The intensity of light gray eyes, the way they focused on her with such intent made her shiver. She could feel wetness beginning to stain her small clothes, and though she desperately wanted them off she feared moving. Feared that if she breathed too loudly, or if she stood up from her table this vision would leave her to her solitude. To her heavy thoughts and worries, and she wanted none of that right now, what she wanted…
Alvaerle, a name Cassandra thought beautiful, reached behind her and locked the door. She drew her tongue over her bottom lip and Cassandra felt her own lips part, wanting to feel that sensation on her own mouth.
"You're delightful, Cassandra, do you know that?" The elf pushed off the door and walked across the small room, not stopping until she'd put herself in Cassandra's lap, straddling her.
"I object. I am not-" But Cassandra couldn't finish her sentence, far too distracted by feeling of the elf in her lap.
"You are," Alva whispered in a low seductive tone that made Cassandra instinctively shiver.
"I do not… I did not think I was... attracted to women," Cassandra admitted, even as her hands framed the elf's waist.
"Do you want me to stop?" Alva whispered, leaning forward and tenderly kissing the scar on Cassandra's left cheek. Cassandra's breath caught, and then abruptly turned into a whimper she could not hold back when Alva's tongue gently traced the scar. "Would you prefer poetry instead?" Alva moved her mouth so their lips barely touched, so Cassandra could feel her breath and the tease of movement as the elf spoke. "Already rejoicing, I begin to love, for I am made better by one who is, beyond dispute the best a woman ever saw or heard."
Cassandra felt like she couldn't breathe, her hips were slightly squirming in her chair, her breasts felt overly sensitive against the restraints of the breastband, and Alva's words made her groan in delight. "That was…" Her thought process completely derailed again when Alva's hand was somehow underneath her shirt. Somehow she was no longer wearing a breastband and the elf's warm touch was upon her breast, cupping it's weight, her thumb dragging across Cassandra's nipple.
"What do you want, Cassandra?" Alva whispered against her mouth.
"Kiss me," Cassandra moaned. "By the Maker, please kiss-"
Cassandra's eyes opened to the early light of dawn coming in through the window. Her breath was heavy and her body felt achy, warm, and overly sensitive. Cassandra groaned and put her hands over face, shaking it back and forth. She should not be surprised about the nature of her dreams. Not after hearing the Inquisitor in her chambers the night before. Not after spending the evening with the elf the sole thing on her mind, trying to come to any type of solution to her sudden problem. She could not understand the change in herself, or why the elf affected her in such a manner. The night had brought no answers, only longing.
Cassandra sighed, dropping her hands and sat up. She got out of bed, moving over to the wash bin and splashed the cool water on her face. The fire in the hearth in the room had died down, but she did not mind the chilly air in her current state.
It was because of Alvaerle that she had claimed and sometimes used this chamber on the battlements that overlooked the gardens. Though Cassandra often liked the armory and spent a great deal of time there the noise did not do well for long conversations on books or the other enjoyments she and the Inquisitor shared.
The thought gave her pause. When had this friendship blossomed into something more? Is that truly what she wanted? She could no longer deny she was attracted to the elf, but giving into a night of passion would never be enough for her. Yet, had Alvaerle not told her she could love her?
Cassandra groaned at herself, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she had perhaps made a mistake. She could not solve this dilemma on her own any longer. She needed a friends council.
"I do not understand her Leliana. I do not understand these things." Cassandra paced in a frustrated line in front of Leliana, wringing her hands together as she did so.
Leliana watched her friend with no small amount of amused patience in her studying eyes. "What don't you understand Cassandra?"
Cassandra continued her pacing for seconds more, her brow knitted together. Leliana did not interrupt the silence and finally Cassandra began rambling. "I do not understand how she can claim to have feelings for me that are not purely… purely physical in nature and then… couple with someone else!"
Leliana lifted a brow at this revelation. "And how is it you know that the Inquisitor was having sex after you rejected her?"
Cassandra stopped pacing, her cheeks heating in embarrassment. She briefly met Leliana's amused but always calculating stare and then turned her back on her friend. She gripped the railing, looking at the crows. "I… It was not right after. It was several days later. Yesterday evening. I… I went to her quarters to share a book and determine if she was… okay with…" she couldn't bring herself to say the word rejection. "…and I heard her."
"I see." Leliana sounded amused still. She didn't rise from her chair though, but kept her gaze on her friends back. "Cassandra if you do not share the Inquisitor's affections for you, why do you care?"
Cassandra closed her eyes, head hanging between her shoulders for a moment. The silence strung out before she all but whispered, "I think perhaps I acted rashly. I… never considered that I might be attracted to another woman. That I might have… feelings that were… not strictly friendship."
Leliana was silent for a moment before she stood up, walking next to Cassandra and leaning her arms against the railing. "When things hurt some people will do things to make them forget. Perhaps that is what you caught our Inquisitor doing; drowning out the pain of your rejection in the arms of someone else."
Cassandra felt her hands tightening around the railing as a hot streak of jealously tore through her again. Guilt followed closely at its heels. She did not want to think that she had hurt Alva so badly. But truly how could she not have? Cassandra recalled clearly the look in the elf's eyes, the tone of her voice as she'd bravely admitted how she felt even after Cassandra had shot her down with… reasons.
Cassandra looked up at Leliana imploring. "You love the Hero of Ferelden. How could I possibly start a relationship with the head of the Inquisition? The Herald of Andraste? In the middle of…" Cassandra waved a hand to indicate their situation.
Leliana smiled at her, touching her friends arm. "I think perhaps the greater question is if you care for her Cassandra, how can you not? You are the Hero of Orlais. You know the weight she carries. Do you wish her to find her comfort, to be just a woman, in someone else's arms or your own?"
Cassandra was silent for sometime. She finally groaned, leaning her forearms against the railing and pressed her forehead against one of her palms. "How could I have not known this about myself?"
A rare laugh left Leliana. "People draw out different things in us. You don't need to over think it."
Cassandra lifted her head to look at her friend with a sincere expression. "Thank you, Leliana. I must go and speak to the Inquisitor."
"You will have time to deliberate further over your new found feelings. She rode out this morning with The Iron Bull, the Charges, Dorian and Varic."
Cassandra's face fell at hearing the news. "Oh…" she felt it again, that uncomfortable tension curling around her stomach, tightening her shoulders. There had been rumors the Inquisitor and Bull sometimes… had he been the one in her room the past evening? Logic fled Cassandra's mind. He could not have her! Did he know who the Inquisitors favorite Poet was, and how much she loved the forest, and what a kind, truly gentle person she was, and how beautiful she looked when she-
"Have faith Cassandra," Leliana said, reading her friends expression and interrupting her thoughts. "But, when she returns I would not wait too long before you act."
Cassandra nodded at Leliana and excused herself. She had much to think about and more to do.