The Company arrived at an old, abandoned farmhouse that was in ruins.
"We'll camp here for the night. Fili, Kili, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them."
Ember stood next to her horse. Her hair was flying in the strong breeze that flew by. She sent a kind smile to Kili, who smiled back. She then looked out over the horizon. She turned her head quickly to see Gandalf stomp off angrily, leaving the Company.
"Everything alright? Gandalf, where are you going?" Bilba asked.
"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense."
"Who's that?"
"Myself, Miss Baggins! I've had enough of the stubbornness of dwarves for one day." Ember felt a sort of agreement in her flourish. She was beginning to get annoyed of the constant complaining dealt by the dwarves.
"Come on, Bombur, we're hungry." Thorin commanded.
"Is he coming back?" Bilba asked Ember, who shot her a look of unsurety, Ember then looked at Balin for a little support. Balin looked unsure as well. Ember rolled her eyes before walking toward the woods quickly. Kili tried to grab her arm, but she shook off his strong grasp. Once she was alone she found the closest river and sat down next to dipped her hand into the cool water, she let out a large sigh and a wave of calm washed over her. She then cupped some water in her hands and let it splash over her face. She undressed and slowly eased her way into the water. She let the cool water flow over her naked body. She smiled. Once she was calm and clean she stood up, dressed, put her wet hair in a bun, and began to walk back to the dwarves, but ran into Bilba on the way. The stars were out and they illuminated Bilba's gold curls.
"What are you doing out here?" Ember
"Bofur told me to bring soup to you and Kili and Fili. Want to come?" Ember looked at Bilba's hands and saw three bowls of soup in them. She nodded.
"I'm alright, have you eaten yet?" Ember said and Bilba shook her head.
"Then eat my portion, I'm not going to eat." Ember grabbed Kili and Fili's bowls and Bilba started to eat.
"You never eat anything." Bilba said, and Ember knew she was right, she never ate, she never got good sleep, and she never shared anything about herself to anyone, other than Kili. She felt guilty for being rude to him earlier. She really felt like she had to apologize to him.
Bilba and Ember went out in the dark to where Fili and Kili were watching the ponies. They were staring out into the dark and don't take the soup from Bilba when she handed it to them. Kili was confused, he had only been gone for a minute, he had trusted his brother to watch the ponies. But, he began to feel a large sense of guilt cross over him.
"What's the matter?"
"We're supposed to be looking out for the ponies." Kili said out loud, unaware Ember was there.
"Only we've encountered a slight problem."
"We had sixteen."
"Now there's fourteen."
"How do you lose two ponies?" Ember asked breaking her silence. Kili looked at her with a sense of joy in his eyes. Then he remembered her in the river. He didn't mean to see her. She was just there. And he couldn't bear himself to look away, for the moonlight illuminated her beauty tenfold.
"Hi," Ember breathed with a smile on her face.
"Hi," Kili said before snapping back into reality. Ember moved next to him.
They all examine the group of ponies.
"Daisy and Bungo are missing."
"Well, that's not good. That is not good at all. Shouldn't we tell Thorin?" Bilba asked, and sort of blushed at the mention of Thorin's name.
"Uhh, no. Let's not worry him. As our official burglar, we thought you might like to look into it." Bilba and Ember both looked around and saw some trees recently uprooted and lying on the ground. Ember touched one of the root tips with the tip of her fingers. The roots were torn, violently.
"Well, uh...look, something big uprooted these trees." Bilba inquired, she was so nervous about whatever could be out there.
"That was our thinking." Kili replied.
"Something very big, and possibly quite dangerous." They all looked around trying to gather anything as to what took the ponies.
"Hey! There's a light. Over here! Stay down." Fili exclaimed and waved his brother over.
As the four of them quietly ran through the forest toward the light Fili had seen. They hid behind a log when they realize that the light was a fire. Harsh laughter sounded from near the fire.
"What is it?" Bilba asked terrified.
"Trolls." Kili said, anger in his voice.
Fili, Kili, and Ember ran toward the fire; Bilba started to follow them, then she returned to grab the two bowls of soup she left on the log. She then continued following them. Bilba hid behind a tree opposite to Ember and saw a massive mountain troll walking toward the fire, carrying a pony under each arm.
"He's got Myrtle and Minty! I think they're going to eat them, we have to do something." Bilba whispered with sincerity in her voice.
"Yes; you should. Mountain trolls are slow and stupid, and you're so small."
"N .n. no ," she began to mutter the small word over and over to herself.
"They'll never see you." Kili tried to reassure her.
"No, no, no..." Bilba tried to tell herself.
"It's perfectly safe! We'll be right behind you."
"If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl, once like a brown owl." Fili and Kili pushed Bilba toward the fire. She began whispering Fili's instructions to himself, trying to remember them, but got mixed up.
"Twice like a barn owl, twice like a brown once like a brown? Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"We're not following her are we?" Ember asked Fili and Kili.
"Not until we're done with supper." Kili replied. Ember rolled her stood up.
"Where are you going?" Fili asked her harshly.
"I'm not going to watch my friend die." She said before running after Bilba.
Bilba turned around, but Fili and Kili are already out of sight. Ember was standing next to her.
"Why aren't you with them?" Bilba asked her.
"I didn't want to see you fail, so I thought I help." Bilba rolled her eyes at Ember, and Ember sent back a large smile. They moved quickly and quietly toward the fire.
Three large, smelly, and loud trolls sat around a fire on which a cauldron of something is cooking.
"Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it don't look like mutton again tomorrow." Ember and Bilba heard one of the trolls complain.
"Quit yer' griping. These ain't sheep. These is West Nags!"
"Oh, I don't like `orse. I never `ave. Not enough fat on them." The scrawny troll complained.
"Well, it's better than the leathery old farmer. All skin and bone, he was. I'm still picking bits of him out of me teeth." The biggest troll said. Ember stared at Bilba who looked mortified.
The scrawny troll sneezed into the pot they had boiling over a fire. Ember and Bilba both gagged.
"Oh, that's lovely, that is; a floater."
"Oh, might improve the flavor!"
"Ah! There's more where that came from." He began to sneeze more, but Bert grabbed him by the nose.
"C'mon while they're distracted." Ember said and slunk toward the ponies with Bilba at her heels.
"Oh no you don't."
One troll threw the small one down.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!"
"Sit down." The troll sneezed again, this time into a handkerchief he pulled out from behind him. He sniffed for a long time. Bilba and Ember, reached the pen in which the ponies are held, and attempted to untie the ropes. They hid as the trolls turned towards them.
"I hope you're gonna gut these nags. I don't like the stinky parts." One troll hit the other with his ladle, and he squealed in pain.
"I said sit down William!"
"I'm starving! Are we `aving horse tonight or what?"
"Shut your cakehole. You'll eat what I give ya'." As the troll pulled out his handkerchief, Bilba saw that he's wearing a long knife in his belt. Bilba, unable to untie the ropes restraining the ponies, attempts to get the knife from the troll.
"What are you doing?" Ember harshly whispered. Bilba didn't answer.
"How come 'e's the cook? Everything tastes the same. Everything tastes like chicken."
"Except the chicken."
"That tastes like fish!"
"I'm just saying, a little appreciation would be nice. 'Thank you very much, Bert,' 'Lovely stew, Bert'; how hard is that? Hmm, it just needs a sprinkle of squirrel dung." The small troll, William, picked up a mug of drink, but Tom got mad at him.
"There, that's my grog!"
"Uhh, uhh, sorry."
Bert hit William with his ladle again, knocking him down. He got back up. Bert tasted the soup in his ladle.
"Ooh, that is beautifully balanced, that is." Bert let Tom taste some of the soup in the ladle; Tom gulpped it down.
"Wrap your mind around that, mate. Eh? Good, innit? Heh, heh, heh. That's why I'm the cook." Bilba got behind William and tried to reach for the knife, but William stood up and scratched his rear. Bilba was disgusted and gagged. Ember waved Bilba back over to her, but Bilba didn't notice.
"Me guts are grumbling, I've got to snaffle something. Flesh I need, flesh!" William, about to sneeze, reached behind him for his handkerchief, but accidentally grabbed Bilba instead, and sneezes all over her. He then realizes that he's not holding any ordinary booger. Bilba and Ember gagged.
"Argh! Blimey! Bert! Bert! Look what's come out of me 'ooter! It's got arms and legs and everything." The other trolls gathered around to look.
"What is it?"
"I don't know, but I don't like the way it wriggles around!" William shook Bilba, covered in snot, off the napkin and onto the ground. She fell onto her knees.
"What are you then? An oversized squirrel?"
"I'm a burglar uhh, Hobbit." Nice catch, Bilba thought to herself as she stared at the trolls that towered over her.
"A Burgla Hobbit?"
"Can we cook `er?
"We can try!" William tried to grab Bilba, but she dodged, only to be cornered by Bert. William saw Ember near the pen.
"Aye, there's another. Tom look!" William went to grab Ember but she dodged him.
"They wouldn't make more than a mouthful, not when she's skinned and boned!"
"Perhaps there's more Burglar Hobbits around these parts. Might be enough for a pie."
"Grab 'em!"
"It's too quick!" As the trolls tried to catch Bilba and Ember, they ran around trying to dodge them. Bert accidentally hit William with his ladle while trying to hit Bilba. Bilba was eventually caught by the legs by Tom and Ember by Bert, and held upside down in the air.
"Come here, you little... Gotcha!" Bert said as he grabbed Ember. He held her upside down, her hair sprawling out over the ground. She violently shook trying to release herself from his grasp.
"Let me go you son of a bitch." She cried.
"Ooh, Bert you got a feisty one that is. Stop her squirming, it degrades the flavor." Tom said to Bert, but it caused Ember to squirm even more.
"Are there any more of you little fellas `iding where you shouldn't?"
"Nope." Bilba and Ember lied quickly.
"They're lying."
"No I'm not!" Ember retorted.
"Hold her toes over the fire. Make 'em squeal." Kili suddenly ran out of the bushes and cut William in the leg, making him howl and fall down. Fili was right behind him.
"Drop her!" He said and pointed his sword at Ember. She sighed out of relief and smiled slightly at him. But her face twisted in pain as Bert tightened his grip on her legs.
"You what?"
"I said, drop her." Bert threw Ember at Kili; she landed on Kili, knocking them both down.
"Hi again." Kili said to her before he helped her up. He gave her some of her knives from her horse. Tom threw Bilba and she landed on Fili.
"Thanks." She said as she twirled two identical ones in her hands.
The rest of the Company charged out of the bushes yelling and brandishing their weapons. They began fighting the trolls, hacking, slashing, and hammering their legs. As the dwarves fought, Bilba grabs William's knife and cuts the ropes, freeing the ponies. Tom, seeing this, grabbed Bilba. The dwarves stopped fighting when they saw the trolls holding Bilba by the arms and legs.
"Bilba!" Ember cried.
"No!" Thorin cried.
"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip 'ers off." Thorin looks at Bilba in frustration and she sent back a look of apology, then he planted his sword in the ground. The others dropped their swords and weapons as well.
The trolls had tied several dwarves, Dwalin, Bofur, Bifur, Dori, Ori and Nori onto a spit and were roasting them over a fire; the rest Thorin, Kili, Fili, Gloin, Bombur, Balin, Oin, Ember and Bilba, were tied up in sacks nearby.
"Don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly." Ember considered that option, it would have been quicker than being roasted.
"They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage."
"Is this really necessary?"
"Ooh, that does sound quite nice."
"Untie us, you monsters!"
"Take on someone your own size!"
"There's no point in reasoning." Ember sighed. Her sack was near Kili's and it made her feel a bit more comfortable about dying.
The dwarves on the spit and in the bags were all making noises and talking in fear.
"Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone." Bilba, hearing what Tom said, had an idea.
"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake." "You can't reason with them, they're half wits!"
"Half wits? What does that make us?"
"Fourth wits!" Ember retorted quickly, Kili scoffed in laughter beside her.
Bilba managed to stand herself up, although still tied up in a sack. She faced the trolls boldly, yet she was scared out of her wits.
"Uh, I meant with the, uh, with, uh, with the seasoning."
"What about the seasoning?"
"Well have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up." Ember thought to herself, Bilba had a point, most of the dwarves were foul smelling. The dwarves yell at Bilba, calling her a traitor. The ones in sacks kick her.
"What do you know about cooking dwarf?"
"Shut up, and let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit talk. She has a point."
"We're not that bad smelling." Fili and Kili retorted in unison.
"Uh, the secret to cooking dwarf is, um "
"Yes? Come on."
"It's, uh " Bilba hesitated.
"Tell us the secret."
"Yes, I'm telling you, the secret is … to skin them first!" Ember let out a quiet laugh only Kili heard.
"Tom, get me the filleting knife."
"If I get you, you little ," Gloin said and let out several dwarvish swear words.
"I won't forget that!"
"What a load of rubbish! I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and all." Bilba saw Gandalf slipping behind some trees nearby.
"`e's right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy." William grabbed Bombur, who was in a sack, and dangled him upside down over his mouth, about to eat him.
"Not that one, he infected!" Bilba exclaimed.
"You what?"
"Yeah, He's got worms in his … tubes." Bilba retorted quickly.
William dropped Bombur back into the pile of Dwarves in disgust. He landed primarily on Kili and Ember who let out loud groans of pain.
"In fact they all have, they're infested with parasites. It's a terrible business; I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't."
"Parasites, did she say parasites?" Oin asked for he was unable to here, due to the fact his hearing trumpet was with his other things.
"We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kili exclaimed.
"What are you talking about, lassie?" Gloin asked angrily. The rest of the dwarves chimed in about how they don't have parasites and how Bilba was a fool. Bilba rolled her eyes as the dwarves messed up her plan. Thorin, understanding Bilba's plan, kicked the others. Ember elbowed Kili, hard in the ribs. They then understood and went along with it. All the dwarves began proclaiming about how they're "riddled" with parasites.
"I've got parasites as big as my arm." Oin exclaimed.
"Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites!" Kili said, Ember found it cute at his play.
"Don't over do it please." She whispered.
"We're riddled." Nori called.
"Yes, I'm riddled." Ori yelled.
"Yes we are. Badly!"
"What would you have us do, then, let 'em all go?" Ember nodded to herself and shifted under Bombur's weight.
"Well..."
"You think I don't know what you're up to? This little ferret is taking us for fools!"
"Ferret?" Bilba asked offended.
"Fools?" Bert accused.
Gandalf appeared on top of a large rock above the clearing.
"The dawn will take you all!"
"Who's that?"
"No idea."
"Can we eat `im too?" Gandalf struck the rock with his staff, splitting it in half, allowing the sunlight behind it to pour into the clearing. When the sunlight touched the trolls' skin, they began turning into stone amidst loud screams and howls of pain. Within seconds, there were three stone statues of trolls in the clearing. All the dwarves cheered for Gandalf. Of course, the dwarves on the spit, including Dwalin, still looked uncomfortable.
"Oh, get your foot out of my back!" Dwalin exclaimed as Ember wiggled out from under Bombur and used the knife in her sleeve to cut herself out. She then freed the other dwarves in sacks.
"You had a knife with you the entire time?" Thorin accused.
"Yes, but if I had used it. I would have died, the trolls would have been pissed, and you would have died as well." She said putting up very valid points as she cut Kili out. Thorin became rather quiet at her remark.
It was morning now; the dwarves had been freed from the spit and from the sacks by either Ember or Gandalf. Gandalf walked to one of the troll statues and thumped it with his staff, with a pleased smile on his face.