The noise that woke Metal later that night wasn't loud, but it pulled him from whatever semblance of sleep he'd been in instantly.
Completely alert, he was out of bed and halfway across the hall by the time the next whimpering, frightened cry filled the silence. In the living room he heard Trent getting up at the same time he'd opened the spare room door.
"Jess?" He said softly, not wanting to spook her. It was pretty dark with the drapes pulled shut, so he hit the light to the bathroom that sat between the two rooms. It was enough to illuminate things a little without being abrasive or jarring.
Jess was quiet for a moment, before she twisted suddenly and whimpered out a string of semi coherent words with a tiny sob at the end.
Her breathing paused for a moment, then spiked as she twitched in her sleep.
Deciding that the intrusion into her space was warranted in this case, Metal entered carefully. He really wasn't sure how this would go.
"Jess, wake up."
She squirmed in her sleep, face pulling with distress as her feet twitched under the blankets.
"Please…mom…" The broken plea was clearer this time.
That was enough.
Metal bent over her, trying not to loom and cursing his height as he tapped her cheek gently while taking her hand and giving it a little shake. "Come on, Jess. Wake up."
She finally did with one final fearful cry as her eyes flew open and she sat up onto her elbows.
Metal pulled back the moment she opened her eyes, and dropped to a crouch beside the low bed frame, wary of flying limbs.
Jess didn't try to strike though, not like some of Scott's buddies might have. Instead her eyes darted around the room while she sucked in a tiny gasp, trying to reorient herself and remember where she was.
When did she end up here? Where was here again? Was she still dreaming?
"Jess, you're ok. You're safe."
The familiar gruff voice soothed through the panic and Jess's head snapped to the side to see the bulky silhouette crouched close to her and the other one hovering just out of sight by the doorframe.
An irrational fear that she was still dreaming and this was going to turn into a new nightmare flashed through her mind and Jess flinched visibly, fear welling in her gut that by some cruel fate she was going to dream her protectors into monsters.
"Trent, turn the hall light on. Jess, it's ok. You were dreaming, now you aren't. Everything is ok. Just breathe."
The words and extra light that flicked on stabbed through Jess and she finally shook the feeling that she was still asleep.
"Shit," She gasped, closing her eyes with relief and drawing a shuddering breath.
"You ok?"
Unexplainable shame suddenly flooded her as she gulped back a sob and covered her face with her hands.
"Hey. Talk to me, Jess. Are you ok?"
Jess kept her face covered as she slumped over and curled onto her side, not caring that it hurt a bit.
"I'm sorry," She whispered, trying to block out the horrible, vivid and messed up dream. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"
"Shhh, enough of that. You're ok." A hand almost hesitantly touched the top of her head while another took her clammy fingers into a big, warm, rough hand.
She gripped the hand a little desperately and curled tighter into a ball.
"Trent, grab her some water."
"Already on it."
"I'm sorry," Jess cried this time, turning her face in blankets.
"Stop apologizing, pipsqueak," Scott growled gently as he pushed her hair away from her face and tried to get a good look at her.
"I'm ok. It was just a really bad dream," Jess tearfully tried to explain. "Like…so vivid…a-and so fucking messed up…I've never had dreams like this before! They're h-horrible!"
"I know, kid. I've had those too when I'm on pain meds. They're no fun."
The calm admittance stunned Jess out of her downward spiral.
"Really?"
"Yup. Good news is once the last dose of the heavy stuff they sent with you for today clears your system, the vivid nightmare crap should clear up."
"I don't want to take any more of it," Jess said shakily.
"Let's just see how you are later this morning and go from there," Trent said as he came back with the water.
Wiping her eyes, Jess sat up partway, took the water and drank without prompting.
"I'm sorry I woke you guys up." Jess mumbled as she passed the cup back, tears threatening again.
Trent shrugged and smiled a little as he took the cup back to the kitchen, "Jess, you worry too much."
"He's right, you worry way too much about things you don't even need to worry about," Scott squeezed her hand and jerked his head toward her pillow. "We're good. No one is mad at you. There aren't any monsters under the bed. Put your head down and close your eyes."
Jess started to comply, still embarrassed about waking the two guys up, but paused when her arm slipped under the pillow and her fingers closed around the blanket to pull it with her when she lay back down.
"Hey…I have the same…" Jess frowned at the blankets, mind turning way too slowly. "Wait…are these…"
"Yup. Sonny thought you might want them. He also had your housemates collect up whatever else they thought you might want. It's in the bag over there."
"Aww…that was so nice!"
"He has his moments."
Suddenly wide awake and seeing an opportunity to avoid falling back into the oh so lovely world of dreams again, Jess looked over at her backpack sitting under the window. Call her an addict, but she suddenly missed her technology with every fiber of her being.
"Is my phone in there? Or my computer?" She asked hopefully.
"Don't even think about it. It's three in the morning." Scott warned as he got up. "Go back to sleep. We'll wake you if there are any more dreams."
"Ok," Jess offered a compliant sigh before adding sincerely, "Thank you."
The caveman grunted something that sounded like, 'you're welcome' as he walked out, pulling the door most of the way closed as he went.
Jess closed her eyes, waiting until he was across the hall in his own room and the lights were out.
Once she was reasonably sure, she slipped out of bed gingerly and tiptoed softly to the bag.
Sure enough, in the darkness of the room, Jess was able to identify the wonderful outline of her laptop in the bag, a few books and the mobile device.
She was just about to hit the lock screen button and use it to light her way back to the bed when she noticed there was a shift in the sound of the room. Things felt as if they were more open and not as closed in.
"Busted."
Jess yelped, nearly dropping her phone as she straightened up a little too fast and faced the doorway.
There was hardly any light coming from the hall, just a bit from the street lights outside, but she could see Scott's outline leaning on the doorframe.
He reached out and smacked the light to the bathroom back on.
"What do you think you're doing?" Scott wasn't exactly gruff so much as his voice had shifted to something different. It was sharpened and irritated.
"Um…well…" Jess gripped the phone tightly as her feet shifted nervously and color bloomed up her cheeks. "I was just going to look at it for a bit…cause I can't sleep…and sometimes if I read or scroll mindlessly for a bit then I get sleepy again or-"
"Give me that damn thing."
She could hear muffled laughter from Trent in the living room, contrasting the deep furrow between Scott's brow.
"But-"
"Do you have any idea how many calls and messages are probably on there right now? Give me the phone. You're not looking at those tonight."
Blinking, Jess processed his words and the implications of just who had likely been calling and texting her. He was right. She didn't need to be dealing with her mom right now or seeing anything from her or about her. If she did there was a good chance she would never go back to sleep at all.
"Oh," She said in a small voice as she walked over and placed her phone in his palm meekly. "I didn't think of that."
"I know you didn't." Scott grumbled as he took the phone from her.
Jess kept her head down, the flush flooding up to her ears and making sweat creep down her back. "Sor-"
"Don't."
The irritation was still there and Jess nodded without another word, head still tucked, swallowing thickly as she made to go back to bed.
Irrational panic was climbing up her throat again. She just needed to handle it until this was over and she was alone again. She'd been dumb and was keeping everyone up with all the antics and he had every right to be mad at her.
"Here."
The lightest touch on her forearm stopped her retreat. There was nothing threatening about it, but she still jumped a little and took a small step back involuntarily.
Jess stared dumbly at the phone that Scott held back out to her.
"Take it. Notifications have been cleared. Don't look at the calls or messages, please. Not till the morning, at least."
Taking it back, Jess could barely make eye contact and said very softly, "Thank you."
Scott drew a long, slow breath in before rubbing his face with both hands and jamming his fingers into his eyes.
"Right. You and I really need to have a talk, but that ain't happening till I've had some sleep. Go do what you need to, don't stay up too long. We'll deal with this later."
His words were clipped and short as he started back out of the doorway and across the hall, sending a wave of dread into Jess's stomach.
She was right all along. This was the part where he would finally decide she wasn't worth the trouble and she'd be back to Ingrid tomorrow.
The numb feeling that settled held her in place almost a minute before she raised her hand and started to close the door.
The softest curse ghosted into the hall and before she could move the door two inches, Scott was back.
"Wait." He said in a low voice, stopping the edge of the door gently with his hand.
Jess paused and let him push the door back up enough that they were standing less than a foot apart. She still couldn't look up or speak, too scared of saying something wrong and making it all worse.
"I'm giving you a hug so you don't lay awake thinking I'm mad at you, alright?"
As the words registered, every ounce of rigidity evaporated and Jess closed her eyes tight as she hung her head further, willing herself not to start crying again with relief.
A hand cupped the back of her head while an arm came around her shoulders and Scott pulled her into his chest with a tired exhale. Automatically, Jess's arms wrapped around his bulked torso and she tried not to grip his shirt.
"Take a breath." The words rumbled through Scott's frame and into her ear where it was pressed against him.
She drew a shaky one, still not trusting herself to talk.
"We're good." Scott told her, the paradoxically gentle crustiness returning to his voice. "I'm not mad at you. Just tired. Got it?"
Jess nodded mutely.
"Try to get some sleep." Scott let her go and nudged her towards her bed. "And don't get in your own head, pipsqueak. Everything is fine. You are fine. Go to sleep."
She carefully slipped back under her blankets as the door was pulled shut again and opted for curling on her side.
Tears predictably came for a minute or two, but Jess learned a long time ago how to cry without making a sound so it didn't draw anymore attention. Once that was out of her system, she debated using her phone, but changed her mind about scrolling mindlessly through Instagram. Instead she went to her sleeping sounds and picked one. She kept it quiet and tucked the phone under her pillow before snuggling down and trying to sleep. The process was long and she had trouble banishing every worry from her mind, but eventually, she did fall back asleep.
Around 10 o'clock in the morning was when she resurfaced, jerking upright again with the remnants of another nightmare fresh in her mind. Thankfully this time she hadn't called out. She was still mortified over the hassle she'd caused in the night and then the stupidity with her phone. She should have just left it alone.
Then there was that little detail where Scott had said they needed to have a talk. She was sure it wasn't anything good. If he needed to sleep first, it meant it was probably serious and he'd been losing patience with her or something and not knowing what it was all about was eating Jess up inside.
Anxiety curled in her stomach along with hunger. The two mixed to form nausea instead. She didn't know if she could face Scott or Trent right now.
Instead she dragged out her phone and checked the lock screen. Sure enough there were four more calls from her mom, two from her dad and a slew of notifications of text messages from her housemates, her mother, her dad, an unknown number that she assumed was Harold and even her sister, of all people.
"Ok…nevermind. I don't think I can do this either." Jess whispered to herself, drained before she'd ever gotten started. She put the phone face down on the bed and looked around the bare space. There was hardly anything in here other than the bed, her backpack, the duffle bag Naima had packed her, a clear desk and chair, and a closet.
Opting for something mundane, Jess slipped out of bed slowly, wincing at how deeply the pain drove today and how sore the rest of her body felt. She took her time exchanging the sweatpants, hoodie, comfy undergarments and tank top she'd slept in for clean ones, dubbing the latter her new sleeping wear.
After that she put on deodorant, fought with hair until it was somewhat presentable, and took inventory of what Sonny had brought along in her backpack.
Four of her favorite books, her laptop, mouse, charge cords for the computer and her phone, and headphones were the most important items.
Jess was grateful. If things didn't go well and they seemed like they were getting annoyed or tired of her, at least she could retreat…that was assuming Scott wasn't planning on sending her packing.
'He said he wasn't mad at you.' A tiny voice whispered in the back of her head.
That was true. But he had also been annoyed, irritated…or frustrated. She wasn't sure which. And if she could annoy him with her ridiculousness in just one day, there was a pretty good chance-
'He also said not to get in your own head.' The little voice pleaded with her, sounding weirdly like Naima. 'He cares. He wouldn't have you here if he didn't…he let you fall asleep on him…twice now. He's given you hugs when you cry. He took you to the hospital and made you feel safe. He-'
"He's done so much already," Jess whispered to herself with hardly a sound. "You can't screw this up, Jess. Just don't be a pain. Don't get in the way. Don't cause trouble."
Jess stared at the door, listening to the faint sound of the TV and mentally preparing herself.
When she finally gathered enough courage and made her way out to the main room, Jess found it wasn't even Trent or Scott out there.
Instead Jason was sitting watching hockey.
Her soft step was caught instantly and he turned to her.
"Good morning…well, nearly afternoon really. You've been out a while. How are you feeling?"
"I'm ok. How are you?" Jess asked, shuffling in and sitting gingerly at the opposite end of the couch despite having the unshakable wish to curl up against him the way she'd seen Emma do and have a good cry. Gosh she was so dang emotional! What was wrong with her?
Jason gave her a half laugh as he studied her keenly, "I'm good. You hungry?"
"A little." Jess said, knowing that was the right answer. She actually felt sick to her stomach again.
"Good. It's all ready to go." Jason got up and stayed Jess with a shake of his head when she made to follow. "I'll bring it. Stay there."
She tucked her feet up under her and waited, pretending to watch the game while sorting through her buzzing thoughts.
"Trent popped home for a bit and Metal went out for a run." Jason told her as he brought a plate of colorful food and handed it to her. "They'll be back later. Naima should be by in a little while. She wants to see how you're doing."
"Thank you," Jess murmured. She tried to pretend she didn't see the sideways look Jason gave her as he sat back down, this time not as far away as he had been when she first joined him. Nodding the screen and hoping to distract him from asking any questions that might make her burst into tears for the millionth time that week, she asked, "Who's winning?"
"Tied game right now, but the Leaf's were having surprisingly good luck so who knows they might get another goal soon." Jason went back to the game and leaned back into the couch, resting his arm across the back comfortably. "You watch much hockey?"
Jess couldn't lie so she shook her head and popped a blueberry in her mouth. "I don't even really know what the rules are or know what's going on half the time when I watch sports."
"That's alright," Jason accepted it without a fuss like some people did and they fell into a comfortable silence as they watched. The only exception was that Jason periodically explained things about the penalties and scoring, which Jess appreciated, but couldn't honestly say she absorbed.
Once she was done most of what was on her plate, Jason said casually, "You're pretty quiet, there…everything alright?"
Jess bit both lips and rubbed them together before asking one of the many pressing questions she'd been mulling over, "Hey…um…do you know how much the stay at the hosp-"
"I am never telling you that. Ever." Jason interrupted her with complete and utter firmness.
Chest getting squeezed by the vice of emotion again, Jess protested, "But-"
"Nope." Jason shook his head and kept watching the TV. "You're never going to find out and you may as well accept that. It's done. It's been taken care of. You don't owe anyone anything and you're never gonna know who paid for what because none of us want you trying to repay us. It's done. No strings attached. Over."
Sudden broken frustration flashed through her as the grip on her lungs wrapped tighter and Jess found herself blurting out the one phrase that had been whispering around her head constantly for two days now.
"But I'm not worth the-"
"Alright. I'm gonna stop you right there," Jason instantly muted the TV and turned to her. "You better not have been about to tell me you're not worth the time, or money or some bullshit like that."
Traitorous tears surfaced and Jess turned her head away. That food she'd eaten turned in her gut.
"Let's get something straight," Jason kept going, his tone businesslike and clipped. "Hey. Over here. Let's go. Eyes right here. Right here, Jess. Thank you. Now, whatever bullshit seeing your mom ignited in your head needs to get kicked to the curb. Alright?"
"It's not always that easy," Jess whispered, dropping her eyes again and studying the window behind him instead. "I can't just turn it off."
"Oh, I'm not saying it's easy, Jess," Jason told her plainly, "But you gotta start somewhere because if you don't you're no better off than if you were still living with her. Right?"
"Her voice creeps in everywhere," Jess confessed, still whispering and not looking at him. "Sometimes I don't even notice or when I do I can't…I can't always make myself believe it's all just…shit…I can't even seriously say that it's lies right now because I'm half convinced-."
"Repeat after me," Jason ordered.
"Wh-"
"Just repeat after me." Jason's jaw was clenched and there was something soft glinting in his eye. "I am worthy…Jess…say it. I am worthy."
Instantly Jess started to get choked up and she tried to look away. Jason snapped his fingers and she met his eyes again.
"I am worthy," She mumbled, constantly flicking her eyes from the intense tenderness in his.
"Of kindness and love," Jason continued firmly.
"Of kindness and love,"
"And I am allowed to accept help,"
"And I am allowed to accept help,"
"Because I do deserve it."
"Because I d-do deserve it."
"Now," Jason fixed her with a stern look. "Do you believe that?"
Blinking rapidly, Jess shook her head as a painful lump rose in her throat and she looked at the TV again. "Not always."
"Well, you should." Jason was tapping his knee as he watched her. Finally, when she braved a glance at him, he shook his head and held up an arm the exact same way she'd seen him do with Emma. "Damn it, kid. Get over here. You're killing me."
That broke her and Jess burst into tears, slipping sideways despite her previous resolve to not 'cause trouble' and letting herself curl into Jason's side as he brought his arms around her.
They sat like that for a while until Jess had spent herself, again. Gosh her abs hated her for all the crying she'd been doing. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if Jason knew she'd end up in tears because he'd produced a tissue box out of thin air part way through her crying.
Once she was more even keeled, Jason flicked the mute button off at the same time as keeping his arm firmly around her and Jess had no interest in trying to move. She had her head resting on his chest, tucked perfectly against him as she watched the game with detached interest.
"Why…why did Bravo take me in?" Jess asked after a while, the contact making her braver and more open with questions that had baffled her for nearly a year now. Some broken little part of her just needed to know.
She felt Jason shrug while tightening his arm slightly. "Well, at first it was just because Metal wanted us to watch out for you so that you weren't scared all the time. Let's be honest, we were more than happy to because, kid, you are downright heartbreaking when you're scared. Before he ever approached you I'm pretty sure we'd all been unofficially keeping an eye on you for weeks, you knew that right?"
The listlessness around Jess started to dissipate and she perked up a little. "No, I didn't, actually...honestly I kinda thought you all hated me because I spilled Scott's drink on him and Sonny when I plowed into him the first night my friends and I ever went out there. I don't know if he actually remembers that or not if he knows it was me."
Jason started to chuckle. "Oh, don't worry, he does."
"Was he ever actually mad at me?" Jess asked, wondering how accurate her read had been back then and hoping it might help gauge the read she had on everything now with Scott.
"No. Not at all. If I remember correctly he and Sonny thought it was funny at first and a little adorable how flustered you'd been, but then Metal saw how you were the rest of the evening and didn't like how uncomfortable you seemed. We didn't expect to see you after that actually. Then when you kept coming back, you stuck out like a sore thumb, kid. It was pretty hard not to notice."
"Still doesn't really explain why you would go from just watching out for a random scared college girl at the bar to making me…I don't know…part of your lives? Bringing me in?"
"Is it really so hard to believe that we took a liking to you and just wanted you around?"
Jess shrugged and started pulling at the sleeve of her hoodie. Jason had this uncanny ability to draw the truth from her without making her feel like she was being an immature child.
"Yeah, kinda."
"I don't know what else to tell you, kid. Metal pretty much instantly took to you. I can't speak for why he did. You'd have to ask him that and he may never tell you why, but I know that it basically never happens so it must have been for a good reason. As for the rest of us and again, just speculating here, it probably has something to do with how painfully sweet and genuine you are. You have this quality of character that got under our skin and before we knew it we'd taken you into the fold. It was nothing you did or didn't do, Jess. You were just you, and that was enough."
Staying silent, Jess tried to believe what he told her, but found it difficult to accept. Her housemates were kind girls and had come to accept her, over the years becoming a close knit group for the most part. But they were just as emotionally and mentally messed up as her some days which meant they could get a lot of what she dealt with when she was going through her bad days. They were all forced to get along by proxy with living together. She knew how to keep them happy because she knew what they wanted from her and why they accepted her. It was almost stressful to consider taking Jason's word for it that they actually just purely liked who she was and there were no expectations.
The front door suddenly opened and closed a little loudly, making Jess flinch and prompting Jason to rub her shoulder briefly with a soothing thumb.
Scott was back, moving into the house briskly and still slightly out of breath from his run.
"Hey." He grunted, nodding to them as he trekked past on his way to the bathroom and not batting an eyelash at the sight of Jess tucked under Jason's arm with her head on him.
The shower kicked on seconds later and Jess only relaxed again once Scott was locked away behind the bathroom door. Shame trickled into her stomach. It killed her that she was suddenly nervous of him all over again just because of one little thing. She thought she'd gotten past this ages ago! What was wrong with her?!
"I think you're just about over due for your meds," Jason said suddenly, getting up and heading to the kitchen.
Dread instantly turned in Jess's gut and she bit her lip. She would be lying if she said she didn't need it. At the same time she really wasn't a fan of the idea of taking more drugs that would give her such vivid dreams, but she also didn't want to make a fuss over it.
Jason returned with water and the usual collection of pills and Jess took them without a word.
It was fine. She had her computer now to help keep her awake. She could just google how many hours it would take for the meds to clear and then aim to sleep after that.
Piece of cake.