldn't help but feel thankful for the family that he had: as crazy as the collective group could be, there was still so much love between them all and it was still wonderful to be back home for a bit.
After dinner was done, Tracey remained in the dining room with his sisters, playing a board game while Josh headed upstairs to finish his homework and their parents cleaned the dinner dishes in the kitchen. After several hours of playing games, Tracey eventually headed upstairs. As he reached the landing on the second floor, he saw his brother leaving the bathroom, hair damp and hanging messily in his face as though he had just left the shower.
Josh paused when he saw Tracey and waited for him to catch up. Tracey noticed that he seemed a bit quiet compared to usual.
"So..." Josh said awkwardly, shifting the small pile of clothes in his arms.
"So?" Tracey laughed slightly. "That's all you've got? No passwords, no riddles? You're losing your touch."
A faint smirk appeared on Josh's face, twisting his lips into an amused half-smile. It only lasted a second or so before his expression turned serious. "Mom and Dad said I owe you an apology," he finally said flatly.
Tracey gave a short nod. "You do," he replied mildly. "There was no reason for you two to act like that." Though still irritated with the response of his two siblings, Tracey kept his cool, remaining calm and collected. Spending time with his younger sister, talking to Gary on the phone, and the conversation at dinner had certainly helped him calm down from the drama.
The younger teen's gaze drifted to the wooden floor of the hallway. "We shouldn't have been so intense," Josh agreed slowly.
A soft snort escaped Tracey before he could help it. "Intense is one way of putting it." The words sounded harsh, though he hadn't said them in a particularly different tone. There was an edge to it, almost sarcastic, but still mild. His irritation waned as Josh looked back up at him.
"Tracey, you're my brother! I don't want to see you get taken advantage of! If he actually cares about you then why can't he come out and be open about dating you? It's not right - it's selfish! I would never do that to a girl I like, and if I did, you and Tara would be all over my case! How is it any different?" he demanded. He had always been passionate in his arguments, quite similar to how Tracey could be when his temper flared up. The younger teen was just easier to rile up.
Tracey sighed and pushed past Josh to head towards the room they shared. "Josh, you don't get it," he said as he walked. "Things get complicated when you throw in being gay and getting to the point of coming out -"
"You didn't have any problems with it! And everyone there knows you're gay and are fine with it!"
"I got lucky!" Tracey retorted, opting to not remind his brother of the fact that he had actually dealt with a fair amount of confusion when he had come to terms with his own sexuality. However, compared to Gary, and likely many others, he'd essentially had no problems. "And being out of the closet doesn't mean that everyone in Pallet knows. A lot of people do and most don't have a problem with it, but that's also because there aren't that many people in Pallet that I'm close with. For Gary, it's his home. It's not just the professor and May for him. Everyone knows him, he's grown up with these people. He's afraid of losing that and you have no idea how hard of a thing it is for most people to deal with that."
"Okay, fine, but May and the professor fucking love you. Can he seriously not tell them? It's two people who clearly aren't homophobes!"
"Josh," Tracey groaned, frustrated. He leaned against the dresser and ran a hand through his hair. His brother threw himself into the chair at his desk and glared at him challengingly. "You don't see what I do. You've never been to Pallet, you don't know what it's like there. It's a small town, nearly everyone's involved with the church, it's conservative. It's not exactly the type of place you see a lot of gays," he explained.
Josh's challenging glare faltered and Tracey knew he was finally getting through. He'd struck close to home in mentioning the fact that nearly everyone in Pallet was somehow involved with the church. Sunburst wasn't the same, but anything other than Christianity was a definite minority and it was something Josh in particular struggled with. Being raised in a pagan family, in a somewhat religious area, while being quite atheistic had never been easy for him and Tracey knew he was really the only one Josh felt truly comfortable talking to about it.
"Yes, May and the professor would be fine with it and, deep down, Gary knows that. Most of his friends would be fine with it, but it's just not that simple. It's similar to you being an atheist, in a way. At least Mom and Dad have always raised us to follow our own paths and to not be ashamed of who we are. They've always made sure to make that clear. It's not like Professor Oak tells him 'you know, Gary, you should explore all of the possibilities out there, and I'll still support you even if you end up being gay'." Josh cracked a smile at this and Tracey returned it easily.
"I guess it really must be similar," Josh spoke up thoughtfully. "Even with Mom and Dad always saying that they would be fine if we ended up atheists or whatever, it was still really hard bringing it up with them, and it still feels really weird to talk about it around them. Like, it was super awkward when Mom asked me about claiming Samhain as a religious holiday at school. She actually asked me if I'd rather go to school instead of staying home."
"She just wants to make sure you're not uncomfortable with it. You know she wouldn't stand in your way if you'd rather go to school or sit outside reading Dawkins or whatever."
"Yeah, they're both pretty cool about us just being us as long as we're not dicks about it... I guess it's not really the same with being gay, though. I mean, with the holidays everything we do around here is family tradition so it still means something to me. It's not about deities or spirits or anything for me; it's about carving pumpkins and having a bonfire and a big feast. I'm almost somewhere between a pagan and an atheist those days. I guess you can't just be somewhere in between gay and straight, huh?"
"Well, unless you're bi, maybe, technically, I guess? But, yeah, you're right," Tracey agreed. "You don't have to like it, but do you at least kind of understand the deal with keeping it a secret?"
Josh sighed, still clearly not thrilled with it, but relented with a nod. "Yeah, I get it. Sorry for being a dick about it earlier."
Tracey laughed and shot him a mischievous grin. "Well, lucky you - I actually like dicks."
"Dude! What the hell?" Josh cried in surprise. He shook his head before laughing as well. "You and Tara are definitely twins. She must like dicks too, because she's definitely been building up experience with them."
"One of us has to," Tracey shrugged. He swallowed his laugh as his brother made a face.
"I love you, man, but seriously... I'd like to imagine my siblings as totally asexual and Tara's already ruined that enough for me!"
"Sounds like a personal problem, Josh," Tracey replied airily. He burst into laughter a moment later, when he caught sight of his brother's face. "Sorry," he managed to get out between laughs. "You're just really easy to mess with."
Josh was quiet for a moment, frowning thoughtfully at Tracey. "You know... If he can get you to be a little less introverted... I just might be okay with this relationship," he admitted.
… … ...