Chapter 9: Hurt
(Alternatively, Just Let Me Be Okay)
(Shikaku's POV)
When Shikaku hears that his sons have been attacked he is nearly apoplectic. The rage that fills him is not the pure kind that wipes away any thoughts except that of killing the person responsible for it. No, it is the dark kind and Shikaku embraces it as he stalks down the halls of T&I. His face is a study in fury and the rookie T&I members scurry to get out of his as quickly as possible. Anko is trotting at his side quietly. Shikaku is grateful for that(he doesn't want to take this rage out on her. She doesn't deserve it).
"So..." the female starts tentatively. Then, more firmly, she asks, "how do you want to do this? Ibiki and I can handle if you just want to watch."
"I have no intention of sitting back this round, Anko. I appreciate what you're trying to do but that thing attacked my boys. My boys, Anko. Naruto may not be mine by blood but he's mine none the less. Besides, you didn't see Shikamaru. He took the brunt of the attack trying to protect Naruto. He has a dislocated left shoulder – he'll be in a brace for at least three weeks – bruises up and down the left side of his face, stitches above his brow and on his temple, and he has a serious concussion. So no, you and Ibiki won't be the only people in that room," Shikaku says in a calm voice(it is a lie). He continues, "I intend to take my sons' pounds of flesh out of that man for what he did. I want him to know exactly who he attacked and just who he pissed off by doing so. I want him to know exactly why he is going to suffer. And he will suffer."
(Shikamaru's POV)
The first thing Shikamaru does when he sees the ceiling tiles of the hospital is close his eyes and sigh roughly. It doesn't help very much(he can still remember the smell of the labs and it doesn't matter if this is a place of healing. It has the same smell of antiseptic, chemicals, illness, pain, suffering, and death. Shikamaru(Hyo) hates it with every fiber of his being). His senses aren't as strong as earlier and his head feels heavy and fuzzy. Drugged, he thinks and fights down a violent judder(he has never liked being sedated. Bad things have always happened when he's been drugged). He's pretty certain that there is an IV in his hand and he clenches his jaw against the urge to reach over and tear it out with his good hand.
There is a rustle to his left and a quiet whisper, "Shika-nii? Are you awake?"
Shikamaru's eyes snap open and he swiftly turns his head. Only to immediately regret it as a headache explodes into being. He closes his eyes tightly and softly rasps, "...ow… I...regret...so...much..."
His little brother lets out a watery giggle and whispers, "Yeah… That wasn't your greatest idea, Shika-nii. Do I need to get a nurse?"
"No." Shikamaru can't fight his shudder this time. He gives his brother a small smile and continues with a softer voice, "no. I'm fine. It's just a headache. I get them all the time, remember? This isn't any different."
Naru scowls at him and hisses, "Except this time a bad guy tried to cave in your head! It's not nothing!"
His blue eyes fill with tears, "You're really hurt, so just...stop… Stop pretending to be okay when you're not."
Shikamaru stares at him for a moment before sighing roughly again, this time as he struggles to push himself up in spite of the pain he is in. Naru cries out trying to get him to lie down but Shikamaru gives him a hard look. "Crying, whining, getting angry– none of those things are going to change what happened. They won't help me heal. Yeah, I could do those things, play the victim that I am. Or I can suck it up and move on. Yes, I'm hurt. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I'm upset with myself for not being strong enough to protect us both from that asshole! But I'll be damned before I'll let what happened to me make me anything less than who and what I am! So give your Aniki more credit than what you're giving me now! If I say I'm fine then I damn well am!"
Naru's jaw is dropped and his eyes wide and Shikamaru remembers that he has never been truly upset with the Uzumaki before. He continues, though, his voice and eyes still hard, knowing that Naru needs to hear this. Naru needs to understand just what kind of brother he has. "You're my brother, Naru. Above all else, you are my brother and I will do, say, or sacrifice anything necessary to protect you. Even if that anything is my own life. You are one of the few people in this world that I'd burn this world to the ground for. Don't ever doubt that. And don't you start doubting me now.
"Not now...after everything that's happened. I can't move on from this if you start treating me like I'm some sort of weak-willed victim who can't even face the facts of what happened." Shikamaru's voice is softer by the end of his rant and he strangles the hurt trying to take root in his chest. His eyes burn as he looks away from the blond and out the window. "I'm not ignoring what happened. I'm not pushing it back and pretending it never happened but being okay is all I have right now. If I'm not okay then I won't be able to live with myself. So let me deal with this in the way I need to so I can move on. Just...just let me be okay..."
"Oh..." Suddenly, Naru is in the bed with him and hugging him carefully. "I'm sorry, Shika-nii."
Shikamaru(Hyo) closes his eyes and rests his forehead against Naru's shoulder and he beings to shake silently but no tears come(he thinks he no longer has tears to cry).
(Yoshino's POV)
She has only opened the door the tiniest bit when Shikamaru's voice sounds out hard and angry. "Crying, whining, getting angry– none of those things are going to change what happened. They won't help me heal. Yeah, I could do those things, play the victim that I am. Or I can suck it up and move on. Yes, I'm hurt. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I'm upset with myself for not being strong enough to protect us both from that asshole! But I'll be damned before I'll let what happened to me make me anything less than who and what I am! So give your Aniki more credit than what you're giving me now! If I say I'm fine then I damn well am!
"You're my brother, Naru. Above all else, you are my brother and I will do, say, or sacrifice anything necessary to protect you. Even if that anything is my own life. You are one of the few people in this world that I'd burn this world to the ground for. Don't ever doubt that. And don't you start doubting me now."
When his voice softens she can hear the hurt underscoring it. "Not now...after everything that's happened. I can't move on from this if you start treating me like I'm some sort of weak-willed victim who can't even face the facts of what happened. I'm not ignoring what happened. I'm not pushing it back and pretending it never happened but being okay is all I have right now. If I'm not okay then I won't be able to live with myself. So let me deal with this in the way I need to so I can move on. Just...just let me be okay..." His voice is nothing more than a whisper at the end.
She hears her adopted son apologize to his brother but all she can think is 'My poor little boy, when is this world going to stop hitting you when you're down?' She leans against the wall and prays to any deity that will listen. 'Please, please let my boy have more than this. Let him have more happiness rather than this pain he always seems to carry.'
After several minutes pass she quietly opens the door and peeks in. Naruto lifts his head from the pillow on the other side of his brother to look at her and gives her a weak smile. Shikamaru is leaning against his brother's side and sleeping on the little blond's shoulder. The bruises are starkly black and blue on his too pale face and a heavy black shoulder brace is wrapped around his small chest and the injured shoulder. He looks so tiny as opposed to how he normally looks. Her son is quiet but his presence has always been larger than life. He has always seemed so much taller and stronger than he looks now. And now...now he looks like the child he truly is and it hurts because her son shouldn't look so small and fragile. He will hate it if she looks at him with anything close to pity.
She sits in the chair by her son's bedside and sighs before quietly starting to talk. "Your brother, he's a very proud person. He may not believe it and I know he thinks that pride is a useless emotion but he does have it. He's always been stronger than anyone could imagine and he's used to being strong, used to being the protector. He doesn't know how to let that go, at least not easily."
"But...aren't you and tou-san stronger? Aren't the two of you supposed to protect us?"
"We are but eventually you and Shikamaru will surpass us. Eventually, you won't need us to protect you. That doesn't mean we won't try, though. Shikamaru knows this, knows that one day the two of you will be all each other has. We're not immortal, Naru-chan, and neither of us wants to be. One day your tou-san and I won't be here anymore. That will be a sad day for both of you but by that time you will both have people precious to you and they will be your strength in those hard times."
"But why does Shika-nii need to be strong now?"
"Because he has you to watch over, Naru-chan. You are his precious otouto and he loves you very much. So much, in fact, that he did everything he could possibly do to make sure that monster wouldn't lay hands on you. I know he didn't succeed liked he wanted to but, in the end, he was far more hurt than you were and he wants it that way. He would rather take any hurt directed towards you on himself because that's what good big brothers do. They protect the little ones that come after them," Yoshino explains.
"Oh… I think...I hurt Shika-nii, kaa-san," Naruto says sadly.
"Mm, you did but you also apologized and I know he's already forgiven you even if he never said it. Your Shika-nii can never stay angry with you for very long. Besides, families fight. We may not want to but it does happen and it's better for both of you to say what's on your minds immediately rather than let it fester in silence. That's how misunderstandings happen and really big fights occur. Do you understand, Naru-chan?"
Her son nods and sighs, "I'll apologize again when he wakes up. I don't want him to think he's a bad big brother or that he isn't strong 'cause Shika-nii is the strongest person I know other than you and tou-san."
"That's a good idea. I'm certain he'll appreciate it a lot."
(Shikaku's POV)
When he enters his sons' hospital room, hours after he'd left, it is too pandemonium. Shikamaru is snapping and snarling at a nurse who has a syringe with a needle in one hand and another wagging in his face as she lectures him. The look in his son's eyes tells him that the boy is about to do something ill-advised so he clears his throat. The nurse turns, visibly startled. Shikamaru just flicks his eyes towards him before fixing them back on the nurse and the syringe. It's then that Shikaku notices that Shikamaru's IV is missing and there is bruising on the back of his hand. Shikaku sighs, "Pulled it out, did you?"
Shikamaru scowls. "I was half asleep and still doped up when I saw it so I wasn't exactly thinking when it happened. Besides, I don't need to be drugged to the gills. So if you'd tell the lady(his son spits the word like an insult and Shikaku has to fight down a smirk. He's a snarky brat when he feels like it) to back off I'd really appreciate it."
Shikaku rocks back on his heels. "Are you sure, Shikamaru? You'll be in a lot of pain if you choose not to get the medication."
The look he gets in return is all Yoshino and Shikamaru says, "Who says I'm not in pain right now? And FYI, I'd rather be in pain than drugged. I can't stand the way it makes my head fuzzy. I don't really appreciate the nausea the medication brings either."
"All right then. You're free to go, miss. I suggest that you make note of it in his file that he's refused pain medication with my permission."
"But-"
"No buts. Make note of it and move on," Shikaku says as he gives her a hard look. "I respect my son's ability to make informed decisions and you will do the same. Have I made myself clear?"
The nurse flinches and looks away. "Hai."
"Good. Now, Shikamaru, where are Yoshino and Naruto? I expected them to be here with you."
"Cafeteria. I mentioned that I was hungry and Naruto realized he was too. He went with kaa-san to see if there was anything good on the menu. I'm not hopeful." his son says this with such a resigned look that Shikaku has to chuckle.
"I'll see about getting take-out next time. How's that sound?"
"Better than hospital food," the boy grouses. "I'd rather be at home, though."
"I know," Shikaku says softly. "I know but just deal with it for tonight. For your mother's and my own peace of mind, okay? You gave us a scare, son."
Shikamaru frowns and then sighs as he looks Shikaku in the eyes. "I'm fine, tou-san."
Shikaku knows his boy, knows he means what he says even though he is beaten and bruised. He also knows that this is all his son has right now after being attacked by that monster. So he smiles sadly at his son and says, "I know but humor us, just this once, yeah?"
Shikamaru watches with unreadable eyes for a long moment before he softens. "Yeah, okay."
Author's Note #2: So what do you think?