The Music Box

(I really wasn't sure whether to post this or not, but I wrote it a long time ago, or it feels like it anyway, and with coming back to uni today it felt like an appropriate one to upload.)

Even more AU than usual– Lily and Ethan are medicine students living in the same Halls of Residence. It's been a difficult term, and Lily is feeling it more than most. They aren't a couple but there is some serious chemistry brewing between them.

Lily was kneeling on the floor by her wardrobe, holding a small wooden box in her hands. She heard a knock at the door and started violently in surprise. She put the little box down on top of her bedspread. Opening the door, her heart was still thudding in her chest. Ethan was leaning on the door frame already. This made her smile, although she knew that her breath probably sounded shaky already.
"Hey," he said softly. "I didn't mean to make you jump."
"It's not your fault," she replied, standing against the heavy fire door. "Do you want to come in?" Talking at the door was okay, but talking behind the door was better.
"Yes, okay." He looked calm, and sounded calm – how did other people always manage that?

Like always, they sat on her bed. She was cross-legged, and he was lounging with his legs dangling off the bed. She was fidgeting with her blouse, pulling at the bottom hem with two hands. In an instant, Ethan's hands were around hers, holding them still and steady.
"Bad day?" He always knew.
She thought, then sighed. "It's always a bad day. It's being a wallflower, it comes with the territory."
"It's not always a bad day," he reminded her. "And being a wallflower is not something to see as a flaw." Being a wallflower was their code for this, whatever it was. The thing that messed with her head non-stop and seemed to do nothing but get in the way. He let go of one of her hands, and lifted her chin with one finger, so she was looking up, instead of down into her lap. "You see everything, you're going to be the best doctor out of any of us. Nothing goes unnoticed on your watch."
Lily's cheeks coloured a little. "That doesn't stop everyone thinking I'm invisible."
"That is their loss. Real wallflowers aren't invisible, they're beautiful. You're beautiful."

She shook her head. She wasn't beautiful. She wasn't conventionally pretty, or the kind of girl to turn heads, or any of it. Presently, she was wearing her glasses (as always) and her hair was drawn back into two immaculate French plaits, save for her fringe, which she was probably hiding behind. Her parents, her tutors, everyone, always called her out for hiding behind her fringe. At least she no longer had braces on her teeth. She knew that Ethan thought of her as more than a friend, and she wished that she could work out why. She wanted to think of him as more than a friend. He was so kind, relentlessly lovely. And he navigated everything with such ease. He was still quiet, but he was quietly confident, and that made the world of difference. She loved that he lived next door to her. Sometimes he would tap on the wall to check she was still there, and she would tap back. These days, even a tiny motion like that was enough to set up a good deal of panic and worry, but she would never tell him that.

He picked up the music box – in allowing him in, she had forgotten all about it. She bit her lip, and he immediately used the soft pad of his thumb to roll her lip from under her front teeth.
"Don't," he said quietly. She nodded in response. "What's this?"
The question was innocent enough. It wasn't about her, and if she pretended hard enough, she could get through answering it. "It's … a music box. Mine, actually." She realised how stupid she sounded: it was on her bed, who else could it possibly belong to? Ethan hadn't noticed her mistake though. "I've had it since I was a child, I think it was my grandmother's, originally."
"Can I open it?"
"Of course. You might have to wind it up a little first, though."

Ethan's nimble fingers turned the key a few times, before he carefully lifted the lid. There was a flicker of recognition in his eyes as he heard the tune. Lily pulled her cuffs down over her hands.
"Let me teach you how to dance… Do you know how to dance, Lily?" He was just teasing, she knew, but it was enough to send her heart thudding against her ribs. This was ridiculous, why could she not be in control of herself?
Shaking her head a little, she mumbled in response. "What do you think? I can barely speak, dancing is not my thing."
"Ah, but dancing is different. The words are very sweet, to go with the music, do you know them?"
Lily wished she could be a little more interesting. "I didn't know there were words at all," she said.

Ethan stood up. He reached out for her hands, smiling warmly. He wanted her to stand up, and dance, with him, here. On university-issue coarse carpets, in an artificially lit room, behind curtains that hadn't been opened for too long, and a door that opened for so few people. Lily started fidgeting again, wringing her hands. She realised that he was still waiting, patient as anything. The fact that Ethan hadn't pushed her to go faster than she wanted to, the fact that he didn't seem capable of impatience… it made everything feel easier. She took his hands, her mouth dry. He pulled her gracefully up from the bed.
"Wait," she whispered. She walked across the room and opened the curtains, throwing open the window as she did so. There were birds singing outside. And sunlight. She flicked the lights off at the wall; they didn't need them. When she turned back to Ethan, he was smiling again, as he put down the music box, having wound it a few more times.

Each breath shuddered in her chest, but she wanted this, so much.

He held out his hands to her again, and she took them, allowing him to position her hands for her, one at his shoulder and one at his hip. She could feel his jeans through his t-shirt. She could feel her fingers twitching, unused to being still, and touching fabric without clawing at it out of fear. He put one of his hands on her shoulder too, and when he put his other hand on her waist, Lily felt her breath catch in her throat. This was real.
"Okay?" he checked. She nodded. He started to recite the words, half-singing and half just speaking them, as the music box kept going.

"Let me teach you how to dance,
Let me lead you to the floor,
Simply place your hand in mine,
And then think of nothing more."

They were waltzing, Lily decided. And it was magical, allowing herself to be led around her tiny little bedroom in a way that was so alien and yet so perfectly right.

"Let the music cast its spell,
Give the atmosphere a chance,
Simply follow where I lead,
Let me teach you how to dance."

And then they were standing, in the middle of her room, in complete silence. Comfortable silence. Calm silence. Lily looked into Ethan's eyes, realising with embarrassment that he could probably see tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
"Now, was that so bad?" he said, teasing again.
"No," she admitted. "It was perfect. More than perfect." There was a pause, when she normally would have been anxious to fill the silence. But she wasn't anxious. For a change, a brilliant change, things felt okay. "Thank you."

The words and the tune that I was thinking of when I wrote this, are from a film called Miss Potter. I don't own them, I have merely borrowed them because I think they're beautiful.