Small Steps

Eleven years ago, in the days following his paralysis, Charles would often dream himself waking unable to move at all before he really woke, sweating and shaking and wishing desperately for Erik or Raven's presence. It had taken months to shake, only for it to return when he began using the serum. It had haunted him for years, until he managed to drink it away. So his first thought upon opening his eyes and realising he couldn't move was one of resignation. Here we go again. Until he realised that, no, he was awake, and his inability to move was due instead to the fact that at some point Erik had completely and utterly wrapped himself around Charles in the night, and was seemingly content to sleep like that. It was a little strange, because neither of them were the cuddling sort, but not uncomfortable.

Charles was pretty sure he should be worried, or at least a little concerned, at being held so tightly he couldn't move. But the gentle hum of protection and safe emanating from Erik's mind told him he had nothing to fear. He was able to fold one arm, allowing his hand to rest on Erik's wrist. He didn't try to remove Erik's grasp; he simply relaxed into the hold and let himself drift off again.

When he woke for a second time, Erik was already up and in the shower and neither of them said anything about it.

XXX

"We need a story," Erik declared. "For why you are living with me."

"I agree," Charles nodded. "We don't need anyone looking too closely."

Erik nodded guiltily. He was certain Charles would eventually turn around and realise that it was far too much work to stay here with Erik and leave. He was a telepath; it wouldn't be that hard for him to 'resurrect' himself from the dead. Yes, Raven would be severely pissed, but Charles would charm his way through that until they went back to their old lives, and Erik was alone again. He jumped as Charles' hand tentatively took his.

"You look miles away," Charles murmured. Erik almost laughed. In many ways, he'd been back in Westchester, imagining the life Charles could be living without him. But, he forced himself to remember, Charles was here. With him.

"Sorry," he muttered.

Charles smiled, squeezing his hand before letting go. Erik wished he hadn't. Their physical contact had been minimal over the past week; other than the necessary, such as helping Charles with the bath, it was generally limited to the occasional hand pat or shoulder squeeze. If anything, their declaration of love had made things harder, not easier. Normal couples had the luxury of time and no expectations to explore their relationship. But, Erik reasoned, when had they ever done anything the normals way?

"The obvious answer of course," Charles was saying. "Is to use this -" he patted the arm of his wheelchair, "- to our advantage. I am your friend from Germany, recently injured, with no family, recently divorced-"

"Nice touch," Erik smirked.

"Thank you," Charles grinned. "You very generously opened your home to me, as due to my injury I am unable to support myself."

"And how did your injury occur?" Erik asked, trying to ignore the flutter of guilt in his gut and the voice in his head whispering By your hand.

"Car accident," Charles replied. "A shooting opens too many questions."

"Good," Erik nodded.

Then Charles' hand was on his own again. Erik looked up in surprise.

"I don't blame you, you know," Charles said.

"I know," Erik replied. "You said."

"No, I mean, I want to be here," Charles explained. "I chose to come here, on my own. I had the option to stay. Well, technically. It was never really an option. From the moment I read that letter I wanted to find you. Initially because I wanted to slap you."

"I'm glad you changed your mind then," Erik teased.

"Only for you dear," Charles retorted.

Erik chuckled, until Charles pulled his head forward to plant a kiss on the crown of his head. Erik let his hand twist into Charles' shirt instead of pulling back. He felt Charles' hand settle on his back and his chin in Erik's hair.

"I missed you," Charles admitted quietly, his breath tickling Erik's ear.

Silently Erik returned the sentiment, unable to bring himself to say the words out loud. Instead he settled further into Charles' embrace, revelling in the first real contact since his breakout from prison three months ago.

XXX

Erik trudged up the stairs towards his apartment, contemplating using his powers to levitate but quickly dismissing it, just in case someone saw him. Why anyone other than himself would be in the hallway at half past midnight was a mystery, but it was a risk he wasn't willing to take. Not now, not when he had this fledgling relationship with Charles to consider.

After what felt like forever, he reached his floor. It took him an embarrassing number of attempts to find the keyhole then, finally, he stumbled in to the apartment. Unexpectedly however, the light was still on. Blinking furiously, trying to convince his tired eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness, he paused, then to his surprise his eyes fell on Charles, lying on the bed but still fully dressed and on top of the covers, a medical journal slipping out of his hand. It took Erik a moment to comprehend that Charles must've tried to stay awake to see him when he returned home. He swallowed. He'd never had anyone to do anything like that for him before.

Crossing the room, he sat carefully on the bed, squeezing Charles' shoulder until the man blinked awake. When his eyes focused on Erik, a smile spread across Charles' face.

"You're home," he mumbled.

Erik nodded.

"You didn't have to wait up," he said.

"It would seem I didn't," Charles joked. "Long night?"

Erik nodded again.

"Come to bed," Charles murmured.

Instead Erik leaned down and pressed his lips to Charles', briefly before pulling back a little. Almost instantly Charles reached up and re-closed the distance between them. Erik relaxed into the kiss. He pushed off his shirt before slipping a hand under Charles' torso, smiling as Charles' hand caught in his hair.

When they broke apart again, Charles said, "That was... good."

Erik nodded. But he could see the exhaustion in Charles' eyes; no doubt it was mirrored in his own.

"Maybe we should continue this when you're not falling asleep," he teased.

"Sorry."

But Erik shook his head.

"Don't be."

He pulled Charles in for one final kiss before easing off of the bed and stumbling towards the bathroom. He changed as quickly as possible, tossing his dirty clothes straight into the washer, but by the time he returned Charles had already changed and climbed into bed. Erik joined him, leaning across to brush their lips again.

"Goodnight," Charles murmured.

"Gute nacht," Erik replied, flopping back onto his own side of the bed.

XXX

It was a routine established from Charles' very first night in Krakow; Erik would go to sleep immediately, tired from working and unable to read in bed. Charles, on the contrary, couldn't sleep without reading something, and much preferred to stay up late and sleep in in the morning. Luckily, leaving the lamp on so he could read didn't disturb Erik, so they'd fallen into the routine without discussing it. That night however, as Charles read the latest paper on spinal cord injuries, he didn't notice Erik's eyes snap open suddenly, only registering his other half's return to consciousness when Erik sat up, scrubbing his hands through his hair.

"Erik?" Charles frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Erik muttered.

Charles didn't believe him. He reached forward, rubbing Erik's shoulder gently. Erik glanced at him, and after a moment's hesitation lay down with his head buried in Charles' stomach, arms winding tightly around his torso. Immediately Charles tossed aside the journal, manoeuvring himself down so Erik's head ended up on his shoulder instead.

"I'm not going anywhere," Charles told him softly. "And before you say it, you were projecting."

Charles' flat tone on the second statement distracted Erik for a moment. He pushed himself up onto an elbow and frowned.

"Why would you say it like that?" he asked.

"You don't like me in your head," Charles shrugged. "You're not the only one. You, Raven. I try to stay away."

"Don't," Erik snapped. "Don't."

"But-"

"Don't hide," Erik insisted. "Not with me. How can I claim to love you if I make you hide? It would imply I only love part of you. And I don't."

"Erik... Are you sure?"

Was he sure? Absolutely. Hiding away, never using his powers outside these four walls unless absolutely necessary, living in fear again; Erik had never been more certain. He'd always maintained they shouldn't have to hide – still maintained it – but he had swallowed his pride, because now he had something more important, something he didn't want to lose.

But instead, he simply replied, "I trust you."

Charles smiled, even as Erik wound himself around Charles' body again in a grip that should have been uncomfortable – would have been uncomfortable – if it had been anyone else and if he hadn't felt the same undertone of protection and safe coming from Erik's mind.

"What's going on in your head?" he whispered.

He felt rather than saw Erik's smile against his shoulder.

"I just gave you permission to look."

"I'd rather hear it from you."

Erik fell silent, but Charles didn't push him. He meant what he said; he wanted to hear it from Erik. When you could delve into a person's mind without a second thought and know their deepest, darkest secrets in an instant, you came to value the spoken word and the ritual of sharing secrets. So he simply waited, his hand carding gently through Erik's hair.

"This is the first time in thirty years I've had something to lose," Erik revealed eventually.

"You won't lose me," Charles promised.

"You can't promise that," Erik argued.

"Yes I can," Charles replied, burying his face against Erik's forehead. "Telepath darling. I'll wipe the memories of the whole world if I have to."

Erik hummed against his collarbone, but didn't speak. It wasn't long before his breathing had evened out, although his grip didn't lessen in ferocity. Charles didn't mind though. He could submit to having the life squeezed out of him every once in a while to calm Erik's fears.