Chapter 26: Flashbacks
(Alternatively, The Things I Don't Remember)
Author's Notes: No beginning notes. Except for the fact that I have procrastinated writing this chapter like a mf***er.
I lied. Expect to want to cuddle poor Shikamaru.
Carry on.
(Shikamaru's POV)
It is difficult to open his eyes when Shikamaru wakes up. His eyelashes feel like they've been glued together, his mouth feels like it is filled with cotton, and his limbs feel heavy. Despite those minor discomforts, Shikamaru is warm and the sense of safety that surrounds him would have pulled him back down into sleep if not for one thing. The place where he is resting...is moving... Shikamaru's head comes up and he tries to roll only to find himself unable to move due to someone's arm tightening around his shoulders.
"Easy, Nara," a deep, yet still young, voice says softly. "Your safe. Do you remember me bandaging your hands?"
Shikamaru goes still and he tilts his head towards the voice since his eyes are still shut from the gunk caking his lashes. He frowns as he thinks back and then he remembers. In a sleep hoarse voice the Nara asks, "Hyūga? You're still here? How long have I been out?"
"Did you expect me to leave you here on your own? Who knows what could have happened to you whilst you slumbered. And based on the position of the moon, you've been out for somewhere around twelve hours. It's about 4:30 AM right now."
Shikamaru sucks in a sharp breath, but, before he can say anything, the Hyūga starts to shift and the Nara reaches out blindly to try and steady himself.
"I've got you, Nara. You're not going to fall. Besides, I'm just moving so I can put you down. Your eyes need cleaning, correct?"
"Ah...yes?" Shikamaru doesn't know why this boy is so concerned about him. It doesn't make any sense to him. His brows unconsciously draw down in his confusion and he both hears and feels the Hyūga chuckle.
"Thinking hard, Nara?"
Shikamaru snorts and answers honestly, "More like I'm very confused. Why would you do all of this for a complete stranger? What's in it for you?"
The Hyūga goes still for a moment in the process of setting Shikamaru down on the ground. Then he completes the movement while saying, "That's a very pessimistic view you have on people, Nara. Not everyone wants something in return for being kind. And that's what this is. Me being kind to someone who clearly needs a little kindness after whatever it was that pushed you to the point you were at when I found you. Nothing more, nothing less.
"I don't expect you to spill your secrets or for you to do me any favors. If anything, I probably owe you a favor. If you hadn't been there at the Academy that day when Shimura was there... I shudder to think about what might have happened to Hinata-sama or any other child."
Shikamaru jolts a little, both at the mention of Danzo and the fact that something cool and wet brushes over his eyelids. A hand gently grasps his chin to hold his face still. "Please stay still. I would hate to accidentally hurt you simply because you moved suddenly and my hand slipped. I do not imagine that having a cloth jabbing into your eye would be very pleasant."
Shikamaru frowns, but settles down to allow the Hyūga to continue. "You know Hinata?"
"Yes, she is my cousin. You did not know that?"
Shikamaru's brow furrows slowly as he remembers Hinata mentioning a male cousin. "She's mentioned you, but I don't think we were ever introduced. You... Your name is Hyūga Neji, yes?
"That's right. And Hinata-sama has mentioned you to me fairly often. You, Nara Shikamaru, are the lazy genius who can't tolerate bullies," the now named Hyūga Neji says, his voice sounding amused. "There, try to open your eyes now."
Shikamaru slowly cracks open his eyes ever so slightly. He begins to blink rapidly as built up fluid starts to spill over his cheeks and the Nara wrinkles his nose in disgust. He rasps out, "No wonder my eyes feel like crap. I had that mess built up under my eyelids."
The Hyūga hums softly as he touches the wet cloth to his face and gently cleans away the mess. "Yes, I imagine it would be uncomfortable. Though, I do think it's understandable considering the condition I found you in. I'm honestly surprised that you're already awake after yesterday. How does your skin feel?"
Shikamaru opens his eyes to stare at the Hyūga, confusion catching him again. "My skin?"
"You already looked like you were fairly sunburned by the time I came to the training ground. Are you saying that you don't feel it?" The Hyūga's face become worried.
Shikamaru blinks at him, utterly baffled by the other male's genuine concern. He frowns again as he focuses on his body. His features become thoughtful as he picks up on the tight heat that feels as if it is stretching his skin. Shikamaru is quick to decide that it is mildly uncomfortable, but not much more than that. He focuses on the Hyūga again and shrugs, saying, "It's not that bad."
The Hyūga lifts a dark brow in disbelief. "Not that bad? Are you being serious? A sunburn like that can have severe consequences, Nara."
Shikamaru sighs and leans back against the tree behind him. It causes his sunburned back and shoulders to sting and itch, but he ignores it. "I get that you're worried, I don't understand why, but I get that you are. Regardless, you need to know that I don't really register pain like other people do.
"I'm pretty much used to having a constant baseline for discomfort due to my training and the fact that I am always carrying some sort of tension. I also have a mild headache that never goes away. For me, pain isn't something that really bothers me. At least, not if isn't on the list of things that make me say ow. I have a very high tolerance for pain."
He pulls his legs up and leans forward to wrap his arms around his knees. He drops his chin down onto them as he watches the Hyūga process his words. Finally, the older male asks, "Just how high of a tolerance for pain are you talking about?"
Shikamaru blinks, not expecting that question. He answers it after getting over his surprise. "I wasn't lying when I shook my head no after you asked me if the wounds on my hands were bothering me while you were tending to them. The twitch was an automatic and subconscious response to my body noticing the wounds, but I, myself, wouldn't have really bnoticed unless you were deliberately doing something to cause me pain. It pretty much didn't land on my 1-10 scales, more like in the negatives."
The Hyūga male's features turn thoughtful before he says, "Have you ever asked your parents to have you tested for a nervous system disorder? Because it certainly sounds like one."
Shikamaru stiffens before he can stop the reaction. His breath halts and(-there are needles in uncomfortable areas of his body. And blood, so much blood all around him. His arms have been laid open to the bone and he can hear Hojo muttering about variables and healing factors as he struggles to stay awake, to stay aware- -he's burning... It feels as if liquid fire has been injected into his veins and he all wants to do is tear the sensation out of himself. The madman scientist is standing over him watching his suffering without even a hint of remorse as he pulls at the restraints that are holding his hands above his head and as he strains against the ones holding him down until he has torn open his own skin, until he is bleeding. It's not enough... The burning won't stop-
(-there is a sound, almost a sensation, of something breaking... He laboriously turns his head as black begins to edge into his vision. Cracking glass and a pair of glowing blue pools tinted silver with tears fill what is left of his vision. The cracks spread and he wonders whether or not the cracks represent his own mind. His vision begins to fade entirely as he thinks towards the man breaking the glass he is trapped behind, 'It's okay...to go this way... This way where... it's obvious that I'm not alone, because you cared enough to try... I'm...okay dying this way...'-)
A sudden pain flaring across his face has him gasping as he becomes aruptly aware of reality. Hyūga Neji is kneeling in front of him with his hands gripping his shoulders tightly. His pale eyes are wide and worried and Shikamaru can't understand why it seems like he can't draw in enough air all of a sudden. His chest aches in a way that says he had been holding his breath and a migraine has flaired from the once minor headache it had once been. The strangest thing about all of it is that he can't remember how things had gotten to this point.
The last thing he remembers is the Hyūga asking if he has a disorder, then...nothing. His mind is completely blank between then and now. Shikamaru leans back, trying to get air into what feels like constricted lungs. He wants to lean forward to attempt to ease the tightness, but experience tells him that is the last thing he needs to do(-the coughing fits are strong enough to nearly break his ribs and he can't breath. He hacks loudly, hoping that the pressure that has lodged itself in his chest will ease and blood suddenly spatters over his glove clad hand as his lungs protest the harsh punishment they'd just gone through. Hyo curls over his knees, gasping, and his breaths rattle wetly in his chest. If the Stigma doesn't kill him, the complications will).
The Hyūga is still watching him worriedly and, as his breaths deepen and even out, Shikamaru gives him a small, tired smile. He murmurs, "I'm okay now. You can let go."
(Neji's POV)
Neji doesn't know what he had been expecting after the Nara woke up, but certainly wasn't this. He isn't exactly sure what it is that had set Nara Shikamaru off, but Neji recognizes trauma flashbacks when he sees them. And it's obvious that Shikamaru has stopped being here with Neji mentally after... Oh, oh gods, no... The Hyūga's eyes widen as his mind replays the last thing he'd said to the Nara. He looks at the Nara with panic rising in his chest.
The Nara is utterly still, not even breathing, and his eyes are wide and blank as terrors unseen play out in his mind. Neji acts, bracing one hand on the Nara's shoulder and pulls the other back. His hand cracks against the other male's cheek. Shikamaru gasps and almost folds over. The Nara stops himself from doing that, leaning back as he tries to take deeper breaths. The action speaks of experience and Neji wonders how many times Shikamaru has found himself in this position.
When the Nara smiles at him - a small, tired, haunted thing - and tells him that he is okay, Neji thinks, 'Liar...', but can't bring himself to call the other out on it.
Endnotes: Understand now why I said to expect to want to cuddle Shikamaru?
You guys know that he had been the labs and that it had been bad, but now you've gotten to see a portion of what he experienced through his own eyes.
Anyway, let me know what you think about this chapter. Even if it's just wild sobbing or what have you!