DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Natsumi speaking to the Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

Natsumi breathed in deeply, smelling the soothing, masculine scent of her lover, but was much too tired to get up or say much to him. "Mmmm, Renji-kun," she murmured dopily.

Sakumo looked down on his girl as he carried her bridal style back to Konoha. Normally, he'd prefer to have her on his back so that he could use his hands for jutsu or to hold his blade, but Natty was too out of it to hang on to him - and he was surrounded by his pack. Carrying her back toward Tsunade, he spoke up for the first time since he'd found her - when he'd been very uncharacteristically flipping out and yelling at his comrades.

"Tsunade, I think she's waking up."

Tsunade hummed and walked away from the person she was attending. "That was fast," she commented. "I really thought she'd be out for a couple of days."

"I'm grateful," he said quietly before baring his teeth and growling at Tsunade when she began harshly patting his girl's cheeks.

Natsumi's eyes opened, barely making out a blurry Senju Tsunade. "Godaime-sama," she slurred loudly as if she was using a Kage title. Some of those present began laughing - a couple absolutely cackling - and even some of their wounded chuckled. "What're ya doing in my bedroom?" she asked before losing consciousness again.

"I don't even want to know," Tsunade sneered but patted the young woman's head. She picked up the stretcher that one of the Inuzukas' ninken was on to help carry it back to Konoha. Sakumo followed her to catch up with Dan.

"Someone allowed a pregnant kunoichi into the field," Sakumo said in a low voice. "Someone sent MY pregnant kunoichi into the field."

"It is troubling," Dan said, looking toward Tsunade and unable to imagine holding himself back against the person that might take her or theirs away. As soon as his last battle was over, he'd decided to ask her to marry him as soon as they were back in the village. He'd never seen his girlfriend so emotional before. She had truly thought he would die, and so soon after losing Nawaki.

Looking at the foreign kunoichi in Sakumo's arms, Dan trudged forward, knowing that he'd have to thank her. Had Uzumaki not shown up when she did, from what it sounded like, he really might have perished mere hours ago. "We need to investigate. It would be better to speak with her before we get to Konoha." He turned toward his lover. "Can you wake her?"

"Do you really want to have this conversation in front of all these shinobi?" Tsunade asked, knowing how much shinobi liked to talk.

"She seems to have great respect for you, Godaime-sama," Dan teased, making Tsunade pout. "To think that the person I'll have to beat out for the Kage role isn't Orochimaru, but my future wife."

"Dan," she exclaimed, feeling something between thrilled and scandalized that he would say such a thing - right in front of people! And not properly asking her to marry him? Surely he was just kidding - although she'd like very much to one day be his wife. "Baka," she said under her breath, feeling her cheeks continuing to heat up.

"Inu-taicho, what's happened?" Natsumi asked sleepily.

"It's Okami, sweetheart," Sakumo soothed. "Just rest, yeah?"

"Renji…"

"Geesh, taicho: you got problems, man," Daichi said when he heard Sakumo's girl call him by a different name. "I don't know who this 'Renji' guy is, but considering how many times she's called for either him or 'Naruto,' I think you've got competition!"

"Stuff it, Dai," Sakumo replied, unwilling to tell any others what he'd been doing for the past couple of years. More people knew that he'd been assigned to her than he liked as it was.

Natsumi smiled in her sleep and curled into him, and Sakumo figured it was about the best he could hope for. His girl had saved Dan's team but had passed out from exhaustion - which was really saying something, considering she was a jinchuuriki and an Uzumaki. Thinking about that more, he held her closer. He needed to learn more about fuuinjutsu and take a real look at that seal. "What did you think you were doing, you crazy girl?" he asked her in a hushed tone. "We're going to have a pup and you decide to play the heroine? Well, you can give that up right now."

Kurama listened carefully while his container was nearly out cold and only occasionally saying stupid things. He hoped this news was true; he'd been quite disappointed when he learned Natsumi wasn't yet impregnated, and it was too early for him to tell anything, one way or another. Now he could sleep in peace for a decade or so. The war had taken a lot out of him, as had his halves being tossed back and forth into one Uzumaki twin or the other, before being recombined and resealed whole and thrown into the past.

Stupid Uzumakis and their annoying Namikaze sidekick!

As soon as her parasitic little brat was old enough, Natsumi could go back into the field to at least tell his siblings what they needed to watch out for and seal Zetsu. She was an Uzumaki with, thankfully, that damn Namikaze's brains, and he was the magnificent Kurama, so they'd figure it out.

Surely by then she'd also chill the fuck out and stop putting her - and thus (more importantly) - his life on the line: he was sure his plan would work, despite how temporarily annoying it would be.

Isobu was the one that would be in danger first, and he and Natsumi had plenty of time to deal with that. In the meantime, Kurama was pretty sure that Madara - that old fuck - was still out there and alive right now and might be too much for her. Especially when Zetsu was running around, causing so much trouble.

If only that dumb Iwa jinchuuriki would've stopped fighting to listen to her for even a second! Kurama would give it up to Natsumi, she was careful about the information she tried to give Son's jinchuuriki. It would've been perfect if she could've bumped fists with him: Kurama could've shown Son Goku everything, but no. The bastard had to blow lava at his container.

Son Goku knew he was there! He did eventually listen to Kurama's warning, but out of all his brothers, Son Goku was the most stubborn. Shukaku was the dumbest and most obnoxious, but even HE would've made his jinchuuriki stand still (probably by making him temporarily deaf due to his screeching) to listen to important information. It really pissed Kurama off… They'd had such a perfect opportunity, but all he managed to get through that literal ape's thick skull was that Madara Uchiha was alive and was gunning for them: to put them back into that damn husk.

Surely Son would know that his eldest brother would never lie to him about something like that, wouldn't he? Damn monkey… Son HAD to understand that being put in that husk meant the resurrection of their disgusting grandmother, didn't he?

At that moment, a young jinchuuriki was making his way toward Iwa, wondering whether or not he was losing his mind, or if the beast that had been sealed inside of him had somehow learned to talk. "Shut up you damn ape! There's no way Madara Uchiha is still alive!"

Sakumo waited until he could speak with Dan as privately as possible before they reached the Konoha gates. "What's your opinion of the Warhawk?"

Dan carefully looked around to ensure the others weren't listening. "Tsunade said he was the last one she saw Natsumi with," he said, revealing very little.

"Yes," Sakumo snarled under his breath. "He kindly reminded us that we'd be late for our bullshit mission. …Inside Natty's hospital room." He saw Dan nod - the man was always thoughtful - before he moved toward Tsunade, who gave the large ninken she was helping carry a dirty look. They spoke in whispers before Dan took over for his girlfriend, and Tsunade walked toward him.

"Danzo's an old fuck," she said, making Sakumo bark out a choke of bitter laughter. Looking down at her favorite bartender, Tsunade came to a decision. "Let's take her through the ANBU entrance, through the tunnel that leads to the Senju compound."

"You don't mind?" Sakumo asked, clearly surprised.

"Nah. She saved Dan. Hell, she may have saved all of us. The Senju compound is the most secure of any in Konoha. No offense."

"None taken," Sakumo said. Mito Uzumaki had originally secured it, so it was only natural that the founding clans' compounds were the most secured of any in the village. He figured Tsunade would have altered it since Mito-hime had passed. "It will only be until we find out or confirm who did this."

"It's fine. She's from my sister and grandmother's clan, anyway, and can help watch Kushina-brat. Sensei can't even get in there without me or the brat, but I feel safe putting your chakra back in the sealing matrices."

"I don't want to take advantage," Sakumo said. Honestly, it would take an awful lot for him to allow someone into the protective seals of his family's home. His blood and chakra had only once been in the Senju's because he often guarded Mito-hime.

"There's plenty of space. And I trust you more than Jiraiya."

"Jiraiya can get in there?!" Maybe he shouldn't be surprised, considering they were teammates, but Jiraiya and Tsunade's relationship was complicated.

"I was once young and stupid, Sakumo. And Jiraiya behaves himself, especially when Dan's around." When Sakumo's dark eyes bore into her, looking unconvinced, she just shrugged. He was right. "He has his own place," she said then paused for effect, "in the tree outside of the onsens." Sakumo snorted but didn't sound pleased. They were all friends - damn that Pervert - but Sakumo and Dan were definitely the least perverted of the group, thank goodness. "Anyway, there's plenty of space, so you two can stay in the house next door to mine."

"Thank you, Tsunade. It will only be until I have the head of whoever sent her out."

"Whatever," she said, waving his thanks off.

Natsumi woke up feeling terrible! She was cold and shivering, and in absolute agony all over. Her eyes flew open and she saw a blur of red. It hurt too much to move, but she had to get away: she knew that she should be on a mission… with those guys who tried to take her! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

"It's okay. It's okay! Here," a little girl's voice paused and Natsumi felt something being pushed against her lips as the child climbed on top of her. "Auntie Tsunade said you should drink this."

"Wait… wait, wait, wait," Natsumi muttered, attempting to move backward against what felt like a headboard. "Oh, my head's killing me..."

"You've got chakra exhaustion, and Tsunade-oba said you did a number on your coils since you used our chains and stuff when you're pregnant. You're not supposed to do that, ya know."

"What?" Natsumi squeaked, putting two and two together and realizing that she was hearing her chibi mother's voice. Her coils really did hurt, and it was only now that she was able to reach out even a bit to sense her mother: a chakra that was familiar to her. "What is in my eyes?" she asked. Whatever it was was disgusting.

"I put a whole lot of the jelly-stuff Tsunade-oba puts on her eye skin at night to keep her beautiful, ya know! We kunoichi gotta take all the opportunities we have to get our beauty sleep, and you were asleep!"

"That is the silliest thing I've ever heard," Natsumi said, accepting the washcloth Kushina brought her - but had to grimace and bear it when Kushina took things into her own hands when she had trouble moving.

"But she said looks are important and that preparation and care are key!"

Natsumi blew a raspberry, making Kushina grin - now that she could see her. And wasn't her happy little mother a sight to behold? "We're Uzumakis, girlie. We're not going to look old until we're… well, until we're old. That's a long time from now." Natsumi had always been a soap, water, and run girl. Tenzo-sensei was the one who introduced her to sunscreen with moisturizer. At the time, she'd never heard of such a thing.

"That's what I told her!" Kushina said and then stared at the older Uzumaki with big violet eyes before leaping onto her.

"Oof!"

Natsumi winced, grimacing under the pain but relishing in her mother's fierce little arms. "I need to apologize…"

"Nuh-uh! Tsunade-oba told me that you were being kept away for my own safety, which is a bunch of shit, ya know…"

"Kushina-chan! Watch your language, young lady," Natsumi said in a shaky voice, in terrible pain but amused that their roles seemed to be reversed.

"Yeah, yeah," the girl replied, obviously blowing her off. "Tsunade-oba says that words have power, and that means curse words, too, ya know."

"Gosh: that is so wrong," Natsumi whispered more to herself than anyone. She'd always heard that her mother had quite the mouth on her, and she knew for a FACT that Tsunade did. The Godaime's tongue was as sharp and wicked as her fists were. Kushina buried herself in Natsumi's belly and began talking, freaking the young woman out. Her mother was obviously talking to the baby that wasn't there.

"Hey, sweetie? That's just weird. I'm not pregnant, ya know." And even if I were - gods forbid - it would still be weird to speak into a flat stomach while laying on a near-stranger, wouldn't it?

"What? Not fair," Kushina said, pouting terribly. "Hurry up and work with that old guy on restoring our clan."

"Wow," Natsumi drawled after a period of reeling silence. "I'll uh, work on that. Not."

"Hey!"

"Kushina, are you bothering her?" Tsunade asked as she came into the room. Seeing her niece on TOP of the Uzumaki kunoichi who had to be in pain, she pulled the girl off by her obi, making the little brat flail in the air and curse her. "Sorry about her, Bartender. I can't BELIEVE you didn't go to the Hokage when you got that mission. You could've put yourself AND your baby in jeopardy," she said, clicking her tongue.

"Uh, no," Natsumi said, still wary of Tsunade after what happened, but needing to set her straight. "I got my test results back by courier along with my mission. I'm not pregnant, Tsunade-sama." Tsunade snorted before moving forward to run a diagnostic and giving nothing up with her expression. "I was so relieved, I think I kept the negative pregnancy test in my pack! Never again: I tell you what..."

Tsunade hummed. "Can I take a look at it?"

"Be my guest," Natsumi said, seeing that her gear was sitting on a pretty lavender couch that was against the wall. "Where are we?"

"Senju compound; I put you in the vacant house next to mine."

"Oh, um - Thank you, Tsunade-s-hime," Natsumi said, catching and reminding herself that at this point in time, Tsunade was associated with the "hime" honorific. Natsumi had often delivered messages to - and sometimes had the pleasure of staying for meals at - the main, beautiful Senju estate under the Godaime's reign.

Tsunade was always kind to her. Natsumi knew that was thanks to her brother, whom Tsunade doted on, and whether or not she had been in awe of the Godaime before, (and she definitely had been,) she would be eternally grateful that the older woman treated her brother so well - like Naruto deserved to be treated. "I'll head back to my place as soon as I'm on my feet."

"We'll see," Tsunade said, knowing that Sakumo would be taking her straight back to the Hatake Compound once he felt it was safe, even if the bartender had to be tied up in order to get her there. She looked at Natsumi's mission paperwork - something seemed off about it - and at the bogus pregnancy test, finding it funny that the younger woman carried it with her. "This is bogus."

"What's… bogus?" Natsumi asked, her gut clenching while her heart began to beat more and more loudly in her chest, even though her heartbeat was still slow. Was she having a heart attack? Feeling Kurama's attention peaking, she turned to look at him while her mouth fell open. "Where did you get popcorn?"

"It's a handy illusion. This is daytime drama at its finest, ne?!"

Natsumi turned her attention back to Tsunade, wishing she could laugh at the fox's antics had she not been so tense.

"I diagnosed you myself, brat. That's what… set me off," Tsunade said before pausing and looking like she'd swallowed a lemon. "I'm not good at apologizing, so that's that! You'll have to accept it for what it is!" The bartender was looking at her without comprehending her apology (she knew it was a terrible excuse for one!) OR the fact that she was pregnant. "You're pregnant: I'm positive. Someone fucked with your results."

Natsumi's expression changed from shock to crestfallen, then she clearly became more and more panicked, before reaching for a wastebasket to puke in. Tsunade got one to her in just the nick of time.

"Nooooooo," the bartender moaned after vomiting. "No, no, no no..."

"What's wrong?" Kushina asked, looking back and forth between the two women, one of whom was trying to barf again. "What does it mean, 'someone fucked with the results,' and is she okay? Is it just morning sickness? It's not morning, though! And super gross, by the way: you're totally grossing me out," she said while holding her nose.

Natsumi continued to moan and curse her stupidity, looking like she would cry at any second, while Tsunade tried to shoo Kushina out of the room. "Kushina-chan, why don't you get our guest some ice water, eh? And find some crackers or something. If you see Sakumo-san, send him over."

"DID YOU SAY 'SAKUMO?' Natsumi moaned, putting two and two together again. "Oh NOOOOO," she cried - and really began to cry this time, breaking down in big fat ugly tears. She put her head under the covers and hid, just like she used to when she was maybe two or three years old, and didn't come out until she sensed that Renji was the one pulling at her covers.

"Come on, Natty: it's okay! I'm actually very happy about our pup!"

Natsumi peeked out, and sure enough: she was looking at the White Fang - a man who had the coloring of that jerk and the fucking Rokudaime Hokage, Hatake Kakashi. "NOOOOOOOO! Oh god, I'm going to die! Come for me, Death! Please!"

Sakumo hummed. "That's pretty dramatic, don't you think?" It was all the more amusing because Natsumi had once mentioned to him how steady and reliable she promised she could be, emotionally.

"Easy for you to say, you're Hatake Sakumo, the White Fang," Natsumi said, aching all over, wanting to puke again, and apparently this guy's lover!

"I am," he said worriedly. "I'm really relieved you know now." When Natsumi just kept crying and shaking her head, Sakumo nervously asked the question he'd worried about since he fell for her. "Natty, did my brother or I kill someone you loved?"

"What?" Natsumi asked, accepting the tissue he gave her. Geez: she was a snotty mess, which was embarrassing in front of either her former boyfriend or in front of the legend sitting so close to her. "You have someone," she cried - absolutely shuddering - even when she told herself that she was being an emotional wreck. – When was never emotional like this!

And crying hurt!

"Stop it Kurama! I know you're making this happen somehow! Control my damn chakra!"

"You wish! I think seeing you like this is hilarious in this situation! Continue!"

"I have you?" Sakumo asked more than said, not quite knowing what to do. Natty kept scooting away from him and it was obviously causing her pain, so finally, he dove on top of her and cuddled her like he always did, practically smothering her.

"But there's someone else," she whimpered and curled in on herself.

"Who?" Sakumo asked, not quite understanding what she meant.

"You've got a wife or lover or something," her mouth continued in a sad whine, despite knowing that she had to calm down. Finally, Natsumi's will dissolved and she just went with her overwhelming emotions by closing her eyes and reaching for the chakra and body she knew was Renji's. She pretended he wasn't really Hatake Sakumo. "We fucked u-up!"

Sakumo shushed her, running his hands through her long hair and avoiding the tangles, or rubbing her back. Eventually, she fell into a fitful sleep, and Sakumo had to get up to speak with Tsunade and Dan who were in the front of the house. "Where's Kushina-chan?"

"I gave her a new sealing book and promised another if she kept her mouth shut and stayed in her room," Tsunade said.

"And ramen," Dan said, knowing from experience that the promise of "unlimited" ramen for the kid was going to be a major hit to their wallets.

"Good," Sakumo said before reaching up and putting his hands behind his head, sighing heavily. "Natty's asleep. She is… NOT happy."

"Considering her seal was fucked with, I can imagine not," Tsunade said, behind a warm cup of tea. She handed the paperwork she found in the bartender's pack over to her old friend, watching as his expression darkened. "This, too. We need to talk to sensei."

"Do you think Danzo is bold enough to have done this?"

"That man's a power-hungry old fool," Tsunade said, remembering a time when he tried to conscript her into his side of the forces. She nearly ripped the man's arm off when he tried to force it. Had she managed, she would NOT have healed him.

Dan got up and began to pace, slowly at first. "Tsunade's right. I think that… few would suspect him, particularly since he's such an easy scapegoat. I can hear it now: 'Why would someone as brilliant as Danzo-sama fake a foreign kunoichi's pregnancy test?'"

"Because she's the jinchuuriki, and he wanted her used as a weapon," Sakumo said, stating the obvious and waiting for the shock to hit Dan's face. From Dan's reaction, however, he apparently knew - and he gave Tsunade a dirty look for it.

"Don't blame me. Sensei told him," she said.

"You have got to be shitting me?!"

"And you just told him, anyway," Tsunade reminded him.

"After learning of Mito-hime's death, I asked Hiruzen-sama who the new jinchuuriki was, to be fair," Dan explained.

"Still doesn't make it right that he's just giving out her information. Especially not when she was living as a civilian at the fucking Broken Bar," Sakumo said, doubting his leader's wisdom for the first time since his brother's death. He knew Lord Third wasn't infallible, but this was personal and pissed him off.

Dan continued with his earlier thoughts. "Why would Danzo-sama implicate himself by being at the scene of something like this? I mean, he was right there! Ordering you out, and then possibly ordering her…"

"Her orders are sensei's: they're straight from the Hokage."

"Will you two stay here with Natsumi-chan? I'm going to ask him. And if it is Danzo, I'll have his head," Sakumo said with a snarl.

Tsunade nodded in approval - but didn't really appreciate the wolves Sakumo summoned to watch over her guest, too - while Dan winced.

An hour later, Hiruzen sat back in his chair after reading through the orders he'd never issued, Jiraiya's pornographically-coded notes, and hearing more about his shinobis' missions than was stated in their reports. "Her orders may have my seal, but I did not approve this mission, Okami. I wasn't even aware that Natsumi-san's testing had been completed. Who was on her team?"

"I don't know, sir. Natty arrived with two bodies, however. They are with Tsunade-hime." Finally, Sakumo came to the thing that was strangling him, setting his senses afire. "Danzo-sama was in Natty's room when I visited her at the hospital."

The lines in the Hokage's face seemed to deepen as the room cooled. "Bring me evidence, Okami. Someone has copied my seal, and that may be the least of his crimes."

"Hai!"